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Was this offensive? Should i apologize?


apetoape

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An online dating problem once again.

 

This girl and I have been messaging back and forth for about a week. Just all jokes and light hearted humor. She finally gave me her number and agreed to go out sometimes. Asked me to text her.

 

So i did and the convo went like this:

 

Me: hey im planning to rob a bank then raid the cheesecake factory, want in? this is apetoape from OLD site.

 

Her : Hey apetoape! when you are planning this excursion? I have a dance class tonight and actually not free until next week. Would that work?

 

Me: Very soon, wanted you to be the fall girl in case we get caught. But you're killing me..next week might be too long to get my cheesecake fix. Are you worth the wait?

 

 

She hasn't responded since yesterday afternoon and I've seen her active on the OLD site. My last text to her seems playful and not too offensive to me. Was it bad and should I shoot an apology out? I think it will definitely kill the momentum of the convo.

 

Thinking of sending this not really apologetic message:

"You know I'm kidding right? You're too stunning to be a fall girl, maybe the helpless hostage?"

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It's not offensive, but it is one of those things that would make me groan, roll my eyes, and not respond either. I mean you are basically asking her to beg for a date with you. Not going to happen, especially if she is cute and has other guys lining up to take her out without the gamesmanship.

 

Maybe time to cut back on the joking and actually suggest a date - like day, time, location and ask her if she is free and if not, when?

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You could text her saying sorry, but it seems an obvious joke, I wouldn’t take offense to that, I'd think it was funny, send the text if you want, no point in not sending it & then a few weeks/months later thinking 'wish i sent that text' at the end of the day the worse thing to happen is she doesn’t reply at least you know where you stand then.

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I think it's hard to tell tone over a text especially with a stranger. I wouldn't have liked the response because I would have found it pushy. I think when she said she wasn't free till next week and didn't suggest a day that means her interest in meeting is lukewarm at best, so the pushy comment didn't help. I'd just move on.

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I also agree with mhowe. It was a backhanded compliment. Next time, dont' say something like that to someone you want to get to know better.

 

I'm finding in OLD that a LOT of men do this and they don't seem to get (or dont' care to get) that saying something like that to someone who you dont' know from a can of paint can be taken as offensive. You didnt' know her well enough to tell her that you didn't think she was worth the wait, even if it was a joke. There is such a thing as "truth in jest".

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Clearly, i do have a sense of humor.....and as seen on here, half the people don't get it...hahahahaha....

 

But she had been playing along...i do think it was 'are you worth the wait', might have just stung a little. It depends on how it 'hit' her. Somedays something can just roll off my back and somedays, it's like....hmmmm.

 

I think that txt you're planning to send is right in line with the previous convo. No need to change your personality and humor (and get all serious) when that is NOT the txting relationship you have!

 

Say the cheesecake fix will just have to wait then....cuz you are definitely worth the wait!

 

(btw: she's probably filled up the rest of the week with other dates!!! lol ....sorry bro. And i do like your humor....

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I don't think there is an incompatibility problem as far as sense of humor. The problem is trying to get to know a stranger you might want to date through typing back and forth. I'd meet and make plans to meet after exchanging a few messages and leave a lot of the humorous banter for in person or a phone call.

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I think it was more the "are you worth the wait" comment that sunk your battleship.

 

^^

 

Are you worth the wait made me cringe, you want her to respond with something equally cheeky or if she doesn't have it in her, a positive response... Yes apeotape, I am so worth the wait, wait for me and then take me

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I wouldn't find it offensive at all. It was a funny convo from the beginning. I think she just got sidetracked or wasn't that interested in the first place. I wouldn't send another text. If someone takes offense that easily, I know that we wouldn't be compatible anyway.

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I would totally appreciate the joke itself. However after the "are you worth the wait" bit I would have crossed you off my list as well.

 

Some women are just wayyyyyyyy too overly sensitive. Its someone you don't really know whose opinions should be irrelevant to your self esteem.

 

If he was pursuing you and your entire conversation is based off of humor than I would expect an intelligent woman to be able to decipher that and respond accordingly. Either to stroke his ego and be submissive, or show that she can hold her own and outwit him by talking smack right back.

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Maybe she thinks your sense of humor is lame and a turnoff. Not everyone shares appreciates just any old attempt at being funny. I mean, you really think that was funny? Be honest. OR was it more of an indirect way to pressure her for a date, because that's how I would have taken it if I were her.

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Maybe she thinks your sense of humor is lame and a turnoff. Not everyone shares appreciates just any old attempt at being funny. I mean, you really think that was funny? Be honest. OR was it more of an indirect way to pressure her for a date, because that's how I would have taken it if I were her.

 

Or entire convo was based off of jokes/banter, I don't think she would have given me her number if she didn't find me funny. Well I said "lets get drinks sometimes" and she gave me her number and told me to text her.

 

I see what you mean about pressuring her though. Didn't really see it like that. I was just trying to keep the interest level/momentum going if we were not going to see each other until next week. I'm sure she has alot of guy going after her, so i wanted to build a little more rapport and stand out.

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Or entire convo was based off of jokes/banter, I don't think she would have given me her number if she didn't find me funny. Well I said "lets get drinks sometimes" and she gave me her number and told me to text her.

 

I see what you mean about pressuring her though. Didn't really see it like that. I was just trying to keep the interest level/momentum going if we were not going to see each other until next week. I'm sure she has alot of guy going after her, so i wanted to build a little more rapport and stand out.

 

She may have seen this as trying too hard, which is a sign of a lack of confidence and usually a turn off to women.

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What you should have said (in my opinion) was " Very soon, wanted you to be the fall girl in case we get caught. But you're killing me..next week might be too long to get my cheesecake fix. But you are worth the wait!!

 

Cheesy but it would probably have got the girl.

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