Lonely With Her: Ramblings of a madman.

[GhostB88]

Yeah, I know it sucks, and tons of emotions will flow through you. Don't let them get to you. Stay close to friends, if they are gone, make some new ones.

 

Hey if you are in NYC i'd definitely like to get a drink with you and help get these negative thoughts out of your mind.

[Coldarmy13]

I reall appreciate the offer but I live in Michigan. Little ways.

[GhostB88]

Well, hang in there, and keep on venting if that makes you feel better.

[Coldarmy13]

Thanks. The weekend went pretty well, missed her at times but was able to coral everything and push it to the side. Today for whatever reason has been pretty tough. No crying or anything like that, but i feel like it inside. I wonder if i properly mourned this physically. Obviously couldnt break down at the convention this last weekend. My eyes and sinuses feel like im about to break down but the tears dont come. Wednesday night when she left me i sobbed long and hard, after we hung up of course. The pain was as strong of a feeling as i can ever remember having. Probably sounded more like i had a bullet wound in guy rather than regular crying. The next couple mornings, same thing. Nothing since then except sadness.

[janut1]

Its all normal. You will be riding a emotional roller coaster for awhile. Just take it easy on yourself. I remember crying harder then I ever have when I broke up with my X boyfriend. I thought I was going to break apart. It was so weird. But I learned not to suppress it when the feeling came over me. Of course, you can't do that when you are at work, unless you are on a break or lunch.

 

I beat up some pillows too when I went through the anger stage. It felt good for a little while, but then I started working out and that took over my anger and sad thoughts while I was there. It was a great escape because I didn't think of him while I was there at all and I had no idea why. It also helped me to keep track of how I felt each day by journaling here and I kept my promise of NC no matter what.

 

I really am sorry you are going through this. But I know you will come out of this stronger then before. If I can do it, you certainly can.

[GhostB88]

Yes, it's very normal. It would be weird and unhuman-like if you didn't miss her at all and didn't feel sad about the breakup. But you should know in the future it will get better. One day you'll wake up and can't even remember what it feels like being with her, can't remember all the pain she's brought to you.

 

But meanwhile, keep up your workout schedule, play some team sports. I find those really helpful for venting out the anger and sadness. When the andrenaline kicks in, you'll feel much better. Plus as a bonus side effect, you'll develop an amazing body while consistently working out.

[Coldarmy13]

I just want you out of my head. I've been doing fine, why is my brain fixated on you now? One week Nc.

[GhostB88]

It's momentum, it's normal. But try to think about other things and care about other people, like your family, close friends, meeting new people, help out the community. Every second you think of something or someone else is one second less you spend thinking about her.

[Coldarmy13]

For it only being a week or so, im doing better.

 

Today im not all that sad about you. I think im in the anger stage. Im seeing all that I did for you and how I was open and honest, you were not, despite claiming you were. I treated you with nothing but respect, and in return I got stomped on. Don't ask me to be your friend, when I know all it was is to make yourself feel better. Don't tell me Im a great guy and deserve better, when I chose you. If you thought I deserved better, you would've treated me better than you did and not distance yourself until you were ready to dump me. I hate that im hurt and you are probably just relieved. Don't say that you weren't ready for a relationship when your dating profile before I met you said you were looking for one and you stressed early on that you didn't want a fling or just a sexual thing. You lost interest and didn't want me anymore. Why didn't you just say so? I wouldve respected that much more. You dragged this on probably for an extra month plus. You let me believe you wanted a relationship by agreeing to be an exclusive couple. You let me develop feelings while knowing you were most likely emotionally unavailable. Why? Ill never know. I really cared, so much, and I still miss you, but I don't like you right now.

 

8 days NC

[boltnrun]

I think you already started grieving a while ago. When your brain realized what your heart didn't want to see. And that's why you're moving into anger relatively quickly.

 

I felt you were trying so hard to make someone love you who clearly wasn't going to. And it isn't a defect in you, she just plain did not feel the way you did. However, she shouldn't have kept "trying" to love you when it was clear it wasn't going to happen.

 

She may have made the mistake I did when I married my husband. He treated me so well and did so many nice things for me. I realized he would never, never abandon me and would always take care of me in every way. I SHOULD have been in love with him, but I wasn't, sadly. I allowed him to give me an ultimatum ("marry me or I'm leaving you") and married him when I darn well should not have. That marriage was doomed from day one, and I carry a lot of guilt about it.

 

I hope every day sees you feeling stronger and better. She was a part of your life for a while, but she's not anymore. Someday you will be able to look back at the good memories and not feel sad and hurt.

[janut1]

I wonder sometimes why people aren't honest with each other? I mean honesty is best and when you asked for exclusivity and to be GF/BF that was her opportunity to tell you - hey, I'm not ready for a relationship. But as you know that means not really wanting a relationship with you. Which is hurtful at best and we have all been there though, so you are not alone.

