happpybear Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 It's so bizarre to me that people would lie about their height. It's gonna be pretty obvious when you meet in person, dude. I resent it completely. I don't even care if he is short, but if he lies about something so stupid as his height then I don't want to date him. And it bugs me that I would essentially be wasting my time in making myself look cute, and going out into the bitter cold to meet someone that is essentially too insecure to just be real. I have met 6 (I think?) men from eH so far and all but one lied--and the one that didn't lie is over 6'. So odds are looking really bad, because most men that I have been matched with are under 6". I've decided that I will wear heels on all my future meets with every guy regardless of his height--which will put me up to about 5'9"-5'10", ....I don't care if he is shorter, but I do care if he might be the type who is put-off with me being taller, or takes issue with me wanting to wear heels. I like to wear heels from time to time, and I don't want a man that will feel insecure with that. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I laughed so hard at "I can't wear long johns under my sexy jeans". Feeling that. Right now it's the 'fattest I allow myself to get' jeans in rotation; so that other layers can go underneath. That sucks about A. But I think you did the right thing too. I guess that many men really are that insecure about their height, or that many women really care that much about height to trim them out based on it, but it sucks that it comes to lying about it. Just such a waste. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 I laughed so hard at "I can't wear long johns under my sexy jeans". Feeling that. Right now it's the 'fattest I allow myself to get' jeans in rotation; so that other layers can go underneath. That sucks about A. But I think you did the right thing too. I guess that many men really are that insecure about their height, or that many women really care that much about height to trim them out based on it, but it sucks that it comes to lying about it. Just such a waste. Haha, I'm so glad that my dress pants for work are on the loose side, so that I can wear layers under them...dress pants are so flimsy, the wind goes right through. And you're right, it is such a waste! I can't accept someone that lies like that, I think it says a lot of negative things about someone if the choose that route. A does keeps texting me. Consistently. I don't mind hearing from him as I find him funny and all, like I said before... I have been true to my decision to keep convo's short by engaging in the back-and-forth for a short time, and then I just stop replying. This is an obvious change though, btw. Before I would continue to text, and he would usually end the convo by not replying, or I would end it properly by saying that i had to go and ttyl. I'm not doing that now and I have noticed that he is now initiating contact more often, and is being funnier and asking me more about my day etc. So interesting change...don't worry I'm not expecting anything and my mind-set now is that this is just harmless chit chat between text buddies. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I don't know if it's only me but it has pissed me off how that works sometimes. Maybe pissed off isn't exactly the right word : frustrated, annoyed, somewhat turned off. I mean when it's necessary to have to make a bunch of adjustments just for things to go in a direction that you can be happy with. By the time both people are on board together (if they ever do), you're done. It's bound to happen now and again and yeah, some adjustments always makes sense. But I think you'll know what I mean. THe feeling of thinking you have to actively strategize to get things going with someone....no thanks. I think becoming more and more detached with A is the way to go. Good job with keeping your head about you! It's not always easy when someone really peaks your interest, I know. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 Ya I get what your saying, it's game playing, power dynamics. I hate that crap Now that things have changed, I wonder if I was coming accross as too available before....and maybe that was unattractive....but hell when it's -30, I am not doing much with my time other than sitting on my couch and knitting...so....pretending to be unavailable to someone that I want to communicate with feels disingenuous to me I also wonder if me asking him out influenced this stall-out.... But I am not into playing these games right, If I like a guy--I'm available. Period. If I like a guy--I'm going to treat him to a date. Period. Link to comment
testcase Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I dunno I'd be so fed up. If that was the case I'd probably send a pretty nasty text to him. I understand you probably don't want to squash it completely. Who knows what the heck is happening between you two? I'd just tell him to shiz or get off the pot. Haha if I was you I'd probably respond to a random text from him by saying, "So when the f**k are we going out again?" Then again that's probably why I'm single haha. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 ^^I effin love you testcase!! I guess I could just ask the guy what is up..maybe in a nicer way than what you suggest. lmao. Link to comment
missmarple Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 The last guy who was like A I waited for a week and then emailed him 'it's obvious we're looking for different things..good luck'. He didn't protest at all. He kept texting for a while with irrelevant b/s but, finally, stopped. I don't think it's worth putting any kind of energy in the situation..even to reply to a text. Link to comment
