Atheists and Holidays

[mustlovedogs]

Yikes, I definitely did not expect the hostility. It is definitely not because he is cheap. He is one of the most generous men I know. I he loaned me $800 for a late school bill. It's certainly not about the money.

 

It wasn't hostility, it was our opinions. If it's not being cheap, then it boils down to something else - and the general consensus, at least here, is religion isn't that "something else"

[Hermes]

OK let's simplify.

 

This man is an atheist so a perceivedly Christian fiestday is evidently not going to be his thing.

 

So, celebrate Twelfth Night instead or New Year's Eve. Idk.

 

As always there is a lot to be said for keeping it simple.

[Seraphim]

I agree it's not hostility at all . It is just to trying to find out what it really is . Who knows maybe Christmas holidays were for crappy for him as a kid.

[j.man]

Doesn't matter. He doesn't want to give gifts and he doesn't want to receive them. This is either OK with you or it isn't.

 

I'm agnostic and still observe the whole gift exchange thing. I enjoy that aspect. That said, I do think his logic is on the ball when he questions why people don't just buy **** they know they want for themselves. It isn't how I personally align, but it makes sense.

 

Now if he were sitting there snickering and verbally jabbing at you for participating with your family and friends, it'd be a whole other story.

[Ms Darcy]

Am I being childish? Does anyone have any suggestions for a possible middle ground? I'm just sort of stumped here. When we got together, I understood that he wouldn't be into my religious elements. And that's perfectly fine, I won't ask him to change or anything like that. And I don't even care if he doesn't get me anything for the holidays, but am I being a hypocrite by insisting on getting him something anyway?

 

I just don't know what to do. I've never been in this situation before. And please, I know that a lot of people think that an atheist and a religious person have no business being together, but that's not really an issue between us. We can make that work. I just feel like I'm coming off as really childish and immature, but I'm trying not to. Thanks for the help.

 

There's no need to searching for middle ground. It's pretty simple. He's an atheist who is acting in concert with his beliefs. There is NO need to insist on this. Just celebrate with family and leave it there.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think it has much to do with religion with your bf, rather than that's his character flaw and either you can accept it and leave him be and don't bother with gifts or festivities with him in particular or you are discovering an incompatibility and a difference in values that might be a problem for you in the long run.

 

I love Christmas and the celebration of it. But it makes me very uncomfortable that this would be considered a character flaw. A difference in values, yes. A possible incompatibility, definitely. A character flaw, I really don't think so.

 

And from the information we've been given, I don't think there are any grounds to say he's just being cheap. Especially if he gives gifts during her birthday, anniversary and/or other occasions.

 

It's OK to not engage in something so deeply rooted in a religious tradition.

[melancholy123]

Buy the entertainment centre ahead of Christmas, maybe even in November, as a gift for both of you to use.

 

I am basically an atheist and we do celebrate the season of Christmas without any religion of any sort playing a part. We have a tree we decorate, we exchange gifts, we eat turkey and pie. So you can celebrate the season any way you want. If he doesnt want a gift, dont buy him one and if you dont care to get one, dont get mad if he doesnt buy you one.

[boltnrun]

I too don't see him not wanting to exchange gifts in honor of Christmas as a "character flaw". Lulz.

 

Remember, Christmas isn't supposed to be about buying each other gifts! People have bought into the commercialization of a religious holiday. It's become a competition, and a gauge for how much people love each other, which is a crock.

 

(stepping down off of soapbox).

 

I'd present (emphasis on second syllable) the entertainment center as something you bought for the two of you to enjoy. And leave it at that.

[Hermes]

Christmas is the least religious feast I know, nowadays. Christians, or those who call themselves that and/or Catholics, the vast majority do not celebrate it as a Christian (religious) festival. Shopping, then more shopping, stress, tension, over-purchase of food that gets thrown out, anyone would think a war is coming the way people shop around that time.

[Wiseman2]

Why not invite him to your celebrations if he wants to go, if not ok. But he may not enjoy the excessive commercialism of holidays regardless of theology or money. Just don't exchange gifts.

Yikes, I definitely did not expect the hostility. It is definitely not because he is cheap. He is one of the most generous men I know. I he loaned me $800 for a late school bill. It's certainly not about the money.

]

[Hermes]

Lol. wiseman.

 

"But he may not enjoy the excessive commercialism of holidays regardless of theology or money."

 

Precisely. I don't enjoy that aspect either.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course.