What happens in your relationship if your wife is friends with a guy who is...

[siegfri333]

So men are basically a walking penis with little self control?

 

Its a bit harsh to word it that way, but yes, the first thing men are attracted to in a woman is the sexual arousal, the "i want her naked on my lap" thoughts, and they NEVER forget about it. Even 25 years later.

It doesn't mean they will admit it, or act on it straight away, but if getting closer to a woman in the hope to bang her means going by her idea of being "friends", they will do it, for a long time, especially if they think she's uncommitted or single.

[siegfri333]

I wonder if the naysayers here have ever double dated? Or had couple friends? That's one of the fun parts of being a couple, being friends with other couples!

 

Or is that too risky and inappropriate? Will hormones take over and make us all take our clothes off and become swingers?

 

Gosh, I can't relate. I guess some people don't have forebrains. What an awful existence.

 

You don't understand really, the attraction will not necessarily end up in wild sex over the kitchen table, but you simply have NO IDEA what's really in the mind of a guy who appreciate you. And you'll never know, because he will never tell you.

 

I have at least 3 examples of people around me who were "couple friends", who separated, and then 2 of them got together, admitting a strong attraction from the start but never admitting it because of the "couple friends" thing.

 

The male/female friendship myth is a woman's dream. Hell, i have seen GAY men who when getting drunk admit to be sexually aroused by female "friends", kissing them and grabbing their breast and saying "i so desire you right now"...

[DoF]

Its a bit harsh to word it that way, but yes, the first thing men are attracted to in a woman is the sexual arousal, the "i want her naked on my lap" thoughts, and they NEVER forget about it. Even 25 years later.

It doesn't mean they will admit it, or act on it straight away, but if getting closer to a woman in the hope to bang her means going by her idea of being "friends", they will do it, for a long time, especially if they think she's uncommitted or single.

 

There is VERY little man WON'T due when it comes to chasing a woman they want.

 

I've seen MANY extremes most ladies here wouldn't even believe.

[Clinton]

I didn't get pissed, not at all. NOTHING on this page can get me "pissed" lmao

 

Cheap shot? sure.

 

As for hide behind and weasel out. I apologized, twice. I understand that it was worthless and you care none.

 

I shouldn't have apologized.

 

 

 

Well at least we agree on that.=D>

[DoF]

You don't understand really, the attraction will not necessarily end up in wild sex over the kitchen table, but you simply have NO IDEA what's really in the mind of a guy who appreciate you. And you'll never know, because he will never tell you.

 

I have at least 3 examples of people around me who were "couple friends", who separated, and then 2 of them got together, admitting a strong attraction from the start but never admitting it because of the "couple friends" thing.

 

The male/female friendship myth is a woman's dream. Hell, i have seen GAY men who when getting drunk admit to be sexually aroused by female "friends", kissing them and grabbing their breast and saying "i so desire you right now"...

 

I think we should just frame it the way women frame labor pain.

 

"Unless you are a man, you will never EVER get it"

 

 

[Fudgie]

You don't understand really, the attraction will not necessarily end up in wild sex over the kitchen table, but you simply have NO IDEA what's really in the mind of a guy who appreciate you. And you'll never know, because he will never tell you.

 

I have at least 3 examples of people around me who were "couple friends", who separated, and then 2 of them got together, admitting a strong attraction from the start but never admitting it because of the "couple friends" thing.

 

The male/female friendship myth is a woman's dream. Hell, i have seen GAY men who when getting drunk admit to be sexually aroused by female "friends", kissing them and grabbing their breast and saying "i so desire you right now"...

So the answer is to cut off all opposite sex contact?

 

Or, maybe put in proper boundaries and be friends with people who have some respect. And cut off people who don't.

 

I have met guys who can't control their urges, yes. They aren't in my life. What a man thinks about me in his private time is his own business. As long as I never know and he never, ever, ever acts out or treats me differently than anyone else, then I am happy.

 

Sexual thoughts are a part of life but how you deal with them is key.

 

Those gay guys you know, they aren't gay then, they are bisexual.

[Seraphim]

Its a bit harsh to word it that way, but yes, the first thing men are attracted to in a woman is the sexual arousal, the "i want her naked on my lap" thoughts, and they NEVER forget about it. Even 25 years later.

It doesn't mean they will admit it, or act on it straight away, but if getting closer to a woman in the hope to bang her means going by her idea of being "friends", they will do it, for a long time, especially if they think she's uncommitted or single.

No ,not really harsh that's what he's trying to get accross ,all men want from women is sex not friendship. And they are only friends with women they want to have sex with. I guess that's what he truly believes I'm not saying that's what I believe.

