Just a journal, by justagirl.

[annie24]

Big hugs - I will see you soon.

 

I just wanted to say, try to enjoy this time with him - enjoy the holidays and holiday parties, enjoy getting to know him and spending time with him. I don't see a point in worrying over anything just now in the absence of really big red flags. I think the best way to move things forward is to be fun.

[Batya33]

I agree with Annie and my additional question is, should he be mixing alcohol with his meds?

[justagirl2]

Big hugs - I will see you soon.

 

 

I just wanted to say, try to enjoy this time with him - enjoy the holidays and holiday parties, enjoy getting to know him and spending time with him. I don't see a point in worrying over anything just now in the absence of really big red flags. I think the best way to move things forward is to be fun.

 

Annie - I totally agree. Girl im so excited for Saturday!!!! I'll message you from work tomo morning so we can book our things.

[justagirl2]

Batya - He probably should not. T, my ex, took a higher dosage than M and he would drink the same if not more than him. 70% of my friends take meds, between benzos, anti depressants, adderal and they all drink regularly.

 

That doesn't make it right, but unfortunately, it makes it common. I also asked my doctor and she said it's totally fine to drink socially while on anti depressants. I don't do it though because I don't like it. I drink maybe 2 times a month and just 1-2 cocktails.

[Batya33]

Batya - He probably should not. T, my ex, took a higher dosage than M and he would drink the same if not more than him. 70% of my friends take meds, between benzos, anti depressants, adderal and they all drink regularly.

 

That doesn't make it right, but unfortunately, it makes it common. I also asked my doctor and she said it's totally fine to drink socially while on anti depressants. I don't do it though because I don't like it. I drink maybe 2 times a month and just 1-2 cocktails.

 

I was referring to the getting drunk. I think all that stuff about what percentage of your friends drink and how much is irrelevant. He's a 30-year old professional and a top executive (yes I know they are known to drink too) -this isn't college/grad school stuff anymore. No issue with social drinking but I don't think the excuse of "everyone does it" flies especially in this situation.

[itsallgrand]

Whoa, mixing meds and alcohol? Don't know a doc who would say that is a good idea. Why take meds if you aren't going to take it seriously? One of the first things docs usually say when there is anxiety/depression issues is "do you drink? well, time to cut that out".

 

I'm not saying it is the end of the world when someone who has anxiety/depression issues has a social drink or two...but I think you are rationalizing by saying "it's ok". No, it's counter productive to dealing with those issues. It's a "screw it, I'm going to drink anyways".

 

I mean, you mentioned his moodiness and over working is a few of the things that concern you a bit for the future, and I'm just saying...the drinking can be contributing to that, rather than to addressing the problems at the roots. Another escapism from the anxiety.

[annie24]

sigh. guilty as charged. i'm on lexapro and i do drink. that's a really good point and i need to watch that (as I sip a skinny girl margarita). I've noticed that sometimes after drinking and on lexapro, i feel really low the next day. i should cut that out too.

[justagirl2]

M obviously have to improve some of his habits. I do too though.

 

I just don't think his behavior is indicative of someone with severe issues. Not right now. Like I said, if everyone posted about their SO's I'm sure we could find something to nitpick about everyone.

 

I agree that there's zero rush to marry the guy after 4 months but that's just not where it's heading so our argument is kind of mute since we basically agree with the endpoint.

 

M has also some really amazing qualities. He's really not just a moody workaholic. At all. He's a really fun loving guy too. HE treats me really well - even when he is moody. I'm with him every night - he's never been rude to me, ever. He's the biggest gentleman and always taking care of me.

 

I just don't think there are any noticeable red flags yet.

[justagirl2]

Things have been really good in all fronts. M is amazing and our relationship keep growing and evolving. He makes me super happy and it almost makes me feel bad about writing about him being down about work some times. It's so small compared to everything else.

 

My diet has been... ok. Ups and downs. At least it hasn't been just downs...

 

Work is good. I start going into the office for a more regular 9-7 job around Jan 2nd. Enjoying the flexibility until then.

 

I have a bunch of friends over this month. One of my best friends just left after spending a long weekend. Now I have 2 more friends arriving today. They still until next week. Then another friend arrives and stays about 3 weeks. It can get annoying not to have my apt for myself but I mostly love having friends over. I can also always go to M's place if I need some quiet time or just to sleepover. Annie is coming this Saturday for a day visit which I'm super excited about! M will be away for the H-Y game this weekend. It will be good to have the time with my friends.

