LaHermes Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 What, in your opinion is a 10/10, Blue? And what is a 10/10 anyhow..... I am intrigued. Link to comment
Birdie Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Listen to what people say. He didn't and still doesn't want something more than fun. It has nothing to do with your looks. If you're that insecure about yourself and really can't handle rejection, because he was upfront and polite about things, you probably shouldn't be dating. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Blueowl: You asked this back in March. "How important are looks (and body) in a woman in attracting a mate and finding love? What if I don't have the hottest body and prettiest of face? Did some of my love/ dating experience failed because the guy thought I wasn't good enough physically? If I were so hot and pretty, surely he would be more willing to tolerate my other flaws and shortcomings. Correct? What if someone has a very kind heart, is smart, sweet and everything but she looks plain or ugly? What is she to do?" You got a LOT of feedback back then. Did it register with you. Link to comment
Wolfshook Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 I have a friend that strangely gets really turned off by virgins. He's actually afraid of having sex with a virgin for some reason. Might be the same. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 If I am a 10/10 and amazing, he wouldn't be so hesitant about entertaining the idea of something more, would he? He said he didn't wanna sleep with me that night because he cares about me and did not want me to regret anything... But if I were a 10/10, he might have thought otherwise? No, not at all. Sometimes a person truly doesn't want a relationship regardless of what the other person looks like. Where are you getting these unhealthy assumptions from? Link to comment
Sunny23 Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 A man does not change his mind and suddenly get infatuated with a woman just because she has sex with him. He's more likely to lose interest, actually. Women are often the opposite. He's trying to dodge a bullet with you and you are definitely dodging a bullet with him. You can't know if you "just want fun" if you're a virgin. Sorry, but you just can't. It takes A LOT of life and sexual experience to know when you will and won't get attached. You absolutely should not sleep with this man. He doesn't want a relationship and he ESPECIALLY doesn't want to deal with a woman getting attached to him. That's too much drama. He's smart. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted June 26, 2017 Share Posted June 26, 2017 Why is he making this decision for me? What if I want fun too? Haha! Doesn't matter what you want, apparently! Don't fret too much over it, Blue owl. You're better off without him. His morality is stifling even when you're not in a relationship with him. Can you imagine how aggravating he'd be if he were your boyfriend? Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 A man does not change his mind and suddenly get infatuated with a woman just because she has sex with him. He's more likely to lose interest, actually. Women are often the opposite. He's trying to dodge a bullet with you and you are definitely dodging a bullet with him. You can't know if you "just want fun" if you're a virgin. Sorry, but you just can't. It takes A LOT of life and sexual experience to know when you will and won't get attached. You absolutely should not sleep with this man. He doesn't want a relationship and he ESPECIALLY doesn't want to deal with a woman getting attached to him. That's too much drama. He's smart. Is that to say that I must wait to lose my virginity where I am in a committed, loving long term relationship? I don't know when that is going to happen or if that is what I want at this point of my life though. I want to have fun too. I don't want to delay the pleasure much longer for a guy I don't know whether would appear in my life/ be worth it or not. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Is that to say that I must wait to lose my virginity where I am in a committed, loving long term relationship? I don't know when that is going to happen or if that is what I want at this point of my life though. I want to have fun too. I don't want to delay the pleasure much longer for a guy I don't know whether would appear in my life/ be worth it or not. Are you saying that you don't want a committed, loving, long term relationship then? That you're just looking to lose your virginity regardless? If that's the case, then by all means get with a player who'll "do the deed" and move on - just recognise that you're likely to get hurt. The guy you're talking about didn't want to do that. Fair play to him. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Are you saying that you don't want a committed, loving, long term relationship then? That you're just looking to lose your virginity regardless? If that's the case, then by all means get with a player who'll "do the deed" and move on - just recognise that you're likely to get hurt. The guy you're talking about didn't want to do that. Fair play to him. I do want a committed, loving, long term relationship eventually. Not necessarily now though. And I don't mind losing my virginity not in that context.. because if I keep waiting, it might never happen...especially given my lack of luck in love and with men. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I do want a committed, loving, long term relationship eventually. Not necessarily now though. And I don't mind losing my virginity not in that context.. because if I keep waiting, it might never happen...especially given my lack of luck in love and with men. Yeah... whatever... Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 Yeah... whatever... lol you sound so annoyed... well I'm sorry lol. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 You don't make much sense BlueOwl. "I don't want to delay the pleasure much longer for a guy I don't know whether would appear in my life/ be worth it or not." Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Share Posted June 27, 2017 You don't make much sense BlueOwl. "I don't want to delay the pleasure much longer for a guy I don't know whether would appear in my life/ be worth it or not." I mean, I am 25. I wanna have sex and have fun. I don't want to save it for anyone... Link to comment
