faraday Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Exactly. If they guy looks like a Hollywood celeb, he can pretty much do no wrong. All other guys (even ones that are decently above average/average-ish with good jobs) don't have this luxury. Lol what???? that's not what I was saying at all! I've had chemistry with some (reflecting back on it after) not attractive guys. It has nothing to do with the way you look...it's mostly the way a person carries themselves, interacts with others, looks at me, talks to me...it's that spark....you know? When you meet someone and you feel like you've known them forever. That's the best. Ever. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
John John Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I'm way too insecure to ever try anything like that. To me, dating sounds like putting your ego through an industrial meat-grinder. I'm sorry...I've already been through a lot, I don't think I could take it. That's how I started out--I was all substance and no style, and I thought that being a good person was enough. Now, I have just enough style to be effective, and I ditched "substance" entirely, because it wasn't getting me anywhere. Substance will always be a requirement for men, but that by itself is never enough. You also have to make a decent living, can't be "too nice," must have "an edge," be a certain height, be confident, etc. Sometimes I toy around with the idea of going the mail-order bride route. LOL I mean, I'd probably never do this. I'm at the point where I'm just waiting for things to pan out. Dating ain't always fun, but I can tolerate it. Online dating, on the other hand...I'm pretty much over that almost entirely. Link to comment
John John Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Lol what???? that's not what I was saying at all! I've had chemistry with some (reflecting back on it after) not attractive guys. It has nothing to do with the way you look...it's mostly the way a person carries themselves, interacts with others, looks at me, talks to me...it's that spark....you know? When you meet someone and you feel like you've known them forever. That's the best. Ever. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Ah ok...touche. I stand corrected And I agree with you...those rare dates that I've had where I've felt like I've known the girl for a while (this has only happened three times in my life) AND I was physically hot for her...I couldn't stop smiling during or after the date. And all three girls let me reach accross the table and kiss them during the date. Ahhh...If only one didn't live in MN, if only one didn't move from NY to CA, and if only the third met me at a different time in my life. ARGH!!!!! Link to comment
faraday Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Ah ok...touche. I stand corrected And I agree with you...those rare dates that I've had where I've felt like I've known the girl for a while (this has only happened three times in my life) AND I was physically hot for her...I couldn't stop smiling during or after the date. And all three girls let me reach accross the table and kiss them during the date. Ahhh...If only one didn't live in MN, if only one didn't move from NY to CA, and if only the third met me at a different time in my life. ARGH!!!!! Those guys are the only ones I continue dating. I wanted my bf to kiss me SOOO bad on our breakfast date. It would have been horribly inappropriate....but I wanted in his pants lol Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
faraday Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Substance will always be a requirement for men, but that by itself is never enough. You also have to make a decent living, can't be "too nice," must have "an edge," be a certain height, be confident, etc. Sometimes I toy around with the idea of going the mail-order bride route. LOL I mean, I'd probably never do this. I'm at the point where I'm just waiting for things to pan out. Dating ain't always fun, but I can tolerate it. Online dating, on the other hand...I'm pretty much over that almost entirely. Who are you???? This is not the guy that used to post on here when I first came here. Your post makes me so sad because you sound so beaten down. I'm sorry for what we has happened to you in the last year...When I came to ena I was kinda crushing on you (except you only date skinny chicks and I'm curvy so I gave up )...I hope you get your groove back. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
John John Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Who are you???? This is not the guy that used to post on here when I first came here. Your post makes me so sad because you sound so beaten down. I'm sorry for what we has happened to you in the last year...When I came to ena I was kinda crushing on you (except you only date skinny chicks and I'm curvy so I gave up )...I hope you get your groove back. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Funny, because I've been kinda crushing on you lately (no joke), although I know you're taken...curvy is actually fine by me, so long as "curvy" doesn't mean morbidly obese (which I KNOW you're not!), as I have seen some girls on OKC claim!! I'm beaten down right mostly by my own doing. I'm in a very unique (not in a good way) spot right now. I'm not sure I want to make a post about it. Essentially, once I deal with this issue, I will be just fine. I sincerely appreciate what you've said Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Who are you???? This is not the guy that used to post on here when I first came here. Your post makes me so sad because you sound so beaten down. I'm sorry for what we has happened to you in the last year...When I came to ena I was kinda crushing on you (except you only date skinny chicks and I'm curvy so I gave up )...I hope you get your groove back. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Funny, because I've been kinda crushing on you lately (no joke), although I know you're taken...curvy is actually fine by me, so long as "curvy" doesn't mean morbidly obese (which I KNOW you're not!), as I have seen some girls on OKC claim!! I'm beaten down right mostly by my own doing. I'm in a very unique (not in a good way) spot right now. I'm not sure I want to make a post about it. Essentially, once I deal with this issue, I will be just fine. I sincerely appreciate what you've said You two are too cute. Fairy Godmother Darce gifts you both with long term love and happiness. Seriously, I have no doubt in my mind that you will both have the love and marriage relationship that gives you fulfillment. No doubt. You have a good head on your shoulders, are attractive, are driven, and are intelligent (intellectually and emotionally). MCJD - Feeling low is normal. It's yearning; it shows that you are hungry. If you didn't drink for a day, you would be thirsty. That is normal. Recognize the hunger, the thirst. Honor it. In the space between wanting and finding, you will find your attractions evolving, your relationship needs maturing, and yourself growing. You are growing to be the right person for the right person who is out there for you. Here is some advice that helped me re-center when I felt low about love. link removed Link to comment