[BigKK]

I used to drink and wake up from a bender and think about how much fun I had,

 

now I've noticed I wake up and am low and it takes a day to dig out... it's not a hangover because physically I don't get hangovers

 

 

I couldn't imagine how that mixes with pills.

[justagirl2]

From the National Health Society's webpage:

 

See below for advice specific to the different types of antidepressants that are available:

 

Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) – SSRIs are generally not known to cause any problems when taken with alcohol and it may be safe to drink alcohol while taking them, although manufacturers of these medications advise avoiding alcohol during treatment.

 

From the Mayo Clinic:

 

Most Americans who use antidepressants are taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) — such as Zoloft, Prozac and Paxil — and there is less evidence of these particular drugs interacting adversely with alcohol.

 

Still, if you have a drink while taking SSRIs, avoid driving because of alcohol's influence on drowsiness, dizziness and concentration.

 

I mean, it is not the smartest habit but it doesn't indicate alcoholism and most doctors will say that it's OK to drink socially while on anti-depressants.

 

It is a HUGE no-no to drink alcohol while on anti-anxiet meds such as xanax though, or so I've heard.

[Fudgie]

I am on 2 antidepressants and drink very little now. Maybe one drink, if that. Lots of people use alcohol socially while taking these pills. I think social drinking is 1-2 drinks once in a while, not drinking to the point of getting drunk. Social drinking is okay in my book, drinking to get drunk, no. Hopefully he'll wise up and grow out if that. He's 30, right? He knows his limits, no excuse. Personally I think it's sort of weird if you're 23+ and drinking to get drunk. I don't think he's an alcoholic, just not mature on this subject. Hopefully he wises up

 

Yes, I understand social drinking is very normal in business culture. Drinking to get drunk is not. I'm hoping for both of your sakes that he learns how to deal with peer pressure and other ways to cope with life.

[justagirl2]

He got drunk twice in these 4 months we are together.

 

He talks frequently about wanting to go sober though because he feels like drinking makes him feel less happy. Which it does. I actually told him not to do it because I think some balance in life is important. We went out Friday and Tuesday with friends who pretty much were getting drunk and M didn't drink more than 1-2 drinks both days. He was completely sober. Honestly, his relationship with alcohol seems really normal to me. We live in NYC - people are partying and drinking all the time. On Saturday, for example, our friends went home after dinner to drink more and smoke weed. It was around 12am. I was going home with my friend who was staying over. I told M 100x that he could go with the guys if he wanted. He said he didn't. So he stayed in chatting with 2 girls about clothes until 2am. Lol. I mean, he resists it most times.

[itsallgrand]

If you dont have a problem with it, then enough said. I was just giving an alternate viewpoint on the drinking + meds.

 

And I mean, I grew up in a place where drinking to blasted drunk at 13-14 was 'normal'. I adjusted my ideas of 'normal' as time went on, when I got new information. So to me, "well it's normal here" doesn't really mean much?! Everything is the normal somewhere!

[annie24]

I talked to my therapist about my drinking - she didn't think it was a big deal - i just had half a beer at an impromptu work happy hour. I'll have at most a drink a night - maybe a 2-3 if i am out with friends over dinner (with lots of food). She didn't think it was that bad because I'm not getting hammered, and she didn't think it should affect the lexapro usage that much. But it's good to keep n eye on things.

[Batya33]

If you dont have a problem with it, then enough said. I was just giving an alternate viewpoint on the drinking + meds.

 

And I mean, I grew up in a place where drinking to blasted drunk at 13-14 was 'normal'. I adjusted my ideas of 'normal' as time went on, when I got new information. So to me, "well it's normal here" doesn't really mean much?! Everything is the normal somewhere!

 

I agree with this. I would avoid the role "I told him not to...." whether it's drinking, staying up too late, whatever -you're girlfriend, not mommy.

[faraday]

Justa, I think people are saying you're moving fast because yo guys spend so much time together, not the timeline you guys talk about.

 

I mean, if Jay was in town more, I would see him 3-4 nights a week and we've been together 9 months. It just really seems like an infatuation...one that you're trying to prove to everyone how awesome it is and how different it is...I don't know...it just feels like....it's one of those hot and bright relationships.

 

I hope you guys are long lived but breathe. Spend at least 3 nights a week in your bed without him. It's okay (just my opinion and observation....do what you want- it's your life )

[justagirl2]

I'm def. not trying to prove how awesome it is or how different it is? It's not that different. With my relationships that DID work, things moved very quickly always. I actually think it's moving less fast in some ways, than my first relationship for example. I had def. said "I love you" by month 4 then. I spend 4-5 nights a week but that's because we live like 4 blocks apart. I'm spending the night with my friends tonight though. And he's going away this weekend with his guy friends. I'm going home for 10 days for XMAS. I mean, you guys keep saying that this is moving way too fast, but honestly, it feels like it's moving in a pretty regular rate? I just posted the first pic of us in social media like 2 days ago. I haven't said "I love you". We don't live together. We are not engaged. I mean, what's so fast about this other than we enjoy spending time together and we live 4 blocks apart so sleepovers are pretty easy for us?

