Depression after sex

[Lotusavx]

Here is the back story: I met this guy on a dating site. We instantly connected and we texted for a few days and met up on the weekend. It really made us feel better about meeting up because we determined through mutual friends on facebook, my unrelated aunt (married to my dads brother) is his cousin! There is so relation between us whatsoever, but the fact that we figured that out made us feel more comfortable. We had a good time, conversation flowed very easily. Before meeting up, he texted me a lot saying how he felt like we were going to connect, and kept mentioning "if we started dating", and "what if we fall for each other". After we had dinner, he showed me his house and we had a fire in his back yard. As we were hanging out, he kept making plans for us like "I'll take you here sometime, or we gotta do this". We are both interested in spirituality to some degree so we showed each other some of out favourite documentaries and motivational speakers. We talked a lot and he opened up to me A LOT about his family and his struggles. This is why I thought that it might amount to more. By the end of the night, we gave into the sexual connection we had and ended up having sex a couple times. I spent the night and he drove me home before he worked in the morning. As we were in the car he was saying how he wanted to hangout again, and as I left the car he said I'll talk to you soon. I didn't text him until the very end of the day because it happened to be his birthday that day, so around 10pm I just sent him a "Hope you had a good birthday" text. He seemed a little bit withdrawn and hadn't texted me nearly as much as he did before we met. I'm not going to text him today or bother him.. but it really sunk in this morning how depressed I felt laying in bed. I couldn't get out of bed, I felt like something was weighing me down from moving. I kept thinking "What if everything he said and everything we talked about was a lie and just to get me in bed" and wondering why he isn't texting me and if he really does want to see me again, or if he just said that. I don't know why he would't want to - we had a connection, great sex, we both find each other very attractive. I feel like I should just let it go, but I keep thinking of all the things we had in common and how we opened up so much to each other. I'm wondering why would he pull away like this, if he is even pulling away, and how to handle the depression I'm feeling.

[Clinton]

You seem to have been a one night stand. Nothing wrong with a one night stand but usually if you're after a relationship it's best to hold out for awhile.

 

Time will take care of your depression if this is what has happened

[Lotusavx]

but why would he waste all his time opening up to me if i was just a one night stand?

[Wiseman2]

A hook-up is a hook-up no matter the texting or 'someday' 'maybe if' etc. talk beforehand. If hook-ups leave you feeling depressed or empty try to go slowly and date for a while first.

Before meeting up, he texted me a lot saying how he felt like we were going to connect, and kept mentioning "if we started dating", and "what if we fall for each other". "I'll take you here sometime, or we gotta do this". After we had dinner, we gave into the sexual connection.He seemed a little bit withdrawn and hadn't texted me nearly as much as he did before we met.

[Clinton]

but why would he waste all his time opening up to me if i was just a one night stand?

 

When did you two sleep together? How many days ago?

[Ms Darcy]

A hook-up is a hook-up no matter the texting or 'someday' 'maybe if' etc. talk beforehand. If hook-ups leave you feeling depressed or empty try to go slowly and date for a while first.

 

I agree. You keep saying this random sex stuff is making you feel bad. Yet you keep doing it.

 

Definitely not sane.

[Almira23]

Some people just say things like that to every potential date to woo them and make them think that there's a future. Sometimes, what they say is clouded by lust. There's nothing wrong with one night stands if that's what you're comfortable with and want to pursue. However, in the future, if you're interesting in a relationship with someone, hold off on the sex for after a few dates when you get the chance to really know him.

[SherrySher]

If you move too fast and give a man sex right away, you've got no room to go anywhere.I know it;s hurtful to have a man treat you this way, but if all he is looking for is sex this happens. You need to go slower next time and find out if he really does want a relationship or if he just wants a fling.Best way to find that out is to not sleep with him right away and to see if he is for real.

I am sorry you are feeling depressed, don't let this keep you down just learn from the experience. I hope you feel better soon.

[missmarple]

It's simple. If you want sex to mean something, make it mean something and don't just do it with the first cute guy you went on one date with and 'connected'. Wait until you have the emotional bond that will make you feel sure that the guy isn't going to disappear because 'he got what he wanted'.