thealchemist Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 It is pretty normal to get very intimidated by a girl who is a virgin. I wouldn't want to be the guy to took a girl's virginity only to break up with in a few months. It isn't a totally fair way of looking at it but that is just my viewpoint. My wife was a virgin and I'm sure we waited longer before having sex than I would have if she wasn't. The prospect of having sex with a virgin is very distasteful to me. If he did a 180 after hearing this it is very likely because it caused him to do some introspective soul searching and he decided he wasn't "into" the relationship enough. I can understand it as a guy. He is intelligent enough to read himself and made a very mature decision. Most guys are not as capable of analyzing their emotions logically and decided sex isn't the best choice. Respect his thoughtful decision. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 I mean, I am 25. I wanna have sex and have fun. I don't want to save it for anyone... I think you need to get clear with yourself first what it is you are looking for. You flip back and forth between looking for fun but wanting someone to take you seriously. ""he would have changed his mind and decide to entertain the idea of more, and want to be exclusive with me, wouldn't he?"" Entering into something just for fun (especially when a man tells you up front that's all it's going to be) and betting on the potential he'll fall madly in love with you after the fact is a risky game. He did the right thing bytheway. You have a choice in how you want to interpret it. You can let it rock your self esteem or thank him for not taking advantage of the situation. He didn't reject `you' . . he declined taking your virginity. Taking someone's virginity is meaningful to most. He told you up front he wasn't looking for anything meaningful. Be ok with that. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 Couldn't be clearer!! "I mean, I am 25. I wanna have sex and have fun. I don't want to save it for anyone..." Link to comment
Rezie Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 If you are looking for "getting it over with" then I suggest you tell that to a guy you are in a situation with "I'm a virgin and would like to experience sex. Not looking for anything serious or a grand romance". There are a lot of guys who fantasize about this. A lot of guys have been told that losing virginity is a big deal for girls eventhough that's not true for everyone. So communicate with the guy you are with. The right guy will come along and you'll get to have sex. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted June 27, 2017 Share Posted June 27, 2017 lol you sound so annoyed... well I'm sorry lol. Not at all... I can only offer advice based on my own experience and that of people around me, but we all choose our own paths. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 I think you need to get clear with yourself first what it is you are looking for. You flip back and forth between looking for fun but wanting someone to take you seriously. ""he would have changed his mind and decide to entertain the idea of more, and want to be exclusive with me, wouldn't he?"" Entering into something just for fun (especially when a man tells you up front that's all it's going to be) and betting on the potential he'll fall madly in love with you after the fact is a risky game. He did the right thing bytheway. You have a choice in how you want to interpret it. You can let it rock your self esteem or thank him for not taking advantage of the situation. He didn't reject `you' . . he declined taking your virginity. Taking someone's virginity is meaningful to most. He told you up front he wasn't looking for anything meaningful. Be ok with that. I think you are very on point on this one. I am not entirely sure what I want. I want fun, but I also want validation from the guy. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 It's a stupid decision just like your stupid decision making process. Can we be honest for once? Stupid or not it is quite a common viewpoint. Instead of critizing people who are legitimately trying to help the OP understand this guy's possible viewpoints, you might make a positive contribution to the post. Calling everyone stupid and dumb does nothing to address this poster's subject. Being in a relationship is about trying to understand another person. Dismissing everyone's opinion that varies from your own as stupid leads to a very blinded life. Just because you don't see a logical reason for our assessment doesn't mean there isnt one. Seems like you might be projecting some stuff here... Link to comment
LaHermes Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Alchemist. It's a T.R.O.L.L. Link to comment
blueowl32 Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 Thanks everyone for posting. Your views have definitely helped me understand the guy's possible viewpoints more. He made it clear once again he only wants fun since he's about to leave. He also added that he cares about me (which was why he did not want to take my virginity that night) and that it is a shame because he sees that something more (i.e. relationship) could happen between us if not for the circumstances. We both agree that we are quite compatible. But he has stressed he is not a fan of LDR and he doesn't want anything serious. I have accepted that this would be what it is if I continue hanging out with him. And from comments on this thread I understand his not wanting something more is not a rejection of me - I used to have difficulty accepting this, but now I am able to. Therefore, thank you everyone. All your comments helped me! Link to comment
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