Another online daing journal

[Batya33]

Wonderful news!!! Congratulations!!

[notalady]

Wonderful news about your son! Although to me it sounds way too complicated for just a proposal, because so many people are now involved lol... that's just my personal feeling about it though, I know many people do it that way (get their friends and family involved in helping with the preparation or just be there to witness it), like for me, I'd feel self conscious about my reaction with so many people there and not be able to fully focus on embracing the moment with just the one other person that really matters in this moment, you know what I mean? But it's great news either way!

[faraday]

Congratulations that's exciting. I hope it goes well. Your son is a brave guy proposing in front of all those people, he must be pretty sure he's getting a yes

[reinventmyself]

Wonderful news about your son! Although to me it sounds way too complicated for just a proposal, because so many people are now involved lol... that's just my personal feeling about it though, I know many people do it that way (get their friends and family involved in helping with the preparation or just be there to witness it), like for me, I'd feel self conscious about my reaction with so many people there and not be able to fully focus on embracing the moment with just the one other person that really matters in this moment, you know what I mean? But it's great news either way!

Oh yah, these two are like 2 peas in a pod. They live together and have their whole life planned and documented on spreadsheets. I have no worries about them. They're pretty cute together.

[Sportster2005]

A friend of mine met a woman on Match about five years ago. He was just out of a relationship and didn't want anything serious, she did, he dumped her. She made a spreadsheet with reasons why he should date her. He said you can't leave a woman who uses a spreadsheet to persuade. They were married this past weekend. So I think any relationship that involves a spreadsheet is going to last

 

Congratulations RIV, and sorry about the kitty, but it was for the best.

[notalady]

A friend of mine met a woman on Match about five years ago. He was just out of a relationship and didn't want anything serious, she did, he dumped her. She made a spreadsheet with reasons why he should date her. He said you can't leave a woman who uses a spreadsheet to persuade. They were married this past weekend. So I think any relationship that involves a spreadsheet is going to last

 

Hahaha best love story ever.

 

I recall Faraday's Jay loves spreadsheets too.

 

Personally, I'm the spreadsheet lover in my relationship haha

[reinventmyself]

Sitting here at the car wash and trying to shake my funky mood.

 

I've been spending Sunday's alone on purpose. Aside from typical things I need to get done I'm just trying to be ok with it.

 

I was out with my friends last night, so I'm certainly no hermit.

 

When I'm in a relationship I enjoy the opportunity for some alone time but when I'm single it just feels lonely.

 

From here I'll get a pedicure, return something to the store, grocery shopping and finish cleaning my patio. I suspect for the most part when I'm by myself I have too much time to ruminate.

 

I'm not bored by any means just lonely sometimes.

[reinventmyself]

Yesterday around 4pm, K text me - 'Hey'

I was actually asleep on the couch at the time watching a movie with my eyes shut ;} looked at my phone and didn't respond. He lives just a couple blocks from me

and I had a hunch it could be a last minute invitation I wasn't up for.

 

Around 7pm I text him back. I've known K off and on for years and my first time dating him he introduced me to sockeyed salmon, which is seasonal.

He reminds of the fish and asks if he could cook me dinner one night this week (I could be wrong but I suspect he wanted to cook for me last night)

 

I hesitate. Torn. I don't mind him as a friend. A friend that needs an audience, mind you. But not enough to put any extra effort into.

I go ahead and respond, 'sure'.

 

With that he text me `Did you miss me?' With that stupid question and I now want to block him. How does one respond to that?

 

We both stopped talking to each other at the same time. Maybe he assumes that he stopped contacting me but what he doesn't know is I was in a relationship.

Does any other this matter? Probably not. But the stupid question grated on my nerve.

 

I waited a moment. . because I was annoyed and my honest response was `no'

Instead I wrote "uhhhhhmmmm. . .It would be nice to see you again?''

K - What does uhhhhmmm mean??

Me - Just messin' with you.

 

I work over time one or two nights this week and leave for my sons engagement trip. . so that takes care of that.

[notalady]

I would've just answered "no". His question was narcissistic and purely for attention seeking purposes, I'd be annoyed too and wouldn't bother meeting with him after that.

[Clarisse]

You definitely aren't on the same page with K. He sounds like the kind of guy that will interpret any interaction as interest. I would cancel dinner.

[Sportster2005]

That's one of the problem with texts. He may have been nervous and was trying to be cute/funny. But it's hard to do over text. If he said in person with an obvious silliness in his voice and with matching body language that said "I'm just goofing around" it would have been different. You may still not have liked it, but I bet donuts to dollars you would be less annoyed. And on your side, if this was in person, you could have playfully rolled your eyes and said "hardly". Playfulness often falls on its face in texting.

 

Putting all that aside, if you're really not into him, there's nothing he can do that you are going to find appealing. If you were into him you may have even found it cute and answered "ahhh of course I miss you and want to have wild passionate sex with you". Hyperbole for sure, but trying to make a point.

