If he doesn't call/text the day after the date, is he not interested?

[Batya33]

Sportster do you mean asking out on an actual date or for a first meet before you've met in person?

[Hermes]

say it again sister!

 

"I hope I NEVER have to resort to OLD, it's sounds just awful!

"

[katrina1980]

say it again sister!

 

"I hope I NEVER have to resort to OLD, it's sounds just awful!

"

 

LOL, so what's your story Hermes? Care to share?

[Hermes]

I certainly did not meet my husband on OLD. Lol.

 

We were introduced in 3D.

 

I'd actually never been introduced to a man before that, so to speak. But a friend of mine happened to be dating a friend of his, and after much cajoling, bullying and coaxing she got me to go on this foursome for dinner.

 

No, (and I think I explained this on another thread), I was not smitten at first sight. Thought he seemed a very pleasant man, good sense of humour etc. We didn't see each other for a while after that, and I really wasn't concerned one way or another. Anyhow, with time, we met up again and sort of grew on each other as they say. But I suppose that subconsciously I/we did know at the outset.....

[HeartGoesOn]

Mod Note: Please remain on topic, and avoid derailing this thread.

[lostandhurt]

Wow I just read this whole thread and concluded I had read it all before, the other times it was someone else's thread though but the same old back and forth.

 

OP

You need to do what is comfortable for you but you also HAVE to get out of your comfort zone if you want new things to happen in your life.

 

A thank you text from you to him when you get home is a nice gesture number one and also lets him know you are thinking about him and appreciate the effort he put in.

 

Rules are made to be bent and broken. Some say wait 2 days and send a vague text to gauge interest while others say if you seem to interested it will scare them off or they will think they have you so they will play games. In the end you have to do what feels right to you but I warn you if what you are doing isn't working you will need to make adjustments.

 

He will contact you again more than likely so be patient. Dating isn't for the faint of heart...

 

Lost

[bumblebeehive]

Wow I just read this whole thread and concluded I had read it all before, the other times it was someone else's thread though but the same old back and forth.

 

OP

You need to do what is comfortable for you but you also HAVE to get out of your comfort zone if you want new things to happen in your life.

 

A thank you text from you to him when you get home is a nice gesture number one and also lets him know you are thinking about him and appreciate the effort he put in.

 

Rules are made to be bent and broken. Some say wait 2 days and send a vague text to gauge interest while others say if you seem to interested it will scare them off or they will think they have you so they will play games. In the end you have to do what feels right to you but I warn you if what you are doing isn't working you will need to make adjustments.

 

He will contact you again more than likely so be patient. Dating isn't for the faint of heart...

 

Lost

 

Thanks lost . You are very kind .

Love this post .

And you are right .he did contact me today .Haha.

[Zippy2000]

Thanks lost . You are very kind .

Love this post .

And you are right .he did contact me today .Haha.

 

Obviousily couldnt wait so gets on a forum to ask if he isnt interested when the only person that knows is him.

 

Next time give it a few days befor asking the question.

[bumblebeehive]

Obviousily couldnt wait so gets on a forum to ask if he isnt interested when the only person that knows is him.

 

Next time give it a few days befor asking the question.

 

I agree and disagree .I was asking about post date protocol. It made sense for me to ask the next day the question about no call the next day. I do not date a ton so I was legitimately curious as to whether a lack of a next day call meant move on .as you can see half the people said not necessarily .The other half said no he isn't interested . So it was a legitimate question.

But I agree with you about waiting .Since there us no protocol heh

[lostandhurt]

Thanks lost . You are very kind .

Love this post .

And you are right .he did contact me today .Haha.

 

That is very good news! I am happy for you.

 

If you are interested in this guy please be sure to make it easier on him to know how to proceed. It baffles me when women assume men are all so confident and just plow ahead no matter how the women responds or doesn't respond. Most of us good guys pay attention and look for clues just like women do. Now jerks and players run the same old script on every woman and go scene by scene no matter how the woman reacts, sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn't but they don't care because they are ready to run it by the next woman that gives them the time of day.

 

If he asks you out again and you are not available that day be sure to propose a different day. If he has an idea for a date that you hate and won't have fun offer an alternative. Men often struggle with the appropriate date ideas in the beginning so throw the guy a bone.

 

Remember when it is happening to someone else it is all to easy to know what to do or think but when it is our life suddenly we find ourselves second guessing everything.

 

Have fun!

Lost

[Batya33]

Thanks lost . You are very kind .

Love this post .

And you are right .he did contact me today .Haha.

Glad he got in touch - the mindset that worked for me- assume each date is the last unless there is another one planned, time and place, until you are exclusive. Have loads of fun on each date as well - this is a realistic mindset not a negative one. Of course since you say you are happy being single then it shouldn't matter as much whether you hear from the person.

