Coldarmy13 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 So she threw a breadcrumb last night Her: how's the party? Me: pretty good. How've you been? Her tired. Just had an entire conversation with this guy named adam (that's my name too) that I work with meant to be you...oops.. Me: oh yeah? Anything good? Do tell.. Her: not really just confusing That was it. I invited her to the little party I had last night and she told me that she had to work early Monday morning. That maybe she could stop by but no promises. That was when I was a little snippy previously and I told her that if she works early then I wouldn't count on it. That's the only contact we've had since Friday. Heres my new issues and im think im ignoring the obvious now. So the first one I first chalked up to insecurity/anxiety. She didn't come over because she had to work early, yet before I got off the ps4 for the evening I noticed that she wasn't signed on all night and only got on Netflix at 2:30 am. She always has that on if shes at home in bed. So I initially dismissed it as maybe she fell asleep early and just woke up in the middle of the night and turned it on, which wouldn't be uncommon. Then this morning something flares my emotions like crazy.. I logged onto okcupid to deactivate my account. I was going to because there were a couple occasions id check her profile in my insecure moments to see if she'd logged onto it after we both had deleted the app from our devices. This usually helped calm me down because it would always say last logged in January, when we agreed to be exclusive. Guess what I find today when I peak over before deactivating my account? Last logged in March 25th.. significance of that? It was the day right after our long talk! So did she go out last night even though she told me no promises because of her weekend work schedule? Last I checked bars close at 2. Or even worse, did she have a date? Ive currently still stuck with my plan of only responding, but now im having a really hard time. Trying not to jump to conclusions but this is getting ridiculous. Link to comment
notalady Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Why aren't you jumping to conclusions, there's enough evidence to conclude that she's just not that into you, and the evidence keeps piling on. Only responding keeps yourself in limbo, while its probably not bothering her at all, she's going about her life as usual and probably going on other dates. Of course you're having a hard time, the only way to free yourself is to end things rather than waiting for her to end it for you. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Well at least her bring back on okcupid means she's not back with her ex... But joking aside, notalady is right! You don't need evidence of her cheating on you, because there's not even that into you, and that should be all the evidence you need to get out of this relationship! Good luck and please find the strength! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I don't want to get into the entire thing, but I talked to her about the OKC thing and it wasn't what I thought it was. There wasn't a shady reason. When we had the talk Tuesday that went well beyond midnight, she opened an email which opened the site, hence the login in after midnight making it appear as the next day. She even offered me her tablet if I wanted to see that she didnt have the app since we deleted it. Her sunday night was her going out and meeting a potential roommate and a couple of his friends (hes the brother of the fiancé of one of her friends). She said she didnt feel like it but she needs to find a roommate and she stayed out later then she wanted to since she rode with them. But it seems like he could take one of the rooms and her current roommate is staying an extra month, so things are looking up for her there. It showed in her behavior last night as well. Just wanted to clear that up since I was very accusatory in my last post. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Coldarmy, this relationship is a roller coaster. One minute you're riding high (usually after you see her in person and your endorphins are kicking in), the next minute you're at the top of the biggest drop, anxiously waiting for the car to fall. If you felt secure and confident in the relationship, none of what she does would send you to anxiety-land. So, one might conclude you are NOT secure and confident in the relationship. If you enjoy rollercoaster relationships, this one is perfect for you. You'll experience devastating lows and exhilarating highs (short-lived, but exhilarating nonetheless). But if this is the kind of relationship you enjoy, I guess I don't get why you get upset and complain about her non-contact and distance. After all, this is what you signed up for! I'm not saying you should stop venting. But I'm wondering if you enjoy drama and this is your way of documenting it. Which is fine if that's what you're in to! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 When you find yourself in a situation that you are tracking your partner via Netflix, PS4, dating accounts and bar closures you tripped over into never-never land. Look. . Most of us have found ourselves right where you are at. (hence all the advice!) I have too. But I know the difference between being with someone who doesn't spike those insecurities and I have no urge what so ever to check up on them. And then those are the ones who just plain freak us out and we find ourselves behaving in such a way we no longer recognize ourselves. The difference is remarkable. (and I don't believe you were just now going online to deactivate your account. .Sorry my friend! Too many things suggest otherwise) Personally, I will never participate in a relationship where I feel that insecure ever again. In if I do. . I'll run! It's bad for my heart and my health. Link to comment
notalady Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 How's things going Coldarmy? Haven't seen you post for a while. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 It's over. I'm in complete shambles right now. Link to comment
notalady Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Sorry to hear that but at least you are now free to move on to better things! Take all the time you need to recover! Link to comment
janut1 Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 OMG- I am so sorry to hear that. Seemed like all was going better. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Basically, she said she wasn't ready for a relationship right now. She thought she was but she wasnt. She stressed how good of a person I was and that she would miss me and wants to remain friends. I told her that friends probably wouldn't happen, I care too much. It was a pretty cordial break up. She did it over the phone. We talked for almost an hour. I didn't lose my cool, despite my heart feeling like it was getting mashed into nothing. Im fairly certain she wasnt ready for one from day one, but for whatever reason gave it a try and let me get attached like I did. She insisted on contacting me after giving me some time. I told her she could but it wont change how I feel. Ill have to see how I feel then. Either stick with the NC or respond bluntly about how I feel then and what is best for me. I hate that the dumper always wishes to remain friends, pretty much so they don't feel so bad. Shes the one that lost interest and chose to rather be alone. I have to respect that, and she gets to respect that I have no interest in being anything less. Doubt I could trust her anymore anyway. Shes gone. This weekend is a convention I goto every year and its one of my favorite weekends each year. I was so excited when she said shed like to go and be with me and my friends. I got us a (now non refundable) room for Sat night/Sun morning. Money completely wasted. Now I get to spend Saturday night in a room alone and in a bed alone that was supposed to have us both in it. She apologized many times and offered to pay for the room, I told her to forget about it. So much time/effort/money wasted on her if she wasnt ready for a relationship to begin with. So many things on my mind right now but I cant find the words to express them. Ill miss so much about her. I guess this is day one of NC. So far its been shifts from complete numbness to extremely upset. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Yeah, it was very obvious from day one she wasn't into being in a relationship. I would definitely go no contact for at least several weeks. If hearing her voice or seeing her name pop up on your phone will shred you emotionally, why put yourself through that? Of course, she'll probably want to stay "friends". She may even suggest "hanging out". Don't. Don't settle for "friends" or FWB when you clearly feel much more. One tip...change her name in your phone to "Don't" or "No Name" or something. I know it sounds corny but it actually helps. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 23, 2015 Author Share Posted April 23, 2015 Just got a notification that you received the flowers I sent to your house to surprise you. You left me last night, I ordered those earlier in the week. I know I told you about them last night after you left me, so you knew I didn't send those after the fact, so it wasnt the surprise I was hoping to give you. In the end it is more money I wasted, but I sent them with the best intentions so there are no regrets. I hope you like them. Im really going to miss you. Link to comment
notalady Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Yeah, it was very obvious from day one she wasn't into being in a relationship. I would definitely go no contact for at least several weeks. If hearing her voice or seeing her name pop up on your phone will shred you emotionally, why put yourself through that? Of course, she'll probably want to stay "friends". She may even suggest "hanging out". Don't. Don't settle for "friends" or FWB when you clearly feel much more. One tip...change her name in your phone to "Don't" or "No Name" or something. I know it sounds corny but it actually helps. That's a good tip actually. Sometimes even simply seeing someone's name pop up on your phone bring up a lot of emotions (positive or negative). Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I am sorry to hear that, but it was probably for the best anyways. You were having so much anxiety in that relationship. With the experience you gained, you will find a better one in the future, I'm sure. As for getting over her, you are doing the right thing, don't ever be friends with her. It will bring more pain than good for both of you. The best way is just to not see her and communicate to her at all, and after a while, your mind would have forgotten all the pain or what it feels like to love her. A good friend of mine once gave me a simple yet useful advice: you'll feel so much pain now, but in a month, you won't even care. And that really worked for me, looking back at my the time of my last breakup, I just want to laugh at how silly I was that I wasn't able to let go. It seemed like it was such an easy and natural choice. So think about how silly you'll feel in the future when you realize that getting out of this relationship and following our advices was obviously the only sensible choice to make. Cheer up! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Just removed her and people i met through her off my facebook. Removing her was SO hard. Not sure if its finality or what. Seeing her picture with "Add Friend" next to it is heartbreaking. Emotions are still way too raw. Only thing i have left is her number but ive changed the name. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Sorry Coldarmy. I hear the pain in your words. This will pass. Not as quickly as you may like but you will get thru this. Hang in there Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 Thank you guys/ladies. V, i wonder if you ever knew what you wanted. At one point you worried if i was like all the guys and only "putting in time" in order to get sex. Then a few months later to now, i start getting attached to you and you say you "get weird sometimes when things get serious". So you worry im not interested in you as a person, then when it becomes obvious that i am interested in YOU, then you split. Im still wondering how i was too serious. I always only wanted to have fun with you and make you happy. I tried to be light and never nagged you and it didnt make a difference. I thought i made a mistake when you started to get really distant and i spoke up on a couple occasions and told you how i felt and how you were making me feel due to your actions. Now i know it was my body telling me things werent right and you wouldnt admit it. I wouldve understood if you told me what you did last night during any of the times we sat down and talked about things. Were you afraid i wouldve made a scene or something? Im sure you didnt want to hurt me at the time or maybe you were still conflicted yourself, but it hurts more now than it wouldve then. I hate that the last time i heard your voice was over the phone saying goodbye, and the last time i saw you and touched you was a warm hug and a cold kiss. My eyes have teared up too many times today and they just started again, time for more eye drops so i can sleep soon. I hope youre doing okay. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Please don't send that to her. It's ok to express your hurt feelings through writing, but please keep these to yourself (and us if it helps). A break up is a breakup, any further emotional texts / emails will just bring more unnecessary pain to both parties. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 No, I posted it here just to vent. About to go have fun for the weekend. I'm glad its hear maybe I won't think about you as much. I wish you were still going. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 No, I posted it here just to vent. About to go have fun for the weekend. I'm glad its hear maybe I won't think about you as much. I wish you were still going. You might start with not `talking' to her. . Relating even in this way is just a means to keep things alive. As hard as it is. .try to push the thoughts out of your mind and enjoy your weekend Link to comment
janut1 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Have a good weekend with your friends. Yea, you will think about her, but try to replace those thoughts with the fun things you will be doing. Take care of yourself. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Wasn't going to post anything this weekend, but friends bombed out a bit early now I'm here at the bar. I would've had a hard time not thinking about her before bed anyway, but now a girl with almost identical hair/eye make up was around the bar. From he profile I would've swore it was her. That sucked that's my luck. I had a good day though. Wish this didn't happen so close to the weekend. I wish you would've waiting until after the con. Then at least I'd have your company in the room instead of being alone. It's good that I have a better chance to stay busy but it also has dampered my mood. I've been okay but it just hits me randomly throughout the day and I'm able to push it down but I know I'm only suppressing. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 It's too bad V. As soon as my anxiety chilled way out, you left. I wouldn't worry I would just miss you like I do now. I don't know that you deserve it but I do. Trying to get rid of your presence emotionally. Day 2 of NC complete. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Hang in there buddy. It really is for the best. Link to comment
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