Met someone recently........wow!!

[Batya33]

Is there a reason you two feel the need to discuss sex so much? I'm afraid it might build up expectations about a first time. In my opinion I think you need to focus on how many times you've actually met in person, not all the sex-talk and other talk you've been having for 3 months -in person dating and relationships are far far different than the conversations that tend to promote idealistic images of each other especially if sex is a frequent topic.

 

(of course I'm sure with all that talk you've discussed when you're going to get tested and what would you do in the event of an accidental pregnancy - if you think it might happen soon then maybe talk about that since the sex topic comes up on a regular basis?)

[Ms Darcy]

Hi guys!!

 

I'm seeing K tomorrow! Date #4 officially woohoo....and almost three months since we met! it's going good still.

Still....have NOT slept together, though the topic comes up quite frequently. It's getting harder and more tempting..but we are seeing how it goes. So we are planning dates that don't put us in those situations. Tomorrow we are meeting in the afternoon to go for a walk together and maybe have lunch. It was My suggestion.

 

This is K's weekend with his kids and it's been crazy busy, but he's still let me know he's thinking of me when he gets the chance.

 

I'll update you all soon..

 

The longer you wait, the better. Get to know him outside the bedroom to see if you feel genuine compatibility.

[pippy longstocking]

do you realise you have to tell us when the deed is done ja hehe

[JA0371]

Is there a reason you two feel the need to discuss sex so much? I'm afraid it might build up expectations about a first time. In my opinion I think you need to focus on how many times you've actually met in person, not all the sex-talk and other talk you've been having for 3 months -in person dating and relationships are far far different than the conversations that tend to promote idealistic images of each other especially if sex is a frequent topic.

 

(of course I'm sure with all that talk you've discussed when you're going to get tested and what would you do in the event of an accidental pregnancy - if you think it might happen soon then maybe talk about that since the sex topic comes up on a regular basis?)

 

Well, we are very attracted to each other, so yes sex is discussed. I think talking about it, rather than just doing it is reasonable. I also don't think it creates unrealistic expectations. We are bonding in many other ways. We talk about politics, religion, his kids, our goals etc. I actually truly LIKE him as a person in addition to be physically attracted. Sometimes it truly is hard to hold back, but I know we've only had four in person dates....so I think it really is best to wait.

[Batya33]

Well, we are very attracted to each other, so yes sex is discussed. I think talking about it, rather than just doing it is reasonable. I also don't think it creates unrealistic expectations. We are bonding in many other ways. We talk about politics, religion, his kids, our goals etc. I actually truly LIKE him as a person in addition to be physically attracted. Sometimes it truly is hard to hold back, but I know we've only had four in person dates....so I think it really is best to wait.

 

I understand. I'm glad you talk about a variety of things. I didn't realize you had your fourth date -hope it was fun! Obviously people who are attracted to each other talk about sex. It sounded from your post above that it was the focus of your conversations. Lots of things are hard to wait for or to abstain from for a time in light of a long term goal.

[JA0371]

I understand. I'm glad you talk about a variety of things. I didn't realize you had your fourth date -hope it was fun! Obviously people who are attracted to each other talk about sex. It sounded from your post above that it was the focus of your conversations. Lots of things are hard to wait for or to abstain from for a time in light of a long term goal.

 

Thanks...and yes, we absolutely talk about a lot of things. I just meant that the more we get to know each other, and the more the attraction grows, the more we talk about wanting it...lol.

On another note..last time I saw him, he came to my workplace, I cut his hair and gave him this head 'massager' that feels kinda like fingers running through your hair and it makes your scalp tingle. Well, he loved it. This weekend his kids were over and discovered it..they were fighting over who got to use it, so I told him I would give them both one, as I have a bunch of them.

He also said his son keeps teasing him about me....like when he gets a text he says 'Oh is it 'J'??? Lol. I find it cute and funny.

[h0000]

Once I waited to have sex with a guy and when we finally did it I found out he has BAD erectile dysfunction. I wish I had sex with him on our first date so I wouldn't have wasted so much time..

Just sayin'

[pippy longstocking]

Once I waited to have sex with a guy and when we finally did it I found out he has BAD erectile dysfunction. I wish I had sex with him on our first date so I wouldn't have wasted so much time..

Just sayin'

 

it is finding that happy medium isn't it ...there was someone on here not so long back now that had waited until marriage to then find out his wife had no sexual appetite what-so-ever.

