We had sex before telling him I have genital herpes

[olympic reject]

Glad that it did go on. To expose a woman to possible unplanned pregnancy and disease is a sign of low character, and alcohol is absolutely not an excuse.

 

I'd tell him about the herpes with an apology. If you didn't have an outbreak at the time, and I'm presuming you didnt, the chances of transmission are actually low and you should tell him. However, he has to know.

 

You can certainly suggest that he uses condoms with other partners in future.

 

I wouldn't advise continuing with this man, because I have no respect for men who dont use condoms.

 

 

I have never had any outbreak but once, 2 years ago. I have been taking acyclovir to prevent them from coming back again and never been with anybody, sexually after I broke up with the guy that contracted me with it

 

I am not planning to continue anything with him either, knowing that he might have lost interest with my ignorance and selfishness

 

Thanks for your opinion. Holding myself together for the big day in less than 24 hr

[chitown9]

I would be willing to bet my life that he was not exposed to any risk of contracting anything from you because you took precautions that he was protected. In addition to that, you were not in an outbreak either. So, I would not put a guilt trip on yourself. This is why it has been suggested to you that you say nothing to him and just cut your losses with him and distance yourself from him. I highly recommend this option to you. chi

[figureitout23]

Why would she walk away from the guy if she likes him? Look at her other thread. She likes him.

 

I'm amazed at the amount of people that are like 'well... you probably didn't give him an STD... just ghost him.'

 

Imagine reading this post...

 

" So I got drunk one night and slept with this girl. Things were progressing ok with her until she disappeared without any explanation. I later found out she had an STD and didn't bother telling me. It wasn't passed to me thank God but who does that !??"

 

 

What happened to taking responsibility for ones actions?

[Vexna]

This all boils down to if you had an outbreak at the time. If you did then he pretty much will have been infected since how contageous it is and if not then phew! But still- TELL HIM! It's your duty as herpes infected to inform your partner.

 

Update; just read the last replies and saw that you didnät have an outbreak and are about to tell him. Well, tell it gently. And tell him immediately that you didnät have an outbreak while you had sex.

[SherrySher]

Good god people!! This is highly infectious disease. And you're advising her to not tell him and who cares cause she probably didn't give it to him anyway..are you serious!!???

 

That is incredibly irresponsible. She needs to tell him, no excuses!! This guy not only needs to hear that he has the possibility of contracting herpes but it could also teach this guy a lesson to USE A CONDOM!! This guy is a vehicle for spreading diseases as well and needs to realise that he too has to be more responsible!!!

 

Stop telling her to just ghost and not say anything. You who are telling her that, are part of the problem in the world as to people acting immoral and thinking they should not be accountable.

If you're going to do wrong...be accountable!!!!!

[SherrySher]

I feel for you OP and I know this has been rough and I won't chastise you, but you do need to do the right thing and tell him despite how messy it might become.

[olympic reject]

Good god people!! This is highly infectious disease. And you're advising her to not tell him and who cares cause she probably didn't give it to him anyway..are you serious!!???

 

That is incredibly irresponsible. She needs to tell him, no excuses!! This guy not only needs to hear that he has the possibility of contracting herpes but it could also teach this guy a lesson to USE A CONDOM!! This guy is a vehicle for spreading diseases as well and needs to realise that he too has to be more responsible!!!

 

Stop telling her to just ghost and not say anything. You who are telling her that, are part of the problem in the world as to people acting immoral and thinking they should not be accountable.

If you're going to do wrong...be accountable!!!!!

 

 

 

Thanks Sherry! I have been practicing my words these past days to not make it look like I am looking for the slightest sympathy from him. I just want him to know that I know I was wrong and there's no way I could get away with it without telling him

 

 

 

To everyone that has been reading, sharing, commenting and suggesting, thank you so much.. I appreciate the insight

I promise I heard everything you said, and I will not just let this ride without saying SOMETHING. He does deserve to know. I just need to figure out how to do that tonight

Thank you again

[olympic reject]

Why would she walk away from the guy if she likes him? Look at her other thread. She likes him.

 

I'm amazed at the amount of people that are like 'well... you probably didn't give him an STD... just ghost him.'

 

Imagine reading this post...

 

" So I got drunk one night and slept with this girl. Things were progressing ok with her until she disappeared without any explanation. I later found out she had an STD and didn't bother telling me. It wasn't passed to me thank God but who does that !??"

 

 

What happened to taking responsibility for ones actions?

 

 

I do like him. I think things between us has been going pretty well, apart from the bedroom story

 

But I don't see any chance anymore looking at which side I'm standing on right now

[Vicky89]

You said he did wear a condom and you only slept with each other one time, this greatly decreases the chances that he has it, plus you weren't breaking out, that doesn't mean he doesn't have it, it just means it reduced the chances.

 

However, never do this again, ever. Honestly, this guy doesn't seem to care too much about his sexual health himself, I mean, he slept with you on the second date and he didn't want to wear a condom.... do you know how many other women he has slept with if he is that careless with you ? He may have gotten stds in the past, heck, he may already have herpes. You had to insist he wear a condom. Scary...

