Met someone recently........wow!!

[Ms Darcy]

Thanks, Batya! It took me a long time to get here. Longer than I would have liked, but...I finally feel ready. If this one is the right one, great, but if he is not, I know I'll be OK. He seems at this point to be a really good, quality person, someone I probably couldn't have been with a few years ago because I wasn't it the right frame of mind for it. How things change!

 

Completely agree and I'm pullin' for ya!

[Tanzi]

LOL, you must of been nervous. Sorry but that made me laugh. The thing I do that I hate is talk about nothing and wonder where I was going with it to begin with. How many dates have you had so far? Any talk about the next date tonight?

 

Hahaha, yep that's about it! In my head I was thinking "enough now", "shut up now" … all the while he is just looking at me intently with an amused smile on his face. However, he did send me a text this morning saying he hoped I didn't think he was staring at me but he couldn't take his eyes of me! I'm choosing to assume he meant that in a good way.

 

Lol. This is the tamer version aka 5 shades of grey.

 

For the moment ;-)

[JA0371]

We had date 7 today.....

 

K asked me to go to church with him today and I met him there. He introduced me to a few of his friends and were there for the full sermon. It was actually quite nice. The weather was really beautiful so we walked around, and then had lunch . I actually told K I would buy him lunch and he hesitated but I insisted. He did leave the tip, then we decided to go see an early movie, which was also quite good. He paid for our movie...and during the movie he put my feet on his lap and proceeded to give me a foot rub. Wow...it was so sweet.

 

I would definetely say date 7 was a success..

[browneyedgirl36]

We had date 7 today.....

 

K asked me to go to church with him today and I met him there. He introduced me to a few of his friends and were there for the full sermon. It was actually quite nice. The weather was really beautiful so we walked around, and then had lunch . I actually told K I would buy him lunch and he hesitated but I insisted. He did leave the tip, then we decided to go see an early movie, which was also quite good. He paid for our movie...and during the movie he put my feet on his lap and proceeded to give me a foot rub. Wow...it was so sweet.

 

I would definetely say date 7 was a success..

 

Sounds great! Sounds like a ton of good stuff happening, JA! Sweet!

 

I am hoping to line up date 6 shortly. Date 5 went well on Wednesday-- he showed me his office, and we talked a little about his work (he was very proud of that), and we had an extended dinner. I met him after work, and by the time I met him it had already been a 12-hour day for me, so I was super tired, but we had a great time. The only downside -- and it wasn't a downside, really, was that at the end of the night, we kissed, but we were both really nervous and he asked me a couple of times if it was OK if he had kissed me; I reassured him, but he still seemed worried. We already had kissed on the previous date (just a peck), but I think we're both still nervous and he was worried he was over-stepping in some way (it was definitely a more substantial kiss the other night). I told him it was all good, that he had nothing to worry about, and he seemed to relax. We've been keeping in contact every day since via texts (not a ton -- just maybe 4 or 5 a day) since he has his kids this weekend.

 

I am trying to decide whether or not it's OK for ME to ask HIM out for next weekend since he doesn't have his kids. He has asked for all of the first five dates. He knows I'm interested, I think, because I've always enthusiastically accepted, and we've had a great time, but...I don't want seem like I'm chasing after him -- I'm a little paranoid about that. I'm still contemplating. *sigh* I'm so out of practice on this. I have a great idea for a date, but...I don't want to come accross as too aggressive.

[browneyedgirl36]

Hahaha, yep that's about it! In my head I was thinking "enough now", "shut up now" … all the while he is just looking at me intently with an amused smile on his face. However, he did send me a text this morning saying he hoped I didn't think he was staring at me but he couldn't take his eyes of me! I'm choosing to assume he meant that in a good way.

 

 

 

For the moment ;-)

 

Me and my guy are at like "0 Shades of Grey" -- LOL! We've kissed on the last two dates, but nothing else, and no talk of anything...errr...more substantial.

