Text and move on

[UN90]

I am thinking of sending my ex a text message about me moving on in life and what the relationship has thought me and then wish him all the best in life. I am thinking of sending him the text like around 45 days of NC...thats if he hasn't reached out to me before that which I highly doubt he would.

 

Is this a good idea? Any suggestions?

[SooSad33]

Question of.. why? For YOUR own good / satisfaction?

If you've gotten by with 45 days... how about keep going?

 

Ex's don't need to know what we are doing. I'm sure they are moving on themselves anyways :/.

[Cope]

At 45 days you won't even care enough to send it and if you do, it will mean that you are not moving on actually.

[Hollyj]

No. If you had moved on you would not be sending the message.

[boltnrun]

Are you hoping that in 45 days he will "miss" you enough to welcome your text and ask to start seeing you again?

[SweetGirl28]

Why 45 days later? I did that at the first ignoring of my text to my ex the day after I saw him and then went completely silent . He contacted 2 1/2 months later.

[limichelle]

i have to ask...what are you hoping to accomplish by doing this? If you have moved on he would no longer matter enough to reach out too. It will show him you are still thinking of him, so he will think opposite of what you are trying to accomplish.

 

You're just setting yourself up for heartache I wouldn't do it.

 

Lisa

[UN90]

Hey guys. Thanks for your replies. Because the breakup is still fresh I still have a little hope that maybe he would see what he let go off. He has a big ego and I know after breaking off our engagement, he does not have the guts to reach out to me. Depending on how I feel at 45 days NC, I wanted to send him the text letting him know that I am not an option in d future and that I have moved on so he would know not to come around me with any BS when he realise the mistake he made later on.

[SweetGirl28]

But you can avoid all that by just not responding if he tries to come back around.

Most guys take on average three months to miss their ex and contact them.

Did you agree on going NC? Or are you both just being silent right now?

[UN90]

I decided to go NC to find back myself because I lost myself in the relationship trying to make him happy and looking for constant validation. Dont know what his decision is.

[SweetGirl28]

Oh sweetie, I just realized whom I'm replying to. I just checked your posts.

I empathize a great deal with you. But listen you do NC to heal yourself. Journal. Post here.

You'll get through this. I think you are a sweetheart and deserve better. Give yourself a chance.

You need time, okay? Don't contact him, not now, not after 45 days.

[UN90]

Thanks SweetGirl28.

My emotions have been a rollercoaster these few days. My friends say he is sad and I just wanna reach out to him. I know I shouldn't because he was the one to call off the engagement but it hurts to know I cannot comfort him anymore. Even if I do reach out I know he would not respond.

[SweetGirl28]

No. Its been two weeks you haven't talked, right? And everyone thought he had someone else?

Don't reach out. I know it hurts, but you will hurt getting in contact too.

Life got turned upside down on you, but you can get through this. If he wants you back, he will get in contact with you.

[boltnrun]

Ask your friends to stop telling you pointless stuff like he's "sad". What kind of friends are these that they are trying to make you feel worse than you already do?

[Hollyj]

if he doesn't realize how valuable you were then, a text will not make any difference.

 

"I lost myself in the relationship trying to make him happy and looking for constant validation." This is all the reason to NOT return to him.

[Hollyj]

Thanks SweetGirl28.

My emotions have been a rollercoaster these few days. My friends say he is sad and I just wanna reach out to him. I know I shouldn't because he was the one to call off the engagement but it hurts to know I cannot comfort him anymore. Even if I do reach out I know he would not respond.

 

He ended it. This was his choice. You should not want to comfort him.

 

This relationship sounds like it was not healthy.

[melancholy123]

Hey guys. Thanks for your replies. Because the breakup is still fresh I still have a little hope that maybe he would see what he let go off. He has a big ego and I know after breaking off our engagement, he does not have the guts to reach out to me. Depending on how I feel at 45 days NC, I wanted to send him the text letting him know that I am not an option in d future and that I have moved on so he would know not to come around me with any BS when he realise the mistake he made later on.

 

That's some flawed logic you have going on there! After 45 days it'll be obvious to him that you have moved on. Ever heard the phrase "actions speak louder than words?" Think about it. You demonstrate you have moved on by never contacting him again! Block and delete him from all methods of contact and truly work on moving on with your life. Dont write that text, it's not useful or productive.

[RayRay63]

Most guys take on average three months to miss their ex and contact them.

 

Do the ladies do this too? Reading some old threads here it seems they don't re-contact as often as men do, or in that short a time frame.

[MissCanuck]

OP, sending him a text that you are not an option is futile.

 

He doesn't want you as an option if he's already ended it. I know that sounds harsh, and I feel for you, but that's like telling someone you won't go to the park with them when they haven't even asked you to go to the park to begin with.

 

If he hasn't had a change of heart after 45 days, your text isn't going to suddenly change that. Tell your friends to stop reporting on his condition. If he isn't the one telling you he is sad, you have to assume he isn't so badly off that he wants to re-connect.

[SweetGirl28]

Do the ladies do this too? Reading some old threads here it seems they don't re-contact as often as men do, or in that short a time frame.

 

I don't know, I've never looked it up. One thing I do know, is that females want to be loved. If theres someone else in the picture, it's less likely we will contact you. Men want to feel important. It seems to be more ego driven from you guys.

[RayRay63]

I don't know, I've never looked it up. One thing I do know, is that females want to be loved. If theres someone else in the picture, it's less likely we will contact you. Men want to feel important. It seems to be more ego driven from you guys.

 

Yes, I'm not expecting to hear from mine while she is with the new fellow anytime soon. I googled this myself and saw some references that in this (short? overlap, and applies to longer lasting rebounds) situation it takes 6-8 months for the lady dumpers, distracted by their new honeymoon, to actually start processing the fact you have learned to get on with your life without them in it and moved on. Obviously this is where you are sticking to the NC. And if they do, its just curiosity, probably. I wonder if there are any lady-dumpers here with personal experience of this?

 

Getting back to UN90's question, I suggest don't do it. He might just look at it, and know you haven't actually moved on yet, so throwing you some crumbs will keep you interested in case he wants you back at some point.

[Curlyweave]

I’m tempted to text my ex but I know it’ll make my wounds even bigger

 

I see him on whatsapp online and I so badly want to speak to him but it’s for the best we have NC.

 

Secretly hoping he texts me but we’ll see

[Wiseman2]

Don't reach out, ever. Your friends are telling you what you want to hear. He's doing fine, otherwise he wouldn't have ended it and stayed no contact himself. Contacting him will boost his ego and bruise yours.

My friends say he is sad and I just wanna reach out to him. I know I shouldn't because he was the one to call off the engagement but it hurts to know I cannot comfort him anymore. Even if I do reach out I know he would not respond.

[reinventmyself]

In 45 more days it will two months since he chose to leave.

If he's willing to risk losing you, you texting him out of the blue two months later to tell him you are no longer an option might be a little embarrassing, don't you think?

 

We've all been there. Trying to conjure up just the right words that might trigger them into wanting to come back. But it's really not worth it unless the one that chose to walk wanted to return for all the right reasons.

 

Honestly, you are justifying his behavior because 'he's either too proud, won't contact you and his ego's too big to fight for something he believes in"

 

Let him go. He's not your life partner.

[UN90]

That's everyone for your opinions. I decided that he is really not worth it. I made up my mind that I am not going to text him anything . I am not going to leave things as is and not even wish anything good for him. When he realise what he lost he will live with that regret because I will never take him back.