 

For your own protection, wait much longer than a second date to have sex with a guy you don't know that well at all. Tell the guy BEFORE sex, that you have herpes, and then use protection.

 

But, what's done is done so now just tell him you have herpes and wait for what he says, he may be angry, bitter, resentful, upset, he may refuse to see you again, or he may continue to see you. But he does deserve to know what you have.

[journeynow]

Thanks Sherry! I have been practicing my words these past days to not make it look like I am looking for the slightest sympathy from him. I just want him to know that I know I was wrong and there's no way I could get away with it without telling him

 

 

 

To everyone that has been reading, sharing, commenting and suggesting, thank you so much.. I appreciate the insight

I promise I heard everything you said, and I will not just let this ride without saying SOMETHING. He does deserve to know. I just need to figure out how to do that tonight

Thank you again

 

As you delay, could he be sleeping with someone else, potentially spreading it? Maybe don't delay too long.

[olympic reject]

Hi everyone,

 

 

As expected, he ended it. I told the truth, the all truth

 

Chest is not heavy with the lie anymore but just feel so guilty for being so ignorant

 

Lesson.damn.learned.

 

Thanks for the support!

 

Have a wonderful August

[IAmFCA]

Hi everyone,

 

 

As expected, he ended it. I told the truth, the all truth

 

Chest is not heavy with the lie anymore but just feel so guilty for being so ignorant

 

Lesson.damn.learned.

 

Thanks for the support!

 

Have a wonderful August

 

WOW

 

I can not tell you with certainty that i would have done the same, though I had 100% certainty that it would have been required of me, had I been in your shoes. Of course, I think I would but it is untested. You do get to feel good about your character, and you do get to know that you can rely on yourself to execute on the difficult conversations. Well done.

 

I am sorry he ended it. More important: you have respect for and confidence in yourself. And you will be with yourself forever.

[1hrtofgld4u]

Sorry that it ended for you. I was in a similar situation 7 years ago but it was hpv. She knowingly and willingly gave it to me and didn't care. I was upset when i found out but we stayed together. For a while anyway until she was done using me then she left. But I haven't dated since then. Tried but whenever the topic comes up everyone runs. I could never do what my ex did to me to someone else. So I understand how hard it is having something and being obligated to say something. Those types of conversations at the beginning of a relationship are very difficult.

[olympic reject]

Sorry that it ended for you. I was in a similar situation 7 years ago but it was hpv. She knowingly and willingly gave it to me and didn't care. I was upset when i found out but we stayed together. For a while anyway until she was done using me then she left. But I haven't dated since then. Tried but whenever the topic comes up everyone runs. I could never do what my ex did to me to someone else. So I understand how hard it is having something and being obligated to say something. Those types of conversations at the beginning of a relationship are very difficult.

 

Hey, thanks for sharing.. I deserved it! I was so selfish to expose him with it

 

What made you accept her? I'm sorry she left you.. Whatever it was, I hope you are doing better now

 

I guess we just have to keep looking for that one person that will accept us for us, flaws and all. With honesty, of course

[1hrtofgld4u]

Hey, thanks for sharing.. I deserved it! I was so selfish to expose him with it

 

What made you accept her? I'm sorry she left you.. Whatever it was, I hope you are doing better now

 

I guess we just have to keep looking for that one person that will accept us for us, flaws and all. With honesty, of course

 

 

I went to school with her all the way from kindergarden through highschool so I knew her well. Or thought I did. I was blind and in "love". She stayed with me until she was able to sign papers on her new house and then left me that day.

 

Don't beat yourself up over it. It happens. I've had a few times where I almost slipped up as well. I'd recommend staying away from alcohol until you've had that "talk". If he left you now then odds are that talk wouldn't of went over that great in the first place. You need to find someone that is accepting and will stick with you. I was a mess for the longest time but I'm so tired of being alone that im now trying to get back out there. I've met someone and she knows and is completely supportive. We aren't dating just yet but there is talk of it. She's still young enough where she can get the shot to protect her from it so it kinda works out. After hearing everything she is just as mad at my ex as i am. But it is what it is and nothing I can do about it now.

[danewillow]

I had a scare earlier this year. I had an outbreak and had no idea what was going on. I went to the doctor. She took one look at me, nonchalantly said it looks like herpes and then left the room to go get a swab. I'm lying there on the exam table, knees in the air, bawling. Great doctor. She said it could be either type since HSV1 can be contracted genitally through oral. I'd know in a few days.

 

I was freaking out. I was in a committed relationship (about 5 months in) at the time and it scared me to tell him. He'd known I had some kind of infection going on down there. I went to see him a couple days after the appt but before I got the results back. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction. He believed me when I told him I didn't know before and hadn't been with anyone else since being with him. While I was there, the results came in on my phone. It was HSV1. I could have caught it from anyone at any time. Maybe from him even.

 

Having gone through the same type of outbreak as an HSV2 infection, I know how very painful it can be. I'd cringe every time I had to pee. I'd cry in the shower when washing the area. Sitting hurt. I'd be furious if someone knew they had it and didn't tell me before sex.

