Journal..

[Carus]

Thankyou Gettinup*

[Gettinup]

“10 years, living together for 8 - sounds very tough mate.”

 

Yeah the first couple of weeks post breakup… tough isn’t the word ….. Felt rougher than a badger’s ar$e, it was like walking around with a 2 week Gin hangover. Looking back at it now it’s almost funny that I actually managed to function as a human those two weeks.

 

“In my experience, if someone walks, there is invariably someone else waiting in the wings (regardless of what they tell you at the time).”

 

Possible, who knows…. I mean it’s inevitable that would happen at some stage but it’s nothing to do with me now. I’ve just been concentrating on me and doing things I enjoy that I didn’t have the time to do before.

 

“Well done on the NC.. I think it does help alot and there usually isn't much of an alternative, is there?!”

Cheers mate, you’re defiantly right there, it’s not the first breakup I’ve been through and certainly NC is a powerful thing to truly heal and rediscover oneself.

 

Things do get better; I know its early days NC for you guys but trust me you well start to feel human again. I am not 100% yet but things gradually get better and I know it will for you too, may not seem it yet but it will.

[sputnik123]

Morning all,

 

10 days NC (and even then it was unanswered e-mail from me).

 

Why am I still expecting a message back.. What on earth could you even say to me now?!

 

Got a busy week ahead and no doubt you will still be on my mind.

 

I love you for what we had, but hate you for what you did.

 

Happy Monday everyone!

[sputnik123]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone's NC is going well. Mine now stands at 11 days.

Had an urge to message this morning, but managed not to. Just remind myself that there is absolutely no point.

Can't deal with the feeling that the last 3 years meant nothing to her.

Christmas is fast creeping up on us and need to try and get into the spirit of it.

The last 3 years we have spent this time together, happy.

Wishing everyone a good Tuesday.

Stay strong.

[Carus]

Well everything the same for me buddy. The last 5 xmas with her and the kids. I'm going to work through xmas this year. I may as well....

 

NC going ok over here mate. Found the gym today so will be starting that up.

 

Very proud of you for not cracking and contacting her. As you say, there's no point.

 

Well actually there IS a point... It will make you feel like sh*t again and undo all the work you've done up to this point!

 

I'm sure the last years meant something to our exs. It's just they started their exit plans way before you and I were even aware of it..!

 

And as you know, I helped mine through it..!

 

She can't forget you though. That is physically impossible, unless you get a frontal lobotomy.

 

Sadly though, just because they think of us from time to time doesn't mean they're gonna come back.....

 

No Contact is hard, damn hard, and not many people can go through it without cracking.

 

And so by not contacting her you are sending out the message: I am different. I have strength. I have courage. I have wisdom. I have dignity.

 

Very attractive traits my friend*

 

Keep it movin' Brother.

Carus*

[Piaresssss]

Well everything the same for me buddy. The last 5 xmas with her and the kids. I'm going to work through xmas this year. I may as well....

 

NC going ok over here mate. Found the gym today so will be starting that up.

 

Very proud of you for not cracking and contacting her. As you say, there's no point.

 

Well actually there IS a point... It will make you feel like sh*t again and undo all the work you've done up to this point!

 

I'm sure the last years meant something to our exs. It's just they started their exit plans way before you and I were even aware of it..!

 

And as you know, I helped mine through it..!

 

She can't forget you though. That is physically impossible, unless you get a frontal lobotomy.

 

Sadly though, just because they think of us from time to time doesn't mean they're gonna come back.....

 

No Contact is hard, damn hard, and not many people can go through it without cracking.

 

And so by not contacting her you are sending out the message: I am different. I have strength. I have courage. I have wisdom. I have dignity.

 

Very attractive traits my friend*

 

Keep it movin' Brother.

Carus*

 

 

So much truth in what you say here Carus. I broke nc the other day as i had to sort out a bill and i feel so bad.

