How can some people give up on relationships so easily?

[Wiseman2]

That may well be true, but she may find someone else when she matures a bit.

Because like myself she could be immature at times and I feel as though this is how her immaturity manifested itself; getting mad at the stupidest of things. I know this is something she will grow out of.

[Yaelic625]

but she may find someone else when she matures a bit.

 

She might, or she might not. She obviously had a chance to fully move on with spring break guy and she didn't, she's still single. There's a reason for that.

[annie24]

She might, or she might not. She obviously had a chance to fully move on with spring break guy and she didn't, she's still single. There's a reason for that.

 

It's been 9 months - you should stop following her on social media. She will eventually get a new boyfriend, and there really is no point in you monitoring what she's doing. Focus on yourself, on your work/school/hobbies, and finding someone new to date yourself.

[Yaelic625]

She will eventually get a new boyfriend, and there really is no point in you monitoring what she's doing. Focus on yourself, on your work/school/hobbies, and finding someone new to date yourself.

 

She might, but I'd rather try to get her back than rather "what if" for the rest of my life.

[lostlove76]

Kind of like how I didn't want to be broke up with

 

I know. But unfortunately, it takes BOTH people to want to be together, and only ONE person to want to break up.

[annie24]

She might, but I'd rather try to get her back than rather "what if" for the rest of my life.

 

Once she's blocked you, she's sending you a serious message. What you are doing is not respecting her boundaries and will get you slapped with a restraining order.

[annie24]

PS - Think of it this way - if you got fired from a job, would you spend the next 9 months hoping for a way to get them to rehire you? No, they don't want you. You move on. You need to find a new job, and take the lessons learned from the last job and apply them to the new job.

[Yaelic625]

PS - Think of it this way - if you got fired from a job, would you spend the next 9 months hoping for a way to get them to rehire you? No, they don't want you. You move on. You need to find a new job, and take the lessons learned from the last job and apply them to the new job.

 

But that is a completely different situation. A job provides an income which I need to survive off of. Not focusing on getting another job would cost me detrimentally in many ways; this isn't detrimentally costing me. If anything, it's saving me a lot of future heartache.

[Yaelic625]

Once she's blocked you, she's sending you a serious message. What you are doing is not respecting her boundaries and will get you slapped with a restraining order.

 

I doubt that. I think she just needed a little space. I'm confident that once we're on speaking terms again she'll come to her senses.

[annie24]

I doubt that. I think she just needed a little space. I'm confident that once we're on speaking terms again she'll come to her senses.

 

I don't get the sense that you respect her or her wishes at all. No one owes you a relationship. You were hoping for a second chance but you didn't get one. I hope you have now learned your lesson that not everyone gives second chances. One and done. So what if you think she is unreasonable? She is allowed to be unreasonable. That is her decision. You should really focus on not repeating the mistakes you made in the last relationship and move on.

 

If anything, it's saving me a lot of future heartache.

 

Again, you're only thinking of yourself, and not about HER wants or desires. Obviously you don't love her.

[Yaelic625]

I do love her. I wouldn't be going through this if I didn't.

[boltnrun]

What would it take for you to accept that she doesn't want to be with you?

[Yaelic625]

What would it take for you to accept that she doesn't want to be with you?

 

I don't know because I honestly don't believe that.

[boltnrun]

I don't know because I honestly don't believe that.

 

So you think she's just having a 10 month long temper tantrum?

[Wiseman2]

It's interesting because this type of idée fixe often does go hand in hand with untreated mood disorders.

I do love her. I wouldn't be going through this if I didn't.

[Yaelic625]

So you think she's just having a 10 month long temper tantrum?

 

In a way, yes. I know that probably sounds ridiculous but that wouldn't surprise me.

[youareworthy]

Yaelic,

 

*** Was this your first serious relationship?

If it wasn't, do you remember that you got over your previous women enough to fall for this woman?

If it was, you don't yet have the experience to know this: It's called a break-up because it was broken.

 

*** It may have felt good for you, but she TOLD YOU it wasn't good for her.

A healthy relationship is consistently good for BOTH PEOPLE.

