A day in the life

[dias]

We've been exchanging glances with the blonde princess at work all the time recently. I've been seeing her since we moved to the new building but didn't 'notice' her until recently as she dresses very formal/modest. She has a very posh British face, she gives the impression that she 'deserves' a rich guy. She is on the tax team sitting a few desks away. We have never talked aside from some sporadic "good mornings".

 

I didn't have the chance to evaluate her lower body but today was casual Friday and she wore skinny pants. She passed the evaluation with: AAA++++ lol. She is a solid 9 overall.

 

I fancy her. I don't know how to approach her. It's workplace so it's tricky. I know some people would say "it's workplace, you shouldn't do anything yada yada yada" ; well, it's me :) . Thing is, I am sure she cares about how this would look on her. I talk with a girl from the tax team and she told me their team will be moving to another building soon. I don’t have much time.

 

I've become very lazy approaching women but I fancy her. So, any ideas how I can approach her?

[Jibralta]

Nope! No ideas... Except maybe get to know her better in a casual way for now.

 

How far away is the other building? Do you have to rush?

[dias]

Nope! No ideas... Except maybe get to know her better in a casual way for now.

 

How far away is the other building? Do you have to rush?

 

It's not far. However, going there only to 'accidentally' meet her is creepy. I don't know when the tax team is moving..... I want to be as discreet as possible.

[dias]

As soon as I opened the office door this morning I realized the tax team was gone. What a B-U-M-M-E-R.

 

It’s not that anything would have happened; I am more disappointed in myself that I didn’t approach her 2 months now.

 

I was feeling a bit down today. I went to the harbor after work to watch the sea. I like watching the sea and the ships. It conjures up memories. My mother was in the Navy and had to stay 3-4 days per month in an old battleship stationed in Athens. She used to take me with her when i was a little kid. I spent the nights watching the sea. I love listening to the rustle of the waves. I find it peaceful and serene. I’ve never lived away from the sea except when I was in London. It’s one of the reasons I love Liverpool.

 

I guess it’s one of these melancholic days. Ups and downs, ups and downs…

[dias]

As if I knew it..... my beloved grandmother was diagnosed with late stage cancer. Doctors say 2 months max. I feel .. I don't know what I feel...

[reinventmyself]

As if I knew it..... my beloved grandmother was diagnosed with late stage cancer. Doctors say 2 months max. I feel .. I don't know what I feel...

 

Oh no dias. . .I am so sorry.

[DancingFool]

As if I knew it..... my beloved grandmother was diagnosed with late stage cancer. Doctors say 2 months max. I feel .. I don't know what I feel...

 

Oh no...I'm so sorry....{{{{hugs}}}}

[dias]

Thanks Reinvent and DF!

 

It's so strange, one moment you are ok, the next moment they tell you that's the end of the road. She has pancreatic cancer that spread to the stomach. Doctors said it began a year and a half ago, we will never know the cause of course. She felt some "discomfort" the past year, she went to the doctor, did blood tests etc but she never did MRI scan. And as humans we don't want to think the worst scenario when we still feel ok. Doctors said pancreatic cancer is very deceptive and doesn't give many warning sings....

 

The doctors didn't tell her, they told mom.Thing is, there is nothing we can do. There is no treatment at this stage. "So now what do we do" mom asked. I honestly don't know. I told her to express her gratitude for being her mom. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what to tell to a person who suffers from unrelenting pain. I don't know what to tell, I don't know what to do. What do you tell to a person you love so much when there are only a couple of months left.......?

 

I call my grandmother every weekend. We will talk tomorrow. What do I say? I want to say I am grateful for being my grandmother. I want to thank her. But I feel it's like predetermining the future. I don't want to give this vibe.

[itsallgrand]

I'm so sorry dias. Sending big hugs across the ocean your way.

 

It's ok to not know how you feel or what to do. I don't think anyone really knows, we just try our best.

You can let her know you support her no matter what. You can ask if there's anything in particular she would like you to do. You can listen. Everyone is different, but just being there for her is a massive act of love.

[Jibralta]

Oh no :(

 

So sorry to hear about your yia yia :(

 

Sending you (((((hugs)))))

[SherrySher]

So sorry to hear, Dias. Losing someone is painful and I wished you or any of us didn't have to go through this.

 

Let her know you love her and that she means a lot to you. That's all you can really do.

[pippy longstocking]

Oh love I am so sorry ....it takes a lot to get your head around this kind of news and you start digging into mortality and the meaning of life and alsorts of thoughts and emotions .

 

Don't look for something to do , something to say ...tell her you love her , you are sorry and keep calling xx lots of love to you and your family xx

[DancingFool]

When my grandma got sick and was beyond help, what she asked of us is to tell her what's good in our lives, what's funny because that made her feel good and distracted her from pain. She wanted to know that her family is doing well and will be OK. In her own words that gave her peace of mind and made it easier to let go and go in peace and having people crying and moping around her made her feel sad too and she didn't want that. Everyone is different of course, but maybe that will help you a bit in terms of what to talk about. Of course, first, listen to what she needs. Maybe she needs to tell you things, maybe she just wants to talk or reminisce...or maybe she wants to listen and hear your plans for your life and know you'll do well.

