Boyfriend confessed to cheating

[mhowe]

The only thing consistent about this guy is the lying. Oh, and pretending to be a Christian.

[LonelyGirl10]

My world just came crashing down again. I'm in the office, and shaking. I finally know everything though. I finally know that I'm not crazy. I finally know that I'm not insecure. Here's my email to him, and then his email to me.

 

Me:

 

I don't believe you told me the truth for me, and I don't believe that you told me the whole truth. I think you periodically confess things to me in order to make yourself feel better. You confessed the porn. I think you did this mini confession to take away some of your own guilt. After I told you I went out with someone during the breakup, you confessed to a date with Michelle. You did this confession for your own benefit, again to take away the guilt. And I think the final confession of sleeping with her was also for your own benefit. You can tell yourself that you're a good guy, because you confessed it. You didn't get caught. So that makes you a good person. But, I don't think you confessed everything. You have partially confessed things so many times, that I know there are more things out there that I don't know. You gave me this same speech after the porn. You said that you confessed, that you didn't have to tell me, that I never would have known if you hadn't told me. And that whole time, you were hiding that you slept with her. And then the date with Michelle. You told me that you told me the truth, you didn't hide it, and you even said that I should feel confident because you could have had her if you wanted her but you turned her down. All that was lies. It was lies to make yourself feel better, and to manipulate me to trusting you. I think you have a serious problem with pathological lying. I don't know if you even realize that you're doing it. I think you just try so hard to be the good guy, and you can't tell the truth because telling the truth would mean admitting that you're a bad guy.

 

Him:

 

Ok you're right. I slept with Michelle on Christmas Day. We had to do inventory at work and I slept with her at the office. We had drinks and there was nobody else there and it happened. I also had sex with a girl in Argentina... I went out out with a large group of people I got wasted and had to stay at this girls house because mine was locked and I ended up sleeping with her.

 

There's the whole truth. Yes maybe I am a pathological liar, and yes I'm a bad guy.

 

We were still in a relationship on Christmas. He broke up with me the day before New Year's Eve. It was such a shock. I remember asking if there was anyone else, and he swore no.

 

His Argentina trip was April 2012. April 2012. Three months after we started dating for the first time. I was blissfully happy. There was one night at the end of his trip where he didn't text me goodnight. It was the only night the whole month he was there that he didn't text goodnight. I worried all night if he was okay. He didn't text me the whole next day, and I worried about him. When I finally heard from him, he told me that I overreacted and acted crazy. And now this. The whole relationship was a lie. The whole relationship.

[mhowe]

Okay....do you finally get that.

 

Please. Accept it. I know you are in shock.

 

But anytime you feel the need to contact him, or read something more --- say out loud: It has all been a lie.

[metrogirl]

All lies......kinda scary when you think about how easy lying was for him. He lies just as easily as he breathes.

 

Now you know, well I think you only know a fraction of what's he's capable of and there is likely lots more but do you really need to hear it all? I think you know enough to know that you can never be in a loving commited relationship with him because he doesn't have it in him.

[Justnotsure]

Ugh, I can't imagine how you are feeling. Reading this made ME sick and I don't know either of you.

 

Now you know -- the quicker you get to NC, the better. Do NOT let him take one more iota of self-esteem. This is going to be hard. You are not going to be able to breeze through this, even knowing that he is a pathlogical liar and terrible human being. But you WILL come out of this stronger. Please believe that. The first step is taking back control by completely cutting him out of your life.

[LonelyGirl10]

No, I don't want to know any more. I blocked his email, and blocked him on FB. I'm done.

 

How did I not know that? How was I blind to it? How did I stay with someone who lied to me about everything? We had only been dating for three months. I was daydreaming about planning a wedding. How did I not see this? How was my judgment that bad? How???

[mhowe]

Because he lied. While telling you he was a Christian...so you assumed, quite correctly, that he could not possible be telling lies every time he opened his mouth.

 

Stop putting this on you. Your judgment wasn't bad -- because it was based on false premises.

 

The only way your judgment can be bad is to listen to one more word he has to say/write. You don't need to know any more.

[NymphaeaLilly]

OMG what a despicable human being! Something is really wrong with this man.

But good thing in this horrible situation is that this final punch made you cut off the contact which is crucial part of healing.

Don't think you are stupid for believing him. He's too good at lying and manipulating for a pure hearted girl to figure out. You were kind and loving and didn't deserve any of this. One day someone worthy of you will come into your life. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you get your prince.

[metrogirl]

He snowed you, just as a common con man snows his victims. They are charming and charismatic, you think they are good people but in reality they are just snakes. No one is immune, anyone can be charmed into believing a con.

 

This isn't a reflection of you, you were a loving girlfriend who believed in her man. I don't see what you did wrong.

[Justnotsure]

I know your mind goes to -- how can I trust someone again?

 

You will have to work through that -- it will be a journey. But you will trust again - it is possible. It may not feel that way right now, but you will.

 

Hang in there. I hope you can spend time with friends and family today. Tap into your support system.

[LonelyGirl10]

He created a new email, and sent me more messages. He confessed that he was seeing that girl Michelle since November. Every time he told me that he was with his guy friends, he was with her. He was texting her constantly while he was at my house, and telling me it was his roommate. The lies just keep coming and coming. He's confessing so much stuff. Oh my God.

 

And then at the end, he told me that he's still going on the cruise and he wants to be friends. How can he even say that? How can a person be that... I don't even have a word for it.

 

I have no idea how I'm ever going to be able to trust someone again. I trusted him. I really trusted him. I thought he was the one. I thought he was my soul mate. I thought I had finally found the guy i was supposed to be with after all the bad relationships I had. I can't imagine ever dating someone again.