He's very considerate. I KNOW he's attracted to me, and I to him, but...he's very respectful, and I gather he's NOT a big ladies' man type at all -- that he's actually pretty subdued in that way, as am I -- just more reserved, needing to really get to know someone before anything really intimate happens. He has young children, too, and I know he needs to make sure I'm a good person before anything really serious happens.

[JA0371]

BEG36:

 

So happy all is going well. I see no reason at this point why you can't suggest something with him. If nothing else, just say you'll miss seeing him. That's certainly sweet and encouraging. Me and K are super affectionate and say we miss each other all the time. It's a huge thing that I like about him. If I say I miss him he almost always says it back. Sometimes it's just a matter of mirroring your styles.K also has his kids all week, as it's their Spring Break here, but we will steal time whenever we can to call or text. If this guy is into you, you will know it. He will simply start start finding a place for you....even if it's a quick 30 second call to say he's thinking of you. Sometimes it's truly is those tiny things that matter the most.

 

I have also noticed K is sharing other parts of his life with me. For instance he is in radio professionally and is trying to get his VoiceOver business off the ground. He recently retained a substantial client and called me to tell me right away. That felt good and I was so happy for him! Im just glad he thought of me..it meant a lot.

[browneyedgirl36]

The parallels continue! Mine is most likely getting a new client, one that will bring him substantial $$ -- and he texted me right away -- from work, while he was working -- to tell me. We don't really call, yet, but we will, I know. He lives 20 minutes from me, so we can see each other often anyway. He's had his kids all weekend and has texted me every morning, which has set off a small conversation throughout every day -- nothing crazy or clingy or anything, just nice. We send pics of things back and forth -- him, stuff he and his kids see when they're out and about, me -- my cats doing crazy things, etc.

 

He just texted me that he had kind of a rough weekend with his daughter. She's a pre-teen, and she's moody, apparently. I will text him back tonight before bed and suggest that maybe he will need something fun and relaxing to do next week or weekend (with me, of course!)

[JA0371]

Haha...gotta love the preteen age. Ks daughter is 9 and is in gymnastics, and apparently rather good. His son is 13 and plays soccer. He's still contending with his not so nice ex wife....ugh. Whole other thread. Hopefully your guy didn't get that part!

[Batya33]

I think it's fine to ask him out after 5 dates, BEG. Sounds like you 2 are having fun and taking things at a good pace.

[JA0371]

Feeling kinda bad for K today. It's spring break for his kids, and he couldn't even get a couple of days off to spend with them. He's already somewhat limited with the time he can spend with them, due to custody agreements, but he's rolling with it. We talked on the phone this morning while he drove to pick them up, and agreed we will definetely see each other next Monday. Life just gets a little crazy sometimes. I have been with other men with kids before, so this isn't a huge issue for me. I just wish he got a better deal in the divorce as far as custody issues. I may start a thread about that because I don't want to get the two mixed up as I get to know him and see where things go.

[browneyedgirl36]

Haha...gotta love the preteen age. Ks daughter is 9 and is in gymnastics, and apparently rather good. His son is 13 and plays soccer. He's still contending with his not so nice ex wife....ugh. Whole other thread. Hopefully your guy didn't get that part!

 

He has BARELY mentioned his ex wife at ALL -- just in passing (i.e. "I picked them up at my ex's house to take them to school") There have been MINOR hints of things -- i.e. he commented that his ex doesn't really know some of his kids' friends, and he finds that odd because he wants to know them all -- but he has not trashed on her at all or said anything to indicate any animosity toward her. I admit, I'm curious.

 

 

[browneyedgirl36]

I think it's fine to ask him out after 5 dates, BEG. Sounds like you 2 are having fun and taking things at a good pace.

 

Thanks, Batya -- I did ask him, last night, and he said "yes," so....it looks like we're on for Date #6!

[JA0371]

He has BARELY mentioned his ex wife at ALL -- just in passing (i.e. "I picked them up at my ex's house to take them to school") There have been MINOR hints of things -- i.e. he commented that his ex doesn't really know some of his kids' friends, and he finds that odd because he wants to know them all -- but he has not trashed on her at all or said anything to indicate any animosity toward her. I admit, I'm curious.