[IAmFCA]

After not talking for a time the dinner invite was a reach.

[reinventmyself]

I am just committed to steering clear of men who are looking to work out their issues on me.

 

Seeing I am pretty certain he just got out of a relationship, I get the sense he's just looking for a pacifier.

 

Besides. . If he needed a friend, that would be different.

But he's just gone about it in a smarmy way.

 

That would be the same as 48 hours after S broke up with me, I called the last guy I dated . .told him

"I am thinking about you" (7 mos later) and asking him if he missed me?. . uhhg.

 

We didn't even have a romantic connection to start with.

[IAmFCA]

I am just committed to steering clear of men who are looking to work out their issues on me.

 

Seeing I am pretty certain he just got out of a relationship, I get the sense he's just looking for a pacifier.

 

Besides. . If he needed a friend, that would be different.

But he's just gone about it in a smarmy way.

That would be the same as 48 hours after S broke up with me, I called the last guy I dated . .told him "I am thinking about you" (7 mos later) and asking him if he missed me?. . uhhg.

 

We didn't even have a romantic connection to start with.

 

Ick. I understand you, 100%. This would make me back off, making the neighbor an acquaintance.

[reinventmyself]

I guess I am not getting a fish dinner after all.

Maybe he picked up on my snarky response

[reinventmyself]

I guess I am not getting a fish dinner after all.

Maybe he picked up on my snarky response

 

ah h*ll. . .I spoke too soon

[reinventmyself]

My sons engagement weekend was a fun success. It was a mere 117 degrees but managed to sit in water most of the time.

I think I have webbed feet now!

There must have been 35 to 40 people total. Mostly younger ones that stayed up each night until 2 or 3am partying, just to get up and start all over again.

My liver hurts watching them. Great kids. All pretty funny.

 

My decision to get a hotel room by myself was the best decision ever. Each house was overfilled with bodies and I would have been miserable!

My ex husband managed to either behave himself or keep his distance for the most part. After our last get-together,

I would think his girlfriend might lecture him prior. I spent the entire time hanging out with her.

If she wasn't his girlfriend, we'd be best friends.

 

One good thing that came out of it is I kept imagining S there. I had mentioned the trip to him before we broke up and didn't get a response.

Just the mere mention of an ex husband made him bristly, let alone vacationing with him.

S would have been miserable in the heat, in the water and around that amount of alcohol.

 

He would have likely picked a fight with me like he managed to do every time before we were to meet up with my friends.

I would not have had as much fun and honestly would have been so uptight worrying about S, his reactions, his inability to relax and be social with

a very colorful, relaxed crowd such as this.

 

I was glad it worked out the way it was supposed to. The alternative would have been miserable.

 

Still with all that my heart still hurts a little. I hate that it takes so long to get it out of my system.

But this was really the last milestone of calendar things that I could think of, between his commitments and mine.

From this point on I have no recollection of what's on his schedule and for that, I am relieved.

 

K has been texting and I've been dodging him. He wanted to see me last night but I lied and said I wasn't home yet

He said he wanted an opportunity to explain why he vanished.

I told him I'd spare him the explanation because I can assume he possibly met someone at the same time I reconciled my ex

so we likely `vanished' at the same time.

He responded that he reconciled with an ex as well.

 

From there he wanted to know if we could try again. I said this seems very deja vu to the last time we dated, where I wasn't

looking for anything romantic at the moment, but wouldn't mind spending time with him under the circumstances.

 

Not sure if he agreed or not. . Not really concerned about it. Just interesting, that's all.

[Sportster2005]

It does seem to take an inordinate amount of time to get them out of the system. But you sound like happiness and peace is finding you know, more often that not. Keep climbing that hill, sounds like you'll be at the top anytime now.

[reinventmyself]

It does seem to take an inordinate amount of time to get them out of the system. But you sound like happiness and peace is finding you know, more often that not. Keep climbing that hill, sounds like you'll be at the top anytime now.

 

Thx Sportster. . you always manage to say just the right thing.

[reinventmyself]

After everything I read here. . I should send my son a link to ENA.

 

My older son has the high maintenance gf and the two of them are pretty volatile. On and off, then on and off some more.

He confides to me that he's not `allowed' to be on social media and she has the passwords to his phone and lap top. I just about lost it.

 

They've been `off' this week and he tells me last night that she's coming by. Mind you she lives an hour and half away in evening traffic.

I put two and two together and her bike is on the patio. It's one of those `I want my bike back!' moments. You know, the one she left in my garage a

year and half and ago and forgot about. Now it's so important that she'll drive 3 hours round trip at night to retrieve it. . .Hhhhmmph!

 

I lock myself in my room and wake up to see the dang bike still on my patio.

Drama continues.

[faraday]

After everything I read here. . I should send my son a link to ENA.

 

My older son has the high maintenance gf and the two of them are pretty volatile. On and off, then on and off some more.

