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WithLove

By WithLove
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faraday Grand Master

faraday

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Today I found out that J, my ex, has left to move to another state.

 

I'm surprisingly a little sad. I'm just remembering how much fun I had with him, I guess. Maybe I never really drew the "it's over" line in my head because... It didn't end badly. There weren't really any "I'll never date you again" red flags. Even though I ended it for multiple reasons.. I guess I just always sort of kept a tiny hope for reconciliation in the future in the back of my mind.

 

Was he the last guy? Didn't he just move in with his friend and sign a lease?

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reinventmyself Grand Master

reinventmyself

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Was he the last guy? Didn't he just move in with his friend and sign a lease?

 

I wondered the same but got impatient and scrolled backwards.

I am sorry WL. I sensed you were never quite done even though you stated otherwise.

Ending and beginnings. .

Just when you think you've got it all figured out. . .

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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It's a hard day today. I started it off by a pretty emotional dream. It was my own wedding. I saw my dress, and the way my hair was styled, and my make-up. I saw myself standing before a set of double doors, listening to the music that starts when it's time for the bride. The doors opened and I saw all of my family there. I saw my cousin crying, my mom crying. They were all so happy. I felt myself holding back tears of joy.

 

I was so sad when I woke up. I can't shake my loneliness today. My mom just called me, wanting to go out to dinner. Just hearing her made me fight a lump in my throat.

 

I haven't heard back from HR about when I'm starting work. I called and left a message. Nothing yet. I also went onto my state's unemployment page and filled out the required info to claim benefits for the past 2 weeks. I don't know when those funds will be accepted or hit my account. But I'm so stressed about it that I can't even think about it, if that makes sense. I get panicked and have to concentrate on breathing. My Dad did tell me on Sunday that he would help me with what he could, but I didn't take anything because literally all of my bills are due.

 

 

 

EDIT: as soon as I entered this, the lady I interviewed with from HR called me back. A different person is going to email me tomorrow with the next steps to get me started - she said there are a few more things I have to sign and the drug screening I have to go do. She mentioned all new hires start on Tuesdays, so I am hoping (praying!!!) that I can get all these things completed and they can get everything situated on their end for me to start next week. She did say that my manager is eager to get me started as soon as possible.

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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My former employer is going to f__k me from getting unemployment benefits. I just had to submit a rebuttal because they filed one against my claim. Oh, and as I suspected, someone did rat on me from work. They stated it in their response.

 

Why does it seem like people love kicking you when you're already down and out?

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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My former employer is going to f__k me from getting unemployment benefits. I just had to submit a rebuttal because they filed one against my claim. Oh, and as I suspected, someone did rat on me from work. They stated it in their response.

 

Why does it seem like people love kicking you when you're already down and out?

 

There is always some a hole.](*,) but you know one day they get there's.

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Seraphim Grand Master

Seraphim

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Just as I suspected, I was denied unemployment benefits. Determined ineligible. Sigh.

 

I don't know why some a hole always has to get their ass in a bind about reporting people's benefits. Wow, their $1.65 was THAT precious to them. And basically they're stopping you from getting a benefit that you actually worked for.

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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Feeling better. I've taken my pills three days in a row. Today I've been doing laundry, but I also got half of my storage area cleaned out and organized. I've had boxes of junk lying around in there from when I moved in that I never unpacked. I worked through 3 of them and threw out a bunch of crap that I haven't needed since October. A few more boxes left to go through, but I'm resting now.

 

I'm making chicken for dinner. I bought more of it and stuff to make protein shakes again. I'm not telling myself "I'm gonna go to the gym tomorrow and eat better" because I won't do it. I'm just going to concentrate on maintaining an even mental health and quietly work on bettering myself again.

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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I haven't worked with him in weeks due to the client not filing the correct paperwork with the bank so my dad could get paid. But it all finally got taken care of and they have mailed him a check last week. So this week I can work again. Hopefully I'll make my rent payment on time.

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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Went to the gym for the first time in 2 months tonight. I only did 20 min on the treadmill before deciding to stop - my chest was hurting me and I couldn't get my heart rate under control. But I did go, and a few people stopped me to tell me they had missed seeing me come in. So, that was nice and made me feel good.

 

So I'm celebrating with ice cream. Maybe one day I'll learn control?

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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I didn't get ice cream after all, but I did snack a little afterwards. Yeah, ice cream totally wipes out gym stuff - but to me, in my head, I told myself I wanted to just go for the sake of starting a routine again. I know if I start out super serious about it, I'll just fail. I'm going to start slow again.., I sort of feel like I'm approaching the gym like I'm a wild animal, and anything too intense will scare me off!

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faraday Grand Master

faraday

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I didn't get ice cream after all, but I did snack a little afterwards. Yeah, ice cream totally wipes out gym stuff - but to me, in my head, I told myself I wanted to just go for the sake of starting a routine again. I know if I start out super serious about it, I'll just fail. I'm going to start slow again.., I sort of feel like I'm approaching the gym like I'm a wild animal, and anything too intense will scare me off!

 

It's good to start off slow. Make a goal of one or two days a week...do that for a month. Add another day. Do that for a month...see what you want to do next. Maybe that's when you add in a once a week yoga class.

 

Are you still taking your pills consistently? I know you were at three days. That will make the biggest difference in how you do.

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WithLove Grand Master

WithLove

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My first day of work was today. I am totally exhausted.

 

It went really well, I think. Did a bunch or orientation-like stuff in the morning; then I had to get a TB test taken on my arm. Gotta go for the results to be read in 3 days. Then, after lunch, I had to get some blood drawn to test for immunizations. After that, I was in my department, working with someone to re-familiarize myself with the systems. They already set me up with my own log in info for all the systems used and my own email. I was also given the key to our building and the card to get into the staff lounge in the next building down (our organization pretty much owns the entire block).

 

It was a long, tiring day. Definitely going to bed early tonight!

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