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out. He isn't exactly an innocent party in this situation. You'd only been on 2 dates. He had sex with someone he barely knew.

[SoulTaker]

Hi everyone,

 

 

As expected, he ended it. I told the truth, the all truth

 

Chest is not heavy with the lie anymore but just feel so guilty for being so ignorant

 

Lesson.damn.learned.

 

Thanks for the support!

 

Have a wonderful August

 

This isn't over. As others have noted, this is indirectly connected to your job. If this man took the news hard, then there's no doubt he might confide to your boss. Who knows? It depends on the type of workplace you have. Keep your guard up in regards to your boss.

 

One thing of note in all of this is who initiated the drinking? We all know that drinking affects people differently, and it can affect the self-defense mechanisms that are in place when dating. What would you have done if drinking was not involved, and he came on to you on a 2nd date?

[olympic reject]

This isn't over. As others have noted, this is indirectly connected to your job. If this man took the news hard, then there's no doubt he might confide to your boss. Who knows? It depends on the type of workplace you have. Keep your guard up in regards to your boss.

 

One thing of note in all of this is who initiated the drinking? We all know that drinking affects people differently, and it can affect the self-defense mechanisms that are in place when dating. What would you have done if drinking was not involved, and he came on to you on a 2nd date?

 

 

I have applied jobs from at least 8 different companies this morning. All.Guard.Is.Up

 

He did initiate the drinking, first thing after I let our dogs play around and took off my shoes, "Mc Callan or Hendricks?"

 

I would have not even kissed him back, when he jumped on me. I was planning to take both our puppies out for a walk in the park and have early lunch together

[olympic reject]

I have applied jobs from at least 8 different companies this morning. All.Guard.Is.Up

 

He did initiate the drinking, first thing after I let our dogs play around and took off my shoes, "Mc Callan or Hendricks?"

 

I would have not even kissed him back, when he jumped on me. I was planning to take both our puppies out for a walk in the park and have early lunch together

 

 

But then again, they all don't matter now

 

I just have to suck it up, for all he cares

 

Can't wait to that one day when I finally got over this and laugh at myself, instead of thinking what would have gone right if I hadn't done this/that

[reinventmyself]

I put myself in both of your places and I guess the lesson here is to disclose first.

I am not telling you anything you don't already know. Sorry this was such a difficult moment for you.

 

But I think to not disclose it is a double whammy. Hearing the news before or after

is a surprise and something someone needs to carefully consider.

Finding out they had that choice taken from them is hard to come back from.

Who knows what his response would have been had you been up front about it?

 

I have a friend that has HSV and she has always disclosed it and has never had any issues with it.

It's all matter of trust.

If you are in a relationship with someone who has HSV you need to trust that they'll communicate with you if they feel you

might be at risk at any given time. Kinda like coming down with a cold. You might tell your partner to not kiss you at that time.

 

To not say anything up front. . there's no hope of trust to begin with.

 

The good news, you'll weed out those who don't really care enough about you and consider you a great catch anyway, despite the manageable stigma.

[Sportster2005]

This isn't over. As others have noted, this is indirectly connected to your job. If this man took the news hard, then there's no doubt he might confide to your boss. Who knows? It depends on the type of workplace you have. Keep your guard up in regards to your boss.

 

One thing of note in all of this is who initiated the drinking? We all know that drinking affects people differently, and it can affect the self-defense mechanisms that are in place when dating. What would you have done if drinking was not involved, and he came on to you on a 2nd date?

 

oh stahp. You or no one else knows what the consequences will be. The woman has been through enough without unfounded fear mongering.

[figureitout23]

oh stahp. You or no one else knows what the consequences will be. The woman has been through enough without unfounded fear mongering.

 

I agree. She did the right thing and let him know. Concidering he wanted to sleep with her unprotected after 2 dates, he isn't innocent in the whole 'risk' category. It could have ended much differently. Seems everyone learned a valuable lesson here. She did the right thing and that's what matters.

[SoulTaker]

oh stahp. You or no one else knows what the consequences will be. The woman has been through enough without unfounded fear mongering.

 

If you question my update, then list details on what you don't like. Don't just make a blanket statement. I have know idea of what you're stating. According to the Op, he got her in his house on the 2nd date. Got her drinking, and then tried to have sex without protection (which involves risks on his end).

 

I've seen what happens when normal level-headed women get to drinking in social gatherings. Some of them lose their awareness of what's going on. As far as fear mongering, that's for the Op to decide, not you. I've said nothing to make her feel worse (just the opposite). She should not agonize over this, not at the way he went about things.

[Prolargent 5x5]

Do tell him the truth. Be prepared for what might happen. Positive or negative. I know that sincerity and honesty always win.

[chitown9]

You may be disappointed that he was not willing to work with you upon learning the news of this issue, however, he is the one who resisted the condom and by doing so HE EXPOSED YOU TO THE POSSIBILITY OF PREGNANCY, so.....he is not exactly so angelic. I would say that he was not such a prize, and a better man awaits you.