Red flags?

[Wolfshook]

I started seeing this one girl that is basically amazing,we have been on 2 dates (havent kissed her though). She is really interesting and funny. But... I've been working and I came home, look at my phone, 21 messages, I go online, I get another at least 30 messages from her. She doesnt get pissed if I dont respond, but do you consider this a red flag for something in the future?

[SoulTaker]

I started seeing this one girl that is basically amazing,we have been on 2 dates (havent kissed her though). She is really interesting and funny. But... I've been working and I came home, look at my phone, 21 messages, I go online, I get another at least 30 messages from her. She doesnt get pissed if I dont respond, but do you consider this a red flag for something in the future?

 

"YES"! BTW - it's always too hasty to call someone "amazing" right away, until you know everything about them (and now you know why).

[Wiseman2]

Yes red flag. It could indicate major clinger or super insecure. Do you answer them? What are they about? That's just plain crazy in general but after two dates in particular.

I came home, look at my phone, 21 messages, I go online, I get another at least 30 messages from her.

[Clinton]

Who knows. Seems like a lot but maybe she's just genuinely excited by the thought of going out with you. Date her for a bit more and see where it goes.

[leseine7]

I think you're being a bit hasty by going simply by the number of texts she sent you. What were the content? That's where the red flag comes in. I'm not a huge fan of tons of texts from someone I'm still getting to know early on in the dating process. That being said, I would determine if there is a RED FLAG situation based off of what kinds of things are being messaged over the number. Some people are just chatty and tend to send a lot of texts to try and get their personality across, make their point, etc.

 

That being said, if the texts are excessively attached seeming after only two dates, zero kisses, and not knowing each other prior to... that would weird me out and signal something wrong. What is she talking about in them?

 

Early stage of dating is scary and we tend to be jumpy. Give her a chance before immediately dropping her in the 'crazy' pile due to texts. But don't hesitate to be like "I'm not actually such a huge fan of texting a lot in dating, if we can get to know each other mostly in person and leave texts/IMs/messages for just logistical things?" and leave it at that.

[tina-rocks]

Agree with Clinton, be careful, but see how it goes. The saying is. Never judge a book by it's cover.

[DoF]

Who knows. Seems like a lot but maybe she's just genuinely excited by the thought of going out with you. Date her for a bit more and see where it goes.

 

x2

 

Not red flag, but certainly a yellow one.

[Wolfshook]

I have no problem with texting, when I have time , but she knew that I went working and I wouldnt be able to respond and she still sent me pile of texts, they were in about 15 minutes difference.

 

Her texts were about stuff like music, what she was cooking and her cat.

 

About her being amazing, I think that because she is the only person that likes the same music and movies I like, and that is really something important to me since I havent met anybody like that.

[Wiseman2]

What does she do all day? Have fun but blowing up your phone may lose it's charm when this gets old.

she still sent me pile of texts, they were in about 15 minutes difference. Her texts were about stuff like music, what she was cooking and her cat.

[Wolfshook]

What does she do all day? Have fun but blowing up your phone may lose it's charm when this gets old.

 

She is currently waiting a call for her work (it's a bit complicated in my country),so she mostly does housework (another thing I admire about her,not many girls my age do that anymore (20yo)) and she volunteers on few different projects, but most of the day she is at home.

 

It's not charming even now, I'm waiting for my bosses to call me/send me a message about important stuff and it gets me a bit angry when I see thay she texts me (I cant get company's phone since it's still a student job). Idk how do I explain to her so she doesnt get offended.

 

And the number of texts also grinds my gears, since I was once briefly dating a girl that would text me a ton and then get angry if I didn't respond imediately. I just dont want to lead her on if this will turn into that sort of thing.

[tina-rocks]

She is currently waiting a call for her work (it's a bit complicated in my country),so she mostly does housework (another thing I admire about her,not many girls my age do that anymore (20yo)) and she volunteers on few different projects, but most of the day she is at home.

 

It's not charming even now, I'm waiting for my bosses to call me/send me a message about important stuff and it gets me a bit angry when I see thay she texts me (I cant get company's phone since it's still a student job). Idk how do I explain to her so she doesnt get offended.

 

And the number of texts also grinds my gears, since I was once briefly dating a girl that would text me a ton and then get angry if I didn't respond imediately. I just dont want to lead her on if this will turn into that sort of thing.

 

If it's getting you a little angry, gently say that text whilst you are working are a no go, because the company policy only allows work phone calls and text, in working hours. The fact you do not have a separate phone for this, means you could miss important messages and your job is very important to you. It's best to say this now, as getting upset at this early stage isn't the best of signs.

[Wiseman2]

It's not about you or being into you. She's just bored. So that should make it easier for you to tell what you've said here that you need the phone for work,etc. Then tell you you don't have to read them all, tell her to wait until you get home, then you'll call her and talk about her day.

most of the day she is at home.how do I explain to her so she doesnt get offended.

[limichelle]

I don't think she is intentionally plotting in her head that she will text you that much. I think she sounds rather impulsive, I would let her know you can't text back at work and you are waiting for work calls. Plan a scheduled time to talk like once in the morning and at night.

