Did I make the right decision?

[thealchemist]

What it comes down to is what is important to you. If you want a relationship that you feel is 50/50 and that you both "chased" each other, then yes, you did the right thing.

 

Some people don't find it as big of a deal and they think its the norm for men to chase women. I don't think that's a good thing or normal. I think like you do, that both parties should be showing interest and making efforts and it can't or shouldn't be all one sided.

 

I personally agree with your decision. I know others will have different opinions but again, it's your perspective on it and what matters to you.

I don't like the princess scenario. Men want to feel wanted every bit as much as women do and now a days, texting takes very little effort.

Well put. This is 2017. The whole "a guy should do this and a girl should do this" is bull.

 

As a guy I want equality in things, not a dictated way things should be done based on gender.

 

I would like equal interest being shown too. Makes it look like a power play game otherwise.

[tattoobunnie]

It'd be nice if we knew how it would be in the big picture, the long run. That you take turns, and you go 50/50 all the way. I don't see how a man initiating contact the first few times is indicative if your girl will be a wonderful wife or mother or provider. Heck, I've been the breadwinner of the family since we were married, and at times the sole income, all the while being hands on with the kids and doing a lion's share of chores.

 

I think if this guy can get over dating politics, you may just wind up being happy for the rest of your life.

 

Although, I find with all my gal pals, that generally the rule of thumb we practice is after 4 dates, we start planning too; if can put a pin in it on whether she likes you or not based on text messages, you might be in for a happy ending (both meanings).

[moneymkt]

Well put. This is 2017. The whole "a guy should do this and a girl should do this" is bull.

 

As a guy I want equality in things, not a dictated way things should be done based on gender.

 

I would like equal interest being shown too. Makes it look like a power play game otherwise.

 

 

Especially when the man is expected to pay

[figureitout23]

Advice aside, which has been great BTW. I really think the OPer posts looking for validation so he has an excuse to not date.

 

Looking at the big picture, we all have preferences, but guys, be honest, are you REALLY going to dismiss a girl you like because of her texting patterns? Even though she shows interest just not in the exact way you want it? You can feel a certain way, but if you're vibing with someone I can't see something that small being a reason to throw the baby out with the bath water. Especially when all you have to do is say, ' hey I like when you reach out to me too.'

 

We can argue sexism/expectations/

Realistic dating practices and it'll be a great and beneficial conversation for many I'm sure, I know I find them interesting . But I really and truly think the OPer has issues with self sabotaging himself when dating so none of this is helping him.

[tattoobunnie]

But what makes you think she's not interested after three dates? Does she not pay attention to you when you're speaking? Does she frequently flake out on plans? Does she not contact you back?

 

It's been 3 dates. I am not sure if you were expecting her to go all John Cusack, and play In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel outside your bedroom window. If you are going to write off someone because they didn't initiate contact after 3 dates, um, I dunno...I think you need to not sweat over the small stuff.

 

I'm not making fun of you at all - I just think it's a little too early to determine whether she's gung-ho for you or not. Give it time. How a women texts is not an indication of whether of not she likes you. For all you know she is gushing to her friends, and is sleeping with her phone under her pillow another your next contact. I'm not kidding.

[fwdthinker]

There are literally hundreds of books, youtube videos and blogs telling women to never initiatie contact at the beginning of a relationship lest the woman not be perceived as "high value.' It's a confusing world out there these days. I agree with those who say - take her out again and then talk about how you would love to hear from her during the week. She may be terrified of reaching out to you lest you think she is "pursuing" you. I dont know how courtship works these days, but if she reacts positively to your communications and you have a good time when you are together, then it would be worth a light hearted conversation with her when you next take her out for a date. Women don't generally feel good doing the pursuing. It may not seem "fair," but it is what it is.

[Honeycomb8]

She def has interest in you, just doesn't want to appear too eager.

[bbogdanov]

I thought women were equal to men... Not in reaching out and showing interest, I guess... You can give it a little bit more time, but I've been in the same situation (and nothing good came out of it) and I won't let it happen anymore. If someone's interested in me, I would expect her to text/call me at least 1/5 or something like that. Don't settle for this BS because it's exhausting and frustrating.

