How can some people give up on relationships so easily?

[Yaelic625]

If you were respectful, you would not have contacted after being blocked, nor reached out to the friend.

 

I didn't know I was blocked until December, so I don't think you can count that and that was the last time I tried talking to her. I don't see what talking to her friend has to do with anything.

[Hollyj]

" In November, I did ask for her back. She said no, that we have a lot of issues, things wouldn't change and because of everything that happened she no longer has feelings for me. I asked if we could be friends and she wasn't interested in that either (she didn't say that exactly, but that's what she meant). The absolute last bit of communication we had was a week later when I invited her to Thanksgiving at my parents' house (she met my immediate family when we were dating) and she said she had other plans."

I don't understand what you're not getting???? I can see why she had problems with your behavior.

 

You contacted her friend for info, after you knew she wanted nothing to do with you.

 

This going round and round. You refuse to understand. if you do not change your ways, you will carry this behavior into your future relationships, as you have learned nothing from this one.

[Yaelic625]

Hollyj, could you please understand what you mean because I really don't get how contacting her friend was that bad........I feel as though you're something out of nothing.

[reinventmyself]

I get that, but do people not believe in change? Surely, a lot of you here (myself included) are not the exact same person you were 10 years ago and probably won't be 10 years from now so why write me off forever? I'm not saying she had to stay in my romantic life for 10 years, but to cut me off like that as if I am a disposable wipe was pretty crappy. Plus, I didn't even get the chance to improve or show her things could be better; that seems to be an unhealthy mindset as far as relationships go.

 

People change all the time. But the old you is all she knows. It appears there isn't enough there for her to risk taking a chance.

You continue to push even in the way you express yourself and label her as having an unhealthy mindset.

Surely she senses this and it only validates her position

[Wiseman2]

To be honest, this thing is expired. All this regret and hanging on seems to represent deeper issues unrelated to her.

 

Does she block you from her phone/social media?

 

Don't become that obsessed stalker guy who can't let go of the one who got away. It's a no-win situation to be in.

Her friend in April laid it out for me when I asked if she thought my ex would ever give me another chance

[jujusamples]

Also, I want to mention when I asked why we couldn't be friends she said we can't because I still had feelings for her (true) and that if she knew what type of person I was before we started dating, she never would have been my friend much less my girlfriend

 

You can not be friends right after a breakup, it will lead to disaster. No contact is the best way to go after a breakup. You are acting very irrational and than say she's being disrespectful for not wanting anything to do with you. Could you blame her? She made crystal clear that she wants to break up, accept it! Sorry but sometimes we can't always have what we want in life, deal with it! It's the risk of a relationship, once you get into a relationship, you risk the risk of ever seeing the person again if you ever to break up. She does not owe you anything, and you shouldn't feel so entitled just because you were once her boyfriend.

What did you want out of the friendship anyways? Would you be okay if she has another boyfriend? Would you still want to be friends? Probably not. She's done and I would advise you to do no contact and work on yourself in the meantime. I understand you are hurting and emotions are strong at the moment, but it's not her issue, it's yours to deal with.

[lostlove76]

A long time ago, I dated this guy for about 6 months. There were a couple things that bothered me - he always talked about his ex-gf, he was sketchy with his online activities, and one night he gave me some story that didn't add up as a reason for not being together that night. I really liked him previous to noticing all this, but once this stuff started happening, it was kind of the beginning of the end for me. I started finding other faults in him, as I lost interest, attraction, and respect for him. Finally I ended it, and I really didn't want anything to do with him after that. I knew he still had feelings, and it would just be awkward. Sounds like your ex-gf has a low/zero-tolerance policy on lying, and she felt she couldn't trust you after it happened a couple of times. This caused her feelings to diminish. And she then didn't want to lead you on or make things complicated and awkward by staying in touch. I admit it all sounds drastic, but since I've done the same thing before, I can kind of see it from her point of view. I've had it done to me before, too, and I know how much it hurts - so I'm sorry that you're having to feel this way.

[jujusamples]

Because she is a really great person and was a overall a great girlfriend. She's the most caring and sweet person I've ever been with. When we got along, things were excellent. She was always there for me and the only woman I've ever met that didn't try to change me/mold me into someone else, something I'm paranoid about because of a previous ex. I'm still in love with her and as cliched as it sounds, she's someone you meet only once in a lifetime type of person. Maybe I'm not depicting her in the best light in this thread, but she was very good to me until the end

 

Then why not give her the respect she needs and RESPECT her decision. It does not make her a bad person for wanting to break up. It happens, things change people change. Are you not realizing that you are following your previous ex's footsteps and doing things that you DON't like in a partner? Which is to change and mold a person. By begging and expecting her to be back together and friends with you is trying to control her decision. You could only control yourself, not others!

[Hollyj]

To be honest, this thing is expired. All this regret and hanging on seems to represent deeper issues unrelated to her.

 

Does she block you from her phone/social media?

 

Don't become that obsessed stalker guy who can't let go of the one who got away. It's a no-win situation to be in.

 

Totally agree with this!

[Yaelic625]

"You continue to push even in the way you express yourself and label her as having an unhealthy mindset."

 

So you don't think walking away as opposed to attempting to work things out is unhealthy?

 

"Does she block you from her phone/social media?"

 

Yeah she blocked my number and all social media she has.

 

" She does not owe you anything, and you shouldn't feel so entitled just because you were once her boyfriend."

 

I don't feel entitled but I don't understand how you can claim you love someone and then on the same hand give up so easily.

