Waiting until the wedding night. I finally get what I always wanted!

[limichelle]

So my boyfriend wants to propose on our one year anniversary which is also my birthday because Family will be there on that day. Then get married six months after.

We have been together now a little over six months. We decided to wait until the wedding night to make love.

 

This is extremely important to me as I never got that chance.

 

I'm no virgin as it was forcefully taken from me at the age of 20 by someone I thought I could trust.

Then I figured when I was in my decade relationship since I wasn't a virgin to go ahead and gave sex with him for that seven years, the last three years we didn't.

 

I've been abstinent now for 5 and a half years and I feel very much virgin in this relationship. It's not as much of a religious aspect for me as much as I always thought it was more I found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with so waiting for the wedding night would be special.

 

I wanted this since I was 16.

 

My boyfriend is very understanding and wants to wait as well.

 

I had a hysterectomy three years ago due to medical issues. He and I both don't want kids so that works in our favor.

 

I just feel elated that I get to have what I've been wanting since I was young.

 

I'm not looking for advice really. I just feel for me personally I was jipped several years ago and now I get a second chance.

 

Thanks for reading

Lisa

[mustlovedogs]

Don’t count your chickens until they hatch. Sorry to be a downer - but you’re not engaged yet. And your engagement is just as far away as the length of your entire relationship.

[Wiseman2]

Congratulations!

So my boyfriend wants to propose on our one year anniversary which is also my birthday because Family will be there on that day. Then get married six months after.

[Seraphim]

I can understand feeling jipped. My virginity was forcibly taken at 13. So I can understand the sentiment of wanting to feel virginal again.

[DanZee]

I'm worried about your past sexual abuse and that waiting 18 months to have sex may put too much pressure on you and that it may not be the enjoyable experience you're expecting. In fact, many people who were abused can suffer Post Traumatic Syndrome for their entire lives. You could also freak out on the wedding night and it could irreparably damage your relationship.

 

I think sex counselors would advise you and your boyfriend to start now to explore each other's bodies, touching and stroking sensitive parts, finding out what feels good, finding out if there are any issues you need to work on. For example, does it bring flashbacks to when you were being abused? Your boyfriend should work to overcome any fears you encounter. You might need to take it slow. Sex brings closeness, trust and intimacy and by waiting so long you might also be psychologically trying to avoid that closeness and intimacy. You may also be using the state of marriage to convince yourself that your boyfriend won't leave you or mistreat you because he's married, which again is an after-effect of the abuse you suffered.

 

I'm not trying to be negative or push you into having sex, but you might want to examine all of this with a counselor to make sure you're doing the right thing and to understand why you're doing it. You want your new life to be a happy one.

[SweetGirl28]

Congratulations, and sorry to hear about your first experience. :(

 

You're stronger than I, I'm one who needs to test those waters of sexual compatibility first.

I'd be worried it would be a let down, lol. Not to say sex is everything, because it isn't, it's

just important to know how to please one another, and what the other likes, and both partners

willingness to explore. I'm very open though, so I suppose I see this differently than most.

 

Do you at least talk about it? What you are and are not willing to do? What turns you on?

[Andrina]

Congratulations on your upcoming engagement. I hope everything works out well for you. With my life experience, however, I think one of the major needs of a happy marriage is sexual compatibility, which takes time to know the reality of, after the initial highs of having sex with a new partner. An example: I dated someone for a year who I found out had a very low libido, and if I had married him without having sex for a good six months ahead of time, would have lived a life of frustration. Another guy I briefly dated could only get aroused if I inflicted pain, and that was too stressful for me to engage in.

 

Some people say they are in love and will deal with whatever they have to deal with, but once they are staring forever in the face, the reality won't be as rosy. I hope you have good luck and find that you match in that area.

[thornz]

I had my virginity taken from me when I was 15. When I was in my 20’s I chose to have anal sex for the first time with a man who I knew well, loved and trusted and it was such a healing experience. Like losing my virginity to a person I wanted, when I chose to give it.

 

Physically I didn’t enjoy it and I wouldn’t be in a rush to try it again but on an emotional level it’s probably the best sex I ever had.

 

I hope it goes similarly well for you.

[reinventmyself]

You've been together for 6 mos, won't be engaged for another 6 and then the marriage is 6 months away?

 

If I do the math, you are looking for advice about consummating your marriage that is at the very least a year away?

[limichelle]

Awe

 

Thank you for all of your responses I greatly appreciate it.

 

I did receive counseling for years after I was raped at 20. So I've definitely dealt with it and the ptsd that comes with it.

 

I have discussed everything about sex and what we like and don't like and what I won't or he won't want to do.

 

I do feel very safe with him.

 

I realize it's a year and a half total wait with him but I also know how important this is for me. On a religious aspect I did promise God at 16 I would wait and even wore a purity ring. I know God doesn't blame me for being raped. I just know for personal and spiritual reasons I need this clean slate.

 

I'm sorry to all those who endured what I did. 😔

 

Lisa

[Pleasedonot5]

Happy for you. Hope all goes well. :)

[abitbroken]

Congratulations. But since you have only known him a year on your anniversary -- i would make it a longer engagement - with premarital counseling, etc, to make sure you have discussed every issue - where you will live - how you each handle money, how finances will be handled, etc, so that you are well prepared and you really get to know him more deeply.