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starlight40

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Everything posted by starlight40

  1. starlight40
    I dont want you back but im so lonely
  2. starlight40
    Forget Karma, you live in your own self made Hell every day
  3. starlight40
    You still cant leave me alone even after a full month of NC you have to attempt to swoop back into my life with a few pathetic texts just incase i forget you, i just find it so pathetic is really rather funny, if apparently im a "bitter, jealous parasite" and you "hate me" then why do you feel the need to text and tell me that? why not just get on with your life? I did nothing wrong to you appart from react to the abuse that YOU dished out, everything ive ever said in pain that was wrong ive apologised unreservedly for but still you try to make out im a monster thats to blame for everything, ive never been so amazed by someone who, in the space of a month has completely and utterly convinced themselves that they are a victim and did absolutely nothing wrong, deluded is an undetrstatement. Were you a victim when you were throwing me around the bed by my throat with both your hands until i couldnt breath and had tears streaming down my face?
  4. starlight40
    I dont think il ever get over you
  5. starlight40
    I hope yopu regret how you treated me for the rest of your life, i gave you so many chances but you were too arrogant to realise what you had til it was too late! I will never forgive you
  6. starlight40
    God, i hate you, dunno what i EVER saw in you
  7. starlight40
    Love them!
  8. starlight40
    Day 5, feeling okay todayand wont break, worried i may bump into him when i go out saturday night with the girls though, not sure how to play that if he tries to speak to me......guess il try my best to keep out of his way......
  9. starlight40
    Thanks for your support Quirky girl, i wish you luck with things. Okay im day 4, this is where i got to last time and broke, feeling not too bad, just doing y best to get through. NC is a total mental endurance test!
  10. starlight40
    haha, yeah i should just leave my phone at home when i go to work.
  11. starlight40
    Day 3, I shudder, i got to day 4 last time so heres hoping, im feeling 50/50 between weak and strong, im not going to contact him but im still doing the looking at my phone every 10 mins to see if he will break, im sure hel be doing the same thing though. Im not sure why i even want him to contact its a bit like a drug, you want the attention but really why do i want it when i know it would never work, strange indeed. I want to forget.
  12. starlight40
    Day 2, feeling a bit upset today but hey, gunna have to ride i out
  13. starlight40
    Stop beating yourself up hun its done now, what did you do, call/text? did he respond?
  14. starlight40
    Yes, ENA is a great source of support for me, its kind of whe you think all your friends and family are sick of hearing your problems then you have this great back up called ENA! Ive read a few of your posts and you seem a tough cookie so sure youl be fine but if not you have us! I LOVE your advent calendar idea for NC too, it day one for me too so day one for my choccie too! Im like 28 years old and my mother still gets me a chocolate calendar every year! Too sweet! haha x
  15. starlight40
    Oh god, ive been in NC loadsa times, im notoriously bad at this! ha.Weve been split for 6 months and i think the longest NC has been about 2 weeks. It hasnt usually been me to break the Nc he will contact first, its usually something that will wind me up and then i bite. No more bitingfrom me!
  16. starlight40
    Okay im back on day 1, not feeling too bad to be honest, ive de activated my facebook account cos i dont really like it anyway, deleted him from mym messenger but not going to log into it anyway, i deleted his number from my mobile ages ago but thats a bit of a problem because i know it off by heart- people never allow yourself to do that! Whe i go to work im going to leave my mobile at home so i dont have the temptation. Wish me luck and good luck to all you guys too!
  17. starlight40
    I think that too, when emotions are running so high i think theres always something youl find to say even if its a case of going round in circle, i think youve just got to really try and let go once and for all. And to answer your previous question i think i must be the all time dunce when it comes to NC, im really rather terrible at it, ive broken it MANY times.
  18. starlight40
    Fell off the wagon today, only day 4 aswell. I was on messenger and he sen t a message asking how i was, i stupidly replied and then has followed a torrade of abuse from me to him, everytime i have anything to do with this guy now i turn into some kind of mad woman, im still so very hurt.
  19. starlight40
    Day 3, feeling okay today but a little apprehensive cos im going out toniht and worried i may bump inot him. I live in quite a small town and unfortunately cant afford to go further afield tonight but i also dont want to stay in. Im not sure how to handle it if i do see him, any advice guys?
  20. starlight40
    Il PM you hon x
  21. starlight40
    See then youve learned something.... My break up was 6 months ago and yes he was emotionally abusive, infact heres a list i wrote a while ago on one of my threads... 1/ taking me for granted 2/putting me down in a jokey way but a little too often for it to be just a joke 3/never complimented me 4/shifting the blame to me when he did things wrong 5/using sex as a tool, withholding it when i wanted to but being all over me when he wanted it, was often after id spent time with other people than him when that would happen, he used to push me away for weeks on end leaving me feeling unwanted, unattractive and questioning my own attractiveness. 6/stopped being affectionate 7/used to end things with me for very small reasons only to beg for me back-eventually 8/everything had to be HIS way even down to silly little things like were we would go for a meal 9/ Found out since we ended things that hes told me quite a few lies 10/ we were together 2 years and even though i wanted to we never had a proper vacation together yet he went to thailand with a male friend for 5 weeks 11/constantly accused me of cheating even though i knew i was totally innocent 12/I too had the feeling it wasnt right, for a long time 13/He never liked any of my friends 14/ never made an effort with my family 15/when i used to arrange to go for a night out with my friends he would find a way of being unavailabe for me to see him any other time than the time i had arranged with my friends 16/ When i did go out he would find a way to punish me for it which was usually the cold shoulder, when id ask him what was wrong he would say "nothing" " -Ring any bells with you?
  22. starlight40
    Na, hes not going to know for sure if it was you and can you stop beating yourself up please! ha. Im totally with you on what your going through cos ive been there and am still struggling with it myself. Your doing so well here i know how hard it is but you CAN do this.xx
  23. starlight40
    Hey, youve made some progress because you havent done what you would normally do and tried and tried again to call him! Give yourself a break, you stopped yourself in the act and that is GREAT!! Small steps hon xxx
  24. starlight40
    Sending you lots of big HUGS beautiful fiffy! You can do this hon, do it for you because you are the most important thing in your life. Heres a link that i found very useful about abusers.... link removed
  25. starlight40
    Im day 2 of NC after 6 months of LC, decided NC is the only way to go because while we are still in contact all we basically do is argue and hurt each other. Im still feeling a pull to contact but i guess thats just habit and hurt. Wish me luck. Stay strong guys!
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