 

Im angry at myslef for not sorting it out earlier but angry at her for contacting me when i asked her not to.

 

I hope you are right about the meassages being sent out by nc. Thise are the traits i have to get across.

[sputnik123]

Use the anger Piaresssss!

Dear Carus, we will help each other through this shxt.. one day at a time.

You are bang on, she emotionally checked out of the RS about a month beforehand (although there was alot of stringing along..)

No contact is crucial to me, so I need to keep it going!

Have a good day buddy.

[sputnik123]

Morning all,

 

12 days NC so far. The usual morning pangs, but they are to be expected I guess.

 

Actually thinking back abit in the last day, about things I could have done differently, since the split. It's strange as the news I received 2 weeks ago makes it all irrelevant anyway. It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you even when you stare the truth in the face!

 

Today is going to be very tough as seeing at least 3 different mutual people in 3 different places. This will be a big test of my resolve.

 

If I can get through today relatively unscathed it will make me stronger.

 

Although it's been 8 weeks since the split, it still feels very fresh. Seeing her face or hearing her voice is seeming a distant memory though.

 

I hope everyone has a good day.

[sputnik123]

Hi all,

 

13 days no contact, 8 weeks post break-up text.

 

This is tough.

 

Feels like 2 steps backwards this morning.

 

Saw the mutual friend (who knew all along).. tried shaking my hand like nothing had happened. Shook his hand and walked away. He should have told me weeks ago.

 

Then a friend, who was trying to snap me out of it, informs me of all the happiness shown for my ex on her new relationship status last week. That hurt alot. Why should I be surprised/ bothered. I knew it all along.

 

Feeling very low today.

 

Wish me luck...

[Carus]

Sorry you're getting all these triggers mate. They really are speed bumps in your road to healing.

 

It tells me though that you are not deep enough in NC.

 

Keep working on detaching yourself from it and these tests will fade into the ether.....

 

Keep redirecting your thoughts. Whenever you start thinking about her or the situation, crack that whip and say NO!, I ain't gonna think about that, and then think about something else... Food or even song lyrics...anything!

 

Rinse & Repeat until you get there.

 

Jedi Mind Trick*

8-)

[sputnik123]

Thanks Carus.

I knew yesterday would be difficult and it was. Just have to deal with it and move on.

How are you getting on buddy?

[Carus]

Going ok. I will update my journal tonight after work. Thanks for asking*

 

Carus*

[sputnik123]

2 weeks no contact (since the bombshell) 8 weeks and a day post break-up.

3am wake up's are not the one! Why are the mornings like this?!

In the main, I am living life as to be expected.. my son is happy, work is o.k, eating o.k, seeing friends and family when possible..

How I was treated still continues to torment me and play on my mind.

I can accept a relationship ending, just not the way it has been since, the lies, deceit, coldness etc. I will make my own closure one day.

Talking and writing about it helps no end..

I hope everyone has a great Friday.. especially dear Carus! Keep it up buddy

[sputnik123]

Good morning everyone,

 

15 days No Contact.. chances of me initiating direct contact are zero.. I think it's about the same going the other way!

 

Going to go xmas shopping today.. the first one in 4 that you are not involved in. Times have changed.

 

The more I think about you, the more i acknowledge how deeply flawed you are. The gloss is coming off.

 

Why is it I care so much though? Why couldn't you just do the right thing?

 

My thoughts turn to whether you will bother with a xmas card, as a way to try and assuage some of the guilt you must feel (in your mind it would seem a fair trade).

 

Not sure what I would do, to be honest.. my initial thought would be to rip it to shreds and send it back. I don't think I would do that though.

 

I am accepting the situation I am now in, but never the way it was done.

 

Anger and sadness are in my mind and heart.. in equal measure.

 

The start of x-mas month, with my boy, who you never made feel welcome in your life. I hate you for that.

 

Found out about the lies you told to justify what you did. I must use this as a motivational tool to keep you from my life.

