Online dating pet peeves

[hodgeheg]

I walk an elderly lady's dog and there are zero men in the dog park by her, never mind any hot men! Hmm... Maybe I need to find somewhere else to walk her dog...

[Jennifer89]

I walk an elderly lady's dog and there are zero men in the dog park by her, never mind any hot men! Hmm... Maybe I need to find somewhere else to walk her dog...

 

Both the small and the big dog parks here are full of them! I love the dog parks!

[Jennifer89]

I wish my little doggy wasn't such a monster. Maybe I could try this. She just loves to start fights and that really puts a damper on me meeting anyone there. lol

 

Everyone should have two dogs

[Jennifer89]

Ok, two new top pet peeves:

The guy who believes you are not real- I had a guy send me over five emails asking if I was real. First we exchanged a couple of emails and then I was headed out of the house, so I left and did not respond to any of his emails that night. This morning I responded. He said "Oh, well since you didn't reply I assumed you were fake and deleted our conversation." I said "I'm not fake but I'm sorry you assume that, good luck in your searching!" Then he said he wanted proof via a photo and my name. I gave him my first name and my photo. He then said he wanted proof via meeting me in real life. All of this and he hadn't even told me about his hobbies yet. I deleted all his emails, so now I'm getting emails from him saying "Oh, you must be another bot. Ok." Really?

 

The racist- So I specified in my add (this is on craigslist BTW, which I am very hesitant about but have actually had good luck on) that I am a white girl and have a preference for black guys, saying that it was just my personal preference and I didn't rule out dating anyone, but that was my preference. Someone sent me an email saying "You should go check out the local prison, you'll find a lot of your type there." Um, excuse me?

[hodgeheg]

The guy/girl who never asks a question - If you don't ask me a question then I kind of get the impression you're not interested and the conversation fizzles out easily. If this happens with someone who doesn't seem that interested anyway then I just don't reply. If it happens with someone who seemingly was interested I'll reply to one no question message but no more than that. It's a two-way street!

 

FYI: I'm obviously not getting messages from girls but just presume that we do this too.

[Thorshammer]

The high level advanced curvy type level 1000 has on her profile AVERAGE, has that one body pic of her thin like i like it. Give out the phone number, asks for pics, i sent her a full one of me, my body and face- she sends me a cropped one, and her face looks heavier (!!!). Then she goes on and on about liking muscles- picky with body-types i see... ok, so i wont feel bad if i brought it up then- she shows shes picky- so i will show i am too, "what is your body-type?" She says... curvy....?

 

So from average to curvy?

 

Then she says, yes, curvy- butt, thighs and hips....

 

I then ask... but you have the one pic... you look skinny with no curves. Her, "oh, yeah thats old".

 

So i get angry, especially since shes soooo picky about muscular guys. So i go on about deception, how i dont really understand how someone can go from super-thin to big butt, thighs and hips but not curvy everywhere else... and she hits me up with the. "ill send you a body pic later..." - she never did.

 

Cropped and only face pics + says her body- pic is old + profile says average but she says curvy = stretching the truth.

 

Dont do this, there are guys who like bigger women, and there are guys that dont. If you deceive the guys that dont, they will not like it, and it will ruin your self-esteem. I dont chase after women who want tall guys, we all have a certain type that wont like us.

[Thorshammer]

 

The racist- So I specified in my add (this is on craigslist BTW, which I am very hesitant about but have actually had good luck on) that I am a white girl and have a preference for black guys, saying that it was just my personal preference and I didn't rule out dating anyone, but that was my preference. Someone sent me an email saying "You should go check out the local prison, you'll find a lot of your type there." Um, excuse me?

 

Since i am so brutally honest on this board; I wont lie, ive done this before, not to blacks though.

 

It had to do with a latin women who was obviously very native south american indigenous looking. She kept bringing down everyone except white, so for some reason i threw my european ancestry to her face and turned into a fake white nazi because i was tired of her being insulting. It was a funny date though.

[John John]

Yeah this has happened to me too, and it annoys me to no end. I know plenty of skinny guys who are into heavier girls...there's someone out there for everyone. But don't false advertise! All it does is waste both of our time! It's funny when out-of-shape girls try to insist on muscular jocks...aside from the occasional outlier, that's just not a realistic expectation.

 

And like you said, I also don't go after girls who like tall guys since I'm not tall...we all get rejected and it's just a fact of life. Just be who you are.

[Batya33]

Ok, two new top pet peeves:

 

 

The racist- So I specified in my add (this is on craigslist BTW, which I am very hesitant about but have actually had good luck on) that I am a white girl and have a preference for black guys, saying that it was just my personal preference and I didn't rule out dating anyone, but that was my preference. Someone sent me an email saying "You should go check out the local prison, you'll find a lot of your type there." Um, excuse me?

