Was this offensive? Should i apologize?

[Ms Darcy]

And there's your problem.

 

EXACTLY! I think you need to stop insisting on being douchey and actually listen to women and the men who are in relationships.

 

IF you want to build a rapport and stand out, you would CALL HER. Geez, what's wrong with your phone?

[Sportster2005]

I wouldn't worry about it. If she doesn't get your humor, then she's not a good match. These things are really simple. Be yourself and stop worrying so much of what other people think.

[Thorshammer]

1- Text can be misread. She has no way of telling if you said "worth the wait" angry, cocky, goofy, or annoyed. Hence why i also lose out with some women online, because i wont stop being goofy for someone who is quick to cry about things.

 

2- Shes online, and she probably gets 100 messages more than you - some like to sit on the throne and X you out for the smallest thing because they let their numerous messages get to their head. Well, until reality hits them and the perfect guy who said all the perfect things looked coached in person as is just going through the motions of his 50th date.

 

I wouldnt message her again, but thats just me. And yes, some women are way to sensitive...

[Ms Darcy]

I wouldn't worry about it. If she doesn't get your humor, then she's not a good match. These things are really simple. Be yourself and stop worrying so much of what other people think.

 

My partner and I have been together for a few years and we don't text much. Even so, texting is the cause of most of our miscommunication. (And it reminds me why I don't do it.)

 

It's not a matter of her "not getting his humor." It's moreso a matter of respecting that she's a stranger you are getting to know.

[bluebell29]

Agree with Ms Darcy. It's not a matter of incompatible humour. It's more a matter of good/smart communication skills- you shouldn't say things that could have such negative connotations to a stranger you're just trying to get to know. It's not smart to throw out something potentially dubious instead of putting your best foot forward.

[ALovingKitten]

Just off the OP post...I think the " are you worth the wait" might have been the line she took offense too, the rest wasn't that bad to me. Everyone takes things differently so who knows what bothered her.

[bluebell29]

Just to clarify, I've been talking about the 'worth the wait' part too. The rest of the convo was cute.

[NorthDallas40]

I think all of it was fine, to be honest.

 

They were flirting sarcastically, so I would hope the girl would give the OP some latitude about the "worth the wait" comment, especially if their interactions have been pleasant so far.

 

So if the girl rejects the OP for such a small comment, either she doesn't share his sense of humor or wasn't all that into him in the first place.

[Ms Darcy]

So if the girl rejects the OP for such a small comment, either she doesn't share his sense of humor or wasn't all that into him in the first place.

 

Just a quick list of all the women in this thread who seemingly would reject the OP's comment(s):

 

1. Seabisquit

2. DancingFool

3. Mhowe

4. Misunderstood

5. Batya

6. Kendahke

7. Greta

8. Amipushy

9. Bluebell

 

More than half of the female responders. Offending or turning off half of your potentials? Nah. Could have been EASILY avoided had he just picked up the phone.

[poetryandlyrics]

I wouldn't be offended as I could see that the tone is more of a joking tease. I wouldn't blame the girl anyway because I can see it too. Perhaps she viewed it in the wrong light, perhaps the tease is too forward when it's only the first (? Or first few) dates to respond. Perhaps she didn't answer yet. Whatever. I do agree it may be easier to talk in person or a phone call or something to eliminate the what-ifs of a contextual situation. It's too early in this dating thing that misunderstandings can be easy.

[Thorshammer]

It does vary, but very rarely has a girl stopped talking to me from a joke - and i have no filter sometimes. Your issue was that you did it in text. A girl i never met asked if i missed her, i said "...no...", then i laughed a few seconds later and said a joke. Imagine the fire that would have happened if this was an unemotional text instead.

 

Look at half my posts, i am always offending someone when i am joking, and i am also responding with an apology, lol.

[journeynow]

Could be " Are you worth the wait?" reversed the momentum of the conversation. Could be she's silently letting you "wait" as part of the joke. Who knows? Taking offense at someone being too sensitive is ALSO being too sensitive, right? Could be the conversation was dying because she asked you a question to help firm up plans and instead of coming to some kind of conclusion you continued joking. It is truly hard to tell with texts and no other history.

