Boyfriend giving me the silent treatment

[Butterflyxx]

So 2 days ago me and my boyfriend got into an argument due to the fact that he did something that disregarded my feelings and put his ex girlfriend before me.

Usually when we argue, I'm always the one to apologise first but I know I'm right and I don't want to apologise for something that isn't my fault.

Anyway, so my boyfriend knows that the one thing I cannot stand is being ignored. I'd much rather have a full blown argument than be ignored. It frustrates me so much and I hate feeling invisible to someone who I love.

It's been 2 days and he still hasn't contacted me, after telling me that he will be the one that will contact first.

I feel as if he's using the silent treatment to control me and is waiting for me to give in. He knows it's hurting me and yet he carries on.

 

*also, my boyfriend has used the silent treatment on me several times before, as well as doing it to his friends*

[ThatwasThen]

Text him first but do it to tell him that you're breaking up with him and then get on with healing so you can find a guy worth being with. This guy is still in contact with his ex and according to you, he's putting her before you. That, combined with his immaturity in handling conflict to resolution is troubling and just with the little bit of information you've provided, it sounds like you can do better then a guy that shows you in actions that he doesn't value you much.

[Butterflyxx]

He's contacting his ex after 2 years of not talking and her cheating on him etc because her step father recently passed away. I understand she's upset by it but I'm not sure why my boyfriend is so extremely consistent to make sure she's ok. This along with donating £50 for a charity & he only met the man once. My grandad passed away a few months ago to cancer and he didn't do anything and didn't support me half as much as he's doing with her. I know it's not a competition but I'm meant to be his girlfriend yano?

I tried telling him that she has plenty of other people that can support her, yet he keeps thinking that he will 'save the day'.

To add, he HATES me being in contact with any of my exs and therefore to make him happy I don't do that, yet it's ok for him to.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like an immature game. Let him cool off and don't give him the satisfaction of begging or grovelling to talk. Some people carry on arguments forever, some people need to cool down.

It's been 2 days and he still hasn't contacted me, after telling me that he will be the one that will contact first.

...same guy?

[Butterflyxx]

It sounds like an immature game. Let him cool off and don't give him the satisfaction of begging or grovelling to talk. Some people carry on arguments forever, some people need to cool down....same guy?

 

Yes this is the same guy.

[SkellyWoozle]

Leave him to it. He's immature and seems he has little consideration for your feelings. If he doesn't get in touch, then so be it, but don't go chasing after him X

[AvaD21]

Honestly, I'd be questioning if my boyfriend felt the need to speak to his ex about a relative he only met once?? If he was close I could understand but once... How long have you been together? I think there's more to it than that which is maybe what you need to discuss with him x

[pippy longstocking]

Darling heart I like to think I am not a negative nancy on here nor one that jumps to conclusions , however it sounds to me like he is using this as a damn fine excuse to be back on with her !!!

[pippy longstocking]

Honestly, I'd be questioning if my boyfriend felt the need to speak to his ex about a relative he only met once?? If he was close I could understand but once... How long have you been together? I think there's more to it than that which is maybe what you need to discuss with him x

 

agreed .....

[ThatwasThen]

He's contacting his ex after 2 years of not talking and her cheating on him etc because her step father recently passed away. I understand she's upset by it but I'm not sure why my boyfriend is so extremely consistent to make sure she's ok. This along with donating £50 for a charity & he only met the man once. My grandad passed away a few months ago to cancer and he didn't do anything and didn't support me half as much as he's doing with her. I know it's not a competition but I'm meant to be his girlfriend yano?

I tried telling him that she has plenty of other people that can support her, yet he keeps thinking that he will 'save the day'.

To add, he HATES me being in contact with any of my exs and therefore to make him happy I don't do that, yet it's ok for him to.

He sounds like a person that you are not happy with, (not sure who would be happy with someone who needs to make himself look caring to someone who CHEATED on him?) He's got issues related to her that he has not dealt with and he makes you suffer for having some concerns about his involvement. Why do you stay with him? Anyone who goes silent to punish is showing you a type of abuse.

[Butterflyxx]

Honestly, I'd be questioning if my boyfriend felt the need to speak to his ex about a relative he only met once?? If he was close I could understand but once... How long have you been together? I think there's more to it than that which is maybe what you need to discuss with him x

 

They were together about 8 months. It was an unhealthy relationship. She always wanted his attention & went to the extremes of faking a pregnancy and pretending she had several mental illnesses in order to get attention. I know for a fact she will be playing him and exaggerating how upset she is about the death.

I definitely think there's more to it. I'm appalled that he's putting her in front of me. I've always tried to be an understanding and caring girlfriend yet he puts her in front of me.