Do you want a CRAP relationship? Then force a chick who was unhappy with you to come back and be unhappy some more.

Do you want a GOOD relationship? Then let this woman go, and find someone who is HAPPY with you.

 

*** I know your sense of fairness says, "If only she would let me, I could explain things, and then we could be together."

I know you want that, but in the real world, it is NOT how most breakups go, and you HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS.

 

*** But actually, now you are no longer stuck on Fair or Not Fair. Now you have worked yourself into a tantrum because she didn't give you what you wanted, she isn't letting you have your way, she is saying, "No."

 

This is Toddlers-101. Do you know any little kids? Have you ever seen them stamp their feet, get red in the face, cry, throw themselves on the ground, kick, hit, and yell because they want that toy or candy and mommy and daddy are saying no? Your posts are the "young person who got dumped and isn't having it" version of that little kid.

 

I can see this in you because I have been having my own tantrum for 1.5 years. I have just put a more sophisticated mask on it than you have. I have been throwing a fit for not getting my way, not getting the man I think is best for me.

I am forgetting that my "parent" knows that the "man-candy" I am begging for is not going to satisfy my real hunger, just as a sugary candy bar is a poor substitute for a good dinner.

 

*** Here's the last thing: my gut is telling me that under all this arguing and complaining is FEAR.

 

You have had so much pain over her already. Are you afraid that if you let go of all hope of being with her and move on, you will suffer EVEN MORE PAIN?

 

IF SO, I feel your fear, brother. I am there right alongside you.

 

Here is a word picture.

 

There is a jar, with a big, juicy, yummy gumball in it, and little Jimmy really wants that gumball. He puts his hand in the jar, grabs the gum, and starts to draw his hand out of the jar, but because he is grasping the gumball, his fist is now too big to fit through the mouth of the jar. The more he pulls and tugs and twists his hand to get it out, the more it hurts, the more frustrated he gets, and the more angry he becomes. Pretty soon he is crying with rage and frustration.

 

What he needs to do to get out of all this suffering and frustration is to open his hand up and LET GO of the gumball.

He won't do that yet, because he REALLY WANTS THAT GUMBALL, so he is willing to suffer all this pain, anger and disappointment because he is irrationally set on getting that gumball at all costs.

But he is NEVER going to get to chew that gum because he is clinging so tightly to it that he cannot get unstuck from the jar.

How sad!

 

Actually, I am glad you are posting these feelings, because you are showing me what a fool I am being about my last major love. I am grasping the good times we had, the good potential for a future, in my fist. I feel frustrated, angry, and lonely because he is gone and there is no future for us. But NOW, my real pain is because I WON'T OPEN MY HAND AND LET HIM GO.

 

You and I, we have to be courageous, and walk directly towards the thing that terrifies us the most. The only way out of this pain is to totally let go of these people we love. TOTALLY.

 

When we do that, we will be free.

[Yaelic625]

*** Was this your first serious relationship?

If it wasn't, do you remember that you got over your previous women enough to fall for this woman?

 

No. I was with one woman a few years older than I on and off for 3 years before my current ex. I really loved her, but her personal issues tore us up. She had a drug problem and a young daughter (now 10). I couldn't handle that relationship, plus it was a very unequal one. I tried to be friends with her but she wanted more and that caused problems in my last relationship with my ex as well. I've also dated a lot of girls here and there but those 2 are the only serious ones.

[boltnrun]

In a way, yes. I know that probably sounds ridiculous but that wouldn't surprise me.

 

Actually, you are having a 10 month long temper tantrum.

 

You absolutely refuse to believe this woman doesn't want to be with you anymore. You don't seem to care that she SAID she doesn't want to be with you, that she blocked you from communication, and that she has NOT contacted you to say she made a mistake. You made a fake Twitter account so you could virtually stalk her, then you got mad at HER because you didn't like what you saw. And you call HER immature, yet YOU are the one who made the fake Twitter account.