milly007 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm glad to hear you're not waiting around for A either, happpybear. I really don't understand why some people would prefer to send endless texts back-and-forth, instead of spending time with people in person. I often wonder if some people do this (exchange texts) because it makes them feel less lonely, without having to invest the time of having to meet the people in person? Still, one has to wonder why someone would pay that kind of money (because, from what I understand, the cost of a eH subscription is nothing to sneeze at) only to find text buddies. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I think sending nasty texts are a bad idea -he knows who you are and basically where you live. Heard at least a few stories of in-person retaliation (I actually was involved in one -my friends and I told off a man who showed up at a cafe where we were and we realized he had deliberately stood up our friend) and several with email/text harassment. Link to comment
testcase Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm not saying send a nasty text! I'm joking. I am saying seeing what the hell is up. Obviously she likes the guy. Just see if you can get another date... and I'd do so in a way that let's everything be known. I think she'll come accross a little annoyed, interested, and wondering what's up. What's wrong with that?? Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 see if you can get another date... and I'd do so in a way that let's everything be known. I think she'll come accross a little annoyed, interested, and wondering what's up. What's wrong with that?? The worst possible scenario is that he'll find some excuse as to why he hasn't asked her out again and, because she liked the date they had had, she'll keep hoping that he's interested and waste time and energy on someone who's obviously not interested enough to meet her again. OR he'll agree to a second (if I'm not wrong) date, again with some excuse as to why he hadn't asked, and she'll never be sure about his level of interest. Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm not saying send a nasty text! I'm joking. I am saying seeing what the hell is up. Obviously she likes the guy. Just see if you can get another date... and I'd do so in a way that let's everything be known. I think she'll come accross a little annoyed, interested, and wondering what's up. What's wrong with that?? Yeah, this is what I have been struggling with for a few weeks, do I nudge/not nudge? The assertive part of me thinks "why not?". But what MM wrote is what I think too. I still may not know where I stand with this guy if I ask him out again or at the very least bring it up and nudge him to set a plan. I really think this guy is a bit clueless and not used to traditional dating. But I also think that he is a grown-ass man that should know that the ball is in his court right now. That being said, If he does eventually ask me out again (I am not expecting it or waiting, but who knows, maybe once the weather starts to get warmer he'll come around) I may go, probably will. Sure, all you ladies may hate me for saying that, IDC. But, I will go to see what's up and will ask about the time lapse. And I will turn the matching back on when it gets warm enough for me to willingly venture outside again, whether A ask me out again or not. And I will continue to reply when he texts me. Because I enjoy talking to him, he is interesting. But I am and will continue to keep it limited. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Out of curiosity, has A been single for a long time? I'm only asking because I have done some really stupid things while getting back into dating that have stemmed mostly from being so used to doing things on my own and on my own time now. I have made some big fouls from not considering how what I am putting out there may be coming accross to the other person (just from not having to think about it for so long, habit almost). Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 He has told me that he has been single for 2 years, has been on eH for 1.5 years, this is the first and only dating site he has been on, and I was his third date from the site. Prior to that he never "dated". His relationships started through friendships, his last GF was originally one of his roommates and things just happened naturally but they were friends first and obviously lived together so proximity would have rendered the traditional dating process pointless in that situation. I strongly suspect that he is a dating doofus, thus why I debate nudging him. But, then...I could be wrong. And in all honesty, if not for ENA, I would also be a total dating doofus Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 You might be a dating doofus when.....haha thinking of a new thread idea here! Well, we'll see how it plays out. You could call him on it - and then you'd have an answer one way or another sooner. Or if you are happy being a texting buddy and seeing what comes from that, you'll get an answer eventually. I'm glad though that you are making an active decision not to let yourself get too hung up on him and not going to close off your other dating possibilities cause of him. Spring is on the way! Soon we can strip off the long johns and dating will be a whole lot easier practically speaking! Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 haha, ya I can't wait to wear skirts and dresses again on dates!! Link to comment
