Hermes Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Get a good rest Star. Look after yourself. It's late here 1 a.m. almost. Sleep well. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 isn't that obvious else why would he pay for her to dance for just him?? To help her pay her way through school of course. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 To help her pay her way through school of course. Or support her kids. That private school isn't going to pay for itself. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Or support her kids. That private school isn't going to pay for itself. Yup. Exactly. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Never mind, that would be a dealbreaker for me, because of the "peer pressure." If a guy wants to be open with me about, "Hey, Joe wants to go to a strip club and do you mind," then I'd have a whole lot less problem with it than, "I wuz preshurred." Maybe some premarital counseling would help the two of you sort it out, but do I think he was a right idiot to risk losing your trust over trying to please a sibling? Yeah, I do. But that's just me. You have to decide if it's a deal breaker for you and how to sort out boundaries. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Sigh! So much ado about nothing.... Link to comment
starlight40 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 call me naiive but at first when he told me I could hardly speak because I was that shocked- I really did not think he would do something like that so it has shaken my trust in him because now I'm thinking what else is he capable of that I didn't have him pinned for ...... Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Hello Starlight. Please, please, don't let paranoia over this one night out silliness ruin your relationship. I repeat, it isn't as if he took off for Brazil on a late flight with the lap-dancer to never return. However, if you are going to spend the rest of your life wondering if he is doing this, that or the other, it does not bode well for you. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I know I'm the faithful type, but if my sisters or my very best gif's were going to see one of those shows like The Full Monty, I'd go along for a laugh - but nah, prefer to see the men in my age group who are in good form! Doesn't mean I'd cheat. I'd even like a favourite one to do a dance. I just wouldn't take it seriously. I think it's like that for a lot of the guys too. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Precisely, Silverbirch. It is just a show, and as you rightly remark, often just a laugh. No woman in her right mind would compare the youthful male stripper at a show with her loved and loving husband at home. Same applies the other way round. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Op, This is for you! I hope you take it in the spirit it is meant and that it makes you smile! Link to comment
starlight40 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 haha cheers guys its not the stripper I don't mind him looking its the one to one nature of the lapdance that I don't like, hes just come home from work looking almost ill and astho he was about to cry so weve talked I love him very much and can see how sorry he is so ive told him I forgive him and we will now move on, I still feel icky about it but as Hermes said I don't want it to ruin what we have. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Good for you, Starlight! You are doing the right thing. I wish you both all the very best. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Never mind, that would be a dealbreaker for me, because of the "peer pressure." If a guy wants to be open with me about, "Hey, Joe wants to go to a strip club and do you mind," then I'd have a whole lot less problem with it than, "I wuz preshurred." Maybe some premarital counseling would help the two of you sort it out, but do I think he was a right idiot to risk losing your trust over trying to please a sibling? Yeah, I do. But that's just me. You have to decide if it's a deal breaker for you and how to sort out boundaries. I agree and it's an individual couple thing. So many factors that what I would do (most likely a total dealbreaker and nothing to do with being drunk -you choose to get drunk, you choose the consequences) or ParisPaulette is irrelevant. It sounds like you trust him, that it's a mistake you can get over, that you can move on from it and that he knows you are not ok with it. I'm glad you worked it out. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 thanks to all of you I appreciate all of your help. Link to comment
catclaud Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 My boyfriend went to a strip club several times in his past. As I have low self esteem, this bothers me. So I surely understand how insecure you feel now. I have no good advice, just hope you are doing well....hugs... Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 haha cheers guys its not the stripper I don't mind him looking its the one to one nature of the lapdance that I don't like, hes just come home from work looking almost ill and astho he was about to cry so weve talked I love him very much and can see how sorry he is so ive told him I forgive him and we will now move on, I still feel icky about it but as Hermes said I don't want it to ruin what we have. OP WAYYYY back when I was younger, I knew young women who hired male strippers for their hens nights and they always did sexy dance with the bride to be followed by lots of laughing and clapping from the women. I was a bit surprised to find out my mother who is as straight as they come was at event, drinking champagne and cheering with the rest of them. It's silliness more than anything. As far as I know, those women are all still married 30 years on. Please let go of this. I'm glad you want to move on. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Indeed Silverbirch, and it is still the custom at many hen parties, and everyone cheers and laughs. Silliness of course, but no more than that. I too was quite surprised to see a bride's mother, her aunts and older women relatives really getting into the spirit of the strip lol. And the sexy dance with the bride-to-be. Wow!! L. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 I still feel bad about it even though I want to move on I feel really hurt, I'm not ok Link to comment
Blue Ridge Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Starlight, I'm glad to see you are moving on from this. I usually stay out of the relationship sections, but feel I might have something to offer in regards to this situation. I haven't been to a strip club in probably 20 years, but I have been to them about a dozen times when I was younger and my friends were all having bachelor parties. And I have gotten a lap dance. I can assure you that I have never, ever, been remotely "aroused" by a lap dance. Not physically, not emotionally, not in any sense of the word. An attractive girl dances around while loud 80's metal blares and your friends laugh at you. It's ridiculous. Perhaps your fiance is wired differently than me and finds such a situation very arousing, but if I were a gambling man, I'd wager that he isn't. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 thanks Blue I do find that helpful since you've been there and done it, I do hope that has been the situation with my fiance Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Starlight. I can 99.9% assure you it was as Blue Ridge is describing. How are things today? Link to comment
starlight40 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 we are ok I'm still feeling hurt but ive said I forgive him and we can move on, I have sat here with him tonight wanting to ask him ever last detail about it but ive held it all back I just hope the horrible jealous feeling will subside eventually Link to comment
starlight40 Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 I'm also feeling extremely insecure and wanting him to reassure me everything is ok but ive held that back too Link to comment
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