Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

[IAmFCA]

This morning, the aforementioned Hinge match replied "Sure will do" to my last message's suggestion that she text me at my phone number so I could give her a call. She hasn't done it.

 

But luckily this Valentine's Day I got a phone call from mom thanking me for the flowers, HVD texts from DAKOTA and my friend BABETTE, and best of all, the news from my new optometrist that I need to get cataract surgery.

 

My friend in his 40s got cataract surgery and now has perfect vision, and was amazed at the colors etc afterwards.

[luminousone]

But luckily this Valentine's Day I got news from my new optometrist that I need to get cataract surgery.

 

That is sweet you sent your mom flowers.

 

Oh cr@p about the cataract surgery! My eye doc's office has been hounding me for an appointment this year. I suspect I will be heading that way too, since he said one was forming last time.

[Batya33]

This morning, the aforementioned Hinge match replied "Sure will do" to my last message's suggestion that she text me at my phone number so I could give her a call. She hasn't done it.

 

But luckily this Valentine's Day I got a phone call from mom thanking me for the flowers, HVD texts from DAKOTA and my friend BABETTE, and best of all, the news from my new optometrist that I need to get cataract surgery.

 

my mom had both eyes done over the last year -no side effects, fine (and of course it fixed the issues, too). Her experience is typical of others I've heard from. You are young and that is a plus and I wish you a successful surgery and speedy recovery (whenever it is you do it)

[NorthDallas40]

I nudged the Hinge woman and she actually replied, apologizing for a busy week and telling me she's out of town this weekend... but gave me her number and we agreed I'd call her on Monday.

 

Let's call her MARISA (38, 5'3", attorney)... she looks cute / slim in some pics, not so much in others. In one photo she looks almost 6 feet tall with slim legs that go on forever... I don't think it's photoshopped, but it certainly looks unusual, if promising. Also promising is that she likes live music & live comedy (Lewis Black is her favorite!?!), not so much that she also likes sports. But I can handle sports if needed.

[NorthDallas40]

I got a couple of other matches on Hinge and OKC over the past couple of days. I messaged, they messaged back, I replied... and nothing.

 

Just called MARISA and left a voicemail.

[NorthDallas40]

MARISA called back and we ended up having a really fun 1-hour conversation. She's originally from the midwest but has lived/visted other places around the USA, including my hometown - and my mom's hometown! - so we had a lot to talk about. She's a lawyer for a non-profit and said that her week is "really jammed up" but the weekend works for her; we plan to meet for dinner this Friday night.

[Realitynut]

Oh yay!!! Good Luck!!! In my hometown, I'd have only 4 to go out with....and I tried them out. Zip. Nada.

Lucky you have such a good selection!

[NorthDallas40]

MARISA agreed to my suggestion of dinner & comedy club, so we're meeting tonight.

 

I got another CMB match who has responded a couple of times and who seems promising, and one of the Hinge women in a previous post responded as well. Nothing past those yet.

[NorthDallas40]

Dinner & comedy club with MARISA this past Friday was fun. She looked pretty much like her photos: 5'3" (but wearing heeled boots) and average build (skinny legs, a bit of a tummy, generous bosom), with a face that looked cute most of the time, but at some angles looked a little homely. She has pretty eyes & hair, but a big nose, big teeth and big cheeks, but a small chin and short neck, so I think her makeup may have been doing some of the magic. She also is a little louder and deeper-voiced than I prefer, so overall she's not quite in the league that's attractive to me, especially compared with some of the real stunners I've dated.

 

That said, her cheerful, enthusiastic demeanor was great, conversation never flagged, and she seemed to have fun with me. Though she wasn't flirtatious, she often leaned in close and allowed our legs/arms to touch even when we had space to move them away. As we walked to my car after the show she took my arm so I put my arm around her. And when I dropped her off I gave her two kisses on the mouth, which she seemed to be hoping for. When she got out, she asked "Talk to you soon?" and I said yes, even though I wasn't 100% sure if I would.

 

So all day yesterday I debated texting her; she's really into sports, not vegan, and I wasn't sure if I'd be physically attracted on a 2nd meeting. However, given my lousy luck with the aforementioned stunners, I figured what the hell and asked her out again last night. I thought she'd reply back in the positive, but was prepared to be ghosted since I'm vegan, not into sports, 10 years older, and not exactly a stunner myself. Who knows - maybe *I'm* the bottom of the barrel for her.

