When should you take back an emotional cheater?

[Lonely Jade]

Will keep it short with no background, but when should you take back an emotional cheater, i.e. actions displayed, what they say,

[Capricorn3]

You don't.

[SherrySher]

No. Betrayal of any kind does not bode well for any relationship and you cannot trust someone like that.

[Jeetsun]

Never take them back.

[j.man]

Can't see myself ever taking back a cheater, but I'd honestly take back someone who got sloppy drunk and banged a hot dude before someone who emotionally cheated. At least the former is pretty primal and mindless. Emotionally cheating, IMO, is far more indicative of things not being right.

[DancingFool]

Have to agree with above. Especially j.man. I can kind of, maybe see myself being able to get past a drunken one night stand where he doesn't even remember her name or what he did, but all other cheating......it's the intent and the effort required to sneak around, lie, hide, etc, etc, etc. It's not a "mistake" and it didn't "just happen" which seems to be such a common refrain of all cheaters. The effort involved in cheating simply isn't a mistake and doesn't just happen.

[Unreasonable]

Will keep it short with no background, but when should you take back an emotional cheater, i.e. actions displayed, what they say,

Honestly, only if you don't view emotional cheating as "as bad" as physical cheating. Basically, only if you can live with it happening again... because it will. I am more open to the idea that a physical cheater can change their stripes than an emotional one, the latter can simply be the result of being an attention wh_re, and that's not really something that can be easily fixed.

[lostandhurt]

Your bf made an account on Tinder and started chatting up women and added them to snapchat.

 

It wasn't some work colleague he got to close to, it was a deliberate choice to seek out other women.

 

Do not take him back. All that will tell him is that you are willing to put up with this type of disrespect and betrayal.

 

 

I am sorry but don't believe the lies. I am sure he is sorry but sorry for what? Being caught? Being dumped?

 

Lost

[thealchemist]

Emotional cheating typically requires more thought about the situation than physical cheating. That willful choice is more destructive in my opinion.

[journeynow]

Roller coasters are occasionally enjoyed by some, but it's hard to live your life on one.

[EternalOptimis]

Emotional infidelity is every bit as painful, and its results as deadly as full-blown physical infidelity.

 

What makes it insidious for the victim is there is sometimes not one specific action / behaviours you can point at (like you can with physical infidelity), therefore rationalising it / talking ourselves out of judging it as infidelity seems a lot more common.

 

Do NOT fall in that trap. You know instinctively when something is off, and it won't change through forgiveness.

[Lostinlove31]

If you take back a cheater you basically telling them it was ok. Never take back a cheater. Cheating still takes effort to lie, to persuade, and the ability for them to not feel guilty to commit it. Taking them back is a free hall pass for further infidelity down the road.

[ThatwasThen]

When should you take back an emotional cheater?

If you're just dating, you don't. If you've formed a life together then you don't until the two of you get professional help with a couples counsellor and can work out the mistrust and resentment and the "excuses" why the EC let it happen.

 

Relationship boundaries that you both agree to have to be set and adhered to and both have to be happy to have them in place. When one or the other doesn't have the tools in place to '-block' someone that is over-stepping platonic relationship boundaries then that opposite sex friend you (the general you) have is going to eventually find a place in you emotionally. Just because we are in relationships it doesn't mean we stop finding members of the opposite sex attractive which means we all have to be vigilant with our romantic relationship boundaries and not let anyone cross them.

[GraceHeart]

I have cheated on people BUT I have never ever cheated on someone I really cared about. (And I, don't think cheating is good behavior.) In my experience, once it has happened it will continue to happen.

[ThatwasThen]

I have cheated on people BUT I have never ever cheated on someone I really cared about. (And I, don't think cheating is good behavior.) In my experience, once it has happened it will continue to happen.

 

^^^ Prime example of someone not having good romantic relationship boundaries in place and allowing attraction to overtake good sense. Not judging, just saying.

 

I don't understand why you would stay with someone you didn't care for? Why not just leave them and spare them the betrayal?

[Esglee]

I don't put up with any kind of cheating or lying. I am gone.

[ParisPaulette]

Never works great!

[EternalOptimis]

I have cheated on people BUT I have never ever cheated on someone I really cared about. (And I, don't think cheating is good behavior.) In my experience, once it has happened it will continue to happen.

 

Very honest of you to admit.

 

As ThatwasThen says though, one questions why you would stay with someone you don't care about. That's bound to colour your view of what hurts them.

[nutbrownhare]

To the OP:

 

Are you referring to this guy?

 

If so, you take him back when you want a repeat dose of being lied to, betrayed and used. Some people like the stability of an ongoing relationship while they play around; or he may be using you as a backup while he's looking for something better.

 

His sincerity and expressed desire to have a long term relationship reminds me of the Oscar Wilde quote: "Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not". Rings a bit hollow once you know for a fact that he's flirting with other girls online!