[Tanzi]

Aaaaww, I do love those crazy, exciting and intense emotions of "new beginnings" .... when you realise that someone is as attracted to you (both emotionally and physically) as you are to them. Not sure I would display every aspect of it on an online forum however. I think I would prefer to keep it more private. Sorry, I'm being a party pooper aren't I? I am truly happy for you JA.

[Batya33]

Thanks...and yes, we absolutely talk about a lot of things. I just meant that the more we get to know each other, and the more the attraction grows, the more we talk about wanting it...lol.

On another note..last time I saw him, he came to my workplace, I cut his hair and gave him this head 'massager' that feels kinda like fingers running through your hair and it makes your scalp tingle. Well, he loved it. This weekend his kids were over and discovered it..they were fighting over who got to use it, so I told him I would give them both one, as I have a bunch of them.

He also said his son keeps teasing him about me....like when he gets a text he says 'Oh is it 'J'??? Lol. I find it cute and funny.

 

It sounds like he is saying nice things and reliably keeping in touch. You will know a lot more about him and your compatibility in a romantic relationship (as opposed to compatibility in typing/talking and seeing each other a handful of times) when you've been dating regularly for several months. Of course enjoy the fun, thrills and excitement of being attracted to someone new -there's a way to balance!

[Batya33]

Once I waited to have sex with a guy and when we finally did it I found out he has BAD erectile dysfunction. I wish I had sex with him on our first date so I wouldn't have wasted so much time..

Just sayin'

 

Nothing to do with waiting or compatibility in that sense - only has to do with the guy deciding not to share his issue with you once you started discussing taking the relationship to a sexual level. That's just about his poor communication.

[chickadeedee]

>>Once I waited to have sex with a guy and when we finally did it I found out he has BAD erectile dysfunction

 

I hate to say it, but this was my thought too... I am definitely not for leaping into bed really early on at all, but i think you need to be careful when it is all talking about it a lot, but not actually doing anything (no contact at all). I dated a guy once who went thru this whole routine with me, and then when we finally did have sex, he turned out to have an extremely (abnormally) small member, and to be really horrible at it in general. It put me in a very awkward position of not wanting to destroy the man's ego by rejecting him outright, but at the same time recognizing we were totally incompatible in the bedroom which is important when it comes to a romantic partner. So I soldiered along through an excruciating bad sequence of bedroom events trying to find a way to work it out, until i couldn't take it any longer because it was so awkward and just not working until I finally broke up with him.

 

I also dated a guy who was extremely handsome and athletic, but in the bedroom his style was really goofy and juvenile and giggly in a way that totally turned me off to the point that I totally lost interest in him. Passion is something that is not the same for all people, and what turns people on can be really different.

 

So an emotional connection and compatibility is really important, but so is compatibility in the bedroom, unless you are both the types of people who are not that into it and decide that is not all that important to the relationship.

 

So I think you need to wait long enough to know you are very compatible emotionally, but not so long that you get really emotionally involved then discover a really BAD surprise when you actually do the deed and have wasted a lot of time with someone who just doesn't work with you that way.

[pippy longstocking]

oh chick that made me chuckle ....your last paragraph was spot on by the way .

 

I also have my own stories as well hahahahah

 

I am going back a few years ..but oh my did he tell a good story over msn ..what the hell wasn't he going to do me ...

 

dear god ... when it came down to it I would have got more action from next doors dog

[missmarple]

The 'problem' with the OP's relationship is that she's known him for months but has only had 3-4 dates in person. I don't know what that must feel like. I mean, I've gotten close to guys through the net/emails/phone but it was guys who lived so far away it made meeting almost impossible. When it was someone close we met more often than we talked online. I really don't know if I would sleep with him under the circumstances...because I would feel like I both 'knew' him and didn't know him at the same time! Do you know what I mean?

[JA0371]

Hi everyone.....just read all the responses so I'll try to respond..

 

I have definetely thought about the waiting too long for sex, but we've made out...to the point we almost didn't stop.

Trying not to give TMI...as the other poster said. I believe part of physical chemistry and attraction is BOTH parties being equally involved and engaged. We are, which is why I don't doubt it's worth waiting. How long will we wait? I guess we will know when it's time

 

As for how often we see each other, that is mainly due to work schedules and he has his two children every other weekend right now. I will say though, that he is very present when we talk and see each other. We recently increased seeing other once a week..but again, we talk various times a day. Mostly phone and Ftime. I am a total realist, so I realize this may not work out. When we are together though, it's almost like the world disappears and it's just us. I know it's still early on, but to me it seems to be getting better. And because this journal is fairly lengthy I am kinda obligated now. Lol . I promise you, despite how it turns out I will update it to it's full conclusion

 

Thank you for all the input...