 

I would not put that in a profile. Easy enough to screen out those who don't meet your skin color preference. You probably will end up offending too many people, including people who are white - and when it's typed that way it can easily give the wrong impression - perhaps less likely to offend if you explain your preference in person and contextually (although I'm not sure when that would come up). I would feel differently if your reasoning had to do with having things in common or common values (such as a religious preference or an ethnic background preference for cultural reasons).

[Sportster2005]

The guy/girl who never asks a question - If you don't ask me a question then I kind of get the impression you're not interested and the conversation fizzles out easily. If this happens with someone who doesn't seem that interested anyway then I just don't reply. If it happens with someone who seemingly was interested I'll reply to one no question message but no more than that. It's a two-way street!

 

FYI: I'm obviously not getting messages from girls but just presume that we do this too.

 

About a month ago now I was on pof. This women added me to her favorites. It was one of those woo hooo moments. I didn't see her profile before so she must of had it hidden. So I immediately sent her an email. Nothing. I thought oh well. Then after a week I get an email. She was on vacation. But she says very little. Answers one of my questions. That's it. So I send her another one. Same thing. One sentence response. I figure no interest.

 

I almost dropped it. But she was very pretty and we had a lot of common interests. I decided to pull a George Costanza and do the opposite of what I normally do. Normally I just would leave it there. But I decided to do the opposite. I just didn't email her again. I asked her out. Two days later had one of the best dates ever. It was fantastic. She just wasn't into email. But once I got her out in real person she was very chatty. Sigh, just wish I didn't screw it up.

[Sportster2005]

The Unintentional Ageist

Example. A 51 year old woman. She goes on for a few paragraphs about how age is just a number. Age is irrelevant. Age doesn't matter. Then you scroll to the bottom of the profile.

 

Age restriction.

Age 35 to 45

 

The Flamer

This just happened to me. This women emailed me in a real snit. Said I thought I was to good for her to respond. And this is the funny part. She said I pretty decent body, but my face, well I'm no Brad Pitt. I was very flattered actually.

 

So I decided to email her back. I said I'm sorry she feels this way. I said most email on here gets unanswered. She shouldn't take it so personal. She replied back she didn't take it personal I was just a rude flake etc. Whatever.....

[Jennifer89]

I would not put that in a profile. Easy enough to screen out those who don't meet your skin color preference. You probably will end up offending too many people, including people who are white - and when it's typed that way it can easily give the wrong impression - perhaps less likely to offend if you explain your preference in person and contextually (although I'm not sure when that would come up). I would feel differently if your reasoning had to do with having things in common or common values (such as a religious preference or an ethnic background preference for cultural reasons).

 

Feel any way you want, but we all have our physical preferences. I put it down because otherwise I was never getting contacted by any guys I was physically attracted to, I put that up and I got several emails from guys I find attractive. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with white people or whatever race... it's just my preference. Like the guys on here who prefer skinny girls, or girls who prefer tall man. It's all nice and noble to say that personality is the most important thing to you but physical preference is also very, very important. And as long as I am not insulting towards those who do not meet those preferences, why not be honest about it?

[The_Seeker]

Feel any way you want, but we all have our physical preferences. I put it down because otherwise I was never getting contacted by any guys I was physically attracted to, I put that up and I got several emails from guys I find attractive. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with white people or whatever race... it's just my preference. Like the guys on here who prefer skinny girls, or girls who prefer tall man. It's all nice and noble to say that personality is the most important thing to you but physical preference is also very, very important. And as long as I am not insulting towards those who do not meet those preferences, why not be honest about it?

 

Jennifer, it's your preference. I mean it's your life you create what you want with it.

 

Some guys on ENA prefer skinny girls etc like you said. So why can't you prefer black men? Besides, at least you're honest from the start so you don't waste people's time.

 

Mad respect. ;]

[LoveSoDeep]

Feel any way you want, but we all have our physical preferences. I put it down because otherwise I was never getting contacted by any guys I was physically attracted to, I put that up and I got several emails from guys I find attractive. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with white people or whatever race... it's just my preference. Like the guys on here who prefer skinny girls, or girls who prefer tall man. It's all nice and noble to say that personality is the most important thing to you but physical preference is also very, very important. And as long as I am not insulting towards those who do not meet those preferences, why not be honest about it?

 

I think as long as you're not disrespecting other races (and I don't think you are) it's fine. You are right sometimes if you don't spell it out you may never get what you want. I have a friend who is from the Caribbean sh'e black but not African American, and she prefers white men. She always wondered why white men never hit on her and I told her it's because they don't expect that to be her preference she needed to spell it out. So by spelling out her preference she has a better shot at what she likes. I see nothing wrong with that.