[moneymkt]

I thought women were equal to men... Not in reaching out and showing interest, I guess... You can give it a little bit more time, but I've been in the same situation (and nothing good came out of it) and I won't let it happen anymore. If someone's interested in me, I would expect her to text/call me at least 1/5 or something like that. Don't settle for this BS because it's exhausting and frustrating.

 

 

Equality matters when it benefits them

[itsallgrand]

It makes me happy that men of my generation are rejecting the passive approach from women. Like you said OP, there are plenty of women willing and happy to be more equally engaged. She's just not one of them.

[figureitout23]

I thought women were equal to men... Not in reaching out and showing interest, I guess... You can give it a little bit more time, but I've been in the same situation (and nothing good came out of it) and I won't let it happen anymore. If someone's interested in me, I would expect her to text/call me at least 1/5 or something like that. Don't settle for this BS because it's exhausting and frustrating.

 

Equality matters when it benefits them

 

Oh for petes sake, if the both of you want to cling to this victim mentality you're guaranteed a lifetime of tickling your own pickle.

[moneymkt]

I sent her a text last night when I arrived home from work at 7pm and she didn't respond until 11am this morning because she said she fell asleep early? lol

 

Why even bring that up? Why not just respond to the text. She made it obvious she was with a guy last night

[Birdie]

I sent her a text last night when I arrived home from work at 7pm and she didn't respond until 11am this morning because she said she fell asleep early? lol

 

Why even bring that up? Why not just respond to the text. She made it obvious she was with a guy last night

 

That seems quite paranoid....Maybe she just fell asleep as she said? You seem to jump to judgements quite quickly.

[moneymkt]

That seems quite paranoid....Maybe she just fell asleep as she said? You seem to jump to judgements quite quickly.

 

It wasn't me, it was her who felt the need to explain herself. So she made herself look suspect

[mustlovedogs]

It wasn't me, it was her who felt the need to explain herself. So she made herself look suspect

 

... what? That's what I would say too... if I was, yknow, sleeping ...

[Birdie]

Ya I actually say that a lot hahaha. I'm not secretly meeting up with people, I fell asleep earlier then I meant. Like you know those nights you're watching TV then you pass out and just wake up enough to struggle to bed. Sometimes I fall asleep while in the middle of texting conversations. I never thought people wouldn't believe me.

[moneymkt]

... what? That's what I would say too... if I was, yknow, sleeping ...

 

 

But the text was sent at 6pm so that sleeping excuse really didn't make sense.

[Birdie]

No...people can fall asleep at any time. I am an avid sleep and can sleep anytime, anywhere. And when I sleep I can sleep long. You don't know her life, maybe she was up most of the night with a headache and then had to work and crashed when she got home? Maybe she has a cold? Maybe she just was exhausted and had a long sleep?

 

Isn't it exhausting being so skeptical? Why not just take people at their word? Why do you seem to doubt everyone, especially women?

[mustlovedogs]

Last week I had a crippling migraine. Texting a dude would've been the last thing I wanted to do. I would've said sleeping too.

 

All your threads are overflowing with insecurity and overthinking. Go back to the thread you posted earlier and answer there too.

[catfeeder]

It wasn't me, it was her who felt the need to explain herself. So she made herself look suspect

 

You don't sound like dating material at the moment.

[Pleasedonot5]

Catfeeder,

 

Might be better to explain why/what he's doing wrong, than to simply insult him.

[Honeycomb8]

I sent her a text last night when I arrived home from work at 7pm and she didn't respond until 11am this morning because she said she fell asleep early? lol

 

Why even bring that up? Why not just respond to the text. She made it obvious she was with a guy last night

 

You have the type of attitude most girls would want to stay away from.

 

 

Why the paranoia and cynical negative outlook?

[moneymkt]

Catfeeder,

 

Might be better to explain why/what he's doing wrong, than to simply insult him.

 

 

Exactly, I didn't question her, she felt the need to tell me why it took her so long to respond.

[moneymkt]

You have the type of attitude most girls would want to stay away from.

 

 

Why the paranoia and cynical negative outlook?

 

 

I'm not paranoid. Did I question her?

[Pleasedonot5]

I'm not saying I agree with you, moneymkt. There is a way of doing things, and I don't think calling out excuses for people you are just starting to date is right. It shows insecurity, and insecurity drives women (men too) away.

 

I just don't like when people insult others on E "not alone."