What's "too young" for a 30-year-old?

[Raiden]

I was talking about this with a friend the other other week.

 

Potentially, I would date any woman between the age of 20 and 40. She says 20 is too young for a 30-year-old. I disagree, provisionally.

 

Simply put, age isn't as important to me as attraction, understanding each other on certain topics, and simply feeling comfortable and being able to enjoy each other's company. Maturity is a loosely-defined concept, and I'm not going to say that the number of years spent on earth provides an unequivocal basis to judge someone's maturity, or make a dating or relationship decision on.

 

Hypothetically, do you think a 20-year-old and a 30-year-old are going to be incompatible? What about a 25-year-old and a 30-year-old, or a 40-year-old and a 30-year-old, or a 35-year-old and a 29-year-old, or a 26-year-old and a 21-year-old, etc etc etc? How important is age, to you?

[Hopeful Heart]

Age isn't important. But society has made it a big thing that if the age difference is to large it is classified as wrong. I think that if you love them then age becomes simply a number.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Age is very important...because every generation lives through different times. There are commonalities and a common background with someone who grew up in the same generation as you and that contributes to bonding. I find that men who gravitate to much younger women simply do not want to date their own age group..they want the "status" of being able to bag a much younger woman. I also find that women who date much older men do not want to date their own age group because they want what they perceive as the "maturity" and "stableness" of a much older man.

[Raiden]

every generation lives through different times. There are commonalities and a common background with someone who grew up in the same generation as you and that contributes to bonding.

Is someone born in 1992 or 1972 really going to be dissociated with the culture someone born in 1982 grew up with, and vice-versa?

 

Granted, a lot can happen to the world in a decade, but you make it sound like 10 years of age difference is like dating someone from the 16th Century.

[Clio]

I think that one has to be aware that age is an indication of maturity and of the life stage one is on. 20-25 years is still a carefree period where people want to party and date around. 25-30 is about starting to find their way in life. And 30 onwards is about setting down and building on the goals they have set. Of course none of this is written in stone, they are just tendencies. My feeling though is that generations and how they think seem to change every five years or so, especially till you hit 30-35.

 

It comes down to your own maturity and life goals really. If your own maturity level is stuck somewhere in your early 20s and/or for whatever reasons you are only looking to have fun at his stage then a 20 year old is fine. If you think that you might be interested in a relationship that could lead to building something longterm then I would say that you are better off looking from 25 years and up because a 20 year old is likely to want to experience things that you have already experienced multiple times (see wild clubbing, getting drunk, playing the field, finding what they like and whatnot in relationships, having fun with their single friends) and you are no longer interested in. If she doesn't experience it in the right time because she is spending that time with a 30 year old leading a 30 year old's life, then she might end up having regrets in the future leading her to break up in order to go live the life experiences that she missed. Or she might end up behaving 'like a 20 year old' and hurt you because she is inexperienced/immature in terms of 'adult' relationships. To me 'growing up' really starts from 25 years on. Again, I will say that this isn't set in stone and that I am referring to tendencies. Of course, there are 20 year olds who have been through so much in their life that they have the maturity of a 30 year old but I would say that those are exceptions and not the rule.

[agent1607307371]

I'm 30 and I couldn't date someone who is 20. They're like babies to me.

 

But I could potentially date someone who is 40.

 

 

It's all got to come down to the person and how you mesh. There can be mature 20 year olds and immature 40 year olds.

[stranger88]

Age is very important...because every generation lives through different times. There are commonalities and a common background with someone who grew up in the same generation as you and that contributes to bonding. I find that men who gravitate to much younger women simply do not want to date their own age group..they want the "status" of being able to bag a much younger woman. I also find that women who date much older men do not want to date their own age group because they want what they perceive as the "maturity" and "stableness" of a much older man.

 

Not necessarily. I think for a guy of roughly 30 who doesn't want kids low 20's is a better age group to date. If you are more into having fun then settling down its harder to find a 30 year old women who doesn't expect you to provide them with a place to live and potential for kids.

 

However I will say this, a 30 year old and a 20 year will rarely be compatible. Most 20 year olds are interested in drinking and going out constantly.

[stranger88]

I couldn't have said it better myself. This post should be archived.

 

The reason these age gaps don't work is because any maturer person is unlikely to want to be involved into the 'clubbing/partying' stage of life and tbh will likely result in behavior that they don't seem fit of a monogamous relationship. Anyone that thinks they can have a committed relationship with someone through that stage when they are already mature is kidding themself. This isn't an insult to the people at 20, they have to experience that so they can grow out of it and mature as people.

 

You will also find that someone around age 20 struggles to understand what being in a proper relationship actually means when it comes to being there for your partner and working together to grow as a couple. You will constantly find yourself being the second priority.