[Tanzi]

oh chick that made me chuckle ....your last paragraph was spot on by the way .

 

I also have my own stories as well hahahahah

 

I am going back a few years ..but oh my did he tell a good story over msn ..what the hell wasn't he going to do me ...

 

dear god ... when it came down to it I would have got more action from next doors dog

 

Hahahaha! See .... no matter how much we say we loathe online dating and all that it entaills, it does give us a few laughs further down the road!

 

I have been chatting to a guy I met online for a while now. Our connection is quite laid back but, nevertheless, over the months it has become very sexual at times. We met for the first time a couple of Sundays ago and I have to say I reaaaaally quite liked him (as I thought I would). However, despite all our previous talk, I never even got so much as a kiss and, well, I had to assume he just wasn't feeling it. However, now that we are back to our chatting online the sexual current is flowing. He has also thrown in how much he enjoyed our date and asked if he could see me again. Quite bazaar really. I couldn't read him at all from our date. Maybe he is just shy and finds it easy to say these things hidden behind a computer ... maybe it just wasn't the right time or place ... maybe he was just being a gentleman. Whatever, it is almost as if I need something to happen just so I know what this is all about and what it is going to lead to so we can stop wasting each other's time. Sounds silly really. I guess this is one of the pitfalls of online dating and/or chatting for too long before meeting.

[Batya33]

So, Blue, did you make a plan to meet?

[Batya33]

"So an emotional connection and compatibility is really important, but so is compatibility in the bedroom, unless you are both the types of people who are not that into it and decide that is not all that important to the relationship."

 

I was able to tell compatibility in the bedroom by kissing, feeling chemistry, touching, being affectionate. And if you wait until you're close and you know each other well you have far more opportunity to talk about what turns you on, or not, what style turns you on, or not in a way that doesn't have to harm the existing -strong-relationship. If you don't have that foundation then there might be a more "why bother" attitude or simply an inability to communicate effectively about sex.

 

Definitely if size matters that much that it could be a dealbreaker or if the person has very specific requirements in the bedroom then sooner rather than later is better. But I don't think intercourse is needed to test sexual compatibility.

[JA0371]

Blue......at least you actually met! That's a start. Problem with online is the longer you wait to meet the less likely you will. See how it goes

[JA0371]

Agreed ...

[Tanzi]

So, Blue, did you make a plan to meet?

 

We have. Next weekend hopefully.

 

Blue......at least you actually met! That's a start. Problem with online is the longer you wait to meet the less likely you will. See how it goes

 

We had made several attempts before to meet up but between the distance, work and children (he has full custody of his children) plans kept changing. I'm a bit apprehensive about all of those things which is why I think I've taken a laid back approach to this. In fact, I went off the boil totally. It seemed it was far too much effort than I was willing to put in. However, now that we've met .....

[greta96]

JA0371, you sound like you're on your way into an amazing relationship

Don't overthink it (especially the sex part lol), don't put any kind of pressure on yourself as to whether to have sex or not, like you said yourself, when it happens it happens. Go with the flow, because I think good things are awaiting. I have lots of respect for guys who don't pressure women into having sex on the first few dates, and it's great that he wants to take his time and get to know you as a person. It shows that he's serious about you, and not only looking to score. The way he keeps in touch, and his actions, show that he's in for the long run.

I wouldn't worry about any potential sexual incompatibility, you both sound like you'll do just fine in that department

 

Hoping for happy updates, have fun on your date!

[Batya33]

I don't have respect for guys who refrain from pressuring women to have sex on the first few dates -that's just called basic manners, common sense, basic values. We all should respect each other when it comes to what we're comfortable with with our bodies. I think it's fine for a person to ask another person if he/she is interested in having sex as long as there is respect about whatever the answer is (as lon as the answer is given respectfully).

 

I think it underestimates men far too much to give praise for not pressuring. We all have sexual desire especially when there is chemistry and have all sorts of other desires where we have to make choices about how to react with though to the other person's needs. That's just called being mature and considerate.

[missmarple]

I think it underestimates men far too much to give praise for not pressuring.

 

I agree. I honestly can't remember being pressured for sex, like, ever. Asked yes. The guy insinuating yes. But pressured, no. Maybe I've just been too lucky.

[Batya33]

I agree. I honestly can't remember being pressured for sex, like, ever. Asked yes. The guy insinuating yes. But pressured, no. Maybe I've just been too lucky.

 

I have been more than once and it was not pleasant. I also was sexually assaulted twice. I am not cynical from those experiences although I did learn how to behave in a safer way (sad that it has to be that way of course).