Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

[Batya33]

You lost me at Take on Me.

[IAmFCA]

That may be a reasonable analysis based solely on my journal entries. But in my own mind and my own experience, not at all. I'm always hoping for a meaningful longterm relationship, and willing to be open-minded about it at the start. Unfortunately, the "best" prospects soon turn out to be objectively not so great after all, or are truly pretty great but have decided the opposite about me.

 

 

 

"She seems like a shell in search of a personality" nails it. Especially when you take into account that she idolized her older sister when she was a kid, wanting to be just like her, much to her sister's chagrin. And I'm not convinced that's still not the case.

 

The long term thing often results from a slow connection, an immediate spark tbat isn't acted upon, perhaps. Two people with their own lives. That can take longer to synchronize.

 

People who value what they have are often risk averse, and in the interest of protecting themselves from unnecessary chaos, wait and watch before diving in. We've danced this dance before; its not your way. I recommend it anyway, but only if you're up for stepping out of your norms. Othetwise, carry on, of course.

[IAmFCA]

You lost me at Take on Me.

 

Me too. A fave of the exH. Hahaha a ha.

[NorthDallas40]

You lost me at Take on Me.

 

I take it as evidence of my infinite patience, understanding and supreme ability to rein in my usual judgmental condescension that I merely laughed and said something like "Oh yeah that was a big one!" instead of stopping in my tracks, aghast, and saying "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME."

 

#ImASaint

[Batya33]

I take it as evidence of my infinite patience, understanding and supreme ability to rein in my usual judgmental condescension that I merely laughed and said something like "Oh yeah that was a big one!" instead of stopping in my tracks, aghast, and saying "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME."

 

#ImASaint

 

Seriously except....maybe easier while hiking in the fresh air. Maybe. Now it's been in my head and it sucks.

[IAmFCA]

Me too. A fave of the exH. Hahaha a ha.

 

I want attention for my silly pun

[NorthDallas40]

So we're all agreed: she's too normal.

[NorthDallas40]

Seriously except....maybe easier while hiking in the fresh air. Maybe. Now it's been in my head and it sucks.

 

In her defense, I was 15-yo male when that song came out. She was a 9 or 10-yo girl. Big perspective shift.

[IAmFCA]

So we're all agreed: she's too normal.

 

Oh absolutely. I have a guy for her. Too bad we can't box one and ship to the other.

[NorthDallas40]

Oh absolutely. I have a guy for her. Too bad we can't box one and ship to the other.

 

We'll have to ship him. She's not moving across the county line.

[IAmFCA]

We'll have to ship him. She's not moving across the county line.

 

Alright. Ill talk to him one more time but only for this purpose. He likes museums and hasnt a clue what restaurants to visit. They can be wonder bread together, looking up and saying wow and clogging up pedestrian traffic.

[Batya33]

In her defense, I was 15-yo male when that song came out. She was a 9 or 10-yo girl. Big perspective shift.

 

Yes and when I was 11 the big son was Shaun Cassidy's Da Doo Run Run. I stopped listening to that song by the time I was 39, I mean, 13, at the oldest (because then Off the Wall came out as did The Wall). Certainly if it was an actual classic like Hang Fire, or Scenes from an Italian Restaurant then ok. Again kudos to you for straight face. It's not "too normal" it's just too empty. Normal isn't boring or empty - and I don't think you need Dakota-style eccentric, just someone who is curious, somewhat edgy/adventurous and who might be normal as in conventional in let's say the ways that promote stability but with passion/spirit/edginess that coexists with the conventional.

[IAmFCA]

Yes and when I was 11 the big son was Shaun Cassidy's Da Doo Run Run. I stopped listening to that song by the time I was 39, I mean, 13, at the oldest (because then Off the Wall came out as did The Wall). Certainly if it was an actual classic like Hang Fire, or Scenes from an Italian Restaurant then ok. Again kudos to you for straight face. It's not "too normal" it's just too empty. Normal isn't boring or empty - and I don't think you need Dakota-style eccentric, just someone who is curious, somewhat edgy/adventurous and who might be normal as in conventional in let's say the ways that promote stability but with passion/spirit/edginess that coexists with the conventional.

 

I still like the woman who was too busy for NDs taste. There were some differences - because she was pursuing her own interests and had found her own way, so that is a likely outcome - and there also was authenticity.

[NorthDallas40]

With quite a bit of hesitation, I texted HELA about meeting for dinner this week. My prediction is a) no reply, or b) a second date that goes nowhere.

[NorthDallas40]

Three hours later, no reply from HELA.

 

But I just sent messages to four new women on OKC.

 

Yes and when I was 11 the big son was Shaun Cassidy's Da Doo Run Run. I stopped listening to that song by the time I was 39, I mean, 13, at the oldest (because then Off the Wall came out as did The Wall). Certainly if it was an actual classic like Hang Fire, or Scenes from an Italian Restaurant then ok.

 

Well as much of an early Billy Joel fan as I am, he's a pretty shaky example to use as a placeholder for "good musical taste." And I say that as someone who can play "Scenes" halfway competently on piano!

