I'm not his type?? How am I not his type??

[Emmy321]

Can someone be so physically attracted to someone but they aren't there type. I've been hooking up on and off for two years with guy. I know prob wasn't the best idea to let it go on so long. He would end it and he met someone and then sometime would go by and then we would be back to hooking up again. It would be like a circle. Finally I realized I deserved better then that and I voiced that to him. I told him I want better then just him coming over and hooking up. He always says that I'm not his type. We have so much in common and are so physically attracted to each other. I don't understand how I could not be his type. The really bad part is I do have to see him at work.

[nuttybuddy]

did u ever watch the movie "he's just not that into u?" it has an all star cast with so many hollywood famous actors. you remind me of Scarlett Johanssen's character. she's this beautiful knock out blonde who always runs back to her short friend who's infatuated with her. he's in love with her and wants to marry her, but she's completely in love with someone else. don't be that short friend. scar jo was only using him!!!!!

 

he's not that into you.... sorry to say.

[greta96]

This one is simple (from outside perspective): men like sex, and they will do it with almost anyone who has a vagina. Usually they don't require a certain chemistry or a certain type of attraction to be there, sex is a physiological necessity and almost anyone will do to satisfy it. When it comes to something more serious, yes they have types, just like us women have types. He just doesn't see you as someone he would want a future with, there's nothing confusing about that. You may think you have so much in common, but it doesn't mean he thinks the same. I know the feeling too well, when you think "but we get along fantastically, we match so well, we understand each other and have fun together, he must surely feel the same?". Unfortunately, the reality is that it is entirely possible for the feeling not to be mutual, in fact it rarely is.

 

If he liked you the way you would want him to, he wouldn't have kept you as a f*ck buddy for 2 years, he would have dated your properly and made it known that he was into you.

 

In the future, if you want a serious relationship with someone, don't settle for being his f*ck buddy, because that is an extremely difficult position to come out of, it almost never happens.

[Batya33]

Most of the men I was serious with would not just have sex with anyone. But, I am sure that they were sexually attracted to women who were not their type for purposes of a relationship. He is probably using it as an excuse because he is not in love with you/doesn't see himself falling in love with you and wanting a commitment to you. It's not something to take personally, and by continuing to hook up with him you were telling him you were ok with that arrangement.

[Doc Blaze]

This one is simple (from outside perspective): men like sex, and they will do it with almost anyone who has a vagina. Usually they don't require a certain chemistry or a certain type of attraction to be there, sex is a physiological necessity and almost anyone will do to satisfy it. When it comes to something more serious, yes they have types, just like us women have types. He just doesn't see you as someone he would want a future with, there's nothing confusing about that. You may think you have so much in common, but it doesn't mean he thinks the same. I know the feeling too well, when you think "but we get along fantastically, we match so well, we understand each other and have fun together, he must surely feel the same?". Unfortunately, the reality is that it is entirely possible for the feeling not to be mutual, in fact it rarely is.

 

If he liked you the way you would want him to, he wouldn't have kept you as a f*ck buddy for 2 years, he would have dated your properly and made it known that he was into you.

 

In the future, if you want a serious relationship with someone, don't settle for being his f*ck buddy, because that is an extremely difficult position to come out of, it almost never happens.

 

 

many females do the same thing..just saying

 

 

OP what you are writing actually makes perfect sense. He loves having sex with you but you dont do anything for him farther than that

 

 

Being a good lay doesnt always mean someone wants to be with you.

[catfeeder]

At some point it occurs to each of us who consider ourselves to be relationship material that hooking up is not a great path to that. It either pairs us up with people who are only into no-strings sex, or it pairs us with hypocrites who view hooking up as fine for themselves, but not for someone they would want as a partner.

 

I know myself well enough to understand that I bond emotionally when I have sex. This gives me the clarity to be careful about who, exactly, I'll want to bond WITH. So that's a decision I need to make before sex, not afterward. I need to be clear about where I stand with someone and where he stands with me--and where I'll want to stand going forward. Without that clarity, sex is a minefield, and I won't go there.

