If he doesn't call/text the day after the date, is he not interested?

[Batya33]

Please remember everything you think can be translated to what he's thinking.

 

He may not want to be over eager either. He did EVERYTHING for date 1. Just do it. What do you have to lose? Literally nothing.

 

What she has to lose, if she wants a more traditional dating relationship, is to appear overeager/too forward as the woman in this equation. If she is cool with asking him out as much or more than he asks her out and generally fine with him not taking the more traditional male lead, there is nothing to lose. From all I can tell the majority of men who are dating in their 20s and up are still fairly traditional in their mindset about being comfortable being the one who asks out more in the beginning - and uncomfortable if the woman takes the lead even if they initially were interested. I completely respect that the traditional dating roles might turn off the OP so she would want to look for someone who would be totally fine with the woman taking more of the lead in asking out in the beginning. It seems to me she is indecisive because she is more traditional, but I might be wrong.

[mustlovedogs]

I disagree. I've initiated many dates. But fine, on the chance the guy is uber traditional, she misses out on him.

 

But my point still stands: he could be thinking the EXACT same thing as you. IMO, the ball is in your court. He did all the work. Just a nice "hey, thanks again, that was a lot of fun!" is easy.

[Wiseman2]

Have you heard back yet? Do you even want a second date? If so sending a "thanks" text is not like asking him to marry you...it doesn't sound "over eager".

I did like him but I wasn't so crazy about him that I want to look overeager.

[Matt3939]

Im no mathematician but if neither person sais anything I can grantee the outcome.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. 0+0=0

Im no mathematician but if neither person sais anything I can grantee the outcome.

[bumblebeehive]

well i did it, i said thank you and i had fun. he responded right away and said he had fun too... lol. that was the end of it.

[Wiseman2]

Ok do think that represented mutually polite or mutually uninterested?

well i did it, i said thank you and i had fun. he responded right away and said he had fun too... lol. that was the end of it.

[bumblebeehive]

Ok do think that represented mutually polite or mutually uninterested?

 

I have no clue!! polite? he included a smiley face. mine was meant to be polite, not uninterested.

[Ms Darcy]

My point is that you can ask him out.

[j.man]

He planned. He paid. Show some reciprocity. Isn't the whole point of Bumble to give women a more active role? Stands to reason he may in fact be on it expecting women to meet him half way.

[JaggerJim]

He now knows your keen as. Just sit back and wait.............

[Matt3939]

Sweet now you can ghost him

[bumblebeehive]

Sweet now you can ghost him

 

why would i do that?? that implies i wouldn't go out with him again if he asked.

i know bumble is to give ladies an active role. but i guess i am just not good with this! i thought i was just supposed to initiate the conversation, and that's it...then from there, you go to the traditional style.

[Wiseman2]

Do you want to see him again? If so suggest an activity and see if he's interested. It's not unladylike to extend and invitation to a guy.

 

You mention communication "these days" is about texting yet refer to "traditional style" when it comes to initiating communication?

 

Are you afraid you would have to plan/pay if you do the asking or that even if he goes along, you wouldn't be sure he's interested because he's not in hot pursuit? To be honest, if he accepts an invitation, he's interested.

i thought i was just supposed to initiate the conversation, and that's it...then from there, you go to the traditional style.

[bumblebeehive]

Do you want to see him again? If so suggest an activity and see if he's interested. It's not unladylike to extend and invitation to a guy.

 

You mention communication "these days" is about texting yet refer to "traditional style" when it comes to initiating communication?

 

Are you afraid you would have to plan/pay if you do the asking or that even if he goes along, you wouldn't be sure he's interested because he's not in hot pursuit? To be honest, if he accepts an invitation, he's interested.

 

haha, you are right... althought people text these days, the man pursuing still has not changed, as far as i know.

 

my concern is the latter - that it shows he's not interested.

 

I think i am just skittish from my past. the guy who pursued me then told me how he didn't like me, then pursued me more, then told me he didn't like me and who just NOW, texted me to tell me that he was really drunk last night when he hit on me and that he doesn't remember a thing and he wants me to know that he "likes someone else" but wants to still be friends. (see my other post if you don't know what i am talking about. )

[Batya33]

I've asked men out and I wasn't in hot pursuit or "pursuing" -I simply asked him out. When I was dating my experience was that men were flattered to be asked out but in general uncomfortable with a woman who did that early on, especially if she asked more than once.

[SherrySher]

Just my quick honest opinion..this sounds like it's way too much work and isn't going smoothly or laid back and happy like it's supposed to be. How difficult is it to text one another that you had a good time, be flirty, talk about seeing each other again, etc? This has just stalled and instead of it being fun and going somewhere, you're sitting on an advice forum.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he sounds like a total clown. Really, online dating can be like the circus replete with animals, clowns, tricks, elephant dung, jugglers, fire eaters...you name it.