 

If, on the other hand, you see sex as a physical need, like food or water, go ahead and sleep with anyone you like (always with protection, of course). Would you feel depressed after you had a nice burger, wondering if you'll ever eat that burger again? Of course not

 

Trust me, if you go by that rule, you'll never feel depressed after sex again.

[HeartGoesOn]

but why would he waste all his time opening up to me if i was just a one night stand?

 

Why wouldn't he? He had his eye on the prize, and he knew how to get there.

[Sportster2005]

If indeed he is gone, you will probably never know why. Women often think men leave right after sex, because that's all they wanted. It fits the misandry narrative.

 

I don't normally like generalizations, but I think the following is true more often than not. Men don't see sex as commitment. Women do. In the future make sure you are explicitly in a relationship. Make sure you're on the same page. Then you won't be left wondering after sex.

[j.man]

You two met in person. Of course the texting has died down now that you two are more than just text to each other. This guy may well have "hit it and quit it" but why not ask him out again? It's an easy way to know for sure

 

That said, you should never have sex outside of a relationship unless the sex alone is worth it.

[greta96]

All I saw in your post was a lot of nonsense that you mistook as "connection" and a whole lot of future faking on his part, which is a method lots of people use to create a false sense of familiarity and to get the other party to lower their walls and drop the panties.

Despite everything that took place that night you met, you knew nothing about this guy and there was no real, tangible connection.

This is all fine and dandy if you're ok with one night stands or casual sex, but if it's a relationship you're after, then you went about it in the worst way possible. You basically had sex with a stranger you met on a dating app....that's the gist of it. You can embellish it all you want, it is what it is. And like Sportster said, sex to men doesn't mean commitment; the guy wanted some fun, you seemed willing, so he took what you were eagerly giving.

 

I don't know what his intentions are, but whatever they are you should have found out first, before having sex with him. Now all you can do is wait and see what he does next. You can also ask him out yourself, you'd get your answer faster this way probably. One word of caution, although this should be a no-brainer and I shouldn't have to mention it, but I will anyway: IF you go on another date with him, make sure sex doesn't happen again. There are millions of things you can do on a date, as long as you have fun and have some time to chat and get to know one another.

If you have sex again, you are establishing yourself as a booty call/f*ck buddy, and you won't get out of there easily. Get to know the guy outside of the bedroom, there's plenty of time for sex once you establish a relationship and (hopefully) exclusivity.

[greta96]

" i am hooking up with guys i just meet and expecting them to want more from me besides a hook up i am so hurt still and just wanting attention from anyone"

 

This is from another thread of yours. No wonder you are depressed, you are looking at sex with randoms as your savior to forget about your breakup and build your self esteem, but the opposite happens. Which is only natural, who wants to be "wanted" only for their bodies? That stupid saying "the way to get over someone is to get under someone else" is BS, it never works, what it does is throw the person into deeper depression because the more you try to numb your feelings with meaningless sex, the more you are devaluing yourself.

 

Sex is not the answer to pretty much anything, contrary to what a lot of people think. If you keep sleeping with people on first dates, the chances of you finding a lasting relationship are very slim. It can happen, but it's the exception not the norm.

 

So why not take some time for yourself, stay single for a while (over 6 months), hang out with friends and family, and work on yourself a bit. You need to stop this unhealthy pattern of sleeping with strangers, because it's not doing you any favors. When you're ready for a healthy relationship, I'm sure the right guy will pop into your life.

[Ms Darcy]

All I saw in your post was a lot of nonsense that you mistook as "connection" ...

 

Lol - so true!

[SoulTaker]

We are both interested in spirituality to some degree so we showed each other some of out favourite documentaries and motivational speakers. We talked a lot and he opened up to me A LOT about his family and his struggles. This is why I thought that it might amount to more. By the end of the night, we gave into the sexual connection we had and ended up having sex a couple times.

 

he showed me his house and we had a fire in his back yard.

 

Yeah, I'd like to have some of that type of "spirituality", if that's all it takes to dis-robe a woman in only the first date. But, I can't legally have a fire in my backyard (don't have a fire pit), so I guess I'll have to stick with dating women who will take take their time in first knowing a man, before taking it to the next level.

 

Greta96 is correct, this is a lot of nonsense. You're lucky that nothing bad happened to you in going to a man's house on the first date, even if he does have some distant connection to a relative.