 

If she still doesn't get the message then yes that is a red flag!

 

Lisa

[j.man]

Too weird for me. And I'd be worried about how the habit evolves as she gets deeper into a relationship. I mean if you've been having trouble finding options, then I suppose see how it goes. Not worth it to me, personally.

[ParisPaulette]

Oh dear lord! You aren't dating this girl are you?

[video=youtube;koRr0O72neY] ]

 

Jeez, run already. Stage 20 clinger.

 

 

That behavior is psychotic. I'm sorry, the fact she has so much free time on her hands to call you 20, 30 times and get MAD when you don't respond, because you're working or on the toilet or I don't know, just literally having some other life besides staying glued to the phone being her amusement center IS CRAZY TIME!

[ParisPaulette]

THIS is your future if you don't tell her this stops now and then block and delete her. And trying to be "nice" and "let her down easy" is the wrong thing to do. What she's doing is not rational and two dates in this is already an issue? Just wow, I always thought these videos were hilarious, but this girl really does have a problem.

 

 

. [video=youtube;Zg6iMDfOl9E] ]

[Wolfshook]

Haha , she doesnt get mad at me if I dont respond, I havent even responded to all of her messages and she didnt even mention it.

 

I'm just curious wether there are some people that like texting a lot but they dont smother you, or is so many texts a red sign for the future.

 

If she got angry for me not responding I wouldnt even come here to ask.

[Wiseman2]

I guess it's relative...51 messages a day would be smothering to some. just curious wether there are some people that like texting a lot but they dont smother you

[reinventmyself]

21 plus 30 more?

And some say wait and see??

 

That's 50 plus in the matter of one single day!

 

At the very least, she has some serious impulse control issues.

I'd run. But that's me.

[notalady]

21 plus 30 more?

And some say wait and see??

 

That's 50 plus in the matter of one single day!

 

At the very least, she has some serious impulse control issues.

I'd run. But that's me.

 

Yea I think this is the case too. I think she's just bored and you're her entertainment, her rubbish bin, her personal Twitter/Facebook if you will, being "talked at" with half hourly rolling updating, rather than someone to be communicated with.

 

If you've been dating for a long time, and she's only doing this once in a while when she's bored, it may be annoying but understandable and you can easily tell her to stop. But after only two dates, totally inappropriate, I'd walk away.

[Wiseman2]

Wait...lets do the math. 51 in 8 hrs? (while at work,say) That's 6.375 per hour. That's more than one every 9.4 minutes. This is after 2 dates.

[jjkk]

I'm just curious wether there are some people that like texting a lot but they dont smother you.

 

 

This depends on the context, imo. There have been a few times over a 4 year period I would guess I've sent 50+ texts to my bf in a day but we're communicating back and forth over the course of the day and it's not typical for us. Sending 50 in 1 day with no response? That seems nutty to me, especially after only 2 dates. She doesn't get upset now but give her a little more time and she'll start expecting constant contact (which includes responses from you).

[leseine7]

She is currently waiting a call for her work (it's a bit complicated in my country),so she mostly does housework (another thing I admire about her,not many girls my age do that anymore (20yo)) and she volunteers on few different projects, but most of the day she is at home.

 

It's not charming even now, I'm waiting for my bosses to call me/send me a message about important stuff and it gets me a bit angry when I see thay she texts me (I cant get company's phone since it's still a student job). Idk how do I explain to her so she doesnt get offended.

 

And the number of texts also grinds my gears, since I was once briefly dating a girl that would text me a ton and then get angry if I didn't respond imediately. I just dont want to lead her on if this will turn into that sort of thing.

 

I understand that the number of texts she is sending you is triggering you based on your previous experience, however, I think you need to remember that this is a clean slate, she has no way of reading your mind, and you two are coming from completely different backgrounds and experiences. She may have had a guy lose interest in her previously because she wasn't attentive enough, so she could be over-correcting. If she isn't getting angry and her texts are (as they seem to be from your post) harmless, this is the point in the dating process where you let her in on who you are and come clean that you don't like texting a ton while getting to know someone.

 

So, do that. Then if she continues bombarding you, it sounds as if you are calling that a deal breaker and losing interest and should break it off then. But right now, to be honest, you're sounding a bit hyper-critical, not to mention straight up ungrateful that she likes you so much. (Already saying you think you'll be leading her on. Is she showering you with admiration in these texts?)

[leseine7]

Also, you asked if others have received lots of texts from someone they were dating and not felt smothered. I did date a guy who texted like crazy in the beginning to show me that he was interested, and I had the same freak out you did. He turned out to be a great guy, though, but he knew I'd been through an experience with a previous guy who disappeared on me or would withhold his affection to try to keep me hooked. He was just trying to establish a strong foundation that he was super into me, and I was really harsh with him. He never got angry with me for not texting back. He just liked to text throughout his workday when he had breaks and liked telling me how he felt. It did not lead to smothering behavior.

[Wolfshook]

Tested her today, messaged her a bit on my pause, and then just stopped, she just sent me a response and didnt blow my inbox off, and no sms today. She was probably just overwhelmed yesterday.