Coldarmy13 Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 I actually had to look at a calendar to get the amount of days. Just been a bad week I suppose. Link to comment
janut1 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I found counting to 30 days of NC helpful and I also journaled about it under the NC category here. After 30 days, I actually felt like I was okay to stop counting days. So I think its fine to count if that helps you feel like you are moving forward. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 I don't know why it hurts again lately. There hasn't been any contact since your one text. I respect myself enough not to contact you, but the good memories are overpowering the memory of all the bad that was there for me. The last few weeks ive was doing better each day and even now know I wasn't fair to myself. Im still working to focus on myself and I keep trying to keep you out of my consciousness. I miss you and this will pass, but for whatever reason im hurting again.. but ill get passed it eventually. Hopefully its just part of the process. Link to comment
SirCheese Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Yup - It's all part of the process. It came (comes?) in waves for me - I know a big trigger for me is tiredness so I try and sleep when I feel this way. It will hurt less each time, I used to break into uncontrollable tears but now I just feel low level sadness. Likewise with the anger stage, it comes & goes but it's less each time. You'll get there as well. I'm on day 61 of breakup, day 42 of NC (Broke after day 20, just had to google the days!) Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 It's been a month. I'm okay. I'm going to be okay. It still makes me sad even though I actually thought of our first kiss at the end of our first date.. It actually made me smile. Maybe I was just in a decent mood. Miss you. I want to contact you but can't possibly rationalize it. I need to follow my brain, not my broken heart. I followed my heart in our relationship and not my brain, and it got me stomped on. Link to comment
notalady Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 You are doing really well Coldarmy. One month is a big achievement. As time goes on it will feel easier and when you forget how long has it been and realise "wow has it been 6 months", that would mean you've truly moved on. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 22, 2015 Author Share Posted May 22, 2015 Should have a date in Saturday early evening. A little skeptical since we live about an hour from each other but it'll just be good to be somewhat back on the horse. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 That's the way to go. You'll find someone better, I'm sure! 1 less second spent o your ex is 1 more second spent on your future gf. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Date cancelled saying she didn't feel good and said maybe another time. I guess at least I didn't spend any money today. It's strange being alone and at square one again. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Date cancelled saying she didn't feel good and said maybe another time. I guess at least I didn't spend any money today. It's strange being alone and at square one again. strange...yes it is. the nature of change. it's the unknown. it's cool to be ''at home'' with these feelings you're experiencing...because realistically, life is always in state of flux. as much as we fool ourselves into thinking we've found stability, or security, or some ground to stand on...it's really just an illusion. there is no security...ever. that idea is mind-junk. and it's what hurts us the most. wishing things would stay a certain way, indefinitely. square one isn't really square one in this case. you may not realize it, but you learned some things with your last relationship. reflect on that. the hardest relationships provide the greatest opportunities for growth. they give us that little nudge (or a big boot sometimes, if you're anything like me!) that we need to move into new territory. they open up the little chinks in our armor...and allow some light in. i know how unfamiliar and uncertain it can feel. a lot of us are there. you really aren't alone in how you feel. your path is different, but the fundamental struggle is the same. part of being human. i have to remind myself to see the opportunity in my wounds...in my loneliness...my aloneness. sometimes it's all a bit hazy. never know what tomorrow will bring. greet the day with an open heart, and life will take on a different colour. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 On Friday I turned down some plans with work friends because they were going up to the place where the ex and I had our first date. Kind of sad isn't it? Just hearing the name of the place made me real sad and thinking about going up there gave me some anxiety. Knowing if only be a few minutes from her house. So I didn't go. I guess it still hurts. Even if it's for the best, surprised she found it fine to text me a week after he break up but not again since. Seems if she cared like she claimed to that I would've heard something. Lately I'm just weak. Between a few prospective dates falling through and maybe just being sad or depressed, I feel like crap anytime where I'm not busy. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Her contacting you would just be mean. And she probably knows that. Look at how you reacted when she contacted you (or didn't) while you were dating. I can't see how it would be better now if she did. No contact is the best and kindest thing she can do for you. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Her contacting you would just be mean. And she probably knows that. Look at how you reacted when she contacted you (or didn't) while you were dating. I can't see how it would be better now if she did. No contact is the best and kindest thing she can do for you. I guess youre right about that, even though she did contact me a week after the break up and even asked if i had fun the previous weekend. Where i got us a room and everything for the convention.. if anything it was meaner then. I guess sometimes its been really hard to let go. Even though ive been doing the right thing and not contacting whatsoever, still feels wrong. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 I sure wish i never fell for her like i did. That and opening up and being honest is what did me in. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Well, I do believe you ignored (willfully) lots of red flags. You chose to listen to your emotions. But it's over and done with and there's no point in beating yourself up about it now. I'm a firm believer that dwelling on the past and punishing yourself for honest mistakes does nothing productive. It hurts no one but you...and why would you want to hurt yourself? Just remember for the future that if a woman has to "change" (or you do) in order for the relationship to work...it's the wrong relationship. And be nice to yourself! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Had a short cry just now, out of nowhere. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Had a short cry just now, out of nowhere. That's a good thing. . purging all those pent up feelings. . just that much closer to turning a corner. Expect another tear or two. . Don't let it catch you off guard. Keep your eye on the prize. . Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I feel pathetic. I saw on Facebook an event is actually like to attend but it's at one of her favorite bars and it's a couple minutes from her house and that's what is stopping me from fully wanting to go. I get some anxiety just thinking about being there. Isn't that sad? Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 Keep going. It's ok to have small setbacks when you are still on track on the road to victory. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Should I not go? Risk vs reward I guess. It's a friend of mine that's hosting a comedy show Sunday night. Sigh.. The location could still bum me out and God forbid if she was there.. Though she usually doesn't go there when there's an event going on. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I can't do it. I want to but it's not worth the risk I think. I don't think I'm ready to go to Places we frequented. It's just ridiculous how often people I know have fun things going on at these places her and I used to go. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 I fear the risk of seeing her but i also feel by not doing these things that im still letting her or the thought of her dictate my life instead of just living it. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Im not going. Not a good idea. Link to comment
notalady Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 It's only been just over a month, it's ok to avoid places where you think you might bump into her. You just need more time. And if bumping into her will set you back then it's wise not to go, it's not about letting her dictate your life but what's best/most helpful for your recovery. When you have move on emotionally, going to those places and the risk of bumping into her won't phase you at all from doing what you want to do. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 It actually sounds like you are doing great. Congrats. May not feel like it, but catching up on what you've been doing, you are doing what you need to and working it through. It just sucks during this part. But you aren't pathetic. Actually, the opposite. Your strength is showing through. Link to comment
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