Journal..

[sicx]

Hey Sputnik,

I still follow this thread whenever I come on here (which tends to vary as the site reminds me of my breakup, which is not ideal when im doing well)

You're doing great, like i said on my last post there's little anyone can say on here to make the pain and the memories fade, but the journal you're writing will help lay down the thoughts that are swimming around in your head, however negative or mundane they may be it's good to get them out.

A lot has changed since my last post but the thing im struggling with now is loneliness which, if im honest, I dont actually like to admit. I guess reading your thoughts gives me a little comfort as it's nice to know someone else is in the same crappy boat as me, sorry about that mate!

Like I said though, you're doing very well, you seem to be doing everything you can to push forward, unfortunately the real healer is time, and I dunno about you but it seems to be a slow old process. Stay strong though dude

[sputnik123]

Hey Sputnik,

I still follow this thread whenever I come on here (which tends to vary as the site reminds me of my breakup, which is not ideal when im doing well)

You're doing great, like i said on my last post there's little anyone can say on here to make the pain and the memories fade, but the journal you're writing will help lay down the thoughts that are swimming around in your head, however negative or mundane they may be it's good to get them out.

A lot has changed since my last post but the thing im struggling with now is loneliness which, if im honest, I dont actually like to admit. I guess reading your thoughts gives me a little comfort as it's nice to know someone else is in the same crappy boat as me, sorry about that mate!

Like I said though, you're doing very well, you seem to be doing everything you can to push forward, unfortunately the real healer is time, and I dunno about you but it seems to be a slow old process. Stay strong though dude

 

Hi Sicx,

 

It's great to hear from you mate. I'm humbled you still read the thread :)

 

I definitely see your point that coming to the forum can keep you emotionally attached the the break-up. I will be needing this outlet for a little while to come as it helps keep me sane®! Glad to see that there have been changes and that you are doing well. I can vouch for the loneliness though. I have my son, who is a godsend and is my life, but the getting used to a long-term partner no longer being around is extremely painful (so many triggers etc). What I have to consider is that not only did my ex walk (run, hide etc.) from me, she did it to my son too. This helps me deal with not contacting her, but it does add to the hurt.

 

I also feel that when I have healed sufficiently to be more indifferent to what has happened, I would still like to contribute regularly to this board. I have learned so much through this and I can see what it feels like to be on the edge of the abyss . When the truth all came out 29 days ago, I literally did not know what to do (with hindsight and perspective it is wrong to feel like this, but the news literally took my breath away that it could happen). The outcome, the consequences and the details of the betrayal became apparent and to stop me doing anything I KNEW I would regret, I had to find some therapy (journaling on this board) and try and make it a positive tool for me, and hopefully, others reading it.

 

You are so right, time really is the main/only driver towards healing.

 

Thanks again for posting and keep in touch.. we're in this together.

[sputnik123]

Day 29 NC,

 

I hope everyone had a great day.

 

Finished off the Christmas shopping today and I'm now almost ready, but boy oh boy it did genuinely feel that EVERYONE outside today was as a happy couple (getting ready for x-mas) and there were triggers APLENTY. I commiserate wholeheartedly with anyone who has recently split up with their partner, as this time of year REALLY brings it home.

 

Saturday night's are probably the worst time of the week for me. I know exactly where the ex will be and I know exactly who she is with (my replacement)..Still need more time to get my head round this. I know that nothing meaningful or honest will ever come from her (if anything at all) and that, whilst 3 years were spent together, I dodged a bullet overall (but getting stabbed in the back and the heart!)

 

Abit worried about Monday night coming.. I have done so well to keep her at "arms length" with no contact, but again, I need to go somewhere where there will be a mutual friend. I am not one to hide away and I do want/need to go. I just hope he knows best not to talk to me. He could have saved me from over a month of not knowing the truth.