He confides to me that he's not `allowed' to be on social media and she has the passwords to his phone and lap top. I just about lost it.

 

They've been `off' this week and he tells me last night that she's coming by. Mind you she lives an hour and half away in evening traffic.

I put two and two together and her bike is on the patio. It's one of those `I want my bike back!' moments. You know, the one she left in my garage a

year and half and ago and forgot about. Now it's so important that she'll drive 3 hours round trip at night to retrieve it. . .Hhhhmmph!

 

I lock myself in my room and wake up to see the dang bike still on my patio.

Drama continues.

 

Did you tell him it's not normal to not be allowed on social media? That it's a violation of privacy to have to share passwords with your partner?

 

Did you tell him that love...should be easy? At least in the beginning anyway...because if it's hard in the early stages when it's just dating, and going for dinner, having lots of sex and you're still getting to know one another (and don't have years of history together to breed resentment)...that you don't stand a chance in hell when the relationship progresses and life is living together, sharing bills...a child...that when you hit a rough patch in a relationship where its hard in the easy times...it will shatter?

 

Because I didn't know that until a few years ago. Everyone around me always talks about how you need to fight for love, and that love isn't easy, relationships are hard...but what I didn't realize is...they don't mean those things about the beginning. They mean it about when you've been living together/married for a while and one of you gets sick. Or your child gets sick. Or just surviving the first year with a newborn. Or when you live together and one person loses their job and the other person has to support both, and they go to work all day and find their spouse unshowered on the couch and the sink is full of dishes, they haven't picked up groceries like they were supposed to...and you resent the hell out of them for making your life harder.

 

Maybe he doesn't know that love should be easy in the beginning. It's still a lesson many people are still learning at a much later age.

[reinventmyself]

He knows alot of this. But. .

My sons are really different. My younger one I can say anything to. There is no subject off limits.

The older one will confide in me but the moment I get parental he shuts the door. I have to wait for opportunities.

 

I watched him with his previous gf, the longest, most drawn out breakup in history. He doesn't like to be the bad guy and

just hopes they grow tired and go away quietly. Sigh.

 

When he shared the most recent things about the passwords and such, was when we were at the river and he had a few beers

and a little more chatty then usual. I let him know how I felt and how wrong everything was on so many levels. He knows better

but she is a force to recon with. I think she has just worn him down over the years and he's become desensitized to a lot of the drama.

 

I had given him an analogy, one I wish I had heard when I was younger - that you need to pick your partner like you would a business partner.

Would this be someone you would go into business with? Because when all the hormones and fluff settles, being married and having a family

is very much like running a business. Had someone told me that I would have not married my ex husband (or I would like to think I was smart enough not to)

These two kids have polar opposite values and goals. Bad mix!

 

That's all I can do. He'll get there. . . It just takes him a long time with a lot of unnecessary drama.

I guess this is a lesson he needs learn the hard way. Better now then when he's 50

[reinventmyself]

I agreed to meet K last night for dinner.

He looked good, took the weight off again, his hair cut short and had just completed Lasik surgery so no glasses as well. I almost walked past him.

This is the man I haven't given a chance. I dated him twice during breaks from 2 other boyfriends going back to 2011. A combination of bad timing and a lack of chemistry and

we've just managed to get stuck in the friend zone.

The thing I was most critical about was the fact that he never seemed interested in knowing me, yet last night he asked me to update him on some things I had

shared with him previously, so he had to have listening afterall? Is this my mistake? The jury is out on this one. I need to pay closer attention.

 

I told him that I had seen his fb page and the pictures of him and the gf that disappeared within a few days and the timing of his contacting me.

He shared his timeline. . still a little to short for my liking but not as dubious as it seemed to begin with.

 

I don't know where I am going with this. I told him it's a deja vu moment again that I am just out of a relationship and not looking for anything

and if he wants to hang out much like we have in the past, I'd be ok with it.

We both joked about learning the lesson that you can't return to bad relationships and expect it to be different.

 

He asked if that applied to us and I told him it was funny, I was thinking the same thing but not sure it applied because we never had a relationship to

begin with.

So. I dunno. No expectations.

 

We have so much in common, He's a foodie, loves to cook, loves good wine, golfs, live music, large social circle of friends, he's financially stable, he's easy to talk to, he lives close by.

Out of all these things, the only box I can check with S was he was financially stable. . But I had that physical chemistry with S I don't have with K.

 

What I don't like about K is he drinks a little too much for my liking and he can be pretty cocky at times. That and I hope he can keep the weight off.

I'd like to think that I am bigger than that and can look past it. . but I've tried and I can't.

 

I'm still not ready to open my heart to anyone. Not sure if and when I will be. . but until then. .

[reinventmyself]

I had a dream of S and my cat Xena last night.

Both. . seriously?!

[Clarisse]

I had a dream of S and my cat Xena last night.

Both. . seriously?!

 

There's a connection, right? Loss?