 

Need space from the town where I live, but there are ties that I cannot break just yet. The time will thankfully come in a few months.

 

I hope all have a great Saturday and that Carus has had a better day..

[insideoutch]

Good morning everyone,

 

15 days No Contact.. chances of me initiating direct contact are zero.. I think it's about the same going the other way!

 

Going to go xmas shopping today.. the first one in 4 that you are not involved in. Times have changed.

 

The more I think about you, the more i acknowledge how deeply flawed you are. The gloss is coming off.

 

Why is it I care so much though? Why couldn't you just do the right thing?

 

My thoughts turn to whether you will bother with a xmas card, as a way to try and assuage some of the guilt you must feel (in your mind it would seem a fair trade).

 

Not sure what I would do, to be honest.. my initial thought would be to rip it to shreds and send it back. I don't think I would do that though.

 

I am accepting the situation I am now in, but never the way it was done.

 

Anger and sadness are in my mind and heart.. in equal measure.

 

The start of x-mas month, with my boy, who you never made feel welcome in your life. I hate you for that.

 

Found out about the lies you told to justify what you did. I must use this as a motivational tool to keep you from my life.

 

Need space from the town where I live, but there are ties that I cannot break just yet. The time will thankfully come in a few months.

 

I hope all have a great Saturday and that Carus has had a better day..

Sputnik123: You are doing good and keep up the good fight. I know how hard it is but time will surely heal you, keep up the good fight my dear. It's especially harder now bc of the holiday season but you will get through it. Perhaps you should get a gift for yourself for doing so well with NC for 15 days, and can also use that as a reminder to not give in whenever your feeling weak.

 

I am a hopeless romantic that believes love will conquer all. When I'm in love with someone, I will fight for them, and with them till the end. But, how can a fight exist when the other person doesn't want to be part of it? Imagine how silly one looks standing there throwing punches in the air alone...lol... Well, that was me 2 days ago. I realized, what's the point? He doesn't care because if he did he would be here standing next to me, side by side, fighting for "US". It doesn't matter how much they say they love, care, and misses you. The truth is, they are not HERE with US right now. They left us to suffer this excruciating pain alone. Love shouldn't hurt, and when it does, the love is gone. I still love and care for my ex but he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Everytime I surrender the NC because the pain is so unbearable he responds back with the most cold hearted text that left me dying by the second. I wasn't human for the past 27 days since he broke up with me. I ask myself every day, "What happened between us?" "What did I do wrong?" "When did he stop loving me when he promised me a lifetime together?" "How can he be so cold hearted the minute he broke up with me?" "What do I do?" "Will I ever survive this pain?" All these questions did me no good but added more salt to my wound. My best friend couldn't bear seeing the state I was in anymore that she yelled at me to snap out of it and to stop crying over someone that doesn't want me anymore. All the things she said makes is true but it didn't influence me at all. I gave my one last fight for him, he finally tore my heart out and make me realized that I meant nothing to him. Since then I started fighting for myself, better myself, focus on myself, work on myself and give my heart to someone that wants it and is worthy of it. I still miss him in the mornings but I am getting better by the minute.

 

I will start a journal some day as a reminder and to motivate myself to keep up the good fight not only for myself but for others that are hurting as well.

 

Keep up the good fight! Take good care of yourself and your son. I am a weakling. If I can do this so can YOU!

 

Insideoutch (xbear hugx)

[sputnik123]

Sputnik123: You are doing good and keep up the good fight. I know how hard it is but time will surely heal you, keep up the good fight my dear. It's especially harder now bc of the holiday season but you will get through it. Perhaps you should get a gift for yourself for doing so well with NC for 15 days, and can also use that as a reminder to not give in whenever your feeling weak.