 

Head high, move forward, and respect your Self.

[ParisPaulette]

Can someone be so physically attracted to someone but they aren't there type.

 

Abso-frigging-lutely! This is a resounding yes. I had off-the-charts physical chemistry once with a guy that frankly I could not otherwise stand. He felt the same way. We got on fantastically in the bedroom and that was it. That was all we had. The physical and nothing, and I do mean that sincerely, nothing else.

 

I'd have sooner run into a cage full of barracudas than to have tried to have a relationship with that man. Yes, I know, I know, you all shouldn't be attracted to someone who's politics and outlook on life you despise, but there it was. We were young, we were stupid, we each knew we'd never find "true love" with each other. So we enjoyed a brief physical dalliance then went on to find people that were our type in a myriad of other ways.

 

So yep, sex without anything else other than this is an appetite, in much the same way, "I like fast food french fries now and again even when I know my doctor would smack me upside the head if he caught me with them" sort of impulse.

 

Sex without anything else other than enjoying the physical is totally, entirely possible. For both men AND women, and I'm a woman who is totally monogamous and committed when I'm in a relationship. But still I had that experience myself of wanting something physical and nothing else with someone. So when someone tells us they do not want a relationship with us, but just a hookup, they mean it. And if they show it by their actions--i.e. say just enough to get the clothes off, but never really commit, they still mean it. Fully. You are not relationship material for this guy, he just has a need to feed and you're feeding it bluntly put.

 

Either be 1000 percent on board with that or leave and look elsewhere. He's not having babies with you or playing house. Hooking up is not the way to a relationship or we'd all still be with the first person we ever had sex with. It takes a whole lot more than "just sex" to get relationship status.

[greta96]

many females do the same thing..just saying.

 

Oh, I'm sure they do...it's just that being a female myself, I'm not really familiar with that side of the fence.

[surfdiva]

Oh, I'm sure they do...it's just that being a female myself, I'm not really familiar with that side of the fence.

 

I'm with you on this one. I have to have that physical attraction to be able to have sex with someone. If the attraction isn't there I can't open myself up enough to have sex.

[boltnrun]

I have a "friend" with whom I have some really great sex...but no way would I EVER want to be in a relationship with him.

 

He's a mess. In every way. Among other things that make him NOT relationship material.

 

But sometimes I just want some sex and someone to hang out with. We talk, we have drinks, then we go to my room or my apartment or to his apartment and have sex. Sometimes stay overnight, sometimes leave right after the sex, sometimes stay for a little while. Doesn't matter.

 

After he or I leave, we just go on with our regular lives. I seldom hear from him and seldom contact him, until the next time.

 

Don't love him, never will. He doesn't love me and never will.

 

So, yeah. Totally possible.

[Emmy321]

So he tells me I'm not his type but he dated other people that arnt his type and fell in love. The crazy part is he and I have a lot common other then physical attraction. I guess I'm an idiot because I don't get it. We arnt hooking up anymore.

[Batya33]

So he tells me I'm not his type but he dated other people that arnt his type and fell in love. The crazy part is he and I have a lot common other then physical attraction. I guess I'm an idiot because I don't get it. We arnt hooking up anymore.

 

Because you're interpreting "not my type" differently and/or he doesn't want to be blunt/tactless with you. He enjoys hooking up with you and hanging out with you.

[Emmy321]

How am interpreting it differently???

[Moontiger]

Read the book He's Just Not That Into You. It should help you understand.

[Emmy321]

Im not chasing him. I saw the movie. I just want to understand to get it off my mind.

[Batya33]

How am interpreting it differently???

 

You believe it is about physical attraction and things in common. That might be true for some people but it's not a universal definition. And I don't think it is about type - he is just using that as a stand in so he doesn't tell you that your are Miss Right Now but won't ever be Miss Right.

[Moontiger]

Even if you two look perfect on paper, some interests etcetera, it doesn't matter. He's just not into you.