 

 

 

Hopefully this means their divorce was civil and amicable. Ks ex wife blindsided him. He found out she was cheating on him..and it got ugly. She married the other guy. I'll save for another thread.. But he truly got hurt. Im the first person he's been serious with since 2011 after he ended another relationship he wasn't ready for after it all happened.

[JA0371]

Things still going forward..

After I created another thread yesterday, I talked to K last night, but it was bad timing. He hadn't had a lot of sleep, was exhausted and has his kids all week for spring break, but he sounded sincere when he told me he simply has no control over the way his ex chooses to treat him and tries to control him through their kids. He said he definetely wants me in his life long term, but that I need to trust him, his feelings and the process. Today, I asked him if he was mad for me bringing up the issue last night, because truthfully I sort of just threw it at him with no warning. He said no....and basically again, that he has no plans on discussing our relationship with his ex wife, because it's really none of her business...unless Im spending time with his kids. I am in complete agreement about that.

[mhowe]

Why was it bad timing? Was he short with you?

[JA0371]

Why was it bad timing? Was he short with you?

 

Not at all.....he was tired. He'd been up since 2:00 am, and had to get his kids to bed etc ..by then he was exhausted. Probably not the best time to have a serious conversation. By then it was about 10:00 and he had to be up by 3:00. He did attempt to assure me but I knew it was a bad time.

[browneyedgirl36]

Hopefully this means their divorce was civil and amicable. Ks ex wife blindsided him. He found out she was cheating on him..and it got ugly. She married the other guy. I'll save for another thread.. But he truly got hurt. Im the first person he's been serious with since 2011 after he ended another relationship he wasn't ready for after it all happened.

 

Not sure -- we haven't discussed it yet, but...the friend who introduced us said he hadn't dated anyone -- not even one date -- since they divorced, while his ex wife had someone within about a month. The subject came up because I told my friend we were both very nervous, and she said, "Well, at least you've been on a few dates since your last relationship -- he hasn't even been on one date!" I DO want to know more about what happened in his marriage, but...I'm trying to figure out how to approach that. I know there's another thread on ENA about asking about past relationships, and a lot of people on that thread said, "It's none of your business, it doesn't matter, etc." I don't think he needs to give me ALL the gory details, but...it might help to know a bit of the history to get some idea --i.e. if he says, "I left her because she cheated on me," or "She left me because I had a drinking problem" (he doesn't, as far as I can tell, but I'm using that as an example) -- those might be helpful to know.

[JA0371]

Quick update:

 

K has his kids for the week for spring break till Sunday morning.

We are planning a date on Monday after he leaves work...can't wait.

I also received a flyer in the mail for a reminder of a convention we have in our state annually for hair dressers

It's not till end of May....3days. I wanna go. First person I thought of going with was K. So I messaged him. He said he doesn't thnk he has his kids then, so we will seeeee.....

[JA0371]

Meeting K tomorrow for a beach date hopefully we will get some sun and relax. I always love being near the water..so beach dates are always so much fun. Not really feeling in stellar shape for bikini season, and I definetely need a tan. Hmmmm...this date should be interesting.

[JA0371]

Amazing date at the beach with K today. We met at around 3:00.. And really only got to be on the beach for around an hour before we left and had dinner at a place about a mile away on the beach. It was so nice. We both had to leave by 7:00 as he had to be up really early and I had an hour drive. We made plans for our next date this next Sunday or Monday.

 

I am a happy girl.

[browneyedgirl36]

Amazing date at the beach with K today. We met at around 3:00.. And really only got to be on the beach for around an hour before we left and had dinner at a place about a mile away on the beach. It was so nice. We both had to leave by 7:00 as he had to be up really early and I had an hour drive. We made plans for our next date this next Sunday or Monday.

 

I am a happy girl.

