Boyfriend doesn't get jealous

[Maddyb12]

Hello! I have been dating someone for 3 months, were committed and we were friends for three years before this. I knew him when he was in a previous relationship. Everything is great, we get along, no big fights, have same values etc.. it's a very normal and healthy relationship. But I have one issue, he doesn't get jealous over anything it seems like. There is a guy in particular who is pursuing me and hasn't given up and my boyfriend just kinda laughs it off. I'm used to dating guys who are slightly possessive and jealous so it seems strange to me that these things don't bother him.

 

In his past relationship I know that he was a jealous type and I'm wondering if it's a reflection on how much he cares about me or if he's just grown up.

[Giblesp]

I'd laugh it off as well. She can sort out the flirty guy herself. If I didn't trust her, or if she was reciprocal to the flirting, she wouldn't be my girl.

[rosephase]

Jealousy is insecurity. It isn't romantic. If you trust your partner and are a secure person jealousy is pretty easy to brush off. I would take it as a good sign.

[j.man]

There is a guy in particular who is pursuing me and hasn't given up and my boyfriend just kinda laughs it off.

How is your boyfriend aware of it even? Are you frequently bringing it up? Why haven't you blocked this guy? Sounds like game playing and, honestly, I think your boyfriend laughs it off because he's genuinely amused by it.

 

I'd say I'd laugh, too, but my partner doesn't entertain men who insist on pursuing her for me to laugh about.

[Maddyb12]

How is your boyfriend aware of it even? Are you frequently bringing it up? Why haven't you blocked this guy? Sounds like game playing and, honestly, I think your boyfriend laughs it off because he's genuinely amused by it.

 

I'd say I'd laugh, too, but my partner doesn't entertain men who insist on pursuing her for me to laugh about.

 

Well we work together and the guy I'm talking about is someone who frequents our work and the reason I can't tell him I'm dating my boyfriend is because no one at our work is aware we are dating.

[faraday]

Having a not jealous partner is a good thing.

 

All the guys that I've dated that have been jealous...were jealous because they either thought about cheating or did cheat. They were jealous because they knew what could happen because they had thought about it.

 

The guys that I've dated that weren't jealous at all...were the guys that would have never cheated. It just wouldn't have crossed their minds to cheat.

[j.man]

Well we work together and the guy I'm talking about is someone who frequents our work and the reason I can't tell him I'm dating my boyfriend is because no one at our work is aware we are dating.

Since when do you need to drop a name when telling someone you've got a boyfriend?

[Maddyb12]

Since when do you need to drop a name when telling someone you've got a boyfriend?

 

Not about dropping a name but the guy has questioned me about my boyfriend and asked if we're dating so for work reasons I can't tell him that we are dating. when I mentioned I was seeing someone a few months ago he assumed it was him and it created some gossip so I've just been blowing him off now.

[RainyCoast]

i'm inclined to think it's your behavior he finds laughable

[itsallgrand]

Why is it a secret at your work?

[RainyCoast]

Last weekend I posted pictures on Snapchat with the guy I am dating at a music festival. I received texts from two other coworkers that the guy was at work crying, punching the walk in (BOH of restaurant) and going on to everyone about whether or not I'm sleeping with this guy, how it should be him in those pictures, how he needed to talk to me when I was back from my trip to discuss it etc. This has me concerned about working with him.

your workplace commented on your new boyfriend, and your coworker? so how is it a secret?

[journeynow]

Why are you keeping your relationship a secret? You said you were committed.

[Maddyb12]

Because he's currently my supervisor but I put my notice in but until I leave it's not really appropriate

[melancholy123]

Most people would be thrilled to not have a jealous person as a partner!

[itsallgrand]

Because he's currently my supervisor but I put my notice in but until I leave it's not really appropriate

 

Yeah I figured there was something more to this. And you work at a restaurant, right?

[Maddyb12]

This has kind of gotten derailed as it usually does on here. I was just asking about him not getting jealous, lol. We're both in management positions but he is above me currently which is why I put my notice in ( we discussed this fully and it's the best choice). In terms of us being a secret it's just among our coworkers, we've met families, friends etc we are committed. But I feel better about the question I posted. My behavior isn't laughable the only reason I even tell him about this guys comments is because other people are always around when it happens and I'd rather have him hear it from me versus another coworker and have him feel like I withheld it from him. Thanks for the replies. Have a good day everyone

[LaHermes]

And what is that supposed to mean...

 

"This has kind of gotten derailed as it usually does on here."

 

A most unhelpful remark.

[Maddyb12]

Yeah I figured there was something more to this. And you work at a restaurant, right?

 

Yes, It's just an extra job for me though. I work full time during the day in another field.

[Maddyb12]

And what is that supposed to mean...

 

"This has kind of gotten derailed as it usually does on here."

 

A most unhelpful remark.

 

It means exactly what I said...

[LaHermes]

I wonder why you even bother with us here then, my dear.

[Starlight925]

I actually understand your point. You feel that if your boyfriend showed a little jealousy, a little bit of "hey, that's my girl, lay off", it would make you feel good, like it's a sign that he cares for you. As others have said, though, jealousy is based in insecurity, so it's likely that he just feels really secure with you, and he trust you so much, that he believes (hopefully rightfully so) that even if a super hot guy dropped his pants, you'd say no. So, he has no reason to feel jealous.

 

Most men are wired to think more logically than women. As women, if we found out a hot girl took off her bra in front of our boyfriend, we'd be livid. But a guy thinks through this logically: she' my girlfriend. She loves me. I trust her. Therefore, none of this matters.

[Capricorn3]

I was just asking about him not getting jealous, lol.

I don't understand what the issue is? Neither my husband nor I are the jealous type - never have been because there has never been any reason. I have great difficulty understanding jealous people - I just don't get it. You should be happy he's not jealous, not question it. Weird.

[Doc Blaze]

I don't understand what the issue is? Neither my husband nor I are the jealous type - never have been because there has never been any reason. I have great difficulty understanding jealous people - I just don't get it. You should be happy he's not jealous, not question it. Weird.

 

 

I don't get it either.

[anna8896]

You should not consider jealousy in your relationship- its unhealthy

[journeynow]

This has kind of gotten derailed as it usually does on here. I was just asking about him not getting jealous, lol. We're both in management positions but he is above me currently which is why I put my notice in ( we discussed this fully and it's the best choice). In terms of us being a secret it's just among our coworkers, we've met families, friends etc we are committed. But I feel better about the question I posted. My behavior isn't laughable the only reason I even tell him about this guys comments is because other people are always around when it happens and I'd rather have him hear it from me versus another coworker and have him feel like I withheld it from him. Thanks for the replies. Have a good day everyone

 

Thanks for clarifying. It didn't get derailed; sometimes the bigger picture is part of the issue. I wondered about the secrecy (at work) and his not displaying jealousy (also connected with work). Perhaps they ARE related? He's not going to tell someone at his job to back off if he can't reveal he's dating you. On the other hand, I don't see a concern if there is no jealousy.