 

I am a hopeless romantic that believes love will conquer all. When I'm in love with someone, I will fight for them, and with them till the end. But, how can a fight exist when the other person doesn't want to be part of it? Imagine how silly one looks standing there throwing punches in the air alone...lol... Well, that was me 2 days ago. I realized, what's the point? He doesn't care because if he did he would be here standing next to me, side by side, fighting for "US". It doesn't matter how much they say they love, care, and misses you. The truth is, they are not HERE with US right now. They left us to suffer this excruciating pain alone. Love shouldn't hurt, and when it does, the love is gone. I still love and care for my ex but he doesn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. Everytime I surrender the NC because the pain is so unbearable he responds back with the most cold hearted text that left me dying by the second. I wasn't human for the past 27 days since he broke up with me. I ask myself every day, "What happened between us?" "What did I do wrong?" "When did he stop loving me when he promised me a lifetime together?" "How can he be so cold hearted the minute he broke up with me?" "What do I do?" "Will I ever survive this pain?" All these questions did me no good but added more salt to my wound. My best friend couldn't bear seeing the state I was in anymore that she yelled at me to snap out of it and to stop crying over someone that doesn't want me anymore. All the things she said makes is true but it didn't influence me at all. I gave my one last fight for him, he finally tore my heart out and make me realized that I meant nothing to him. Since then I started fighting for myself, better myself, focus on myself, work on myself and give my heart to someone that wants it and is worthy of it. I still miss him in the mornings but I am getting better by the minute.

 

I will start a journal some day as a reminder and to motivate myself to keep up the good fight not only for myself but for others that are hurting as well.

 

Keep up the good fight! Take good care of yourself and your son. I am a weakling. If I can do this so can YOU!

 

Insideoutch (xbear hugx)

 

 

Dear Insideoutch,

Many thanks for your wonderful post.

I feel your pain and we will get through it together, 1 day at a time

I too am a romantic and was trying every way to try and make it work. The truth is, that she had met someone else and given up on us a month before we split up. This left me high and dry with everything and her seemingly completely fine when the time came.

I too have the unanswered questions in my head, but the only way to move on is to answer them for yourself, as best you can.

You are doing the right thing.. concentrate on YOURSELF.. realise how special you are and that you deserve better.

As you say, the mornings can be brutal.. every day for 2 months, I have woken up, then had the painful realisation after a few seconds of my new predicament. THat is truly horrible. Some days are much better than others.

Keep fighting.. always here if you need to chat or vent (xbear hugx)

[sputnik123]

Evening all,

16 days no contact. Almost 2 months post break-up (6 weeks since seeing her the last time).

Schoolboy error today.. didn't plan to do anything and spent much of the time thinking about the past, what went wrong, what i could have done, what she is doing, how could she do it, will she ever reach out (no), when/if i see her/them by accident (even now i think it would kill me). Hence, it was a day wasted and will remember to plan ahead to make sure I am more busy, or away from my thoughts here at weekends. I hope everyone had a better day than me!

I can vouch for the "rubber band" idea though. I have now placed one around my wrist and ping it every time my mind wanders!

It's incredible to think that someone can lie to, cheat on and hurt someone they care about, but you still find yourself almost wanting them to contact you.. How pointless would that be?!

She is definitely not the sort to apologise anyway and it would be empty and meaningless by now.

It is so true that some days are far worse than others, it can attack in waves and I hope for better tomorrow and beyond.

Tomorrow I will see the mutual "friend" again in the evening.. Shook his hand last week (I really didn't want to), then turned my back.. I have nothing to say to him as he could have saved me 6 weeks of my sanity.

I hope for a good night's sleep for me and all.

[Carus]

We always seem to journal at the same time...my breakup brother* lol

 

C*

[sputnik123]

Hi everyone,

17 days no contact.

The pain has returned 2-fold the last couple of days. I think it's the dawning realisation that I am powerless to prevent never speaking or seeing her again, in any meaningful way and what we had is now long gone. I need to find the anger again, that is easier to handle and control.

Waking up at 3am definitely doesn't help. Damn this body clock of mine.

There is no way I can reach out to her and vise versa. I feel trapped just being in the same town as her.