[DoF]

You don't understand really, the attraction will not necessarily end up in wild sex over the kitchen table, but you simply have NO IDEA what's really in the mind of a guy who appreciate you. And you'll never know, because he will never tell you.

 

I have at least 3 examples of people around me who were "couple friends", who separated, and then 2 of them got together, admitting a strong attraction from the start but never admitting it because of the "couple friends" thing.

 

The male/female friendship myth is a woman's dream. Hell, i have seen GAY men who when getting drunk admit to be sexually aroused by female "friends", kissing them and grabbing their breast and saying "i so desire you right now"...

 

I also think that women take man at face value, what they see, complete trust etc.

 

When man have been born raised and around society that FORCED them to HIDE EVERYTHING. Any sign of weakness, emotion, sensitivity, feelings and we are pounded to the ground.

 

I'm not saying that man should be that way or allow society to drive who they are, not at all, I'm just saying that there is a reason, a GOOD REASON why we are the way we are.

 

EVERYTHING is a consequence of prior events/history.

[Seraphim]

My husband is so laughing right now.

[DoF]

No ,not really harsh that's what he's trying to get accross ,all men want from women is sex not friendship. And they are only friends with women they want to have sex with. I guess that's what he truly believes I'm not saying that's what I believe.

 

Believe whatever you want.

 

I think you are not recognizing the fact that we are just trying to help you hehe

[DoF]

So the answer is to cut off all opposite sex contact?

 

Or, maybe put in proper boundaries and be friends with people who have some respect. And cut off people who don't.

 

I have met guys who can't control their urges, yes. They aren't in my life. What a man thinks about me in his private time is his own business. As long as I never know and he never, ever, ever acts out or treats me differently than anyone else, then I am happy.

 

Sexual thoughts are a part of life but how you deal with them is key.

 

Those gay guys you know, they aren't gay then, they are bisexual.

 

No one is ANYTHING and can change at ANYTIME.

 

NOTHING is set in stone.

 

Again, it comes down to what's appropriate and respectful. It's your responsibility to put yourself in healthy environments that do not threaten/risk your relationship.

 

Engaging with opposite sex "friendships" = risk/thread to your relationship. Drama will unfold, there will be trouble in time.

 

Simple as that

[Seraphim]

Believe whatever you want.

 

I think you are not recognizing the fact that we are just trying to help you hehe

 

But who said I needed help? I managed to get through 48 years without being a dim twit so far.

[DoF]

But who said I needed help? I managed to get through 48 years without being a dim twit so far.

 

If you don't value or agree with my or other advice, ignore it.

 

We will agree to disagree.

 

I respect your opinion and do believe SOME man can be friends with women (extremely small percentage)......based on my experience/what I've seen.

[Unreasonable]

I wonder if the naysayers here have ever double dated? Or had couple friends? That's one of the fun parts of being a couple, being friends with other couples!

My mom and dad did that. My dad ended up banging my moms "best friend" (of course it was all the other woman's fault). We ended up moving to another state, where I got to hear my mom screaming at her on long phone distance calls because she'd send my dad letters (this was back in the 80's - I cant imagine the complications the new tech adds). That was fun as a kid to go through.

 

My wife has her girl friends, I have my guy friends. Occasionally there's some intermixing, but its more incidental than anything.

[siegfri333]

But who said I needed help? I managed to get through 48 years without being a dim twit so far.

 

You didn't have to go trough dating in the digital age between 25 and 40, so i'd say your notion of men/women relationships/friendships are true for your generation, wrong for ours.

 

Also no offense, but past a certain age, men look a lot less at you.

[Clinton]

You didn't have to go trough dating in the digital age between 25 and 40, so i'd say your notion of men/women relationships/friendships are true for your generation, wrong for ours.

 

Also no offense, but past a certain age, men look a lot less at you.

 

What a pompous load of crap. I went through dating in the digital age as did a ton of my friends male and female. I'm 55.

 

And as far as men not looking at older women,maybe children like you don't, but there are a ton of smoking hot women in their later years. Halle Berry, Jennifer Anniston, the list goes on.

 

And I'm sure you could add Victoria to that list. Time to go play with your XBOX sonny.

[DoF]

I assumed we are talking "single opposite sex friends".

 

We have plenty of friends that are couples and in relationship. They are also friends of our marriage (if they weren't they wouldn't be friends). All of the friendship time happens around both of us but in general we don't really have much time for friends.

[lostandhurt]

Sigh...

 

What happened to helping the OP with is situation?

 

This once again reminds me of "When Harry Met Sally" and Billy Crystals famous line when they were sitting in the car.