 

YAY! I had a really great date Saturday, too. I planned the whole thing, didn't tell him where we were going until we got in the car. He was a good sport about that. We went wine tasting in a really beautiful area, and the winery had a gorgeous picnic area where we had a delicious lunch that I packed for us (along with a bottle of wine I bought for us). It was a beautiful day, great weather, and...just overall really nice. He contacted me the next day to ask me out for this week -- he's cooking me dinner at his house. It's nice because I know he doesn't expect anything (in terms of me sleeping over, etc.) at this point. We are both just getting to know each other and having a great time doing it.

 

I am also a happy girl. Hope it keeps going this way for both of us!

[JA0371]

Yayyyy!! I am literally doing the happy dance for you. Lol...the cabbage patch to be exact! Hahahaha!!

[Tanzi]

So happy for you ladies. I can't wait for the summer here.

 

I am also a happy girl at the moment ... though, of course, it's very early days.

 

Anywaaaaay, I hope you don't mind me hijacking your thread JA but I wanted to ask a question. I was going to start my own thread but I would be very happy to receive the opinions of the good people on this thread. I would also like to apologise in advance if there is TMI in the following but I feel it is necessary so you can appreciate my dilemma a bit more.

 

So, early days though it is, things have notched up a whole new level on the intimacy scale. By that I mean we had sex. Before anyone blows a gasket, I know it has only been 3 dates but, well, I'm a big girl and it has been well over a year since .......

 

However, when I say things have notched up a whole new level on the intimacy scale, I DON'T just mean the sex, I mean all that can go with it ... the tenderness, the closeness etc. (I would just like to point out at this stage that we have been talking to each other - online, via texts and even on the phone - for many, many months so it already felt like we knew each other very well even from the first date). Anyway, needless to say we are really into each other (or so it seems at least) and we have a mutual respect for each other in the sense that we both understand where each other is in life and what we both need and want without judgement. In short, we are on the same page.

 

This leads me further to my point, or rather question. Although we barely know each other we have nevertheless now given ourselves to each other in a way that has brought us much closer together at a quicker pace than expected. This means I feel I should be honest about things that I didn't see as ever being an issue at the time I made a decision that seemed to suit everyone involved.

 

Thing is in about 3 weeks time I am going away with my children and my ex-husband. He knows I'm going away with my children but he has no idea that my ex-husband is going. To be honest we haven't really spoken about it. Nevertheless I don't know whether I should tell him.

 

So my question is this ..... should I tell the guy I'm seeing that I am going away with my ex-husband? Urrgh, even just saying it sounds awful!

 

Just to let you know, my ex-husband and I have been separated and divorced for almost 8 years now. I have no feelings for him in THAT waywhatsoever but I respect him as a good provider and father of my children. It was a choice we made for the children (holiday of a lifetime kind of thing) at a time when both of us had been single for a while (me for over 2 years) and it didn't look set to change anytime soon.

 

Then this happened.

[JA0371]

Hi Blue!! So happy things are going well.......and no worries posting your question here.

 

As for your question.......in my opinion, yes you should tell him. Why? Because it's the right thing to do. Especially if you made these plans long before you started dating him. If your ex and you are truly just friends, this shouldn't be an issue.

The guy Im dating has a close female friend that he visits and stays with on occasion when he visits his brother in another town. He told me this and says he once thought he was in love with her years ago.....but nothing ever happened between them.They truly are just platonic friends. Now he never had to tell me this.....but he chose to. So I trust him. Had I found out after the fact,then I would be extremely hurt....and no, I wouldn't trust him anymore.

 

As for your situation...I would tell him ASAP. Just preface it with something like ...'I'm telling you this because things have gotten more serious, and I want to be completely honest with you, and to put your mind at ease at why this is happening' I would also tell him he is free to text or call you while you're away..otherwise he might not understand why. Transparency is so important in honest and open relationships. Just put the shoe on the other foot and how YOU would want to be treated.

 

Keep us posted!!!

[janut1]

Im my opinion, you need to be honest and tell him. If you don't it most likely will come up in the future and bite you in the arse! I also would not want to start a relationship by being dishonest. Im sure he will understand if you tell him exactly the same thing you said here: