chickadeedee Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I applaud you for making plans to leave, but you need to consult an attorney immediately to file for custody of your son. If you don't have a custody order in place, either parent can legally take the child and go anywhere they want because there is no order in place. You say you'll 'let' him see his son based on what you want, but you can't do that unless you have a legal custody order in place because either parent has full rights to the child unless there is an order in place. If he is angry and abusive, it is EXTREMELY important to have filed before he knows it is coming, and the same day (or before) you leave so that you have rights to control your child and his access to the child. You need to talk to a lawyer to understand what the laws are in your area in terms of each of your legal rights to the child. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I agree, he could grab your child and use him as bait to get you to come over. Then he may decide to "punish" you for leaving him. Don't think this is farfetched...it sadly happens more frequently than one would think. Consult an attorney or a paralegal immediately. Legal Aid can help you for low or no cost. Get a custody order in writing and file it with the family court. At least something will be in place to protect your rights to your child. And do NOT let him lure you over to "talk". Again, he could be planning to "punish" you for daring to leave. Do not see him alone. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Absolutely it is not far-fetched. My brother and I were kidnapped by our dad so he could get our mother to come back and he could control her. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 When my husband was little, his dad took him accross the country, and his mom had to get a court mandate to bring him back. Consult lawyer to get full custody. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Children are traumatized by what they witness. I know of a 14 year old boy who has a stuttering problem and it was determined to be due to seeing his parents physically fight. The boy even has a speech therapist....but still stutters. Glad you are feeling better. You do need to lock down the legal custody issue. chi Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted April 9, 2015 Author Share Posted April 9, 2015 Just wanted to mention that I am moved out now. The father gets to see his son every 2nd weekend. Things are a lot better now. He agreed to go into therapy but hasn't yet. Doing a lot better! Link to comment
WithLove Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Good for you! We're all rooting for you! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I am so happy for you and your baby! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Great news! I am happy to read that you and your child are safe. Don't expect your ex to attend therapy. He most likely won't, or he'll attend one session and declare himself "cured". Don't trust him, he's just going to try to suck you back in. Be smarter than that, and protect your child. Good for you for doing the brave and right thing. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Just wanted to mention that I am moved out now. The father gets to see his son every 2nd weekend. Things are a lot better now. He agreed to go into therapy but hasn't yet. Doing a lot better! Don't let his promises of counseling lure you back to him. Stay strong. Counseling only means maybe he will be a better dad. That is all. Don't look back. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 BTW. i don't know if anyone brought it up before - i just read the whole thread now and could have missed it. I am wondering if your ex had anything to do with the man at the store. I mean, I could see someone coming up and talking to you and saying that he has seen you around and wonder if you wanted to get coffee - and then you turn him down. That COULD happen, but the fact that he was so darn persistent TWICE makes me wonder if your ex somehow set a trap for you with someone he knows because he was liking the coworker and wanted to see if he could get you to cheat so he'd be scott free. I am not meaning to make you paranoid, but everything just seemed to fit too conveniently with the way it happened and then his revelation about the coworker. I was in an abusive marriage and my ex in laws were very scheming. I unfortunately have learned to be suspivous of certain things. Link to comment
Swanseagirl Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I think he loves you and your son but I also think he is enjoying the attention from this girl. It's very flattering to be liked in that way by someone other than your partner. It's kinda like yep I still got it! Even though he isn't acting on it and doesn't sound like he would act on it, this girl will be being led on by his behaviour. If you are upset by this talk to him tell him how you feel he sounds like a decent guy x Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I think he loves you and your son but I also think he is enjoying the attention from this girl. It's very flattering to be liked in that way by someone other than your partner. It's kinda like yep I still got it! Even though he isn't acting on it and doesn't sound like he would act on it, this girl will be being led on by his behaviour. If you are upset by this talk to him tell him how you feel he sounds like a decent guy x I don't see a guy who verbally abuses his wife and who yells at her for five straight hours for not cleaning the house to his standards as a "decent guy". Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 Okay so I actually have an update for this. Sorry for taking forever, I have re-read everyone's recent posts. So my ex boyfriend is actually making an effort now that I am gone. He see's his son all the time, and I have no problem with it. I feel pretty well over all (other then some recent problems regarding my mom in another post lol) but at least this angle of my life seems to be improving. I have no plans on going back with him, but I must admit I really do love seeing him with his son. He has been really helpful to both of us. I can't help but feel maybe us living together, and having a child together pushed him over the edge. What he did was inappropriate, but he has definitely seen the errors of his ways. He is being a father to my son So far we've been friends, and if anything our relationship has improved. No fighting, no arguing, no crying, no abuse, nothing. And when I say relationship I mean, as friends, if that's even what we are. It's pretty calm, and actually what I wanted it to be in the first place! For now I am just working on being a mom. Not sure how I feel about him, but I like it how it is right now, and right now is good enough. We went camping together for a bit with our son and I felt perfectly at ease. It was just what it should have been, two people having a great time, laughing and going kayaking. (By the way we didn't do anything sexual or relationship-like). We just had a nice family time, with our son. For the first time in a while I saw what we could have been like together. Like two adults. As long as he continues to be a kind father to our son I will keep the doors open. The only weird thing is he posted a picture of me and him together on his facebook. (He never EVER did this in the past)....It made me feel sad in a way, seeing it. I'm not sure how I feel. I just am glad things are okay, at least for the time being. Right now I have no plans on dating anyone what-so-ever and I feel peaceful about my decision. I know full well what happened before and I don't EVER want to go back to that. Not sure what the future holds, but for now I am just letting things go as they are, no direction really, but looking ahead and staying positive, while also enjoying the now. Thanks everyone for the advice that has lead me out of a very bad situation. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 People will be goody two shoes if it works in their favor. Once they see you giving in, they soon go back to their old ways. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Link to comment
ForestofDreams Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 lol well I am just trying to let him see his son tbh. Don't worry I know what you mean Link to comment
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