[bumblebeehive]

Glad he got in touch - the mindset that worked for me- assume each date is the last unless there is another one planned, time and place, until you are exclusive. Have loads of fun on each date as well - this is a realistic mindset not a negative one. Of course since you say you are happy being single then it shouldn't matter as much whether you hear from the person.

 

Thanks Batya. I like that mindset. And i said i was content being single, not to be confused with "not interested in a relationship" ;-)

[Batya33]

Thanks Batya. I like that mindset. And i said i was content being single, not to be confused with "not interested in a relationship" ;-)

 

Yes. You have to decide how interested you are in a potential relationship and then evaluate your standards and what you're willing to do and not do to achieve that goal.

[ShatteredMan]

He might be worried about seeming too keen. He might have other things on the next day and it's slipped his mind. Either way it doesn't mean he's not interested. There's a good chance though he'd not sure if you're interested.

 

You could text to say thanks for for a nice day, let me know if you want to do it again sometime. That gives him the opportunity to ask you out again

 

Possibly. I'd give it a day or two and then ask how his week is going. Don't ask him what his plans for the weekend or anything like that. Send one text only.

 

He may have misinterpreted your turning your check when he went for the kiss as a sign of disinterest. Usually, its a clear signal that she's interested when you get a kiss on the lips. I know that some women think that it is too soon on the first date, but I take "getting the check" as a 30-40% interest level. In this case, I don't send anything back the next day or so or until I know that I want to see her again the next week.

 

If he's a busy guy or hates texting (like myself) or genuinely respects the time he spends with others (whether it be a business meeting or a personal time) and their attention to what he's saying, he won't be incessantly texting people like so many others today.

 

Give it time, reach out as described above and continue to meet other people rather than waiting on others who may or may not be interested in you. He'll come calling if he's interested. If not, you didn't need him anyway.....

[bumblebeehive]

I have an update on this guy, who i went out the week before going out with girlfriend-guy.

 

So he contacted me a week ago, and we made some small talk. He sent me a picture of himself at work. he was working "on location" or whatever you call it where you travel for work. He was to be back last friday. He asked me for a picture. I sent him one. I thought i looked good in the picture. He responded that I am really cute. I sent him a smiley face. That was the end of the conversation.

 

so i have not heard from him since and i'm bummed. As a reminder this is the guy i texted 2 days after the date to say i had a good time, and he responded right away. (i think i was showing that I am into him....somebody here even said that text made it look like i was begging for a second date). then the picture-exchanging convo described above occurred 3 days after that.

 

I am now wondering if my picture was actually a bad picture and now he realized he's definitely not interested. I don't know why he'd call me cute though - maybe he was just trying to be nice. i noticed he has never suggested the idea of going out for a date #2. So i'm not even sure what the point of contacting me at all was.

 

so I am 0 for 2 now. I'm not super upset, just kinda bummed. i know you win some and you lose some...

[notalady]

Nothing to do with the photo. He didn't intend to ask you on a second date before the photo nor did he after. You need to stop entertaining guys who are just bored and looking for a chat/a quick flirt. I would not have send the photo purely because I'm not here to entertain him, he's seen me in person, if he wants to ask me on a second date, he can do that, if not, that's fine too, but I don't see what the purpose of asking for a photo was other than just for entertainment.

[Wiseman2]

He saw you in person so he knows you're cute without a pic. It sounds kinda lame as if he just sends 'updates' but no direct suggesting of dates, no?

He sent me a picture of himself at work. i noticed he has never suggested the idea of going out for a date #2. So i'm not even sure what the point of contacting me at all was.

[bumblebeehive]

He saw you in person so he knows you're cute without a pic. It sounds kinda lame as if he just sends 'updates' but no direct suggesting of dates, no?

 

ha...well he didn't call it an "update" - i was just referring to my post as an update!

 

and notalady, darn, see i had no idea.. i guess i was hoping he was interested. maybe i should have asked you guys about it before i sent the photo. i hadn't really thought about it as it being to entertain him i don't get what is entertaining about that

[Batya33]

Sounds like he enjoys typing messages and flirting when he knows you are interested in him. I think sending a thank you text after you've already said it on the date and shown interest is just a transparent "I like you so please ask me out again" not. Egging just not a genuine thank you. So now he knows you're up for typing back and forth and even sending a photo and he doesn't have to put on the effort to ask you out on a first official date. I'd move on.

[bumblebeehive]

Sounds like he enjoys typing messages and flirting when he knows you are interested in him. I think sending a thank you text after you've already said it on the date and shown interest is just a transparent "I like you so please ask me out again" not. Egging just not a genuine thank you.