 

But today she texted back, saying that this week is "horrible" (she told me already she was going out of town for work on Tuesday) and that she has out-of-town guests coming next weekend, so could we plan for next week. I said that worked for me, and said we could catch up later.

 

In the meantime, I'll keep swiping right and messaging other women until then.

[NorthDallas40]

One of the vanished CMB correspondents sent me a message last night, saying that she was moving this week (wow, everyone's "moving" this month... eyeroll), so we could "reconvene" next week. I messaged back that it was up to her, since I don't have her number, and our CMB chat line will expire before then.

 

Nothing from MARISA, but that's fine - we're supposed to check in next week.

[abitbroken]

She also is a little louder and deeper-voiced than I prefer, so overall she's not quite in the league that's attractive to me, especially compared with some of the real stunners I've dated.

 

so if she was "hot" you would be chomping at the bit? What if someone really clicked with you mentally/emotionally but was just "cute" but not hot?

Can you honestly say you are smoking hot and people come up begging to sign you for their modeling agency? Are you a 10? I totally can see if someone is just not "feeling it" with someone but you seem to analyze all a woman's features and you talk about all her "angles" like you are casting for a photo shoot. You have had more than one where "attractive face, teeth are larger/not as in good repair, more gum showing than I prefer." A little bit of a tummy -- welcome to the 40s and 50s.

 

Just an observation. I know i type blunt -- but i am really meaning it only as that - an observation. Some people say "i didn't feel a connection/we couldn't really have a conversation" and in your posts its like "her face was cute except at this one angle..."

[Realitynut]

Exactly! Superficial. A bit of a tummy? Wish we all were so perfect....

[IAmFCA]

Y'all we've been enjoying this thread for years. ND is sourcing what he wants, on an almost constant basis. When that gets old enough to stop, if ever, then more substantive traits may take priority. Or, they won't.

 

He doesn't need to be different, unless he wants the outcome of his dating life to be different.

[Metaltwin70]

'can you honestly say you are smoking hot and people come up begging to sign you for their modeling agency? Are you a 10? I totally can see if someone is just not "feeling it" with someone but you seem to analyze all a woman's features and you talk about all her "angles" like you are casting for a photo shoot. You have had more than one where "attractive face, teeth are larger/not as in good repair, more gum showing than I prefer." A little bit of a tummy -- welcome to the 40s and 50s.

 

Just an observation. I know i type blunt -- but i am really meaning it only as that - an observation. Some people say "i didn't feel a connection/we couldn't really have a conversation" and in your posts its like "her face was cute except at this one angle..."

______________________

 

Thank you abitbroken!! ND does indeed talk as though he is 6.4, 13 stone and drop-dead gorgeous. Good luck to him! :)

[NorthDallas40]

For the umpteenth time, this journal contains my unfiltered opinions, not what I'm telling my dates or anyone else in real life.

 

But ENAers' selective reading of my posts never fails to not surprise. So for those who missed it:

 

I thought she'd reply back in the positive, but was prepared to be ghosted since I'm vegan, not into sports, 10 years older, and not exactly a stunner myself. Who knows - maybe *I'm* the bottom of the barrel for her.

 

Anyway, I texted MARISA a funny text on Tuesday and she texted back a short reply.

 

CMB woman who's moving this week replied back with her number, so let's call her HOLLIE (45, 5'4").

 

I also got a "Hello cutie! How long have you been veg?" message from an attractive woman on OKC who I've seen on the site for years. I replied. She didn't.

[Case_1983]

Hi ND,

 

Loooong time subscriber here. Since the beginning. I love reading your posts and your undying will to find your person. You write in a way which is both easy to read and it gets me hooked to see what comes next. You come across as extremely likeable. You have great hobbies and are self assured, quite a catch i would say.

 

My unfiltered opinion is this: hot girls - will date you 1-5 times and drop you like a hot potato. Yes, there may be the odd one who will keep it going for a bit longer but in general not. I would recommended you aim your attention at more cute/average girls if you intend to find someone.

 

I'm not saying you're an Uggo but based on your history, you are probably average looking and need to spend your attention looking for someone the same attractiveness.

