Herpes

[Jusjess]

So someone i know just found out

They have herpes. Tbey have been in a

Relationship for a little over a year

And never been with anyone else

She seems to think that her bf did

Not cheat on her and that if he had

It it was before they hooked up.

We are tring to make her relize that

He did and that he is no good

None of the family likes him and

He fights with her all the time she

Is only 19 and ever scence she hooked

Up with him she has been going down hill.

Any advice that i may be able to tell her

To make her relize.

[annie24]

Do you know what kind of herpes it is (1 or 2)? She would have to get an antibody test to find out. Some people can have herpes for years without it becoming active. She could have kissed someone years ago and it may have just activated now. It's really difficult to prove it came from him.

[Jusjess]

It is 2 shes been tested

[Wiseman2]

You can not prove he gave it to her via cheating and he may have had it before he knew her.. However if you are concerned about her because he's abusive or something then let her know that. Be supportive of her.

 

Skip the circular "cheating" argument and stick to the evidence and facts if you witness that she's in an abusive relationship. Read up on sign of abusive relationships:

She seems to think that her bf did Not cheat on her and that if he had It it was before they hooked up. None of the family likes him and He fights with her all the time she Is only 19 and ever scence she hookedUp with him she has been going down hill.

[annie24]

He may have had it for years before meeting her.

[alias2017]

He definitely cheated as a STD like herpes is only transmitted through sexual contact. Get scientific with her and explain how unlikely it is to get herpes without sexual contact with another person.

[Dahl]

What makes you think he cheated?

[Dahl]

Is he saying that he has never had physical contact with anyone else, or something?

[RainyCoast]

He definitely cheated as a STD like herpes is only transmitted through sexual contact. Get scientific with her and explain how unlikely it is to get herpes without sexual contact with another person.

 

ugh. maybe you should get scientific. for the umpteenth time. he could've had herpes for ages without knowing. he could've gotten it through sexual contact way before he even knew this girl. she may have had it for a long time, and only became symptomatic now. no, it isn't at all definite that he cheated.

[Wiseman2]

They are not questioning whether there was sexual contact. They are assuming he contracted herpes through cheating, however he may have had it before they met.

Get scientific with her and explain how unlikely it is to get herpes without sexual contact with another person.

[Jusjess]

My husband took him to work one day and as they were working he got several phone calls from girls. My husband told our family member but her bf denied it and she belived him. We knew him and his family before they got together and he was always on drugs and sleepung with random girls. He has never had an out break in the 15 months theve been together. I tryed to explain to her that an outbreak happens 2 to 14 days after you have had contacted the virus. She seems to find every excuse for him. We just want whats best for her. I am being supportive and telling her that i will be here for her no matter what but he is no good for her.

[j.man]

We are tring to make her relize that

He did and that he is no good.

Or you and the rest of the brunch club can mind your own business.

[Jusjess]

Yea we could mind are own buisness but when she calls us cring its kinda hard to do so.

[Dahl]

Why does she call you crying? If she doesn't think this chap's cheating or rotten, I mean. Do they have children?

[Jusjess]

She is my niece. Amd yes she does belive he cheated but she cant prove it. She says shes scared to leave him because she loves him

[j.man]

She seems to think that her bf did

Not cheat on her

Amd yes she does belive he cheated

What the ****

[RainyCoast]

I tryed to explain to her that an outbreak happens 2 to 14 days after you have had contacted the virus.

 

Maybe you shouldn't be in charge of her sexual education. Symptoms may not appear until months or sometimes years after you're exposed to the virus.

 

If her family situation prevents her from getting her parents' guidance, you can suggest a counselor, school counselor or social worker to get help.

If you think she chooses guys who are trouble, druggies, cheaters or whatnot, getting rid of this guy by framing unproven cheating on him isn't the way to go about it. She'd benefit from professional guidance and psychoeducation better than from people misinterpreting infectology to forge convincing proof she needs to dump the guy.

 

If she isn't underage, then she needs to do squat that you want her to do. Even professional counseling is non-directive, all choices left for the client to make ultimately.

If she is underage, her parents or legal custodians will have the last word. if you think their last word is bad for her, you may alert cps.

 

Look for recommendations on trusted counselors and social workers. Next time she calls you crying, tell her you can take her. It's up to her whether she will or won't take you up on it. If she says no you can tell her you're still up for it if she changes her mind.

[Jusjess]

Well she belives he cheated but because she has no solid peoff ahes doubting he gut felling...im looking for advice that i can tell her to help her through this time and if anyone has had herpes or know of anyone who does and how they contracted it .

[j.man]

This thread is going to give me herpes.

[Wiseman2]

You can't inform her if you are misinformed. Get the facts first Herpes Fact Sheet[/url]

 

Rather if he's a jerk in general, do as RainyCoast suggests and offer to help her get counselling. Also why haven't you offered to take her to a doctor to get proper info and a checkup?

 

Why go on this ridiculous "cheating" debate, when she needs real help? she belives he cheated but because she has no solid peoff ahes doubting he gut felling...im looking for advice that i can tell her to help her through this time and if anyone has had herpes or know of anyone who does and how they contracted it .

[HeartGoesOn]

Well she belives he cheated but because she has no solid peoff ahes doubting he gut felling...im looking for advice that i can tell her to help her through this time and if anyone has had herpes or know of anyone who does and how they contracted it .

 

The best advice you can give is to encourage her to educate herself on the subject. Other than that and assuming she's an adult, she's capable of making her own choices/decisions.

[RainyCoast]

is this one of those things where you believe your sister/brother is no good as a parent and married someone even worse at it, and you're playing the poor kid has noone trustworthy in her life but us game to triangulate this girl because your relationship with your sibling is tense?

 

or why aren't her parents handling it?

 

in any case, your fixation on cheating that may not even have happened is an inefficient displacement of your anxiety about her life choices.

[Clio]

Having herpes is not proof of cheating. However, given his history, it may be that he had it for a while, knew about it but did not tell her i.e. he didn't warn her in order to make an informed decision about the risks involved in having sex with him. Regardless, it sounds like your niece is one of these people that need to learn the hard way. If she is refusing to acknowledge that he is no good, that's on her. She is an adult. Maybe the answer is to tell her that from now on she has to live with the consequences of her choice of staying with him and you won't be there to pick up the pieces. Her life, her choice, her price to pay.

[ParisPaulette]

Have her cut through the did he/didn't he and go talk to a gynecologist who knows about Herpes to get the facts. He may also have had it and just never told her either, that happened to a friend of mine. Or if they haven't been together long, yeah. Maybe that was it.

 

At any rate opinions from laypersons on an STD that is a virus that can be dormant for a long time, show no signs, and not be an immediate cause/effect the way say gonorrhea can be is really a topic best suited to a doctor.

 

Otherwise simply point out to her that loving someone doesn't give them a pass or mean you automatically should let your life become e over it. State facts calmly, but don't be surprised if she doesn't want to hear it until SHE is fed up with the guy.

[Matt3939]

That's why you should have a test before anything happens. Then this wouldn't be a question. People can get hsv1 from even that nasty grandma kissing you when you are a child. It's a lot more common then #2. Like others have said he could have had it before their relationship. No way to know if you never get tested. Look on the bright side (lips of an angel by hinder) will have a new meaning.