 

We have been together on and off for 2 years.

[Butterflyxx]

He sounds like a person that you are not happy with, (not sure who would be happy with someone who needs to make himself look caring to someone who CHEATED on him?) He's got issues related to her that he has not dealt with and he makes you suffer for having some concerns about his involvement. Why do you stay with him? Anyone who goes silent to punish is showing you a type of abuse.

When arguing with him I was absolutely baffled as to why he was telling me in what ways he was supporting her. He was making out I was crazy for getting upset and it was 'ing outrageous' and that I need to have more respect for her.

He knows full well I hate being ignored. In the past he used to use silent treatment on me whenever I used to talk about an issue in our relationship & it hurts so much to know that he's purposely hurting me.

[Butterflyxx]

He also turned it around on me and started accusing me of not trusting him and feeling threatened that he's in contact with his ex. He always has a way of turning it back on me to make me feel either crazy or guilty for speaking up.

[ThatwasThen]

When arguing with him I was absolutely baffled as to why he was telling me in what ways he was supporting her. He was making out I was crazy for getting upset and it was 'ing outrageous' and that I need to have more respect for her.

He knows full well I hate being ignored. In the past he used to use silent treatment on me whenever I used to talk about an issue in our relationship & it hurts so much to know that he's purposely hurting me.

Then get yourself away from him, luv. He's not showing you that he value you. You must not stay with anyone that isn't showing you that you're valued. You can do better then someone who puts a cheating girlfriend ahead of you. He has codependency issues and he's got White Knight Syndrome written all over him. If that's the case then you will never measure up because you don't have need of rescuing whereas she does and it fulfills something that is missing in him.

 

Be brave and be a strong woman who has self worth and get yourself away from his manipulation and emotional abuse. I don't even know you but I know you can do better then the likes of him.

[Butterflyxx]

Then get yourself away from him, luv. He's not showing you that he value you. You must not stay with anyone that isn't showing you that you're valued. You can do better then someone who puts a cheating girlfriend ahead of you. He has codependency issues and he's got White Knight Syndrome written all over him. If that's the case then you will never measure up because you don't have need of rescuing whereas she does and it fulfills something that is missing in him.

 

Be brave and be a strong woman who has self worth and get yourself away from his manipulation and emotional abuse. I don't even know you but I know you can do better then the likes of him.

 

'White Knight Syndrome'. Yes!! He's always loved to play the role of the caring person, hence why he's so caught up with his ex.

[HeartGoesOn]

Butterfly...What is it about him that you're attracted to?

[MissCanuck]

Why exactly are you still with this clown?

 

He sure doesn't love you, by the sounds of it. Get rid of him.

[ThatwasThen]

'White Knight Syndrome'. Yes!! He's always loved to play the role of the caring person, hence why he's so caught up with his ex.

 

Then he needs therapy or at least learn to have strong boundaries with her that will keep her out of his head and heart.

 

You're better off without him. Really, have enough self-respect to just ditch him and his immature ways and isms.

[ParisPaulette]

he did something that disregarded my feelings and put his ex girlfriend before me.

 

Then you need to seriously grab yourself by the back of then neck and ask yourself why you're so willing to be part of a love triangle. A text sent, "Sorry for your loss," not a problem. But that doesn't mean he gets to drop you to run off and comfort his ex, that's bullship right there.

 

I know you probably won't, but this is the point where most would simply break up and let him go since he does indeed seem more committed to his ex than to you. Don't you think you deserve more and better than that?

[boltnrun]

This isn't the same guy with the video game obsession, is it? The one you broke up with and then asked to get back because you "missed" him?

[Hollyj]

He is passive aggressive and very manipulative.

 

Why are you even with someone who puts there ex first, and deals with conflict in such an unhealthy manner?

 

Also, why are you with someone who is not emotionally supportive?

[Capricorn3]

This isn't the same guy with the video game obsession, is it? The one you broke up with and then asked to get back because you "missed" him?

 

Yep, same one. Nothing's changed.

[Hollyj]

Why are you still with this guy, if there have been so many problems. What does he have to do for you to be done?

[JaggerJim]

I don't think he's really that into you. If you continue to stick around, this is what your continued to expect.

[Butterflyxx]

Then you need to seriously grab yourself by the back of then neck and ask yourself why you're so willing to be part of a love triangle. A text sent, "Sorry for your loss," not a problem. But that doesn't mean he gets to drop you to run off and comfort his ex, that's bullship right there.

 

I know you probably won't, but this is the point where most would simply break up and let him go since he does indeed seem more committed to his ex than to you. Don't you think you deserve more and better than that?

 

I know I need to break up with him. And I also know that I deserve better than him. I'm trying to find the words to say to him that we are over.