 

well guess what, it was genuine. You must be the person i referenced in my update post

 

anywho. now i will rant - i've been on dates with people i am not into where the person was into me (actually the person prior to this guy..i am not sure if i was on this website yet). However, never have i ever had the desire to type messages and flirt with any of those people, knowing they are interested in me and it's unreciprocated I don't contact them, i don't flirt, i don't ask for pictures. Listen, i believe you guys when you say that's what he's doing. i'm not arguing. I am just saying i don't understand why anybody would do that. but i guess everybody is different.

 

PS if i came off angry, sorry, i am not mad at any of you... just mad because i feel like i've been had! i'll get over it...

[notalady]

ha...well he didn't call it an "update" - i was just referring to my post as an update!

 

and notalady, darn, see i had no idea.. i guess i was hoping he was interested. maybe i should have asked you guys about it before i sent the photo. i hadn't really thought about it as it being to entertain him i don't get what is entertaining about that

 

I think you just need to focus on whether there is another date set up. If there is, feel free to continue communicating, albeit of course being mindful not to focus too much on bonding over texting and leave the "getting to know you" to actual dates.

 

Where there isn't another date set up, I suggest keeping communication short and not to continue engaging, especially when you have already expressed interest. In the case when someone disappeared for a week (or for however long) after a first date and reappeared, I would see that as low interest and would not be engaging in further communication (at most just a short but polite response).

 

I see it as entertainment because people get bored and they enjoy flirting with people they think / know are interested in them.

[Ms Darcy]

well guess what, it was genuine. You must be the person i referenced in my update post

 

anywho. now i will rant - i've been on dates with people i am not into where the person was into me (actually the person prior to this guy..i am not sure if i was on this website yet). However, never have i ever had the desire to type messages and flirt with any of those people, knowing they are interested in me and it's unreciprocated I don't contact them, i don't flirt, i don't ask for pictures. Listen, i believe you guys when you say that's what he's doing. i'm not arguing. I am just saying i don't understand why anybody would do that. but i guess everybody is different.

 

PS if i came off angry, sorry, i am not mad at any of you... just mad because i feel like i've been had! i'll get over it...

 

You're annoyed and it's understandable.

 

I don't agree that you should be communicating over text with someone who is a potential date (not initially). I think that's where people get tripped up. A date is a date. It's nothing more. Don't put any meaning at all into texting. Texting as a show of interest. Texting as a means of getting to know each other. Texting as a way to share info or pics.

 

Just minimize it. Let him know you are interested ... and you can do that with a call. Or at the end of a date.

 

When the date's over, focus on yourself and, as possible, looking for other guys. That will help you feel less used/had/etc if he disappears.

[bumblebeehive]

You're annoyed and it's understandable.

 

I don't agree that you should be communicating over text with someone who is a potential date (not initially). I think that's where people get tripped up. A date is a date. It's nothing more. Don't put any meaning at all into texting. Texting as a show of interest. Texting as a means of getting to know each other. Texting as a way to share info or pics.

 

Just minimize it. Let him know you are interested ... and you can do that with a call. Or at the end of a date.

 

When the date's over, focus on yourself and, as possible, looking for other guys. That will help you feel less used/had/etc if he disappears.

 

ok, thanks. so that was what my text 2 days after the date was. so i know 1/2 the people here said do it, and half said don't do it. So i am ok that i did it. i feel less embarrassed (thinking he's using me for "entertainment.") I definitely am going to take your advice and focusing on myself and continuing dating.

[bumblebeehive]

I think you just need to focus on whether there is another date set up. If there is, feel free to continue communicating, albeit of course being mindful not to focus too much on bonding over texting and leave the "getting to know you" to actual dates.

 

Where there isn't another date set up, I suggest keeping communication short and not to continue engaging, especially when you have already expressed interest. In the case when someone disappeared for a week (or for however long) after a first date and reappeared, I would see that as low interest and would not be engaging in further communication (at most just a short but polite response).

 

I see it as entertainment because people get bored and they enjoy flirting with people they think / know are interested in them.

 

I like this. Thanks. good to know. i don't date that much so i need these tips.

[Ms Darcy]

ok, thanks. so that was what my text 2 days after the date was. so i know 1/2 the people here said do it, and half said don't do it. So i am ok that i did it. i feel less embarrassed (thinking he's using me for "entertainment.") I definitely am going to take your advice and focusing on myself and continuing dating.

 

I want to note that I didn't encourage you to TEXT him to show interest.

 

But what people need to remember, showing interest does NOT equal a specific outcome. Letting a guy know you are interest is only letting him know you are interested. It doesn't mean he's going to return the interest or ask for another date or anything.

 

So when you express interest, you have to also let go of a strong need for a specific outcome.