 

And hey, don't knock "Da Doo Ron Ron" - it's a Phil Spector girl group classic! And THE HARDY BOYS/NANCY DREW show ruled. HELA was just "born late" har har.

 

Normal isn't boring or empty - and I don't think you need Dakota-style eccentric, just someone who is curious, somewhat edgy/adventurous and who might be normal as in conventional in let's say the ways that promote stability but with passion/spirit/edginess that coexists with the conventional.

 

I completely agree. And those women are out there. But in my experience so far, they fall into three categories:

 

A) Totally into me, but not attractive at all.

B) Totally attractive (and smart!) but not interested in a 2nd date with me, let alone a first one.

C) Attractive, into me enough to have a relationship, but cut things off unexpectedly for reasons that are clearly ruses to disguise their true feelings where I'm concerned (see: KATE, LATRICE, ADELE).

 

I still like the woman who was too busy for NDs taste. There were some differences - because she was pursuing her own interests and had found her own way, so that is a likely outcome - and there also was authenticity.

 

FREDA is the woman you are talking about, which is all she did: talk about herself, while never offering much more than an utterly disinterested "Oh, interesting" whenever I offered details about my life. So thank god I'm not using your selection process. But never fear, I run into her almost every 2-3 weeks at my usual vegan lunch spot. Gr.

[IAmFCA]

Re Freda, I didn't remember that she made no inquiries of you. If you didn't enjoy her, then agreed, not a good choice.

 

My larger point remains - if someone is interested to learn more, that is enough interest to warrant a second date. She does not have to be enthusiastic, willing to get naked, and/or available immediately. My impression is that the more careful woman seems to you as not worth the effort, whereas she is just the sort that is likely to be steady and drama free.

[NorthDallas40]

My impression is that the more careful woman seems to you as not worth the effort, whereas she is just the sort that is likely to be steady and drama free.

 

Whatever my journal entries may imply or what someone may infer, that is a completely erroneous reading of my thought process regarding dating.

[NorthDallas40]

Surprisingly, HELA sent me a nice rejection text:

 

"Hi ND40! I really enjoyed the hike and vegan lunch. It was very refreshing to meet someone with great stories and conversation. i just feel that we want something different. Thank you so much for the great date."

 

I thanked her for the polite reply and wished her good luck.

[notalady]

Surprisingly, HELA sent me a nice rejection text:

 

"Hi ND40! I really enjoyed the hike and vegan lunch. It was very refreshing to meet someone with great stories and conversation. i just feel that we want something different. Thank you so much for the great date."

 

I thanked her for the polite reply and wished her good luck.

 

Sending a polite rejection message? Ok she's definitely too normal

[IAmFCA]

Whatever my journal entries may imply or what someone may infer, that is a completely erroneous reading of my thought process regarding dating.

 

I can only take your word for it. Certainly, Your journal demonstrates that you are thoughtful and observant in your analysis of a prospect. In the choosing, I see a pattern of attracting and choosing women who are readily available to you, in time, mind, and body.

[NorthDallas40]

Since Sunday, I sent a total of six messages to women ages 39, 42, 44, 46, 46 and 47.

 

One hasn’t been read yet.

 

But one 5’0” bodybuilder(!) answered my question of what is the best dish she cooks and what’s the best recent movie she’s seen with

 

“ND40 - I like make protein sweets. LaLa land How about you? BTW I'm not Vegan. I think your profile said she have to…”

 

...which pretty much convinced me not to bother further.

 

Nothing from the remaining four.

 

And people wonder why older guys go for women 10+ years younger than them. Which explains KATE and ADELE, both of whom dated me longer than any of these more age-appropriate women are likely to do.

 

Though I do hold some hope for the 47-yo, who is vegetarian, “liked” me, and has visited my page a couple of times already. I sent her note last night, she read it, signed out, and hasn’t logged back in yet.

 

In the choosing, I see a pattern of attracting and choosing women who are readily available to you, in time, mind, and body.

 

Correct. Like most people, I tend to date individuals who want to go out with me, and who have the time to do so.

[annie24]

Does your profile say you want to date a vegan or are flexible on that?

[NorthDallas40]

Does your profile say you want to date a vegan or are flexible on that?

 

In the "you should message me if..." section, among other things I list "you're vegan."

 

And though I'm totally flexible on that (DAKOTA wasn't vegan, for instance), certain people apparently interpret my preference to mean "DON'T YOU DARE TO EVEN THINK YOU HAVE A CHANCE WITH THIS GUY IF YOU'VE EVER EATEN A CHEESEBURGER! MEAT IS MURDER, YOU SLATTERNLY MEAT-EATING HARLOTS!"

 

So there's not much I can do about that; people are stupid, as online dating proves beyond a shadow of a doubt.

[annie24]

It's hard to tell if it's a must have or like to have. You might want to clarify that.

[NorthDallas40]

It's hard to tell if it's a must have or like to have. You might want to clarify that.

 

The kind of woman that needs this sort of thing "clarified" is the kind of woman I don't need in my life, whether it's because they don't want to date a vegan, or because they make assumptions before asking a simple question.

 

And I'm not knocking the woman above for the latter part of that statement; I was more disappointed by her haphazardly-written response and the recipe choice that indicated she lives in the weight room 24-7.