 

I think we can all agree to disagree and help this guy out.

 

Lost

[Seraphim]

You didn't have to go trough dating in the digital age between 25 and 40, so i'd say your notion of men/women relationships/friendships are true for your generation, wrong for ours.

 

Also no offense, but past a certain age, men look a lot less at you.

Not that I am looking for male attention, but I still get looks. I am not exactly this yet.

link removed

 

However , I may not get too many looks from younger guys and that's ok. I don't want someone the same age as my son.

 

Every younger generation is POSITIVE they are hip N happening and we have no clue about life but that's ok. That's life.

[pippy longstocking]

I think you took a naughty pill when you got up today DOF

[superfan]

Wow, there are some extremely warped views here.

 

Men and women CAN absolutely be friends without any "cheating" taking place, as others have said it's all about boundaries. The idea that men are incapable of forming friendships with women because of "nature" is insulting to men on two levels - it insinuates that men are all slaves to their penis and their hormones without any ability to control themselves as well as implies that they are incapable of seeing a woman as a PERSON as well as a woman.

 

Both of these notions are crap.

 

Are there some men out there who are incapable of forming appropriate friendships with women because they always look to see whether they are "sexually available" first? Yes, but these men are not the majority, nor are they slaves to their "baser instincts". They are simply emotionally immature boys who haven't developed the proper social skills necessary to see women as human beings first.

 

My husband has many female friends - some single, some not. Many of them are my friends as well. He texts them and has conversations with them but I trust him 100%. I too have male friends - some single, some not. One of my male friends is an ex boyfriend who I am still extremely close with. He and his wife are both very very good friends of mine. She even gave me my wedding dress.

 

I am not in the slightest bit concerned that our relationship will end because of cheating because I trust the boundaries that we have put in place.

 

And that is what is about, OP. Boundaries. You said your wife has other male friends that you have not ever been concerned about because the behavior has always been appropriate. Your gut is talking to you however with this guy and it is clear that he maybe has other intentions.

 

I suggest talking to your wife about it but express your concerns in a way that emphasizes that you trust her, but also that you are worried the friendship might not be genuine. Don't be afraid to point out how you feel her behavior is making you feel like you are less important than this male friend.

[redswim30]

OP, what is it about this particular guy that makes you nervous? You think he's interested, I get that, but is there something about the wife your wife reacts to him that bothers you?

 

Obviously, it's not an issue of being an opposite gender friend, since she's had those in the past.

 

NO matter what this guy feels or thinks, it would be your wife's choice to cheat if she wanted to. Is there something going on that makes you think she would cheat on you at this moment?

 

Is it maybe possible that there is something about this guy that you subconsciously think he can give her that you can't, and this is where your fear stems from?

 

I can give you better advice with details. But here's what I'd say for now. Do NOT overreact to the friendship, this will only push them closer. Then she goes to him to complain about you.

 

See if you can pinpoint what it is specifically about this friendship that rubs you the wrong way. Maybe you don't feel the close friendship with her that you once did?

 

Whatever the case may be, once you do realize what in particular is bugging you, bring it up to her as an issue between the two of YOU, not involving this guy.

 

Unless you feel a strong boundary has been crossed, then bring it up with her that way. That you don't mind the friendship, but you feel like you need to discuss boundaries.

 

However it goes, overreacting will not help you in either case. Stay calm, firm and loving.

 

Also, remember this- If someone really wants to cheat, they will find a way. If they don't, they won't regardless of who is interested in them. This is about you and your wife. It really isn't about this guy but something about her behavior that is causing alarm. Figure out what. Good luck.

[reinventmyself]

If you don't value or agree with my or other advice, ignore it.

 

We will agree to disagree.

 

I respect your opinion and do believe SOME man can be friends with women (extremely small percentage)......based on my experience/what I've seen.

 

But there in lies the problem.

I don't see you giving `advice' or your opinion for that matter.

 

You are stating things in infinite terms as if you are all knowing and anything else is wrong.

 

It's just your opinion, which you are entitled to . . that's all.

 

Please be respectful of others.

[Blue Spiral]

I think that this issue is more about attraction than boundaries. If either party is even .0000001% attracted to the other, a platonic friendship won't work.

[Patrick974]

My husband has many single female friends I don't think he is doing anything inappropriate. Shrug. He also has married female friends. He has single male friends ,married male friends.

 

It is no problem when people have friends it's just when the friends become more important than you.

 

Only Read 1st page.

 

I agree with Vic. If Im not going to have the right of having opposite sex friends, single or not I might aswell have my arms and legs tied to the nuptial bed.