 

Loads to do tomorrow, which is good. Makes me think, all of those mumbo jumbo "get your ex back" sites advocate 30 days no contact, then to reach out and contact the ex with rubbish texts or such like, in order to try and reconcile. I reach 30 days NC tomorrow and the thought of reaching out couldn't be further from my mind.. I am doing this for me and I am not wanting to jump headfirst into the abyss.

 

Please stay safe, rested and away from these horrible festive triggers!

 

Until tomorrow, which is a brand new slate...

[Whocares479]

7 day of nc! Thought of him less...

[Carus]

You're doing so well Sputnik* Even though it's a crappy situation I'm grateful to have you alongside me as we get through this...

 

I have to agree that I'm also on the side of No Contact forever, not 15 days, or 30 days, or any days! Both our exes have thrown away good men and I look forward to when you and I have new girls who appreciate that...

 

Keep it up buddy. We're almost into that new year*

 

C*

[Whocares479]

Cheers to you guys!!

[sputnik123]

Day 30 No contact.. and onwards we march!

 

Firstly, well done on the week of NC Whocares.. trust me, it gets better, a little at a time.

 

Was badly assaulted by an extremely vivid dream last night.. not sure where it came from and was the first for a while. Literally woke up forgetting everything from the last 2 months.. G.R.I.M. That was quite high on the pain scale!

 

Was kept quite busy thereafter but she was not far from my thoughts today..The dream was a surprise attack I and am also slightly anxious about what could happen tomorrow evening when out in town with the mutual friend around. I think if I find myself "confronted" about what happened, alot of pent up anger and hurt could be released. I don't want people I have lost respect for to see that. They are now dead to me, I guess.

 

Cried for the 3rd time since break-up today and first time since this last NC started.. I think it's more to do with a family anniversary looming and the music I had on.. Heightened emotions today and this coming week, for sure. I need to look after myself, and my son.

 

I need a good night's sleep tonight.. dreaming of a happy place, ex-free.

 

This place is wonderful. I wish everyone well this evening.

 

Until tomorrow..

[Piaresssss]

Congrats on the 30 days. Here is to the next 30.

 

My ex is always in my thoughts and i wish she was not.

 

I very nearly cried today as well. I wanted to but the tears just didnt seem to come.

 

Hope you have a really good night to Sputnik and you get some good sleep.

[sputnik123]

Thanks Piaressss

 

Indeed the 2nd batch of 30 SHOULD be easier.. but who knows?

 

If the tears don't come, they don't come..

 

Cheers - you too buddy!

[Whocares479]

I broke no contact, I am soo so so sorry guys 😣. I hit him with that oh so needy can we be friends text? I feel so pitiful

[Carus]

Whocares* Don't be sorry. You're not the first and you won't be the last!

 

Maybe you could start your own thread/journal about your journey and we can keep an eye on you there...

 

But if Sputnik doesn't mind too much ~ What happened..??

 

Carus*

[sputnik123]

Hi Whocares,

 

Never apologise to us. We know how difficult it is. I even felt tempted when I woke up today. Please just remind yourself that there is no point and it will only increase your pain.

 

All you can do now it reset the clock and go again.

 

We are all there for you. Use this thread and we will walk on together. x

[Whocares479]

Thank you guys so much, yall are truly helpful. I got involved with the typical narcissist. I don't know if any of you practice psychology but I study them thoroughly after being involved with him and still couldn't save myself. He was self centered (talks about his status, how many followers he has, and how he never pays to get into anywhere). He hated when I said his status meant nothing to me. And claims to have NO idea why him and his ex didnt work out. Anyways he love bombed the crap out of me in the beginning(Making me feel like the most special and beautiful girl in the world) he even did this on the first date! Saying I was his soulmate, calling me baby, and he was going to put a ring on my finger, all a load of crap. However, it was enough to cause deep dependency towards him. He eventually went back home which is far away from him. He promised nothing would change but I was in for a suprise. He started to ignore me for days on end, claiming he was the busiest guy ever. Its crazy because I told him when he asked me was that my biggest pet peeve is being ignored and guys who don't make time for me and he said his was being blocked. He is a 22 year old that is not in school nor does he have a real job, he pursues a music career. So I never understood his busy schedule.

