If he doesn't call/text the day after the date, is he not interested?

[bumblebeehive]

I want to note that I didn't encourage you to TEXT him to show interest.

 

But what people need to remember, showing interest does NOT equal a specific outcome. Letting a guy know you are interest is only letting him know you are interested. It doesn't mean he's going to return the interest or ask for another date or anything.

 

So when you express interest, you have to also let go of a strong need for a specific outcome.

 

Haha, no worries, i know you didn't say text him - but i had texted him already and it was based on multiple people (earlier in this thread!) encouraging it. And once I did that, i felt good. I agree with you that me telling someone i am interested does not mean he is going to return interest or ask me out.

 

My frustration was caused by being used for "entertainment" purposes or amusement or whatever reason. I just feel embarrassed about the conversation with the picture-exchange. I don't feel bad about texting him to show my interest that first time, not at all. I actually wasn't expecting anything after that. i was just glad that i showed my interest and put the ball in his court or whatever. i guess i had the dreaded specific expectations when i heard from him again. i didn't quite know what to make of that or why he was requesting a photo. now that i find out he was simply bored in need of some "entertainment" as if i am a joke, then that makes me upset. I guess my specific expectation was that someone would not do something like that, if that makes sense. when notalady explained what was going on, it hadn't even crossed my mind!

[notalady]

I like this. Thanks. good to know. i don't date that much so i need these tips.

 

I think you will learn these as you accumulate more dating experience. Take it one day at a time.

 

Don't be mad or embarrassed about the exchange, you should thank him (not literally, just internally) for giving you this experience so that you can learn and grow from it.

[Batya33]

well guess what, it was genuine. You must be the person i referenced in my update post

 

anywho. now i will rant - i've been on dates with people i am not into where the person was into me (actually the person prior to this guy..i am not sure if i was on this website yet). However, never have i ever had the desire to type messages and flirt with any of those people, knowing they are interested in me and it's unreciprocated I don't contact them, i don't flirt, i don't ask for pictures. Listen, i believe you guys when you say that's what he's doing. i'm not arguing. I am just saying i don't understand why anybody would do that. but i guess everybody is different.

 

PS if i came off angry, sorry, i am not mad at any of you... just mad because i feel like i've been had! i'll get over it...

 

He's not using you at all. Everyone is entitled to chat - he's not obligated to ask you out on a date, you're not obligated to go on a date. Yes- if you told him "if we're not going to plan a date then I'm not into being a chat buddy" and then he said he would plan a date and didn't that would be misleading. Or if you asked him out and he said yes but then didn't show up, etc.

 

Want the ball in the guy's court if you're more comfortable with him asking you out on a date - no need to text -just show interest while on the date.

 

You probably did reference me but in a very exaggerated way - might be a better idea to either accept input in a measured way or reject it -exaggerating seems a little unproductive.

 

No need at all to be embarrassed - big deal -you had fun chatting and sent him a photo.

[bumblebeehive]

He's not using you at all. Everyone is entitled to chat - he's not obligated to ask you out on a date, you're not obligated to go on a date. Yes- if you told him "if we're not going to plan a date then I'm not into being a chat buddy" and then he said he would plan a date and didn't that would be misleading. Or if you asked him out and he said yes but then didn't show up, etc.

 

Want the ball in the guy's court if you're more comfortable with him asking you out on a date - no need to text -just show interest while on the date.

 

You probably did reference me but in a very exaggerated way - might be a better idea to either accept input in a measured way or reject it -exaggerating seems a little unproductive.

 

No need at all to be embarrassed - big deal -you had fun chatting and sent him a photo.

 

Lol you misunderstand. I wasn't accepting or rejecting or exaggerating. I was simply saying I recalled that somebody (after I had already sent the text) said that text looks like a desperate attempt to get him to ask me out (to paraphrase) . But it was said after I had already done it. Meanwhile several more people said it was fine for me to do. I didn't remember who exactly said it because I had just shrugged it off . Then yesterday your post echoed the sentiment about the text. So that is why I said oh .You must have been the person then .I had referenced it when I was explaining that some people said bad idea and some said good idea .I obviously agree with the good idea crowd. So I wasn't referencing whoever authored the post because it frankly was not relevant .

I'm confused at what exaggerating you are referring to but there was none intended. And since the post was made after the deed was done it really wasn't offering any productive advice.

Do just to soothe your mind dont worry any reference to you was not personal but simply made in reference to the differing opinions about my post-date text.

 

So it wasn't personal .So please do not take it personally. Ps .I just read through some of this thread. I now remember that I had to explain a number of my posts to you .I don't mean to be rude but I think you need to stop taking things so literally .It's just frustrating to come back to see that what I said is being taken out of context and mischaracterized.

 

Like before all this you went on some tangent about how I'll never initiate a conversation with a stranger. like what? I never even said that

[bumblebeehive]

I think you will learn these as you accumulate more dating experience. Take it one day at a time.

 

Don't be mad or embarrassed about the exchange, you should thank him (not literally, just internally) for giving you this experience so that you can learn and grow from it.

 

Yes .I agree .Thanks

[Batya33]

"Like before all this you went on some tangent about how I'll never initiate a conversation with a stranger. like what? I never even said that"

 

LOL. Thanks for your input. Good luck!