 

Anger stage is good, but you may go back into sadness here and there too. Keep posting! Congrats on 8 days NC

[Coldarmy13]

She just texted me "How are you doing? Did you have fun this past weekend?"

 

...whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

[janut1]

She just texted me "How are you doing? Did you have fun this past weekend?"

 

...whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

 

YIKES. Don't take the bait. She wants to be friends and I don't think you are ready for that yet at all!

[GhostB88]

If you can find a way to block her texts from coming into your phone at all then that would be great.

[Coldarmy13]

It's alright, I didn't respond. I thought about just saying "I'm fine, it was fun.. You missed out.", since she found it alright to dump me after saying she wanted to go with me and let me boo a room for the two of us. Didn't give that much thought though because there's no response that would've meant anything from her. She doesn't get to have it both ways. If she wants a response from me she'll have to do better than that. Yes V, I miss you pretty bad, but I have to see it how it is. You left me. I won't jump for your breadcrumbs anymore. You care for me as a friend, that won't ever be good enough for me. We don't have any mutual friends, work together or have much of a chance of running into each other ever. How did you expect to be friends? Are you going to all of the sudden make an effort? Stop it. I loved you.. I can't just look at you and see just friends. Nothing's changed for you in a weeks time. Why did you contact me?

 

As much as it still sucks, I at least now feel less powerless and more in the driver seat. I'm not worried about making you happy anymore. If you wanted me, you'd make it known. Knowing you, you'll assume I hate you now and probably not contact me anymore. Unfortunately it's quite the opposite, but I have self respect. I think I lost sight of it then but I have it now. I wish things could've worked for you. I miss you still, but you didn't do right by me. Goodnight.

[GhostB88]

That's very mature of you. And the things you've said above are not only good advice for yourself but useful for everyone dealing with breakups.

 

Keep up this rational thinking and you'll heal from this pain in no time, I'm sure.

[Coldarmy13]

Now comes the illogical guilt of ignoring her. I wonder if I should text her reminding her that I can't see her as just a friend. I pointed that out already but did say she could contact me if she wanted.

[reinventmyself]

Now comes the illogical guilt of ignoring her. I wonder if I should text her reminding her that I can't see her as just a friend. I pointed that out already but did say she could contact me if she wanted.

 

 

You don't need to state the obvious. .

If you do text her then you will break NC and backslide. Do you want to go back and start again or continue moving forward?

Trust me. .been there done that. It doesn't take much to lose ground. Don't fool yourself.

One foot in front of the other. . We are cheering for you!

[boltnrun]

Trying to find excuses to stay in contact (and giving in) will only hurt you.

[Coldarmy13]

I guess no response sends the same message doesnt it.. Thanks guys. That was the side of myself that still cares as a person.

[Coldarmy13]

I wonder if you ever dared to open up and care the way i do/did for you. If so, what happened? I miss you, its bull****.

[Coldarmy13]

Rough day today. As times gone on I've had a tougher time imagining your face. Tonight my memory seemed to refresh me for some reason. It sucks. I remember your laugh, nothing at the time made me happier then making you laugh. I remember you'd tell me how me laughing made you happy. Where did this shock of sudden memories come from?

 

I wish I could hear your voice again, drink red wine together and have our laughs. I know I can't though. I'm missing everything. I guess it was just bad timing and something I did to make you lose your attraction to me. I've read everything there is to read about no contact to heal. It's day 10 of no contact and it's gotten really painful again. Do you ever think of me? You really did a number on me, babe. I miss you. Wish things were different. Going to have a small cry for old times sake and go to sleep.

 

If you are going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

[GhostB88]

No, it's not something YOU did that made her lose attraction to you. Love doesn't work like that. She should love you for who you are. She was the one who lacked interest and didn't want to try to work things out. It is on her, and not what you did that led to this.

[boltnrun]

From everything you wrote she just wasn't feeling it. Not the way you did. I mean, she probably liked you just fine. You were good to her and she enjoyed having someone around who was obviously crazy about her. It feels good to know someone loves you. But...she just didn't love you back. It's not a defect in you...have you ever had a woman who really liked you but you didn't feel the same? Maybe that woman was nice and all, but you just did not have those kind of feelings for her.

 

It's unfortunate she let things go as far as they did. But I believe the signs were there from the beginning that the relationship was lopsided.

 

Hope you're in a better place soon.

[Coldarmy13]

Day 12 NC

 

I really hope this feeling stays. Yesterday and today I feel OK. Of course I miss the good times and miss spending time with her, but my brain isn't idealizing the relationship anymore. I don't miss the anxiety I had that is now gone. If she ever contacts me again I feel like I could respond and not be vulnerable anymore. We'll see how the rest of this week goes. Again, she cannot just be my friend that will never work, but I no longer hope she comes back to me. If she ever texts me again I can mirror and respond but will reinforce what I want and what wont work. Hope I don't fall into the sadness again.