K's Dating Journal

[WithLove]

I had a breakdown yesterday. All the stress about money and medications from the past few weeks finally got to me and I broke. It sucked. The worse part is that I snapped at a close friend and now we're awkward.

[reinventmyself]

I had a breakdown yesterday. All the stress about money and medications from the past few weeks finally got to me and I broke. It sucked. The worse part is that I snapped at a close friend and now we're awkward.

 

Things will get better. Starting new jobs are stressful. Factor in being overtired. Take care of yourself WL!

[WithLove]

Work is going well. It's a bit stressful because there's so much paperwork and you never get caught up. So staring at the mountain of paper, knowing it'll never really get smaller, is a bit intimidating. I've been warned that its very easy to get burnt out here, so to make sure I take breaks often and go walk around some to get away from it all.

 

I'm feeling pretty down. I'm hanging on by my fingernails waiting for money to come in so I can pay my bills. It's depressing. I haven't been eating well and it just makes me feel really bad in general. I can't make any trips to the gym til I get paid. It's not far, but more gas than I'd have.

 

I don't sleep well. I wake up every hour at least. It makes me tired all the time, even if I am in my bed for 10-12 hours a night. I just don't get any rest.

 

I'm just not in a good place right now.

[reinventmyself]

(((hugs))))

[WithLove]

My aunt just drove 3 hours into town to give me money for my medication. My mom told her how bad I'm struggling. I don't talk to my family about my depression. Just my mother. I'm a bit miffed that she betrayed my confidence by telling my family how bad it is; but I also can't help but be extremely grateful that my aunt stepped forward to help me.

[reinventmyself]

That was really nice of her With love. Let people help you. That's what family is for. I'm sure you'd do the same in return

[Seraphim]

My aunt just drove 3 hours into town to give me money for my medication. My mom told her how bad I'm struggling. I don't talk to my family about my depression. Just my mother. I'm a bit miffed that she betrayed my confidence by telling my family how bad it is; but I also can't help but be extremely grateful that my aunt stepped forward to help me.

Ya know darlin pride comes before a big crash.

 

Bipolar people NEED their medication . It is not optional. It is something I wish my dad would learn. It makes really upset to see people struggle when help is RIGHT. THERE. Maybe I am not the best person to speak as I have a bipolar parent who could never stay on his godforsaken medication just because he " doesn't want to". Everyday for the last 46 years I have wanted to smack the crap out of him for yoyoimg his meds. Hun just take them.

[thejigsup]

You have a mental disorder. Own it. It is nothing to be ashamed of. My best friend is schizoaffective disorder and she will tell you right out loud that she has it. It's no different than having any other disease or disorder. Why hide it? It's nothing to be ashamed of at all.

[Cheetarah]

Take those meds, girlfriend. Your aunt is a sweetie, one day when you're on your feet, go make that 3 hour drive and give her some flowers. You are going to feel so much better when you are back to taking your medication regularly.

[faraday]

Take those meds, girlfriend. Your aunt is a sweetie, one day when you're on your feet, go make that 3 hour drive and give her some flowers. You are going to feel so much better when you are back to taking your medication regularly.

 

I like this plan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

What your mom did might feel like a betrayal...but she loves you...and she's doing her best to make sure her baby gets what she needs...so try not to stay mad at her for too long...she's just taking care of you. She loves you.

[WithLove]

I'm feeling good. I've been taking my meds daily for a few days now. I can almost physically feel myself swimming back towards the surface. It's a nice feeling.

 

Still feeling stress financially, but with my aunt helping me out with my meds, some of that stress is less. I thought I would be late with my rent coming up, but I actually may be okay. I might be able to pay the late balance of my other bills and still have enough left to pay my rent on time; then pay the rest of the balances of my other bills with my next paycheck. It might work, but it depends on how much my first paycheck is. I am praying it'll be enough.

 

I am tentatively talking with an old friend from up north. He is divorced and we have known each other for years. I'm not sure where it's going, but it's nice to talk to someone again. I don't have any interest in seeing someone where I am currently, since I'm planning to move. I'm now almost positive I won't be able to do it this October like I want to, so I'm planning on doing it next year.

 

I have been toying with the idea of reaching out to some mutual friends of my ex and I. He moved last week to another state, so I no longer feel guilty about having friendships with his friends. I haven't asked anyone yet, but I'm thinking about seeing if any of them would like to meet up soon to catch up. What do you guys think?

 

This week has been a turn-around as far as eating goes. I've been eating less and drinking tons of water. I'm also eating way less dessert-like things. My grandma is in the hospital again, so I haven't been to the gym, but I plan to go next week. I'm still very tired after work every day, but I've got to force myself to go back to working out. Then it'll become easier in a few weeks.

[ms201242]

There's no rule that says you can't be friends with an ex's friends, so I say go for it. Especially if you had developed relationships with them while you were seeing your ex. As long as you've let an "appropriate" amount of time pass, I would probably do the same myself. I used quotations because it's totally subjective.

 

Hope your grandma gets well soon!

[Seraphim]

I am sorry for being rough with you Hun . I have seen my dad suffer so so so horrifically for his choices and I don't want you to suffer the same. If you are irritated I understand. Good for you for taking your medication.

 

I hope your grandma feels better.