[dias]

I took the first flight to Athens.Bro came too. It was supposed to be two months. Now my yiayia is in the hospital. We don't know if she will make this week or even till tomorrow. I can't believe that this morning was the last time I will ever see her again

 

I just arrived to Manchester and i am on the train to Liverpool. I was hoping i could go back one last time next month.The fact she is 86 doesn't make it easy. I was extremely attached to her.

[reinventmyself]

(((hugs)))

[DancingFool]

and more {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

[SherrySher]

and some more (((((hugs)))))

[milly007]

I'm sorry, dias. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better & alleviate the pain. Sending hugs...

[itsallgrand]

Sending more hugs.

She sounds really special.

[Jibralta]

And more (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

 

:(((((((((((((

[dias]

Reinvent, DF, Sherry, milly, itsallgrand and Jib thank you for your hugs and support.

 

My grandma is still in the hospital. Some days she prays to God to take her, some days she fights it…..I call her every morning. She musters up her remaining energy to talk to me. My beloved yiayia! Mom is there every day all day so sometimes we talk on Skype. I want to visit her one more time but she doesn’t want me to go. She doesn’t want me to see her in this condition I believe. Also, she says there are many infections and diseases looming in the hospital. Plus, some travelers who came back from North Italy spread the coronavirus in Greece and everyone is with masks and panicked etc etc. My parents don’t want me to be in airports and planes this period… I don’t know what to do. Maybe I will go, maybe not. And I don’t have the luxury of time unfortunately.

 

The past weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster. The first days, during the acceptance phase, I cried a lot. I cried till there were no tears left.It’s bizarre, I started tearing out of nowhere sometimes. I lost both my grandfathers when I was 13. But it didn’t hit me like this. Maybe because I was a child and I couldn’t apprehend the situation. Also, I spent 15 years more with my grandmother.

 

Itsallgrand, yes, she is special. Unique to me. It’s almost like losing my mother. I “grew up” with my maternal grandparents in the village in North Greece. I spent virtually half my life with them until I was 22-23 years old, every Christmas, Easters, summers…. You know, I knew I was lucky with my maternal grandparents. Now I believe I won the lottery. My paternal grandparents were what most people would call good grandparents. But my maternal grandparents were something else. Ask a little kid to describe you the ideal grandparents. That would be my maternal grandparents.

 

I noticed something strange. There were some brief moments that I felt the need to have kids. It’s not going to happen but I was surprised by this emotion. I guess, I received so much love as a kid (and adult), I feel the need to give back something.

[reinventmyself]

Awww D. Your update gave me goosebumps. Clearly so much love here. You are so fortunate to have her in your life. I am sorry we can't keep our love ones forever or at least just a little longer.

 

I lost my Dad 16 years ago. But nothing compares to having lost my mother. I was close to my mothers mother as well. I think it's that maternal love they give us that makes it that much harder to let go of. We never really do. You just learn to compartmentalize it differently.

 

You are doing what comes natural. Reliving all those special moments. They will always be with you.

[dias]

But nothing compares to having lost my mother.

I remember reading your journal. I remember you wrote your mother was the glue which held the family together (or something along these lines). I sort of understand this now....

I try to stop thinking about it. I can’t do anything anyway. I can’t even visit her as Greece is on lockdown due to the coronavirus.

 

My nanny was a reason for going back to Greece. Now it's only my parents. There is nothing else left for me there and I don't think I will ever go back permanently. I don't know if I will stay in the UK forever but I am pretty certain I am not going back to Greece. I spent some time with my brother whilst there. We talked about life in general and our plans. It would be nice if we could live close to each other but practically it’s not feasible. I asked him if he will ever settle down. He said if he doesn’t get married and have kids there is no point of settling somewhere. I agree. I am not planning to settle anywhere. I think of myself as a citizen of the world.

[reinventmyself]

(((((hugs))))))

[dias]

I think we are in a really bizarre situation. People buy toilet paper and pasta thinking they will need to spend the next 3 years inside their house. I mean, I think people think this way, I don't know. I didn't buy anything, I don't know if that makes me a fool. Most countries are on lock down. Although I understand it will hinder the virus to spread, it is not sustainable. My prediction is, this lock down situation will not last more than a month, maybe month and a half. After that, being locked in the house won't work for the very simple reason that someone needs to work to produce "supplies". Plus, people will go nuts being inside all the time.

 

I read this article: https://news.sky.com/story/coronavirus-millions-of-britons-will-need-to-contract-covid-19-for-herd-immunity-11956793

 

This is the other extreme. I don't think that pretending nothing is happening is the solution but paralyzing is not going to work too. As always the reality will be a mix of both. Let’s see.