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Butterflyxx

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Everything posted by Butterflyxx

  1. 'Catapult my heart to where you are' I realise now that I meant nothing to you. At least, that's how you made me feel a lot of the time, and I even told you but you never seemed to care. I can't cry over you, I simply cannot. I cry however about how I was so naive and stupid that I was so wrapped up in your love. I feel sorry for myself that I believed things would be different. I feel sorry for myself that I spent 365 days none stop being anxious about something. I spent 365 days miserable, for nothing. You left me so easily, and the way you left me both times really says a lot about you. Both times, you left me so easily, like I meant nothing to you. You stopped caring a long long time ago, and I kept it going in hopes that you'd love me. I so badly wanted you to love me, but you never did. 'If I could catapult my heart to where you are' - to rescue myself in June, to let go and tell myself back then that it was the end, and I didn't have to be miserable anymore. I am a beautiful person, I am a lovely, kindhearted, hard working person, and unfortunately you could not see these aspects of myself. That is your loss. One day a guy will come along and he will appreciate every single bit of me, that you were unable to. I am free.
  2. Hello my angel, I hope you are doing well. It kills me knowing you're okay without me, yet I'm sat here day in and day out wishing things will be different between us two. I know none of this was your fault, it was neither of our faults, we just came together at the wrong time, and you're only 17, and the last thing you wanted was a long term relationship, as lets be honest, you were too immature to put in the right amount of effort. It hurts seeing you every day, you look so handsome, and I just wish I could kiss you, but I can't. If I'll be honest, it hurt the way you left me, the second time around. You never apologised, and you never replied, you just left me, and you're gone. I guess that is what you wanted though. I want to stop hoping that you will come back to me like you did the first time, I want to stop wishing and hoping because in the back of my mind I know you'll never come back, and this is the end of us two. You were in my life for such a long time, and it's difficult to let you go. I bet you don't even know what happened this time last year, or I bet you don't know what happened on the 31st December 2014, I bet you don't care either. I am a little bit angry at the way you left me, because with you, you always have to act like you're the kind one, like I was the crazy one, when in fact you made me clingy and crazy. Nevertheless, I need to get on with my life, and I know it will take a long time to get over you properly, I know that. I just hope you're happy, and I hope you're happy without me. As you know, and as I've told you so many times before, I will always love you.
  3. Hey Will. I hope you're doing okay. Bought those new gym gear you wanted? Hope you're happier now. We haven't spoken in a month and I can't really say things are better, as they're not. I don't know how you're feeling though. I don't know how I'll cope when I see you in a few weeks time at school. Some days are easier than others, some days I'll wake up and everything will feel calm and blissful, then others it'll hurt. I've got to keep reminding myself of the bad times, but the good times keep haunting my memory. You never truly cared, let's be honest. The way you left says a lot about the way you 'loved' me. You hurt me, and I knew it was the best. It doesn't stop me missing you. It's painful. I need to stop missing you. I need to stop caring, because you never cared. I'm annoyed that I spent a whole year invested in your love, but you never truly loved me back. I've just got to keep going, and one day it'll stop hurting. I don't want to communicate with you, I don't want to look at you, talk to you, hear your voice, nothing. I want you to vanish from my life. One day this will all make sense, and I'll look back and laugh, but right now it kills. When I land safely on the other side I know I'll be a stronger woman, but for now I'm trying my best. Your voice keeps flooding my brain. Everything you said, everything we did. I can't stop thinking about you. I thought sleeping would be better, but you're even in my dreams. I love you.
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