[WithLove]

There's no rule that says you can't be friends with an ex's friends, so I say go for it. Especially if you had developed relationships with them while you were seeing your ex. As long as you've let an "appropriate" amount of time pass, I would probably do the same myself. I used quotations because it's totally subjective.

 

Hope your grandma gets well soon!

 

Hello - don't think I've seen you post on my journal before. Thank you for the comment! My ex and I broke up last December; it was not a bad break-up, but I did not continue my friendships with all of his friends that I met while dating him, out of respect for him. Our mutual friends and I are still friends on social media. I do think I will eventually ask them if they'd like to meet up at some point; the hard part is knowing if we're close enough for me to assume that they would be fine with meeting me halfway, because they all are almost an hour away.

[WithLove]

I am sorry for being rough with you Hun . I have seen my dad suffer so so so horrifically for his choices and I don't want you to suffer the same. If you are irritated I understand. Good for you for taking your medication.

 

I hope your grandma feels better.

 

I'm not annoyed at all, Vic. All of you are quite correct in that I need to take my meds. It's just that - I'm really having a hard time knowing that I will probably have to be on them for the rest of my life. Even going one or two days without them is pretty bad. I hate it. And I'm stuck on the stigma that being on meds is bad or embarrassing. That comes from my dad's attitude. He still doesn't understand or respect it.

[Seraphim]

I'm not annoyed at all, Vic. All of you are quite correct in that I need to take my meds. It's just that - I'm really having a hard time knowing that I will probably have to be on them for the rest of my life. Even going one or two days without them is pretty bad. I hate it. And I'm stuck on the stigma that being on meds is bad or embarrassing. That comes from my dad's attitude. He still doesn't understand or respect it.

 

Then he needs to be educated. Mental illness and medication that improves that should never be stigmatized. I'm really sorry that you have to live through that. My dad had to live through that in the 60s and 70s and even the 80s. But really your dad need some education about that.

[WithLove]

It's not gonna happen. He is who he is. I just have to accept that.

[Seraphim]

It's not gonna happen. He is who he is. I just have to accept that.

 

Then try not to internalize what he has to say because you know it's an uneducated viewpoint.

[ms201242]

I haven't commented before, but I read a few pages and you remind me of myself a little bit

You've got nothing to lose by asking them to hang out!

[Ms Darcy]

I see no problem with being friends with the friends of a far away ex!

 

As for the struggle with having to take meds for the rest of your life ... Well, my mom put it brilliantly once. We all have something. While I don't have to take meds, I have to be very careful about food. Many times it's not a big deal but every once in a while I would like to have some chocolate cake with frosting. I just can't. Meanwhile, my friend who is skinny and can eat anything she wants has other health issues. I mean, we all have SOMETHING that is our kryptonite. That's the way of humanity.

[thejigsup]

I'm lactose intolerant and I LOVE milk and cheese. I can never consume them. The products you see advertised for my condition are not reliable. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. I won't take the chance. I also take blood pressure meds. With these meds, my BP is well within the normal range, without much restriction in my diet. BUT, if I don't take these meds, no matter what I do, my BP is very high. As Ms Darcy so perfectly put it,, we all have SOMETHING.

[Ms Darcy]

I am lactose intolerant too Jigs! I can relate!

[WithLove]

Thank you for all the kind words, everyone. They are balms on a repeatedly opened wound.

 

From my post in Cheet's WW journal: I packed my lunch last night in preparation for today. If I don't do it the night before, I absolutely will not do it in the morning and will then order something that's probably not healthy. I browned some chicken on the stovetop last night for dinner: seasoned with garlic & onion powder and a little bit of salt and pepper, browned in two spoonfuls of coconut oil. I'm surprised by how much doing this in coconut oil doesn't change the flavor of anything. Then I mixed together a large can of green beans with a small can of corn, flavored with salt and pepper and a hint of garlic powder. I really love this mixture, because I get some starch from the corn (it's one of the starchiest veggies, apart from potatoes) and I feel like it fills me better than just green beans or another veggie. It was all delicious and I made extra to bring to work for lunch today, along with a small container of BBQ sauce for dipping.

 

I also packed my gym bag and it's in my truck so I can head there immediately after work. If I'm not starving when I get home, I premade a protein shake in my blender and put the travel container you mix it in in my fridge, and I'll just have that instead. Otherwise, I can defrost some fish or more chicken in the microwave quickly.

 

I'm becoming more motivated again. I'm tired today, slept maybe 5 hours, but I've got all the tools with me today to eat healthy and exercise, and I'm looking forward to the gym. I'm so pleased to be able to get back on track again.

 

Day 7 of taking my pills regularly.

[Seraphim]

I am so happy you are taking your pills regularly !

 

It's a funny thing though everybody in the south fries everything. Almost nobody here fries anything.

[WithLove]

Yep, we are well known for frying. But my father was a huge gym and health buff when I was growing up, so I actually never really had fried foods as a kid. Thankfully, I've never developed a taste for fried foods because of it. I do love fries, but I still prefer them baked (like baked steak fries). chicken, fish, anything - I much prefer them "pan fried" (browned in some olive or coconut oil), baked, or used on a George Foreman grill. I don't much care for anything that has been deep fried and has a coating.