Will see the mutual friend tonight.. I won't be saying anything... I don't want to give the satisfaction.

I hope everyone is feeling abit better than I am today.

May post an update later if anything interesting happens.

Need to keep moving forwards!!!

[larrys]

Dear Insideoutch,

Many thanks for your wonderful post.

I feel your pain and we will get through it together, 1 day at a time

I too am a romantic and was trying every way to try and make it work. The truth is, that she had met someone else and given up on us a month before we split up. This left me high and dry with everything and her seemingly completely fine when the time came.

I too have the unanswered questions in my head, but the only way to move on is to answer them for yourself, as best you can.

You are doing the right thing.. concentrate on YOURSELF.. realise how special you are and that you deserve better.

As you say, the mornings can be brutal.. every day for 2 months, I have woken up, then had the painful realisation after a few seconds of my new predicament. THat is truly horrible. Some days are much better than others.

Keep fighting.. always here if you need to chat or vent (xbear hugx)

 

I find waking up to be the most difficult in the day. For a few seconds, before consciousness fully kicks in, I'm in ignorant bliss. But then I remember. It's real. This is real. A wave of anxiety and sadness comes crashing down, and whether it's 1:30am or 6am, there ain't any way I'm going back to sleep.

Sucks, but there it is.

[sputnik123]

Morning all,

 

18 days no contact (1 month since contact from her)and exactly 2 months since break-up text. Feels more real now than ever.

 

 

Dodged a bullet last night.. didn't see the mutual friend after all.

 

Up at 4am.. then couldn't get back to sleep! Even listened to the cricket..you following this Carus?

 

The ex's rigid weekly schedule is still etched on my mind and I know where she is likely be on any given day/time. I really need to stop thinking about it. It shouldn't matter to me any more. Except trying to avoid where she will be I guess. Have done well not to see her in 7 weeks.

 

Still have nothing of any significance to say to her.. nothing she would want to hear. She has got her own agenda now.

 

Still doing most of the things I need to be doing, but the pain is never far from me.. I find myself missing what we had the more time goes on. I also hear horror stories about needing 18 months to fully "get over" a 3 year relationship. Really don't want 16 more months of this shxt.

 

I hope everyone is doing well today.

[Carus]

Up at 4am.. then couldn't get back to sleep! Even listened to the cricket..you following this Carus?

Ha, yes I am brother...Not a bad idea really....I just turn YouTube back on....

 

Extremely worn out today so I've taken a whole sleeper to try and get a full night tonight....I hate meds but sometimes they do have their place...

I also hear horror stories about needing 18 months to fully "get over" a 3 year relationship. Really don't want 16 more months of this shxt.

Yes I'm worried about this too, but my determination is strong*

 

Also, don't worry too much...It might take 12 months or more to fully heal, but it won't be like this for the whole journey....

 

Will do a small update before I totally crash....

 

Keep it up buddy. So proud of you*

Carus*

[sputnik123]

Morning all,

19 days no contact. I cannot break on this.

Worst night since break up, 2 months ago.

Feels as fresh now as it did back then.

The thought of her waking up next to someone else every day is driving me crazy. Knowing there is not a single thing I can do about it.

The way she treated me, why would I? I have no answers today..

Abit lost. Need to get out of self-pity mode somehow.

i hope everyone has a good day.

Thinking of you at that beach house Carus.

[Carus]

You're more than welcome here buddy. We'll go for a swim!

 

Sry you're having a down day. Still a few to get through for both of us I'm sure....

 

Try and get a good sleep at some stage. Emotions get heightened when we're tired that's for sure.

 

Carus*

[sputnik123]

Thanks Carus.

 

I may well take you up on that one day

 

Today has picked up slightly.. i definitely think that the way forward is harnessing the anger over what was done, rather than what I am missing!

 

Yes, I think I look forward to sleep more these days, but then hate it when actually wake up! I agree about the emotions aspect.

 

Ever onwards!