[greta96]

Some women are just wayyyyyyyy too overly sensitive. Its someone you don't really know whose opinions should be irrelevant to your self esteem.

 

If he was pursuing you and your entire conversation is based off of humor than I would expect an intelligent woman to be able to decipher that and respond accordingly. Either to stroke his ego and be submissive, or show that she can hold her own and outwit him by talking smack right back.

 

I am a very intelligent woman, which is probably why I would not want to meet you after such a "gem" of a statement.

 

Like I said, I see nothing wrong with the joke itself. I myself would have jokingly continued the banter, but you don't seem to realize how crass that remark really was. It made you look like a rude jerk, with an air of superiority that is just obnoxious. OK I will admit, you may (and probably didn't) mean it *that way*. But you are losing sight of a very important factor: it's online dating. Do you have any idea how many idiots populate those sites? And most of them are truly rude and obnoxious, and that remark is exactly something they'd say, and they would mean it too. Even if you had the best intentions, you probably sounded just like the hundreds of creeps she has met online up to the day she met you.

The idea is for you to stand out from the masses. And you almost did, with your joke. If it wasn't for that unfortunate remark, you would have been golden.

 

It's not that I'm too sensitive (I'm really not, I've heard it all!), or that she is. It's all about being very careful how you word everything, read whatever you write twice if need be, to make sure it sounds right. Remember that she doesn't know you at all, you are one of the many names she's been corresponding with on an online dating site. You may be the most amazing guy ever, but you said something that sounded jerky and it was a turnoff.

There are all kinds of women out there. Some of them love it when men use foul language while some see it as a turn off. Some of them appreciate let's say sexual jokes, while others prefer dark humour. All I'm saying is that until you know the woman, your best bet is to stay in the "safe zone".

[Batya33]

Just a quick list of all the women in this thread who seemingly would reject the OP's comment(s):

 

1. Seabisquit

2. DancingFool

3. Mhowe

4. Misunderstood

5. Batya

6. Kendahke

7. Greta

8. Amipushy

9. Bluebell

 

More than half of the female responders. Offending or turning off half of your potentials? Nah. Could have been EASILY avoided had he just picked up the phone.

 

Just to be clear I would have rejected it as too pushy since my message was basically that I was too busy and wasn't interested in making a plan a week in advance -definitely a signal that he should back off. In general I don't see the point of bantering with a stranger by typing back and forth for that long a time, especially without a planned time to meet in person.

[NorthDallas40]

Do you have any idea how many idiots populate those sites? And most of them are truly rude and obnoxious, and that remark is exactly something they'd say, and they would mean it too.

 

This is true.

 

But in the OP's defense, the only way for the typical guy to know this fact is to actively do research.

 

I certainly had no idea how prevalent truly d*****bag attitudes were in OLD until I talked to female friends who date online, read articles about the phenomenon, and read about women's experiences here on ENA.

 

And I'd venture to guess that most guys - even most GOOD guys - don't have a reason to do this research. And as a result, they have no idea that their comments will be perceived within the context of hundreds of truly idiotic messages a woman might get.

[Realitynut]

 

It's all about being very careful how you word everything, read whatever you write twice if need be, to make sure it sounds right.

 

Ohhhh...no wonder i don't get any damn dates....those damn men...i must be too sensitive! or they're too sensitive...or....WHAT?

 

I fight in person and get my feelings hurt MUCH more in person than by txt. I'm much funnier in txt too! *sigh*

 

Yes...and i wasn't on the list for dumping the op for his txt.....Sorry dude....guess we ARE way too sensitive! Just send the txt that she is worth waiting for...and you'll even share your cheesecake with her...if she doesn't respond...her loss...no cheesecake for her!!!

 

EDIT: Is funnier even a word??

[Minilogue]

LOL why did you send a lame text like that? She doesn't know you, or your type of humor. "Would you like to go for coffee?" Would have been better.