John John Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You two are too cute. Fairy Godmother Darce gifts you both with long term love and happiness. Seriously, I have no doubt in my mind that you will both have the love and marriage relationship that gives you fulfillment. No doubt. You have a good head on your shoulders, are attractive, are driven, and are intelligent (intellectually and emotionally). MCJD - Feeling low is normal. It's yearning; it shows that you are hungry. If you didn't drink for a day, you would be thirsty. That is normal. Recognize the hunger, the thirst. Honor it. In the space between wanting and finding, you will find your attractions evolving, your relationship needs maturing, and yourself growing. You are growing to be the right person for the right person who is out there for you. Here is some advice that helped me re-center when I felt low about love. link removed Thank you so much Godmother Darce! Love that link, and I am hyper linking it to my favorites on all my Apple devices lol. Love ya! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Just to be real. Looks matter. I can't believe what I tolerated from the model-worthy boy who showed interest in me a year and a half ago. Honestly. I wouldn't tolerate it now, mostly because I learned from tolerating it then. Sheesh. Had he been just average good looking, and not looking like he walked right out of an underwear billboard? I think I would have laughed at him. I lost interest eventually. He has a sharp brain; I would be friends with him now if he bothered to be friends with anyone. But he doesn't. He just pulls a Narcissus with everyone. He is a day trader, no kids, no strings. He gets away with incredible latitude, from men who want to be his friend and women who want his approval. We say it doesn't matter. It does. Ultimately, it doesn't. But along the way, absolutely looks make it easier. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 ^ For sure. And I was actually thinking, while reading this thread, when people say "if the chemistry is there, it doesn't matter!"....oh so you mean if they are hot and you want to get em in bed?! lol. So we overlook things that DO matter, because our eyes are a sparkling for the person. Obviously there is a zone that is not so extreme. Where you find someones little insecurity or nervousness cute, etc. and it really isn't a big deal because that person isn't giving off the overall vibe that they have heavy issues. But I think something I have taken from my time dating and in relationships is that, what you see early on often is a very good indication of more to come. Tips of iceburgs, often. If someone is sending off big signals early of things you don't want or don't work for you in a partner, or simply aren't healthy in general, it pays to give it proper attention and respect. I don't care for this thinking of "well, you just aren't compatible". That is the type of thing that was reinforced to me in my early twenties when I was first dating, and I went into dating with this "if you don't like it, f ya" attitude. Even though there were things that I could have standed to change - and wouldn't have hurted me one bit. Like a general chip on my shoulder towards men. I get what everyone is saying with the not compatible concept, and it holds true sometimes, but I think there is something valuable that can be taken too from being willing to examine your own style at approaching dating without taking it personally. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 faraday, back off. MCJD is mine. JK! Fun to play with people who espouse views in a way that has earned my respect on ena. I guess you can have him. If you must. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 "But I think something I have taken from my time dating and in relationships is that, what you see early on often is a very good indication of more to come. Tips of iceburgs, often. If someone is sending off big signals early of things you don't want or don't work for you in a partner, or simply aren't healthy in general, it pays to give it proper attention and respect." YES Every relationship I ended, I ended for reasons I identified very early on. Then I spent a couple of years challenging my assumptions. Then I ended it for what I knew in the first place. Link to comment
John John Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 faraday, back off. MCJD is mine. JK! Fun to play with people who espouse views in a way that has earned my respect on ena. I guess you can have him. If you must. You sound like that crazy vampire Violet from True Blood (she was hot, so this is sorta a good thing)...I'll allow it! Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 My opinion is somewhere in the middle of the range here. I agree he made 'mistakes' but are these mistakes made on whose standards? Whose set of rules? Does society have a standard of manners today? I think standards depend on who is in the room. I think standards are based upon an individual's upbringing or family traditions. I had to go to finishing school when I was a girl. Within the social circles and traditions of my family there was a set of etiquette. I actually was coached on how to handle first dates. How to handle oneself from casual events up to a silver service. I thought is was totally over the top and unnecessary in a post-modern era and still think it is over the top. On the other hand today how one handles oneself on dates can be interpreted any way one wants. I also agree with others here that he did nothing wrong. His behaviour on that date is the sum total of his experiences and knowledge to that point. He was not up to the standards of the OP. But he may be up to the standards of someone else. Someone in here mentioned cultural differences. I agree that as well. With online dating one is crossing into cultural differences and different family standards that before online dating was less of a factor. I would imagine socio-economic boundaries are being crossed as well. These all can factor into the 'disappointments' one can get get from meeting people online. I'm mostly thinking out loud. Maybe still processing some of what has already been said. I kind I partially agree with all of you and also partially disagree. If my rambling makes any sense. Link to comment
faraday Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You sound like that crazy vampire Violet from True Blood (she was hot, so this is sorta a good thing)...I'll allow it! If you flirt with everyone, no one will take you serious. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Substance will always be a requirement for men, but that by itself is never enough. You also have to make a decent living, can't be "too nice," must have "an edge," be a certain height, be confident, etc. I agree. Now that I know that, I'm glad that I didn't bother trying. I wouldn't have had a chance. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Thread has run its course. Link to comment
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