 

"What did you want out of the friendship anyways? Would you be okay if she has another boyfriend? Would you still want to be friends? "

 

No, I don't think I'd be okay knowing she was with someone else, but like I said she was always there for me and I really miss that how understanding she was. She was really the only person in my life I could talk to.

[jujusamples]

Hollyj, could you please understand what you mean because I really don't get how contacting her friend was that bad........I feel as though you're something out of nothing.

 

She's trying to let you know that it's not cool to be contacting your ex's friend to get info! You have to leave your ex alone, you are acting very irrational and not trying to understand what anyone is advising you. It's going into a loop, everyone is telling you the same thing. LET IT GO! You are going crazy ex mode on your ex.

[Yaelic625]

Are you not realizing that you are following your previous ex's footsteps and doing things that you DON't like in a partner?

 

It's funny that you mentioned that; my ex told me the said thing while we were together.

[Yaelic625]

I text her friend one time a few months ago and that makes me crazy?

[Hollyj]

"You continue to push even in the way you express yourself and label her as having an unhealthy mindset."

 

So you don't think walking away as opposed to attempting to work things out is unhealthy?

 

"Does she block you from her phone/social media?"

 

Yeah she blocked my number and all social media she has.

 

" She does not owe you anything, and you shouldn't feel so entitled just because you were once her boyfriend."

 

I don't feel entitled but I don't understand how you can claim you love someone and then on the same hand give up so easily.

 

"What did you want out of the friendship anyways? Would you be okay if she has another boyfriend? Would you still want to be friends? "

 

No, I don't think I'd be okay knowing she was with someone else, but like I said she was always there for me and I really miss that how understanding she was. She was really the only person in my life I could talk to.

She was fed up with your behavior.

[Seraphim]

The thing is no one owes you anything. They don't OWE you to try. They don't . And you said you treated her like crap for a bit. How can you state you love her and treat her like crap? See how that works? It was FIVE months , let it go .

[jujusamples]

It's funny that you mentioned that; my ex told me the said thing while we were together.

 

Then don't you think it's time to focus and reflect on your own actions, rather than your ex? Work on yourself, try to see it from her point of view as well? It's probably just as hard on her as it is for you. She's dealing with it in the best way possible, but you are not respecting her decision. You have to just let it go, there's nothing you could do about it.

[Yaelic625]

And you said you treated her like crap for a bit. How can you state you love her and treat her like crap?

 

I didn't say that because that's not true; did we hit a little rough patch that I handled incorrectly? Sure, but I never treated her like crap.

[lostlove76]

I text her friend one time a few months ago and that makes me crazy?

 

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think you're crazy. You're not doing anything that most exes haven't done (begging for a little while, hanging onto hope, still having feelings, being confused, asking a friend about her). You stopped yourself from showing up at her dorm. If I read correctly, you haven't tried to contact her since Nov or Dec, and only asked the friend about her once months later. It happens! People do this kind of thing all the time. Doesn't make it "right" or healthy, but it certainly happens, and doesn't make you crazy. You must be young since she was living in a dorm room. You'll grow and learn. I was quite clingy in my past and made some really stupid mistakes after breakups (nothing major, just trying to call a few too many times, that kind of thing). I know better now, because I learned. You will learn too, and it will be okay.

[Yaelic625]

jujusamples, but how am I supposed to work on things when there's conflict on what to work on?

[Seraphim]

I didn't say that because that's not true; did we hit a little rough patch that I handled incorrectly? Sure, but I never treated her like crap.

 

Still, she does not want to continue and that is anyone's right. I could walk out of marriage today ( not that I am ) for no reason at all and it is still my right.

[Yaelic625]

lostlove76, it's funny you say you were clingy in the past because I was called clingy by her as well. What exactly is to you?

[Yaelic625]

Still, she does not want to continue and that is anyone's right. I could walk out of marriage today ( not that I am ) for no reason at all and it is still my right.

 

It's definitely your right; doesn't make it okay. And what about the other person's rights? Why should your husband/wife have to deal with the emotional baggage of a divorce simply because you feel like it?

[Seraphim]

It's definitely your right; doesn't make it okay. And what about the other person's rights? Why should your husband/wife have to deal with the emotional baggage of a divorce simply because you feel like it?

 

We can't own people and force them to do what we want. The faster you learn that the happier your life will be.

[Hollyj]

It's definitely your right; doesn't make it okay. And what about the other person's rights? Why should your husband/wife have to deal with the emotional baggage of a divorce simply because you feel like it?

 

It's called free will, and we cannot control others.

 

I would not want to chase someone that did not want me.

[lostlove76]

lostlove76, it's funny you say you were clingy in the past because I was called clingy by her as well. What exactly is to you?

 

Hmm. "Clingy" is both an attitude and a set of actions. A clingy attitude is being more invested in the relationship than the other person, an air of desperation, insecurity, overly fearful of losing them, needy for attention. Clingy actions would be calling too much, always wanting to be together, getting upset when not given enough attention, getting jealous of her friends, too much love talk, etc. These are just examples. If someone is being standoffish (you say she just wouldn't want to talk some days, with no reason or explanation) then it can cause you to feel/act clingy when you normally wouldn't, so it's not always your "fault" necessarily. People have different needs for personal space, and if one partner needs/wants/demands more closeness and less space than the other, it is often seen as clingy. But it's really just a difference in needs (unless you're being way over the top with it). I hope that explains it somewhat.

 

I was in my 20's when I was clingy. I'm now nearing the end of my 30's, and I'm not clingy anymore. I know what not to do. I've probably gone the opposite direction with it, because I refuse to be that way. I still feel insecure, but I don't show it. I let the other person lead the pace. It's a learned skill, and you can learn it by being self-aware and resisting the urge to cling.