 

I mean, I have friends who moved in together after 3 months. Who said "I love you" after 2 weeks. My friend who said: "I love you" after 2 weeks is actually engaged to be married soon. They've been happily together for the past 2.5 years.

 

I feel like you guys are trying to find reasons about things that are wrong with M or with the relationship so that's kind of why I find myself having to defend it so much.

 

Honestly, I'm very sure this is not just infatuation and that we are going to last. Not forever, but def. at least 1 year or so. We are both serious and committed to make this work. We are super compatible. I have so much fun with him. He takes care of me. We are very good together. Of course, who knows if this is a forever thing. I'm just saying it's not a 3 months thing that is going to crash and burn tomorrow or next month.

 

Anyways, his family invited me for Thanksgiving next week. That was very sweet and thoughtful and I'm excited about it. This is going to be my first real American Thanksgiving.

[Batya33]

I would just be vigilant about getting and giving enough space and not using geography as an excuse.

 

Thanksgiving sounds great!

[justagirl2]

Example of some of my friends... This one just started dating this guy 2 months ago and that's what she wrote me this morning:

 

"X dropped a big one on me yesterday. He didn't directly ASK but it was definitely implied. From the beginning he's made it clear that his goal is to move to Canmore (it's an awesome little mountain town 5 minutes from Banff, the giant national park), and he asked if I would ever go. YES, no question! Eventually. So last night he said he's thinking of going in JANUARY. He said he wanted to talk to me about it first and then kind of backed up and said "ahhh but you have such a good job, I can't ask you to leave that". Whoa whoa whoa... I thought he was wanting to move just by himself and I could go later... I'm not ready for this!!

 

Moving to Canmore is an absolute DREAM. People from all over the country, heck all over the WORLD try to move there. I could easily be a full time wedding photographer there as many people get married there. But... X and I have been seeing each other for 2 months!! That, and I DO have an awesome job and they've invested a lot to have me trained, I could never just up and leave so soon. I also signed a year lease in September. This is just tooooo fast! Granted I really want to go and feel like he's the one so am going to consider it!!!"

[faraday]

I live 45 minutes from Canmore Alberta is beautiful!

[Batya33]

He implied that he'd like her to relocate so that they can continue their relationship. And interestingly she got involved with a guy who told her from the get go he was thinking of relocating (which can make it easier to fall in love -you know you have an easy out if the initial feelings fade). I think it's certainly a positive step but he's not proposing, just asking her to relocate for his convenience.

[justagirl2]

So the fact that my friend is considering quitting her job and moving to a new city for a guy she met 2 months ago is normal but the fact that I spend 4-5 nights a week with my boyfriend of 4 months is not? Lol. I really don't understand the ENA logic sometimes...

[Batya33]

So the fact that my friend is considering quitting her job and moving to a new city for a guy she met 2 months ago is normal but the fact that I spend 4-5 nights a week with my boyfriend of 4 months is not? Lol. I really don't understand the ENA logic sometimes...

 

I didn't say it was normal or otherwise -I simply gave my opinion that I wouldn't assume a level of commitment (which is what I thought you were referring to) based on his suggestions to her.

 

I would tell your friend not to do this for a number of reasons:

 

first, it doesn't sound like a place she would have moved to anyway

second, it will throw off the dynamics of a new relationship because she will feel more needy/vulnerable relocating to a place where she only knows him.

 

I don't think it's abnormal that you spend all that time with M -I think it's unwise for the long term - too risky not to have more space in the beginning. And he's only been your boyfriend a very short time, right?

[justagirl2]

We've been pretty much doing 4/5 days a week since we started dating on July 25th. We live 4 blocks away from one another.

 

I mean what is the theory that this is bad for the long term? We both work hard during the day and just basically have dinner and sleep together at night.

 

M's brother and his fiancée moved in after 3 months together and are now happily engaged 1 year later.

 

Heck, Sophie from ENA moved in with her boyfriend only after going in a handful of dates and she is very happy with him.

 

I mean, I don't understand where these theories that it's bad to move faster comes from. And honestly, I'm def not moving in or getting engaged before 1 year. I basically spend a lot of time with my boyfriend because we live so close. There is no serious commitment here.