 

Not sure why he is sending these retarded sour grapes texts, but delete and block comes to mind.

 

Ask the other guy out. It's ok to be the chooser and maybe he'll turn out to be the hot trapeze artist at the circus rather than the head clown.

the guy who pursued me then told me how he didn't like me, then pursued me more, then told me he didn't like me and who just NOW, texted me to tell me that he was really drunk last night when he hit on me and that he doesn't remember a thing and he wants me to know that he "likes someone else" but wants to still be friends.

[Batya33]

I disagree. I've initiated many dates. But fine, on the chance the guy is uber traditional, she misses out on him.

 

But my point still stands: he could be thinking the EXACT same thing as you. IMO, the ball is in your court. He did all the work. Just a nice "hey, thanks again, that was a lot of fun!" is easy.

 

Not "uber" traditional. I initiated many dates too. Certainly at least with more traditional dating if the woman just wants to get out there and date, asking out is very effective. If she wants a long term relationship leading to marriage, not so effective.

 

I don't think it's much work to ask to meet someone in person and show up or to plan a first date. I've done that too -it's "work" that should be reciprocated at some point -I just don't recommend that a woman who wants a more traditional man to reciprocate for the very next date.

 

OP I think his response was positive but since he didn't jump at the chance to schedule another date I'd assume he is not interested in seeing you again at this time. Sorry.

[JaggerJim]

Batya, are you saying that only serious candidates will initiate dates? That the man still must chase the woman, to show the woman, that he's is worth investing in?

[Batya33]

Batya, are you saying that only serious candidates will initiate dates? That the man still must chase the woman, to show the woman, that he's is worth investing in?

 

Nope, never wrote that and don't believe it. In my personal experience over many years and vicarious experience with hundreds of men and women, I believe that if a man is interested in a potentially long term relationship, he will do most of the asking out and calling (I didn't text) especially in the early stages. That is not chasing. He doesn't have to show a woman he is worth investing in -that's just silly. I've also found that most men (with exceptions) enjoy and often are very flattered to be asked out by a woman. I think it's far rarer for a man to actually get involved with a woman who does that for the long term, in a serious way.

 

I do believe women should "approach" men just as much as men approach them but really I think it's best if no one "approaches" each other. Rather I think that if you meet in real life first it works best to meet in an environment where conversation and interaction among the people there is just natural and organic -maybe they're working backstage at a community theater, doing volunteer work, taking a swing dancing class, on a group hike, at a relgious gathering, whatever. I think people meeting through on line sites is great and I think women should equally suggest the first meet so as not to waste time on people who just want to type and talk but not meet. I don't think a first meet is a real date.

 

Of course as I wrote now more than once if a woman doesn't want a more traditional relationship for whatever reason, she should ask men out on dates just as often as she is asked, including at the beginning so she can meet like-minded men. When I was dating from the early 80s to the mid 2000s, I wanted marriage and family especially once I was in my 30s. I had a "high powered" career and in my dating/romantic life, preferred traditional dating relationships. I did ask men out, it didn't scare me, I enjoyed paying for me and/or chipping in, but I didn't want to turn off the men who were uncomfortable with a woman asking them out.

 

I was very surprised by your post -that you would interpret what I wrote to be as you described.

[JaggerJim]

I just don't recommend that a woman who wants a more traditional man to reciprocate for the very next date.

 

Oh I just wanted your opinion on what you wrote here. I must have mis-interpreted it.

[Gary Snyder]

If she texts him, she risks rejection. Why should she stick her neck out when the guy will usually do it if he's interested?

 

Give him up to a week to contact you, have patience.

[mustlovedogs]

If she texts him, she risks rejection. Why should she stick her neck out when the guy will usually do it if he's interested?

 

Give him up to a week to contact you, have patience.

 

If he reaches out, he risks rejection.

 

Goodness. What is with this rampant, old school thought? Women and men both have feelings and fears. Both sexes are scared of rejection. Both sexes want to be desired.

 

Wait or not. If he's waiting for you to make a move, you have a 0% chance of it working out.

[milly007]

Well it definitely sounds like you've expressed your interest, OP. You two kissed, you sent him a thank you text - good for you.

 

In my experience, a guy who is truly interested will pursue and make it known that he's interested. Also, in my experience, any time I've asked a guy out, it hasn't been the best of experiences. They've either then expected me to do all of the work and pursuing, or they needed so much reassurance from me that I was interested that I eventually lost interest because they were too much work. Or, some guys just thought they were going to get some action.

 

Not to say that this guy will react in the same way if you ask him out and I'm definitely not generalizing, but I've found that most guys I've met and who I've had successful relationships with had no issue expressing their interest even when I wasnt spelling out my interest in them.

 

Do what you feel comfortable doing, OP. Just make sure that whatever happens, pride doesn't hold you back. You don't want to live with regret.