[itsallgrand]

The Unintentional Ageist

Example. A 51 year old woman. She goes on for a few paragraphs about how age is just a number. Age is irrelevant. Age doesn't matter. Then you scroll to the bottom of the profile.

 

Age restriction.

Age 35 to 45

 

The Flamer

This just happened to me. This women emailed me in a real snit. Said I thought I was to good for her to respond. And this is the funny part. She said I pretty decent body, but my face, well I'm no Brad Pitt. I was very flattered actually.

 

So I decided to email her back. I said I'm sorry she feels this way. I said most email on here gets unanswered. She shouldn't take it so personal. She replied back she didn't take it personal I was just a rude flake etc. Whatever.....

 

Classy lassy.

 

And what is she on about? You are cute as can be.

 

Yeah the flamers are the biggest waste of time on the online sites ever. We've all met one. Some are "stealth" and some start it right off with some hearty flaming. "well I hope you aren't another one of those nasty sts that ignores all my messages and is sleeping with the douches". Yeah, no joke. If only LIFE a had a censor button for those sorts.

[itsallgrand]

Feel any way you want, but we all have our physical preferences. I put it down because otherwise I was never getting contacted by any guys I was physically attracted to, I put that up and I got several emails from guys I find attractive. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with white people or whatever race... it's just my preference. Like the guys on here who prefer skinny girls, or girls who prefer tall man. It's all nice and noble to say that personality is the most important thing to you but physical preference is also very, very important. And as long as I am not insulting towards those who do not meet those preferences, why not be honest about it?

 

I'd think the issue might be attracting guys with the wrong mentality about it, and maybe turn off some black guys you might want to meet.

 

Not that it is "wrong" to have the preference. Just how people may read it and what they may take from it.

[Jennifer89]

Jennifer, it's your preference. I mean it's your life you create what you want with it.

 

Some guys on ENA prefer skinny girls etc like you said. So why can't you prefer black men? Besides, at least you're honest from the start so you don't waste people's time.

 

Mad respect. ;]

 

Thanks, I mean, there's nothing wrong with non-black guys, and I have dated plenty, but I never feel as physically drawn to them, and ya know, I really want to be physically drawn to the person I end up with, not just like "oh, he's ok looking." There are people from every race I have a lot in common with, so why not find one I'm attracted to?

 

I think as long as you're not disrespecting other races (and I don't think you are) it's fine. You are right sometimes if you don't spell it out you may never get what you want. I have a friend who is from the Caribbean sh'e black but not African American, and she prefers white men. She always wondered why white men never hit on her and I told her it's because they don't expect that to be her preference she needed to spell it out. So by spelling out her preference she has a better shot at what she likes. I see nothing wrong with that.

 

That's what I had to figure out- I avoided being straight forward many times but I rarely got an email from any black guys, when I specifically mentioned that, I got plenty. I think it's so common to date only within your race, that people need to see you or hear you be straight forward about enjoying other races in order to even think of you as dating material. It adds a new level to it in a way.

 

I'd think the issue might be attracting guys with the wrong mentality about it, and maybe turn off some black guys you might want to meet.

 

Not that it is "wrong" to have the preference. Just how people may read it and what they may take from it.

 

Yes, I was worried about this and avoided it for a very long time, but it got old to keep deleting emails over and over because I wasn't into the guys who sent them. I may have offended a few- but I also got a few emails saying that they appreciated how straight forward I was.

 

The original thing was that someone had to go out of there way to mention that I should try meeting guys in prison. They couldn't just skip over my add, they had to tell me that there are plenty of black people in prison. Well statistically, they are right, but there are also plenty of black people in online dating, at the park, at the store... why do they have to tell me to check out the prisons? When I run into a dating profile where the guy politely says what physical traits are a turn on, and I don't meet those traits, I just keep moving... no reason to send them an email about it. If he says "Fat girls are ugly and slobs" I might respond, if he said "I prefer skinny girls" I would just keep moving.

[itsallgrand]

^Ah those guys are flamers! The ones that are going to take the time to send you a message about picking up guys from prison.

And yeah, geez. Not cool at all. Just going out of ones way to make rude comments about people.

[pl3asehelp]

Feel any way you want, but we all have our physical preferences. I put it down because otherwise I was never getting contacted by any guys I was physically attracted to, I put that up and I got several emails from guys I find attractive. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with white people or whatever race... it's just my preference. Like the guys on here who prefer skinny girls, or girls who prefer tall man. It's all nice and noble to say that personality is the most important thing to you but physical preference is also very, very important. And as long as I am not insulting towards those who do not meet those preferences, why not be honest about it?

 

Basing your physical prefernces on skin color is just plain racist.