 

All you seem to be able to see is what you want, and you insist that what YOU want is also what SHE wants, she just needs YOU to point her in the right direction. You are giving her zero credit for being an adult who can make her own decisions.

 

Plus, you keep saying "it's not fair, it's NOT FAIR!!" And if anyone suggests otherwise, you (virtually) put your hands over your ears and insist that you're right and we're all wrong, oh, and SHE'S wrong too for not running back to you. But you know for sure you can make her see things the right way (YOUR way).

 

I think all you will have ahead of you regarding this situation is frustration and anger because you refuse to see that any opinion other than your own might have some merit (and some truth).

 

I just don't see any solution for you because you won't even consider that you may be wrong about her, that she may NOT just be in a snit, that she maybe just doesn't want to be with you and that she really does mean it.

 

And too bad, because while you're expending all this time and energy on insisting you're right and she's wrong, you could be meeting a wonderful woman who really DOES want to be with you...and who doesn't need "convincing".

[Shane Falco]

She's not the immature one in this situation. From what you are writing, you are. You have no respect for this woman and don't care about this woman -- you care about what you want and the hell with her if she doesn't agree. She broke up with, has made virtually no effort to contact you and has even blocked you, yet you think you can manipulate and force your way back into your life. Do you know how dysfunctional and screwed up that sounds? You seem to want to take the next step and go from being obsessed in private to being obsessed and forcing your way into her life. If you follow through with this, you will have crossed the line into scary, restraining order-esque behavior. She does not want you, I'm sorry, but there's really no other way to take it.

 

You have to stop this crazy-ass thought process. You do not want to be the guy making hairdolls, climbing trees and spying on her through her window or kidnapping her. This is just bad, bad, bad. You had a 6-month relationship that ran its course. Please respect her decision and move forward.

 

If this is how you acted during your time together, I'm shocked you got six months from her.

[Capricorn3]

After going through this thread... OP, with all due respect, and I mean this in the kindest way - you need help. Professional help. Please see a doctor for a referral for professional counseling/therapy. I think you need it urgently to help you overcome all your issues and will benefit from it. The sooner the better.

[Sportster2005]

That's true. I've blocked/stopped contact with a few of my exes after we broke up but like I said, they did extreme things that warranted that like cheating. I didn't do anything near that bad and she wants nothing to do with me? It just seems so cold.

 

Well it might seem extreme to you. But it's probably not extreme to her. What's extreme and what isn't falls into the area of opinion, not fact. The only fact you should be concerned with is, she doesn't want to hear from you. Accept that it's over. Maintain no contact and move on. This is pretty clear cut.

[Yaelic625]

Ok so I've been thinking a lot again since yesterday and I've had a bit of a revelation.....

 

All of you that have said that I'm selfish for wanting her back and doing all these tactics to get her in my life: you're absolutely right. It's completely selfish and manipulative of me to be doing theses things, but I don't see this as a bad thing. Was my ex thinking of me or how this would situation would affect me when she left? No. Did she care about how ignoring me for now 10 months would make me feel? No. She gets to be selfish and only consider herself, so why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't she get a taste of her own medicine?

[Seraphim]

You have made no revelation whatsoever . Still the same old spiel . You might have a revelation though when you're sitting in handcuffs .

[lostlove76]

Ok so I've been thinking a lot again since yesterday and I've had a bit of a revelation.....

 

All of you that have said that I'm selfish for wanting her back and doing all these tactics to get her in my life: you're absolutely right. It's completely selfish and manipulative of me to be doing theses things, but I don't see this as a bad thing. Was my ex thinking of me or how this would situation would affect me when she left? No. Did she care about how ignoring me for now 10 months would make me feel? No. She gets to be selfish and only consider herself, so why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't she get a taste of her own medicine?

 

The problem with what you're saying is that she no longer has to consider your feelings, since you guys are broken up. If you were still together and were arguing and having problems, then what you're saying might hold water (just a tiny bit). But once you're broken up, you don't owe the other anything at all. Which sucks! It's hurtful. We've all been there, in knowing that it hurts. But it is what it is, even if it's a hard thing to accept.