 

I would question him because I get not talking 24/7 but he would ignore me for days! I tried to deal with it because I didn't want to be the "Complainer or naggy" girl. Even settling for his 11pm texts or call that came like clockwork like I had a certain time slot. However, my needs were being unmet and I started to feel unhappy. Whenever I would confront him he would say "You're overthinking things", "Nah you're just crazy" typical gaslighting.

 

Whenever I would really unmask his shenanigans he would give me the silent treatment. Which would leave me confused, desperate, needy and blowing up his phone in attempt to talk to him(so embarrassed by this). Then he would come back WEEKS later acting like nothing happened. I would be super excited because I've been trying to get in contact with him. But when I would be like "Why you ignored me for weeks?", he would say "Stop thinking in the past".

 

This cycle of him making me feel important, ignoring me, me calling him out, him giving me the silent treatment, then him returning continued for a while. I started to chase his potential and he really did a good job at devaluing me as a peraon. My self esteem and self worth is shot because of this. Like why wasn't I good enough to keep his attention? I went to his city a week ago, and when I told him he act like he was excited for me to come, but seem disapointed when I said I wasn't going to kiss him or sleep with him because he's been treating me poorly (we never slept together even though he pressured me), he said "You're thinking in the past, and we should progress not go backwards". NEVER got an apology for any of this behavior. So he continued to talk but then he went ghost again right before I showed up. I mean just POOF. I arrived in his city and I was soo upset. Like he haven't seen me in a while yet you're doing this? So I told him I was DONE and blocked him. I highly doubt he responded to that since he never respond when I call him out on his crap.

 

So I was NC for a week then I felt bad for "leaving him the way I did". My main problem is, I am a major empath and I know he's an alcoholic and depressed over the death over alot of family. I have this same issue but I'm not an achololic. So I tried to "Save" him and told him to get help which he would reply very rudely "We live two different lifestyles, you think you're going to get a degree and make six figures. You listen to what everyone tells you". It's really bad. So fast forward to now, I message him yesterday at 1pm trying to be his friend. I said "Depsite what happen last week, I think you're a good person. Stuff got bad between us quickly. I would like for us to continue a friendship, if not then I still wish you the best". I made sure NOT to apologize for anything because I wasnt wrong. I would typically apologize to get a reply even if I wasn't wrong because he loved when I took the blame. He didn't respond so at 12 am I just blocked him.

 

I don't want him to think weeks later that the invitation is still open. I have taken some anxiety medicine and have a rubberband around my wrist because I idolized him in my head ALOT. I only think of the times he's lovebombed me. So so sorry this is so long. I am so thankful that you have read this. Day 1 of NC starts today, I think the good thing about this time is I am going in NC knowing I'm done. Last time I was waiting for him to text me or waiting for a month so I could text him. Not healthy at all.

[sputnik123]

Day 31 No Contact (1 "month" ticked off)..

 

Today was a tough, emotional day for a few reasons.

 

It's a family "anniversary" today, a big one, which made me rather on edge anyway. Was expecting something bad to happen and tip me over mentally.

 

Was out and about in town.. for a brief moment, I thought I sighted her by accident (would have been the first time seen in 2 months, since being split up for 2 and a half). Alas, it was not her and I found myself so relieved. It's been quite long since sight or contact and was surprised to find myself very anxious about it.. I think when I finally see her (and with him) it will bring me closer again to the abyss.. I need a way of coping with that, when it happens, as it inevitably will.

 

Felt generally down and insecure today. The realisation is fully there that there is nothing left to say.. what we had is so far gone and I'm scared of seeing or bumping into a ghost. I have done well with NO contact (not social media lurking, anything), but what if I find myself back to square one, feelings wise, when I do see her. I don't think she would talk to me, she probably wouldn't dare.

