BCC123 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years - about a month ago we got in a fight and he house sat for his friend all weekend and we spent the weekend apart, we made up and he told me he didn't do anything all weekend - well 2 weeks later come to find out he had a girl over after the bar til 5 am one on one. he swears nothing happened, he promised on his brothers life he didn't do anything with her but the texts are weird - here is their text convo and you tell me what you think (btw he screen shot them and sent them to me) 255 am her: where r u? we need u here him: this k____? her: this is him: (just gave address to his friends house) her: yup I'll be there her: what kinda car u drive? 5 am him: drive safe her: thanks her: I love your energy! him: semantics lol him: well you're a really cool girl and id like to hang out again her: we made our connection of course. him: talk to you tomorrow every time I ask like where is here at 3 am what was she talkin about he says Idk ask her. like why did he just give her the address, they didn't even discuss coming over to hang out it looks like a booty call to me. and what energy was she talking about and what does he mean by semantics?? ahhhhh all these questions are driving me crazy and I've asked and he's given bs answers, I want to believe him that they didn't do anything but the texts are weird... what do you guys think?? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 It sounds like a drug deal to me. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 HUGE RED FLAG. Your BF hung out alone with someone of the opposite sex, lied about it, and she's talking about their "connection". I'd run for the hills. He's a step away from cheating, if he hasnt' already. If you are in a relationship, it's very disrespectful to hang out with someone of the opposite sex, especially alone in a house at 2 AM. My ex bf had female friends he talked to, and I was cool with it. But if he was at their house at 2 AM or vice versa, we'd need a serious talk. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 well . . first off the act of having a girl over and lying to you is wrong and shady. Now giving you BS answers is a strong indication if not an absolute one that he has something to hide and has no remorse. If he didn't do anything wrong, cared about you and the relationship he'd be doing everything to make things right. Link to comment
misssmithviii Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Yeah, I would get out of that relationship stat. In fact, the moment someone starts hanging out with someone of the opposite sex (or same if that's the case) at that time of the morning no less, lies about it and then can't give reasonable answers... I mean, all the signs are there to just back out. You two might've had a great time in the past, but that's where it can stay. Move on from this one. Regardless of what it all is, it's just bad news. He also said that he wants to hang out with her again... being that you can't control whether he does or doesn't - and I bet he will, it's safe to say he might already have you on the back burner while he solidifies something else. Or maybe he just wants to be a bad bf and cheat. I don't know... The comment of energy and connection by the way TOTALLY screams something sexual. If we're not jumping to conclusions here - the bottom line is what he did wasn't appropriate, it was disrespectful, hurtful and he really doesn't care how it makes you feel, evident by his bs responses. I wouldn't be surprised if a few weeks went by and more information started seeping out - IF you decide to remain in a relationship with a man who clearly doesn't respect the relationship. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I would be so gone so fast. Why are you staying???? Come on, do you really believe "nothing happened"? Really? And even if it "didn't" (BTW ask him what his definition of "nothing" is) if this is going to be what he does to resolve conflict, run off to keep company with other women, then either a) tell him you get a two-way street and you get to hang out with a cute guy all night alone every time you two have a fight, but like him hey nothing will happen or b) leave now and tell him that perhaps in the future if he wants a lasting relationship he should find a better way to handle conflicts than racing for the nearest available chickie pie on the horizon that isn't you. Personally I'd just choose b, it's just that I am soooo tired of seeing the ridiculous double standards being played out here on this forum with both men and women in your position that I'm now even suggesting a) as an option if you're going to continue the madness and stay anyways. At least do it on a level playing field where he understands his actions will be reflected back in kind. And maybe the guy you choose to hang out with after a fight with your BF will tell you straight up, "Um, your boyfriend is full of crap, take it from me, I'm a guy." Link to comment
weathergirl Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I agree with PP... but frankly I am even wondering why you're even asking what we think when it's so freakin OBVIOUS that he's a lying d-bag, and should be tossed to the curb immediately. I don't think it was a drug deal... it sounds like a flat out booty call! The sad part about this is... despite our advice you will believe him and stay with him. Link to comment
