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On 3/12/2021 at 3:28 PM, dias said:

I know charisma is in the eye of the beholder but I am still baffled. What is charming on playing the victim? I can't think anything less charming. 

Ok I understand if I woman plays the pity me card it could be attractive for men who have some sort of white knight syndrome (which I don't get either...) but for a man to play this card, damn, I find it pathetic. The whole point of being a man is to become confident enough and disciplined enough not to be the victim of circumstances. Not to be pitied. Not even to pretend it.  

This is what I call a p*ssy but hey it works with women lol

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that his bs pity-party story is not what she found charming about this man.

I think she was charmed by his pleasant demeanor, great sense of humor, good conversation, and physical attractiveness. 

Then he sprung that crap on her about the circumstances surrounding his divorce, and red flags went up for her. But she found that the afterglow of his initial charm was influencing her judgment about it.

That does happen to people a lot, especially when they are lonely and tired of the fruitless search for companionship.

Fortunately, she didn't dismiss her concerns, but instead posted them and remained open to the opinions of outsiders who hadn't been charmed by the man. 

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9 hours ago, dias said:

I was talking more about the poor me/victim card he played. This is exactly the opposite of owning your mistakes. 

He owned the cheating, that's the part that tricks women apparently into believing he's accepted his part in the dissolution of his marriage.  Sociopaths understand human nature, they probably understand this admitting fault or their part is attractive, assuming he used it against her in that way (it's not really clear).

Victim mentality is unattractive, but that's different than having someone understand someone (a spouse or otherwise) took advantage of you in a certain circumstance, that you were a victim to something.  That in itself doesn't completely imply they're suffering from a victim mentality, it means they possibly were victimized.

People lie though, so yes, it is better to wait and see if their actions (or words) match up over time.  There's a Bible verse that says, "Time and truth walk hand in hand," which means you can tell the truth of something over time... sometimes over many years have to pass before the truth actually comes out though.

Edited by maritalbliss86
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On 3/13/2021 at 11:45 AM, maritalbliss86 said:

There IS something very attractive about someone who owns their Sh*t.  There just is!

So... for a woman who has done something in the past she regrets, it's attractive that she can look back and not excuse that behavior.  It means she's grown, and growth typically, is beautiful and attractive.  It means maybe she's not crazy... maybe she's capable of learning and becoming more mature kind of thing.

...

Well, it's the same for men.  If there's a man who's been divorced, and he can realistically understand what may have happened (even if he wasn't totally at fault), that IS attractive.  It helps the prospective woman understand he's real... he's authentic... he's able to grow and mature from past mistakes.

There is something VERY attractive about that.

I should probably have added that this came to mind regardless of the OP's situation.  It was like a thought spun off of it.  

It's a red flag if a man (or woman) blames the entire failure of their marriage on the other person.  

I did like Lost's comment where he said it didn't sound like the man was telling the whole truth, that his wife's version could implicate the man more (rather than being victimized).  So 

In general, it's a good sign when someone admits fault.  I think sociopaths use this against people though....

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Posted (edited)

My roommate asked me if I messaged the girl from my previous work. No I didn't and I am not going to. I wanted to see her one last time before I move to Norwich, yes it's true, this was the plan. What is the point though? She told me (my roommate) "I understand, you don't want to get hurt". I don't get hurt so easily, it's that even if she accepts to meet me for a stroll  as a friend what is the point? Ok I admit I would be beyond elated and excited to meet her again even as friend and enjoy her company but nothing more will ever happen. I won't get hurt but I will start thinking about her again and I don't like wasting energy on things I can't change.  

She just posted a new pic on FB...ok... yeah.... I like her a lot...hmm...yeah...more than a lot...ok...yeah....

 

.......................................................................SIGH....................................................................................

Edited by dias
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Comfort food does not help. If anything I have to do more cardio tomorrow.....

Looking at her new pic does not help either.....

Should I text her? The more I think about it the more tempting it becomes....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God, this is not fair, just so you know. One favor I asked my whole life and you are not of any help. 

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"Hi xxx, how have you been? I am leaving for Norwich this weekend, if you are in town these days you want to go for a stroll on the docks?"

Message sent. 

Oh mate, my heart is jumping. 

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On 3/15/2021 at 9:10 PM, dias said:

She gave a definite, unequivocal, no room for doubt reply:

Well, it stung a bit. I was expecting a typical excuse, not nothing. I understand her position though, she has a boyfriend. 

Wishful thinking....is just wishful thinking...

I might be the good deeder in the end, after meeting me she would have complained to her boyfriend that she needs more attention and nice words. He became a better bf and she does not seek attention elsewhere now.

Imagine if this is what happened in reality. Everyone won except me haha

 

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I took some portrait photos of my roommate, I wanted to practice my photography skills on people and she wanted to update her social media pictures.

I cannot upload anything here, I cropped one though, I believe I can take pretty good portrait photos with a bit of practice. This one was close to professional; I almost captured the look I wanted.

Not as good as some of the ones here but it was the first time I tried taking portrait photos (and everything with natural light outside on the docks)

https://www.viewbug.com/blog/black-and-white-female-portraits-photo-contest-winners

 

image.thumb.png.4c05d5f7a4999566c86fd66e61ca2a60.png

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