 

I never lost the attraction to her, in our time together, which is strange for me. I hope I no longer fancy her. Definitely rambling today, but hey ho.

 

Came home to find a x-mas card from her family (not her).. I always got on so well with them and her Mum works at my son's school. I know it was just a nice thing to do, but I still feel down about it. It again brings it all home.

 

Dodged a bullet, thankfully, by not seeing the mutual friend when out this evening.. That really would have topped the day off. I had considered all weekend what I would say to him, to get my opinion in first, to cut off any conversation in a polite, but forceful manner.

 

I know I am making progress, but today felt precarious.

 

I find myself talking to people who are so much nicer than my ex in just about every way.. there is so much hope out there. I just need to stop hurting.

 

Less than a week to x-mas now.. don't let the ex's grind you down.. make it special.

 

Need some rest. I hope everyone manages the same.

 

Night all x

[Piaresssss]

Sucks that you had a rough day bud. Even the faux running into the ex can mess you up. Mine came into where i work but i was in the toilet so luckily i didnt see her.

 

Its crazy how different our breaks our. It does truly hit home that every break is different. In my case i could call her up and meet her for a drink right now but i wont because it will do me no good.

 

In regards to when you do see her and how you feel, your not gonna know till it happens. When it does happen i believe you will be able to handle it. Be the man i believe you can be so you can walk away from the interaction with you head held high.

[semaj281]

Hi all,

 

The dreaded 3am wake up again, then the dawning realisation.. Mornings are truly horrible!

 

Yesterday was a slightly better day, but feel melancholy again.

 

No longer have the hope that I will get a text or call.. Why would I? the truth that she is with someone else is now well known.

 

Can't bear the thought of seeing them together, but no doubt it will happen soon.

 

Trying to keep busy, but it's on my mind so much

 

4 days no contact.

Hey guy. I didn't read the whole thread but you can add me to the list of people in the same boat. Mornings hit me the hardest because it's another reminder that I no longer get to wake up next to her and she's the first person I think of everyday. I'm on the 12th day of NC but the pain is still on the same level as the 1st day. They say dumpers get a head start in the healing process because they've had more time to start the detachment process and imagine life after the break up. And people who get dumped are left behind at ground zero and they are usually blind sighted by the situation.

 

I used to like going out, exercising, and doing things that have to do with my car (I'm a car guy), but none of those things excite me anymore. I prefer sleeping the day away because being awake means I have to face the pain. I remember when I've felt unhappy at times with my ex but I would much rather deal with that than feel what seems like eternal depression.

[sputnik123]

Thanks Piaresssss,

 

It looks like you dodged a bullet too then

 

Yes, my break-up was done horribly, so there is not much to say to each other, to be honest.

 

I really appreciate your confidence in me and when it finally happens, I want to be prepared and also show complete indifference. We shall see!

 

Hope you had a good day buddy

 

Thanks Semaj for coming onboard.

 

I feel your pain and I wish you the best of luck on your NC journey. You are spot on with the detachment process mate.. in hindsight, my ex switched off around a month prior to messaging me (and had met someone).

 

Yes, when it feels so raw, it does seem that the best place is to be asleep and the mornings can be terrible. Try and have a plan of action for when you wake, even if its alot easier than you wanted to.

 

All I can say it does get easier, but stay away from triggers as much as possible

[Piaresssss]

Thanks Piaresssss,

 

It looks like you dodged a bullet too then

 

Yes, my break-up was done horribly, so there is not much to say to each other, to be honest.

 

I really appreciate your confidence in me and when it finally happens, I want to be prepared and also show complete indifference. We shall see!

 

Hope you had a good day buddy

 

Yh i was having a good day, till i went to meet some friends from work. My ex came in again today, she returned something i bought her as it broke and she kept the money even though i bought it.

 

I got that feeling in my gut again and feel its 100% dead.

 

Anyway enough about me. Hope you had a better day than me my man

[sputnik123]

Sorry to hear that buddy.. did you see/ speak to her?