[mhowe]

Tell him that if he contacts you again, you will file stalking charges. That ought to stop everything, since he has a pending court date....on stalking charges.

 

See a pattern here? This is not about you. And while it is natural to feel that way, you will get past it.

 

However, next time --- don't go "all in" in three months....

[Justnotsure]

Ditto on telling him you'll file stalking charges. Now he's "confessing" because he's given up on getting you back, and in his crazy warped pseudo-religion, everything he tells you, frees him of any wrongdoing. He is a psychopath.

 

And while she may have "issues" -- I guarantee there is a reason she filed those charges.

 

And finally -- the SELFISHNESS of still going on the cruise - when this is his ONE opportunity to do something halfway human and say that you should go with a friend....ugh.

 

But for now - you don't need to know/read anymore. Send him one sentence telling him you'll go to the police if he sends you anything further.

[Justnotsure]

Also, please get tested for STDs.

[Justnotsure]

Also, I looked back at your threads --- maybe not RIGHT away, but you DID suspect this. You were totally suspicious of him not re-activing his FB because of this girl. Your gut instincts were correct. So - know that you can trust yourself.

[Cherry009]

Oh my god, what an absolute creep. He has some serious issues. You are so lucky that you are out of this and away from him now. Some people are an utter disgrace.

[LonelyGirl10]

Also, I looked back at your threads --- maybe not RIGHT away, but you DID suspect this. You were totally suspicious of him not re-activing his FB because of this girl. Your gut instincts were correct. So - know that you can trust yourself.

 

You're right, I did. But I blamed myself for being insecure. I didn't trust my gut. I guess I need to learn how to trust my gut feeling.

 

Okay, so question... I feel like I'm in shock. But the first thing I did was call the cruise ship. I told them everything, and they cancelled his booking. I now have the room alone. They put a note in my profile that he is not allowed to book for that room. However, they cannot prevent him from booking another room. Should I tell him that I cancelled the cruise so he doesn't show up at the port? Or should I not tell him? I'm worried that if I tell him, he'll try to book another room. But I also want to avoid drama at the port. What do you think?

 

I told him to never speak to me again. He keeps sending emails. His latest one is:

Please just give me time to show you how I am changing and want to change for you. I know I messed up bad and I don't deserve anything from you...but I am asking the part of you that still cares about me. I have no right to ask you, but I do still care about you. I care about you more right now than I ever have.

 

I am telling you all the bad, along with all the good.

 

I could have hid things, I did for a while. But I am different now.

 

I am better right now than the man you met. I went through a complete crisis and I have changed.

 

I honestly want to spend my life with you and treat you like I should have from day 1. I want to put God in the middle of our relationship and build that trust back up.

 

I think he is clinically crazy. How could he possibly even ask for forgiveness after telling me all that?

[LonelyGirl10]

Also, please get tested for STDs.

 

I know. I am so worried about this. Really, really worried. I already made an appointment.

[metrogirl]

I wouldn't tell him anything. Subconsciously you are looking for a reason to talk to him, hence should I tell him about the change in room? NO.......don't tell him anything.

 

And change your email. He can't email you if you change it.

[abitbroken]

If you cancelled his ticket, then you MUST tell him. Letting him just show up at the port with his bags and there being no reservation is downright vindictive and stirring more drama. And I am surprised they would let one person cancel another passenger.

 

What I would have done is cancel MY OWN reservation and NOT go on the cruise. He planned on going on the cruise, he took time off of work so you can't expect he will say "i am not going, go with a friend and have fun." You are looking for even more drama. Change YOUR reservation to a different cruise on a different date and bring a friend or just don't go. You can't control if he still plans on going, but you can control YOU.

 

If you know he will probably just book another cabin when he gets to the point of actually showing up at the dock - why even be on the boat?? Just because he didn't show class, doesn't mean you have to stoop and play games with his ticket.

[HeartGoesOn]

I wouldn't tell him anything. Subconsciously you are looking for a reason to talk to him, hence should I tell him about the change in room? NO.......don't tell him anything.

 

And change your email. He can't email you if you change it.

 

I agree with MamaMet, word for word. Not to sound harsh, but you are definitely looking for reasons to stay in contact. Keep telling yourself that you deserve much better.

[Cherry009]

Was the booking under his name or your name? I wouldnt have thought they could cancel it if its in his name. If it is in your name then just tell him you cancelled it.

[Justnotsure]

I, agree that, unfortunately, you should not go on this cruise. You can't stop him from booking -- and if he doesn't know you changed it, he'll obviously show up. That's drama and that's keeping him in your life.

 

Can you reschedule your vacation at work, and reschedule the cruise? I know it's a hassle, but do you really want to get into more drama with this? He's not going to do the right thing, so you have to. And honestly, tell him the next time he emails you, your attorney will be contacting him.

 

Get this person out of your life. He has threatened your health, treated you with utter disrespect, and continues to selfishly trudge in when you've told him to leave you alone. I do not doubt that he may have actual mental health issues, but that is none of your concern at this point beyond the fact that you need to avoid him at all costs.

 

If you don't add more fuel to the fire, it will burn out much quicker.

[Cherry009]

I wouldn't tell him anything. Subconsciously you are looking for a reason to talk to him, hence should I tell him about the change in room? NO.......don't tell him anything.

 

And change your email. He can't email you if you change it.

 

If she doesnt mention anything to him they are both going to turn up at the port and have the same cabin which is booked. Something has to be done about the cruise!

[metrogirl]

If she doesnt mention anything to him they are both going to turn up at the port and have the same cabin which is booked. Something has to be done about the cruise!

 

Ok that makes sense.....and I really like abitbroken's post. She's probably the more level headed of us here. LOL I was typing with my emotions becuase I really feel bad for LG. I can't imagine dealing with someone so evil.