[Lonewing]

Is it any different than basing physical preferences on physical attractiveness?

 

This is where the reality meets the road, if she wants a person of a specific skin color, that's her right to choose him and not someone else.

 

Dating is not an equal opportunity employer, it's the most brutal competition of genetics that there is. But then, it's the competition for genetics, that leads to the inheritance of genetics, that we are all competing for, whether we know it or not.

[Thorshammer]

It annoys me too when i see someone have a specific race on their profile. I get a lot of italian women hitting me up and their profile reads, "Only want italians". And since people mistake me for italian sometimes, i just ignore it.

 

But, i wont lie.... if i see my targeted "ethnicity" choices listed in MY targeted ethnic-women of choice... i jump on it with a quickness. Thats one of the few rare times i dated outside my ethnicity- because those that usually dont list it, might not want to date outside their ethn. And usually in my experience, i can date a really really smoking hot white woman or asian this way, because they have a thing for my look.

 

I would put Latina, white, asian only... but that strikes me as so mean, plus i have met women from other races that really impressed me to the point that i developed crushes. I do put thin or average.... women hide their size in pics, so i have to be blunt.

[Sportster2005]

Basing your physical prefernces on skin color is just plain racist.

 

I think that is nasty and a serious accusation to make. Racists hate and are prone to violence and other insidious behavior. The poster does not hate anyone and is not trying to hurt anyone.

 

Finding black people attractive is no different from my preference for blondes.

[Jennifer89]

Basing your physical prefernces on skin color is just plain racist.

 

No, it is not. I have dated outside of my preferred race plenty of times, but that does not change who I am attracted to. There are plenty of great guys of every race who I could probably build a relationship with, but that's not who I'm attracted to. I know that race is an uncomfortable topic here in the US, especially in my home state of North Carolina, but we can't make it disappear just because it's an uncomfortable topic. And I dear say, I am not alone. There are white girls who prefer Hispanics only, I have a friend who doesn't care what races play into it but is only attracted to mixed race people... everyone has there preference, and to be offended simply because my preference has to do with race rather then hair color or boob size etc, is hypocritical. We all have our preferences, and I blame the fact that media tries to tell us who we should like on the fact that I was sexually confused for most of my life.

 

Is it any different than basing physical preferences on physical attractiveness?

 

This is where the reality meets the road, if she wants a person of a specific skin color, that's her right to choose him and not someone else.

 

Dating is not an equal opportunity employer, it's the most brutal competition of genetics that there is. But then, it's the competition for genetics, that leads to the inheritance of genetics, that we are all competing for, whether we know it or not.

 

Thanks for the support, to be real, if someone had so much in common with me and was just the perfect match, I would date them regardless of skin color. But the truth is I can find someone of any race I want who is a good match for me.

 

I think that is nasty and a serious accusation to make. Racists hate and are prone to violence and other insidious behavior. The poster does not hate anyone and is not trying to hurt anyone.

 

Finding black people attractive is no different from my preference for blondes.

 

What is racist is assuming that I should relationship shop in jail because or my preference. Or, the old church lady who once told me that God does not approve of mixed race relationships and advised me to only date white people (which was back when I was like 12 and not even thinking of boys yet).

[Batya33]

Feel any way you want, but we all have our physical preferences. I put it down because otherwise I was never getting contacted by any guys I was physically attracted to, I put that up and I got several emails from guys I find attractive. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with white people or whatever race... it's just my preference. Like the guys on here who prefer skinny girls, or girls who prefer tall man. It's all nice and noble to say that personality is the most important thing to you but physical preference is also very, very important. And as long as I am not insulting towards those who do not meet those preferences, why not be honest about it?

 

Yes we do. My issue was with the wording you chose to use, basing it on race. I also didn't like when men wrote that they preferred blondes or brunettes (whether or not they preferred "me") - it gave the wrong impression to a complete stranger like me reading printed words on a dating profile. Physical attraction was essential to me and I did have certain preferences -I avoided men who were very overweight or far too skinny or shorter than me since I was only 5"2. But I didn't put that in a profile because I didn't want to make the wrong impression -including making the wrong impression to men who fit my personal preferences. I simply did the work of screening out those men who didn't suit me for whatever reason -physical or otherwise. I also think many people confuse chemistry with physical features and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy to say to yourself that you probably won't be attracted to someone who doesn't have certain physical features.

[Jennifer89]

As an update I sent this guy an email before typing this saying that if there was no way for me to prove that I am real to him over email, then we didn't need to talk. What I wanted was for him to take five minutes to type about his hobbies and maybe some polite conversation here and there before we met up in real life. I'm not going to waist my time and money meeting with someone I know nothing about. He continued to send me emails saying that I must be fake for the next two days...