[charity]

i really do think it comes down to the individual. i have one friend that is 10 years older then me AND i have two friends that are 10 years younger. both these friends are very close to me, both of them i connect with. there is a maturity in both...although obviously there is more life experience in the older woman. anyhow.....i'm not a lesbian but if i was i could be in a relationship with either of these women lol. my friend is 10 years older then her husband and i can't see any difference in their maturity/lifestyles when i hang out with them. the younger friend i first met when she was 20 and i was 30 and we still are amazing friends.

 

however there are two worries i would have.

1. younger women -late teens, early twenties can be very emotional in their first relationship. because it is one of their first relationships (or maybe it is their first,) they can take it really seriously. even when its not a serious ot great relationship. an older man may see that things are not working and be able to call it quits but the young girl may be devastated leading the man to feel major guilt. i have seen this happen and i have been in this. i dated an older guy when i was 21 and though i was very mature and serious(not into the partylife or dating around) i went NUTS when we broke up and acted like a crazy person.

 

2. as the older person in a relationship i wonder would you UNCONSCIOUSLY see yourself as the more mature, more experienced, more intelligent partner simply due to the persons younger age . in this case a 'teacher' figure often arises.

[Seraphim]

No, I could definitely not date someone 10 years younger than myself. LIke CAD said, the generational difference would be too much, not to mention the life stage.

[xonicolemarie]

I am 23 dating a 33 year old man. I absolutely love it! I dont think I would ever go back to a guy my age. Yes you can feel the age gap for certain things such as the music we like, or the fact that he has more responsibilities than me (mortgage and such) however we really do learn from each other and its very fulfilling. He teaches me a lot about life..like someone posted sometimes he takes the "teacher" role but I actually love that. He also loves the fact that I make him feel youthful again (even though hes still young). That being said, we are extremely alike as in we enjoy the same things and want the same things. we dont like going out partying, we would both rather spend time with family than go out getting wasted with friends, we both want to settle down (one of the reasons I wanted an older man, I want a family young)...honestly it depends all on the person, I know girls who dont even want a boyfriend at my age and I know that when I tell people my 11 year gap, there are some with discussed looks on their face, so yea, its all about the individual and not age. At the end of the day, you might have two people excited to enter an age gap relationship, however it might take actually being in it to decide that its not for you.

[stranger88]

Sounds like you two are well suited.

 

I don't think the maturity gap is that big of a deal, its the lifestyle differences that usually plague age gap relationships.

[Natasha24]

I think it depends more on life situations than age.

 

When I was 21, I had an apartment of my own, a full time job, a car, etc etc.

I currently know some 25 year olds who are still living with their parents, driving their parents car, living off their parents money, etc etc.

 

There's nothing wrong with that (I'm actually a little jealous), but perspectives change so much once you are on your own. Chances are, most 20 year olds are going to be in school, living with their parents, not working. Most 30 year olds are going to have apartments/houses/mortgages, full time jobs, more responsibilities. I don't see how much a 20 year old and a 30 year old could have in common, but like I said, it's more about life situations/experiences than age.

 

I'm 24 and I tend to only date guys who are 29+, but that's just because of my current situation and I don't feel I have much in common with guys my own age.

[Huntress0527]

The important factors are:

 

1. Of course number 1 is that it's legal

2. Common traits, values, and goals

3. Common life stages i.e. party stage vs settle down stage (this is where I find a 20 yr vs 30 yr old may not work but a 30 yr old would work with a 40 yr old)

4. Maturity similarities (age does not matter)

 

My husband is 10 years older and it's the best relationship I ever had obviously because I married him. No one can tell me that we aren't perfect for one another just because he was born a whole decade before me.

[superfan]

Age gap relationships (providing all parties are legal) have just as much chance of working out or not working out than any other relationship in my opinion. Yes, there are problems associated with the age gap much of the time, but I feel sometimes those problems just take the place of whatever other issues a couple may or may not have to work on if there wasn't an age gap if that makes sense.

 

ALL relationships have problems that will need to be over come, it's just that with May-December romances, the problems become more specific to the ages of those involved.

 

Personally I could NEVER be with someone ten years younger (and I am 30). As someone else has already mentioned at 20 these days most guys are still living at home, MAYBE having a job, and/or in school. My own personal age rule is that I would never date a guy who is the same age as my younger brother (who is 4 years younger) because it would feel too much like I was "dating one of his buddies".

 

As for older guys, well my husband is 4 years older than me and even though that isn't that much (especially being 30 and him being 34) sometimes I DO feel the gap between us when he mentions experiences he had as a child either with music or cultural events/politics that I would have been too young to remember or experienced differently. I wouldn't refuse to date somebody 10 years older than me, but I think I would definitely have difficulties with the gap in experience between us.