[superfan]

Just a quick list of all the women in this thread who seemingly would reject the OP's comment(s):

 

1. Seabisquit

2. DancingFool

3. Mhowe

4. Misunderstood

5. Batya

6. Kendahke

7. Greta

8. Amipushy

9. Bluebell

 

More than half of the female responders. Offending or turning off half of your potentials? Nah. Could have been EASILY avoided had he just picked up the phone.

 

You can add me to that list as well. I would not have responded to a text like that. I would have seen it as either an attempt to bully me into meeting earlier via negging or someone who is a bit too arrogant for my liking. Either way, no thanks.

[Thorshammer]

I wonder how a man would act if he got this text? I know some women have sent me this text and I saw it as her showing interest.

 

Despite what people say, there is moderation when it comes to jokes with women. You have to step out of your shoes and realize what kind of jokes can be interpreted by people.

 

No matter what statistic show when they claim women are cheating as much as men now, and the stories of arrogant and gold digging women- men will still have the big sign on their head that says, "we can hurt you and play you".And because of this, you have to play along and check the impression you leave.

[Batya33]

I wonder how a man would act if he got this text? I know some women have sent me this text and I saw it as her showing interest.

 

Despite what people say, there is moderation when it comes to jokes with women. You have to step out of your shoes and realize what kind of jokes can be interpreted by people.

 

No matter what statistic show when they claim women are cheating as much as men now, and the stories of arrogant and gold digging women- men will still have the big sign on their head that says, "we can hurt you and play you".And because of this, you have to play along and check the impression you leave.

 

I don't think it's about gender. It's about the risk you take when you type a joke to a stranger.

[apetoape]

Well against better judgment I sent her another text, and it paid off.

 

 

 

Me Forgive the way i worded things, I'm funnier in person I promise. You'll play a more convincing stunning helpless hostage than a fall girl anyway Next week works

 

Her haha, can't wait for next week I'm worth the wait, but i'll understand if you really want cheesecake

[Sportster2005]

Agree with Ms Darcy. It's not a matter of incompatible humour. It's more a matter of good/smart communication skills- you shouldn't say things that could have such negative connotations to a stranger you're just trying to get to know. It's not smart to throw out something potentially dubious instead of putting your best foot forward.

 

Well that's the point. No one has a monopoly on what is the 'best foot forward'. If that's his style, then that's his style. I don't agonize over how I'm going to be perceived or not perceived. I would prefer that than living in a sanitized artificial world that lacks substance. People are going to find out what you are really like eventually. So I don't put on an act. I do fine.

[Batya33]

Well that's the point. No one has a monopoly on what is the 'best foot forward'. If that's his style, then that's his style. I don't agonize over how I'm going to be perceived or not perceived. I would prefer that than living in a sanitized artificial world that lacks substance. People are going to find out what you are really like eventually. So I don't put on an act. I do fine.

 

Sure, someone can have a style of doing a large percentage of communication with a potential date over text with all the downsides. I personally don't think that's a style in the way that someone has a unique personality. I agree that people should not stifle their personalities. I also think that healthy social interactions require thoughtfulness, thinking of the other person, tact and having filters as opposed to saying whatever comes to mind and calling that a style. There's no reason to go to the extreme of putting on an act or "sanitizing" what one says. There's a balance and sometimes the balance requires more effort than having no filters or choosing not to interact at all. I think the effort is worth it and of course often no effort is needed -things just flow, people understand each other and get each other. That's very rare with a stranger over text especially in a potential dating situation.

 

OP -I'm glad it worked out and have fun meeting this person!

[Moontiger]

I think it was more the "are you worth the wait" comment that sunk your battleship.

 

Yup, that made me raise an eyebrow and if I had been the person receiving the messages I would Just be like "ok, whatever dude."

 

I would text her something like, "sorry if my last text come accross weird. I would really like to take you out for cheesecake. Are you still free next week?"

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[greta96]

Her haha, can't wait for next week I'm worth the wait, but i'll understand if you really want cheesecake

 

She's definitely a smart girl!

Obviously she had an issue with that comment, since she made a point of bringing it up in her reply, but I do think you redeemed yourself pretty well.