 

Not that time is running out but that you use your time more to effectively. Yes you might get lucky and find a hot girl that doesn't care about looks and won't mess you around when she is bombarded by attention from other suitors because she is smitten by you. But probably not.

 

Just my opinion. I say this with love as i think you are awesome xx

[Batya33]

Hi ND,

 

Loooong time subscriber here. Since the beginning. I love reading your posts and your undying will to find your person. You write in a way which is both easy to read and it gets me hooked to see what comes next. You come across as extremely likeable. You have great hobbies and are self assured, quite a catch i would say.

 

My unfiltered opinion is this: hot girls - will date you 1-5 times and drop you like a hot potato. Yes, there may be the odd one who will keep it going for a bit longer but in general not. I would recommended you aim your attention at more cute/average girls if you intend to find someone.

 

I'm not saying you're an Uggo but based on your history, you are probably average looking and need to spend your attention looking for someone the same attractiveness.

 

Not that time is running out but that you use your time more to effectively. Yes you might get lucky and find a hot girl that doesn't care about looks and won't mess you around when she is bombarded by attention from other suitors because she is smitten by you. But probably not.

 

Just my opinion. I say this with love as i think you are awesome xx

 

It depends -hot is relative unless hot refers to people who are models -and that's more often about arm candy than chemistry. People who focus on chemistry very often don't date people who would be considered hot by external model standards even if they look like models. People who focus on physical features and looks because it's important to them to be seen with someone who looks like a model probably do make poorer choices (and only get the few dates) because that click or potential for a spark based on chemistry isn't there -just the excitement over the prize. I know of few people who genuinely are only attracted to people who look like models and are in the predicament of only feeling chemistry with people who are "tens" from an objective standpoint. Out of those I bet some tell themselves that "well it's just who I'm attracted to" but I bet very often it's back to the trophy/arm candy thing.

 

I do agree that someone who looks like a model and is also focused on his/her looks might be more focused on someone at her/his "level" and I do agree that someone who looks like a ten will get more attention from others and might in some cases be more tempted by that.

[NorthDallas40]

This is completely subjective, but FWIW I'm probably a 7 at best and the women I date tend to be 7s as well. Occasionally I get someone I consider an 8 (KATE, SHAY) but even that's up for debate, as DAKOTA would eagerly tell you. She's seen pictures of both KATE and SHAY and says they're both ugly, and I know she's not biased in the slightest ;)

 

I texted MARISA yesterday, and we agreed to meet this Sunday. The lack of between-date communication is making me not too excited, however.

 

I texted HOLLIE yesterday about a phone chat, she said she could talk that night, but then opted for tonight after 6pm instead. So today I texted that I'm working til 7pm so maybe tomorrow night would be better, but that she could call and give it a shot. She didn't.

 

-----------

 

As for the band, our 4 songs for the vinyl 45 singles are mixed and mastered, the labels are designed, and I got some free legal advice from a music lawyer who plays in a longtime touring band that I like a lot; very helpful.

 

But one label (an ex bandmate, really) just said he can't put it out right now and made it clear he probably never would. Totally lame, but we can press it ourselves without worrying about sharing rights & profits. Eff him, really.

 

The other label gave us their terms (and the lawyer gave me some pointers about it), but also wants to have one of their singers put vocals on one of the tunes. So that might delay things, but I like the idea, and I'm pretty sure it will still come out.

 

We also did a DIY photo shoot using our new percussionist's big studio (turns out he shares it with our old drummer, complete coincidence!) and having my coworker take pix. Unfortunately our guitarist had a huge eczema outbreak on his face that day (first time ever!) so out of the 70 usable shots, he only was ok with 2. But I think I can convince him otherwise, and I'm glad to finally have some images to work with.

 

Oddly enough, it's impossible for us to get gigs right now. But that's ok - once I update our online presence with the photos, do a teaser video using footage from our photoshoot, and we can advertise the 45s, we should be more marketable.

 

-----------

 

Finally, my job just laid off over half the staff, now we're down to about 12 people and the company may dissolve altogether in June. It sucks, but at least I was spared and I basically have 2-3 months to get ready for the job hunt if needed.