 

Ultimately though it is all about what is right for you. If both parties are legal and get along then go for it and hang what others say.

[lostandhurt]

It depends on what you want really. If you want to go out and have fun then ten years younger than you is fine but don't expect her to want what you want if it gets serious.

 

If you are looking for something long term it probably won't last.

 

Decide what you want and then move in that direction. There is also the thing that you need to be able to attract a 20 year old. Remember they were 19 just one year earlier....

 

Lost

[jonny15]

Anyone that isn't of legal age is too young. Otherwise, they're all fair game.

[Blue Spiral]

Anyone that isn't of legal age is too young. Otherwise, they're all fair game.

 

Quite right.

 

Personally, I struggle to maintain connections with women over twenty-five. The strange thing is, I've had that problem for almost ten years, now. I've always assumed it's because women start looking for more serious relationships around then.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is exactly my point about age gaps...older person wanting to feel younger, older person wanting to act as teacher...younger person wanting security and a teacher. I have friends my age who are with men over 60....and there is a huge difference between someone in their late forties/early fifties and someone in their sixties. Also, to respond to someone else's post..there is a big difference between being friends with someone 10 years older, and actually having a romantic relationship with someone 10 years older.

[Doc Blaze]

I think the age difference is what is hurting me and my ex..even though she is 22 ..im 27...were both at different pt..im ready for my career and she is getting into the life style that im trying to do less of

[pl3asehelp]

This is exactly my point about age gaps...older person wanting to feel younger, older person wanting to act as teacher...younger person wanting security and a teacher. I have friends my age who are with men over 60....and there is a huge difference between someone in their late forties/early fifties and someone in their sixties. Also, to respond to someone else's post..there is a big difference between being friends with someone 10 years older, and actually having a romantic relationship with someone 10 years older.

 

That whole teacher dynamic also really unknowingly makes the younger person vulnerable to subtle manipulation. The older person is aware of this and sometimes needs the dynamic because people at their own maturity level won't tolerate their crap, while a younger person jus thinks they're learning something which they fail to question critically.

[quirky]

That whole teacher dynamic also really unknowingly makes the younger person vulnerable to subtle manipulation. The older person is aware of this and sometimes needs the dynamic because people at their own maturity level won't tolerate their crap, while a younger person jus thinks they're learning something which they fail to question critically.

 

I agree with that completely.

 

I find age gaps of 10 years or more very weird, I assume something is up on either side.. usually immaturity from the older person.

I am usually put off by a man 10 years older. I see how their face looks more aged than mine and it turns me off. I also assume they are immature and left it too late to have kids so they are now interested in women that can still breed. Very negative thinking I'm sure..but there is a truth to it from my experience.

Younger guys ? Clearly not by 10 years, they're having a different life to mine. 5 years would be the absolute lowest and only if the guy has gone through some significant experiences, loss being one of them.

[Slimpee]

I'm almost 30 and wouldn't date any younger than 21 for sure and probably not lower than 23. I guess it depends on the individual, but it'd be rare to go younger than 23

[itsallgrand]

To each their own, I suppose, but I agree with Cap ple3sehelp and quirky. Age is more than a number, and dating with age gaps has its own trappings. there are exceptions to it, of course, but I cringe when I hear things like "i am mature for my age" "age is just a number" "as long as its legal" (my personal least favorite) "he is teaching me so much" "she makes me feel alive/young".

 

Barf. Puke. Just generally so unappealing to me.

 

And I think there is a world of difference between being able to share attraction, company, and interests with people of all ages...which I think anyone has felt at some point, and will again...and deciding that means it's 'good to date' or to pursue relationships with anyone regardless of age or circumstance.

 

I can, and have, found older and younger men appealing in various ways, get along with them, but that doesn't mean I want to date them. Know what I mean?

[poetryandlyrics]

My boyfriend is 13 years older. It just happened.

 

I don't have "daddy issues" to look for a father figure. I'm just used to the gap because my parents are 11 years apart. I thought he was 27 at that time and so did he. But we clicked. He's not the teacher in this, but rather we both are in different aspecs. I refuse to have an imbalanced relationship. I'd like to be independent, my own person, and I am. He doesn't like people depending on him too much anyway. We're in similar life stages. I was in college when I met him and he was just getting back in. We'll be graduating now - me first although. We both have separate jobs though mine are more recent, but not for lack of trying. I did my whole "partying phase" in the first two years of college and I'm done with that, and that was before him. I'm still the most responsible person anyway - my parents always let me to do whatever I wanted because I was responsible, and honestly I always played it safe even then.