BCC123 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 I know, the only reason I believe him is that he is an apprentice at a tattoo shop and she's a tattoo artist he said he saw her at a bar earlier and they were talking about tattooing... which idk why u would need to do that from 3 to 5 am, he also has a thing for girls with tattoos and she's covered from head to toe pretty much ... something is so fishy about this! he even swore on his brothers life he didn't do anything with her ... he's never been a cheat before. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I think it adds up to me. He is or will cheat. The one thing to remember about cheaters is that they lie like a rug when caught but they sprinkle in enough truth to make it sound believable. No remorse, wants to hang out with her again adds up to you dumping his butt!!! Lost Link to comment
JGintheOC Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I have never cheated on anyone nor will I ever. Even if I was dating a dirt bag guy. Even I wouldn't have a member of the opposite sex alone with me at my house. If I did it would be a male best friend type that I grew up with that's like a "brother" to me that I trust and it would definitely be someone my BF has met and hug out with many times. So there's no reason why he should have a chick over unless he's introduced you two together, its like his child hood best friend and they've known each other for eons. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I think what you see here is enough. How she loves his energy... to him saying how cools she is... how they made their connection,, to talk to you tomorrow. Yup- that'd be enough for me! Link to comment
weathergirl Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I know, the only reason I believe him is that he is an apprentice at a tattoo shop and she's a tattoo artist he said he saw her at a bar earlier and they were talking about tattooing... which idk why u would need to do that from 3 to 5 am, he also has a thing for girls with tattoos and she's covered from head to toe pretty much ... something is so fishy about this! he even swore on his brothers life he didn't do anything with her ... he's never been a cheat before. Oh well since he swore on it and everything.... he "must" be telling the truth. LOL Come on now BCC, I don't mean to be rude...but you're just being naïve here. You really think he's gonna admit he had a booty call with another chick? Really? It's not "fishy" it's OBVIOUS. Come on now....this is getting kinda silly. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 he even swore on his brothers life he didn't do anything with her ... hogwash! OK. . so what if he didn't? He still lied, is capable of putting himself in precarious situations a committed BF shouldn't do. Not only does he not comfort you, he gives you 'BS' answers. You find out someone's true colors during adversity. This happened while the 2 of you were in a fight? Were you broken up? . I suppose you could let this one go if it falls into that grey area, that's IF he has a good record up to this point. Only you know what you can handle. Personally I'd be more bothered by his reaction to your questions. Neither issue is a good. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Do you actually have to walk in on him banging some other chick to realize that he is cheating?? Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 well you're a really cool girl and id like to hang out again This right here would be all I needed to know. Link to comment
greta96 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 This right here would be all I needed to know. I was going to point out exactly this. "I'd like to hang out again", and the fact that he said "talk to you tomorrow", means he intends to keep seeing her. I somehow believe that they didn't have sex that night, but I also believe they had a connection, in the sense that they liked each other and realized they had chemistry together, and that he intends to cheat in the future. He crossed too many boundaries for a guy supposed to be in a relationship, and that for me would be a good enough reason to end it. If you don't, it sounds like he will do it himself very soon (unless he decides to cheat and keep you as his girlfriend). Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I somehow believe that they didn't have sex that night, but I also believe they had a connection, in the sense that they liked each other and realized they had chemistry together, and that he intends to cheat in the future. That IS cheating. Emotionally, but cheating no less. He's dating that other girl. Link to comment
greta96 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 That IS cheating. Emotionally, but cheating no less. He's dating that other girl. Good point...I was thinking about physical cheating but yes, there definitely was emotional cheating there. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 The evidence is right there infront of you, its upto you whether you choose to do something about it or not. I'm guessing you are not judging by your replies. Link to comment
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