[boltnrun]

He doesn't have "those kind" of feelings for you.

 

He's physically attracted to you and he thinks you're pretty cool. But he isn't going to fall in love with you.

 

As one of my exes said, a girl can bring you beer and feed you dinner, she can rub your back, she can give you and sex, you can have a conversation, and you feel pretty good after all that...but that's not love.

[reinventmyself]

Because there are several components of attraction.

 

You two are physically attracted to each other. You also say you have a lot in common.

Maybe you can share because you haven't elaborated what that is exactly.

 

But as others have said, yes, I too am physically attracted to some men who I would never consider having a relationship with.

 

I still get weak kneed around my ex bf, who is incredibly handsome, charming and very sexual. We have amazing chemistry, crack each other up and finish each others sentences.

On the other hand he is a self centered, commitment phobic, alcoholic.

Clearly not relationship material.

AKA. . not my type

 

Outside of physical attraction, attraction is based on values, personality, integrity, humor, ambition, social skills, emotional intelligence.

 

I could go on and on.

[ThatwasThen]

Did you bother to ask him what his type IS?

 

I suspect that he's the double standard type and his type would be anyone who wouldn't hook up with him like you have.

 

Until you ask him and unless he gives you an honest answer, you'll never really know why you're "not his type." I suggest you tell him that you've found a steady boyfriend (even if you haven't) the next time he tries to take you down off the shelf and do you.

[notalady]

So he tells me I'm not his type but he dated other people that arnt his type and fell in love. The crazy part is he and I have a lot common other then physical attraction. I guess I'm an idiot because I don't get it. We arnt hooking up anymore.

 

You're focusing too much on what he said and banging your head against the wall trying to figure it out.

 

People make up excuses all the time for all kinds of things, if you didn't like one of your friends for whatever reason, and tell them you're so busy these days you can't hang out, then they think to themselves, ok but she's got time to hang out with all these other friends, I don't get it! How can she be busy but also hang out with them, but not me? We get along SO well, so it can't be that she just doesn't want to hang out with me!

 

See what I mean? The "friend" in this scenario can't accept the simple fact that you just don't want to spend time with her and focuses on analysing your excuse, when she should realise, for whatever reason, you don't want to hang out with her and she should seek friendship elsewhere.

 

People don't often give you the real reasons and you are wasting your time trying to figure it out. What you understand to be true (ie you have a lot in common and physical attraction) is not true for him. You don't need to underwear why, just need to accept that he doesn't see anything serious with YOU in particular, not other girls that you perceive as "the same type" as you, or anyone else, just you. And a lot of time, it's not even to do with you, it's his prerogative. You can't control or even sometimes understand what someone else wants when it seems to not make sense to you, we often don't. Once you can accept that, you can move on and stop wasting time and energy thinking about the why and how, and focus on meeting someone who actually wants to be serious with you.

[catfeeder]

Most people are just not our match. We don't need a reason--there are millions of perfectly wonderful people on the planet, but we aren't going to fall in love with most of them.

[Emmy321]

I did ask just see what his answers were. I Actually wish that I didn't. There were pretty messed up. Thanks everyone that has repsonded to this post. I well give it a rest now.

[ThatwasThen]

I did ask just see what his answers were. I Actually wish that I didn't. There were pretty messed up. Thanks everyone that has repsonded to this post. I well give it a rest now.

When did you ask him?

Why do you wish you didn't?

Pretty messed up is rather a broad statement. "Messed up" is subjective (messed up to you and your sensibilities I suppose but perhaps not "messed up" to those that are his type... see how that works?

[Emmy321]

When did you ask him?

Why do you wish you didn't?

Pretty messed up is rather a broad statement. "Messed up" is subjective (messed up to you and your sensibilities I suppose but perhaps not "messed up" to those that are his type... see how that works?

 

I asked him to tell me what makes me not his type. His answers were observations he's made about me. The reason it's messed up is because I feel that he's never really been in my life to make these observations. They are untrue. I'm not going to go into detail about them.