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Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

NorthDallas40

By NorthDallas40
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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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I wonder why women are scared off by a phone call? I mean, I know one or two of them have confessed they don't know English very well. Could that be the issue??

 

Yes.

 

In my own example: I speak well. After using phone calls as a screening tool, I stopped. I don'l like it. It is not the whole picture; vocal quality is misleading. I need to have a f2f to weed properly.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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The "promising" OKC woman just replied to my invitation to call:

 

"Sure, I’m out of town for a few das but will text when I’m back"

 

I know she's still in our state, so... she doesn't want to incur roaming charges? What?

 

She might not have a block of time to talk to a new person/or she is out of town with someone she's dating and is still open to meeting other potential people to date.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

Posted
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I wonder why women are scared off by a phone call? I mean, I know one or two of them have confessed they don't know English very well. Could that be the issue??

 

It's possible - and I find that some younger people text more than talk. I used phone calls as a screening tool for many years -voice quality plus willingness to talk (meaning no wife/girlfriend around) and I can tell depression or other issues like that in a phone call. One guy answered, screaming "how did you get this number??" forgetting that he'd just given it to me LOL. He had a green card marriage I think or something like that.

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einsteins_girl Rising Star

einsteins_girl

Posted
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Just wanted to throw out there that I don't enjoy speaking on the phone with people I don't know, so if a guy sent me his phone # that early on, I'd probably disappear too. I feel like I'm more myself in writing or in person - not on the phone - and I don't like the awkwardness of it. I think phone calls are by far the most difficult mode of communication.

 

It wouldn't really have that much to do with my interest level, since I wouldn't know enough about him to be interested or not. Just means I'd rather not be uncomfortable in that way for someone I don't know.

 

It's possible some of these women feel the same.

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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Posted
Just wanted to throw out there that I don't enjoy speaking on the phone with people I don't know, so if a guy sent me his phone # that early on, I'd probably disappear too. I feel like I'm more myself in writing or in person - not on the phone - and I don't like the awkwardness of it. I think phone calls are by far the most difficult mode of communication.

 

It wouldn't really have that much to do with my interest level, since I wouldn't know enough about him to be interested or not. Just means I'd rather not be uncomfortable in that way for someone I don't know.

 

It's possible some of these women feel the same.

 

Sure as long as you are honest about that. For me it would have been a dealbreaker for safety and whether it made sense to meet. I know of many who've met without a phone call.

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NorthDallas40 Grand Master

NorthDallas40

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I know of many who've met without a phone call.

 

Including me. Several times women have indicated that they don't want to give out their phone number (or as with LEMRA, their actual name).

 

We met anyway.

 

It's not hard.

 

The ones who disappear are the ones who just weren't interested.

 

-----

 

Anyway "maybe cute, maybe chubby" CMB woman just replied that she would "text me later."

 

So that sound you hear is me breathing normally.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

Posted
Posted
Just wanted to throw out there that I don't enjoy speaking on the phone with people I don't know, so if a guy sent me his phone # that early on, I'd probably disappear too. I feel like I'm more myself in writing or in person - not on the phone - and I don't like the awkwardness of it. I think phone calls are by far the most difficult mode of communication.

 

It wouldn't really have that much to do with my interest level, since I wouldn't know enough about him to be interested or not. Just means I'd rather not be uncomfortable in that way for someone I don't know.

 

It's possible some of these women feel the same.

 

Me too! I didn't know until I read your post. That's it exactly.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

Posted
Posted
Including me. Several times women have indicated that they don't want to give out their phone number (or as with LEMRA, their actual name).

 

We met anyway.

 

It's not hard.

 

The ones who disappear are the ones who just weren't interested.

 

-----

 

Anyway "maybe cute, maybe chubby" CMB woman just replied that she would "text me later."

 

So that sound you hear is me breathing normally.

 

My dear, you're not undatable, as evidenced by your dating history. That ready validation that you get in the dating world reminds you of it, and you've been fortunate to have a somewhat steady stream of it.

 

Dating is a different set of skills than LTR skills. The deeper connection that lasts more than 3 months is more challenging to find, and much more challenging to retain. Sometimes, the juice isn't worth the squeeze, as you know.

 

In my own current experience, I sometimes have found my source of commitment is our long friendship. Without it, I am not sure I would have enough faith in him or appreciation of him to remain as invested as I choose to be.

 

Obviously, relationships start from nothing and build. If I were trying to do that now, I would go terribly, Victorian-era slow. I just don't see how I can trust someone else, or trust my own judgment, otherwise.

 

So yeah, its hard. If you find the short term candidates are buttressing your self esteem or providing an escape from day to day life, it might be wise to take a break.

 

For now, I am glad you are breathing! ;)

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NorthDallas40 Grand Master

NorthDallas40

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Got a 46-yo match on Hinge yesterday.

I think we'd been matched before, but not sure.

I messaged her in the evening.

She replied within the hour.

I replied to her within the hour.

She didn't reply for the rest of the evening.

I gave her my phone number this morning.

Five hours later, she hasn't replied.

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NorthDallas40 Grand Master

NorthDallas40

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I got a CMB match this week, let's be funny and call her CHISMA (46, 5'3") because she's latina/caucasian. She's pretty w/ a nice figure (my coworker rated her a 6 to 6.5 however), not really the physical type I'm looking for but she's interested in midcentury/60s culture like I am.

 

When I stalked her on FB she was easy to find; we had at least 8 friends in common, which didn't surprise me at all.

 

Anyway, she wrote me a nice message first, I replied, and she wrote back a few paragraphs.

 

I have no doubt that I am close to her type (interests-wise, anyway), and I'm sure we'll end up meeting and getting along great. And this is where my Asian dating preference rears its head: she seems cool and attractive enough, but I'm not all that enthused. Though if she *were* Asian, I'd be pretty darn excited.

 

 

Maybe that will change if/when we meet.

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NorthDallas40 Grand Master

NorthDallas40

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Just got off the phone with CHISMA, who's vegetarian and as expected, has very similar aesthetic tastes to mine and is quite the Chatty Cathy. Seems nice. We plan to meet for dinner on Wednesday.

 

Also, out of the blue the Hinge woman who never gave me her number last weekend dropped me a message on the app yesterday, asking if she could call me today at 3pm. I said yes. I doubt she will.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

Posted
Posted
Just got off the phone with CHISMA, who's vegetarian and as expected, has very similar aesthetic tastes to mine and is quite the Chatty Cathy. Seems nice. We plan to meet for dinner on Wednesday.

 

Also, out of the blue the Hinge woman who never gave me her number last weekend dropped me a message on the app yesterday, asking if she could call me today at 3pm. I said yes. I doubt she will.

 

And? Did she?

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