 

Use that acceptance.. it will be your friend moving forward and don't look back!

[Piaresssss]

No i didnt, i arrived after she had left already. Last time i spoke to her was her giving ne mixed signals.

 

Hard not to look back when im going on holiday with her in three months.

[sputnik123]

Day 32 NC (starting to lose count!)

 

Why is it then when something negative happens, post-break-up, but actually unrelated to the break-up, it somehow makes you feel worse than you normally would (is it solely because you miss the comfort and advice that this person would have given?). I don't know, but felt like I took a minor step back today, but I will plough on. It's not like she was ever truly supportive of me anyway! lol

 

Had a reasonable sleep and there is a definite correlation between sleep pattern and mood (until something happens to change the mindset..)

 

The thought occurs that there is almost zero chance of any recent ex's making contact with their dumpee just before x-mas and new year, if ever, of course.. (they need loyalty to their new beau for the festive period, then the new year, clean slate etc etc..)... Not that I have any illusions or desire myself for ever reconciling. The hate is arriving in abundance, which I will use as motivation to move clear of these choppy waters.

 

I hope everyone does what they need to today. NC is very tough at first, for sure, but as the weeks go by, there are definitely less reasons to reach out and many more reasons to carry on.

 

Night all x

[sputnik123]

33 Days No Contact..

 

Trying to move forward as best I can, but still find myself looking at the road ahead, with lingering glances in the rear view mirror.

 

Not a bad day overall, also had a decent night's sleep. Find myself quite surprised that in all this NC I haven't snooped on Social Media at all. Then I remind myself that it would utterly torment me.

 

I know all relationships (and ending outcomes) are different, but how long should I feel these twinges for after a 3 year relationship? I've heard 6, 12 and 18 months? I guess there are no set rules to this. Being 10 weeks out, it can still feel like yesterday, but at the same time, very distant. It's strange, I can't explain it properly. I guess I just got so used to her being with me, or on the end of the phone, then it literally just switched off. If we had drifted apart, why do I feel like there is unfinished business at times?

Still feel like I've been left hanging. Yet, I know that we were not right for each other and that she would now be everything I don't look for in a girl.

 

Confusion and anger... I think that sums it up at present.

 

But.. and it's a big but, there are now many moments of genuine happiness and hope sprinkled in. My son is a genuine superstar. Everyone who knows me agrees that my ex going her separate path the best thing that could have happened, long-term. I guess I also knew this deep down. However, I still feel so let down. Perhaps if there was decency and honesty from her at the time, it would have been so much better. She just didn't care any more. I have to accept that and use it as motivation.

 

I hope everyone had a good day on their respective journey to recovery.

 

Tomorrow will be brighter still.. onwards we go.

[Carus]

Just dropping a note mate...

 

There's not much I can say as I feel exactly the same as you....Still hating mornings, still carrying pain and painful thoughts through every day....

 

I guess we're doing the best we can....There are definitely things we could be doing which would make it worse....!

 

Keep it movin' Sputnik*

Talk Soon

Carus*

[sputnik123]

Thanks Carus,

 

We will get through this together, for sure.

 

Yes, self preservation mode first, everything else second!

 

The wheels are in motion.

 

Hope you have a good day buddy.

[sputnik123]

For the love of god, please take note of this...

 

Day 34 NC (somehow).

 

Right, the festive season is HERE.. I had a few drinks with a very good friend tonight... I then found myself really wanting to make contact...no matter how much she hurt me, no matter what she did, no matter how horrible she truly is, I wanted to message her and give her a piece of my mind. I didn't, but it was a close run thing. I didn't want to let myself down and the people here down, trying to explain it.

 

Please, please, please take care of your alcohol content over the next week or so. All this hard work will go to waste if you reach out to the people who discarded you so heartlessly.

 

I may wake up with a headache, but at least my pride will remain intact.

 

Love to all. Stay strong and safe.

 

Until tomorrow. xxx