[Batya33]

Why do you need to text more than a few times with someone you just met? You seem to be very focused on how you get along in person particularly how the person gets you and your sense of humor, etc and asks about you in person and dresses and looks and acts in person so why the need for between first meet and first date texting? You know they are interested when they want to see you again -is it that you want to "sext"? Just curious -hopefully you won't take it the long wa.

[NorthDallas40]

I don't "need" anything in terms of texting.

 

But when comparing women I've dated who enjoy texting in between early dates vs. women who go radio silent between them, the difference is clear: the former women are interested (at least at the time), the latter women are not. End of story.

[Batya33]

I don't "need" anything in terms of texting.

 

But when comparing women I've dated who enjoy texting in between early dates vs. women who go radio silent between them, the difference is clear: the former women are interested (at least at the time), the latter women are not. End of story.

 

Not if they accepted another date with you IMO and often the ones who text up a storm are simply bored/don't have a lot going on/are needy.

[NorthDallas40]

Talked to HOLLIE very briefly last night. To recap with her:

 

After getting initially getting my number about 12 days ago, HOLLIE kept me waiting for a week before being available for a phone call because she was moving. Fair enough.

 

So I texted a week later (this past Monday) to see about talking that night. She said she was going to an event so she would call the next night.

 

Tuesday she said she could call after 6pm before she went to a dinner. I said I'd still be at work til 7pm but I might be free so she could give it a shot. She didn't.

 

Wednesday (yesterday) I texted about a phone chat and we agreed to talk after 7pm. At 6:55pm she texted that she'd call soon from her car. She texted 45 minutes later (while *I* was in the car) to see if I was free. I texted to give me 15 minutes. She said she'd be at her dinner by then, which made me think "wow, you allotted a whole 15 minutes to talk to me. Noted." I said she could call after dinner. She said ok.

 

So she texted at 10:50, I called her back, and indeed she was in the car, and - no surprise here - her reception was awful, she was clearly distracted by driving, and her voice was kind of annoying too. After a lot of "hey, you're cutting out"s and "I can't hear you"s, I suggested she call back when reception was better. She agreed.

 

At that point, I realized I didn't want to be involved with someone who couldn't make time for a simple gd phone call after 10 days of attempts, and then could only call from the car rather than from home when she could actually focus on on the gd conversation.

 

So I turned my phone off and watched a movie.

 

Turns out she texted me about 10 minutes after we had talked, but as attractive as her pictures looked, clearly I really didn't give a s**t anymore.

[NorthDallas40]

MARISA just proved my point about women who don't text much between dates:

"Hey there. I"m really sorry - but I don't think it's going to work out for us to get together again. I hope you have a great weekend and truly wish you all the best. Just don't want to waste your time. Take care."

 

So for all of you who thought I was being too judgmental, please address those concerns to MARISA.

 

That said, I MUCH prefer when a woman gives me a clear-cut rejection instead of drawn-out excuses, so this is fine.

 

But as I reflect on things... considering that the last "long term" relationship I had was two years ago and that one lasted less than 3months, I officially qualify for the "undateable" tag, at least for any women that I actually want to date.

 

Especially since the last several women I went out with had a lot in common with me and seemed to have fun, yet still gave me the heave-ho.

 

It just doesn't matter; either I'm not attractive enough, not rich enough, or both.

 

I can see no other reasons.

[Batya33]

I think she noticed that you weren't that into her plus she wasn't that into you from the get go - I can imagine many scenarios where a woman would be really into a man and in the beginning prefer to get to know him in person by seeing him once or twice a week plus added to that be too busy in between to text with a near stranger -meaning, to text in a meaningful way usually works best if you know the person not as a way to get to know the person. I find that people who like to use texting to get to know a person are lackluster about making an effort to see the person in person.

[NorthDallas40]

I got a cute but short Tinder match yesterday. By this morning, she'd unmatched us.

 

I sent out a few OKC messages this week. Two liked me back but didn't respond, one woman who seems promising sent me a nice message but didn't reply when I gave her my number.

 

I got two matches on Hinge that seemed ok but I'm not interested enough to respond. Two other old Hinge matches sent me messages out of the blue, but didn't respond when I gave them my number.

 

One possibly cute / possibly chubby CMB match sent me a 2nd reply, but didn't respond when I gave her my number.