quirky Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 He has told me that he has been single for 2 years, has been on eH for 1.5 years, this is the first and only dating site he has been on, and I was his third date from the site. Prior to that he never "dated". His relationships started through friendships, his last GF was originally one of his roommates and things just happened naturally but they were friends first and obviously lived together so proximity would have rendered the traditional dating process pointless in that situation. I would be concerned about that. 3rd date in 1.5 years..? It is good to be picky but that eludes to 'passive' for me. He is a man after all. The guys I have known that are not particularly proactive with setting up dates are either passive, low libido, low self esteem, drug use, social anxiety, extremely picky or have some sort of other problem. Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 ^^he explained to me that he doesn't get to meet many women anymore, because he works independently, and all his friends are married, and he is also a homebody. His friends have set him up a few times but he didn't feel anything for the women. He has only had three dates from eH. I suspect that has more to do with women not engaging with him online--he also indicated that he gets matched with women that live really far away (Alabama, USA, for example--we live in Canada). He had no problem initiating communication with online and offline, nor in wanting to get together for our initial meet and first date. He planned both first and second date. passive, low libido, low self esteem, drug use, social anxiety, extremely picky or have some sort of other problem. I wonder about these too. So far, he doesn't seem to have cripplingly low self-esteem or social anxiety. He has had no problem conversing with me on dates. I enjoy talking to him. I suspect he is a bit shy. I didn't think he was passive--he doesn't seem passive in other aspects of his life (career), and he was proactive about contacting me (still is) and setting up our first couple of dates...but maybe he is passive...definitely something to watch for if anything happens here. As for pickiness, well it's possible. He did tell me that he was set-up on a date with a women, and he asked his friends why she was single, and they said because guys were intimidated by her smarts. He said that he s not intimidated by intelligence and on the date (to a trivia game night), she actually knew very few answers in the game, and because she seemed to be a bit ditzy he didn't go out again. As for libido, I have no clue because we haven't got there yet...it's highly possible though. I haven't seen evidence of addiction. I've been mulling it over some more. And I think I am just gonna bite the bullet and say something like "You know what? I realized today that we haven't gotten together in a really long time..." See where that goes, if he takes the hint. Link to comment
quirky Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 "You know what? I realized today that we haven't gotten together in a really long time..." Say 'after 20 pages of debating your behaviour on an online forum full of strangers I only JUST realised we haven't met in a while' haha You are very nice. How about asking him directly? 'Are you interested in anything more?' Or do you fear rejection? Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 well....much ado about nothing perhaps.... Earlier today, A finally asked me out for a dinner date on Wednesday. This came after he texted to tell me that he had to go to ikea to get some stuff for his kitchen, and asked me if I needed anything...I was a little unsure of what to write, so said "surprise me " Then he asked me out. lol. I was definitely surprised. Link to comment
milly007 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 well....much ado about nothing perhaps.... Earlier today, A finally asked me out for a dinner date on Wednesday. This came after he texted to tell me that he had to go to ikea to get some stuff for his kitchen, and asked me if I needed anything...I was a little unsure of what to write, so said "surprise me " Then he asked me out. lol. I was definitely surprised. They always surface when we least expect it, right? Plus, A just seems to be an unpredictable guy in general. Glad he came to the rescue, though, and asked you out! Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 How long has it been since you had gone out with him?? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 This shall be interesting...... I'm getting the impression he's a dating doofus like me. And has no clue what a flake he has been coming accross towards you. Link to comment
happpybear Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Had the date, I am convinced that this guy is 100% legit doofus. i like the guy, and I am having a hard time expressing that to him, because dates with him are not what I normally have experienced. He doesn't act like other guys. He does not flirt--so I don't. He never compliments me--so I have not complimented him. We talk...about stuff, but nothing too deep yet about ourselves, and anything even remotely deeper has been me sharing something about my own life. Now...I don't know what is normal..every guy I have dated in the past, by four dates I knew they were attracted to me, sexually/intellectually, we had already shared and talked about deeper things about ourselves...But every guy I have been with in the past moved pretty fast, and they were pretty clingy. A is just...more aloof. So midway through our date, I was starting to wonder if we were buddies again. I could not tell at all if he was attracted to me. So at the end of the date, I was expecting a hug and the "your great, but..." speech....instead he said "that was a lovely evening" and leaned down and gave me a proper smooch. So the smooch was nice . But I was so shocked because...up until that point I kept wondering what the heck was happening here. We also did not plan another date, didn't bring it up because I was totally shocked and tongue-tied again, and neither did he. We just sort of stared at each other for a bit and then said good night, and I went into my building (he walked me to my door this time). I have never had to question a guys feelings about me after four dates. It was always obvious. do I have to ask this guy "do you like me?" lmao. Link to comment
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