Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

[IAmFCA]

The recent turn of this thread reminds me how imprecise texting can be. I recently misunderstood an exchange, responded in kind (i thought) with an agreement for NC, and got back, "What?!?"

[annie24]

On the other hand - if she is interested (but not extremely interested), it's not necessarily a bad sign. Many people who are currently in relationships didn't fall instantly crazy for their partner. She might be distracted by the holidays etc.... If/when you have the 2nd, 3rd, 4th date, she might become more enthusiastic.

[IAmFCA]

On the other hand - if she is interested (but not extremely interested), it's not necessarily a bad sign. Many people who are currently in relationships didn't fall instantly crazy for their partner. She might be distracted by the holidays etc.... If/when you have the 2nd, 3rd, 4th date, she might become more enthusiastic.

Absolutely right.

 

She reflects a healthy emotional balance.

[NorthDallas40]

No word from FREDA but DAKOTA just called me to say she's getting married in three hours.

 

"Are you excited?" I asked.

"Well, lots of women wear a wedding dress, but I'm just wearing a white dress with a pink bouquet."

 

So I guess that sums up how excited she is about this guy, whom she said absolutely nothing about in our 15 minute call.

[annie24]

Oh wow. Well, good luck to Dakota! I hope all goes well with Mr. whoever he is!

[NorthDallas40]

Wow, must be the season... one of my female friends just posted a picture with her boyfriend and an engagement ring.

 

For background, they lived together for awhile last year, broke up, she moved to another city, then came back to him. She has a track record of having hooking up with guys easily (including yes, me), cheating on the guys she settles on (including one of my friends), and even told me only a few months ago how she wasn't sure about this guy and wanted to date other people, but hinted that because he had money and nice place in a big city it was hard for her to pass him up.

 

Merry Xmas!

[Batya33]

No word from FREDA but DAKOTA just called me to say she's getting married in three hours.

 

"Are you excited?" I asked.

"Well, lots of women wear a wedding dress, but I'm just wearing a white dress with a pink bouquet."

 

So I guess that sums up how excited she is about this guy, whom she said absolutely nothing about in our 15 minute call.

I wore a blue dress because we were having a boy and of course "something blue". Well good luck to her!

[notalady]

Wow that's sudden! Oh well good luck to Dakota!

 

A lot of people propose around Christmas and NY time I think..

[NorthDallas40]

This past Tuesday I messaged CLOVER (36, 5'3", 69% match) on OKC because she looked super pretty & cute. Her reply the next day was a dead-end "Hi ND40, I love movies, hiking, biking too. But I don't do vegan 😃​" but later that day I replied "Haha being vegan isn't a requirement!" since I had nothing to lose, and figured that was that.

 

Then last night at about 5 til midnight on Xmas Eve, she messaged me "Merry Xmas! ​How was your Xmas?​" out of the blue. So I messaged back an answer, asked her to dinner, she preferred to take the conversation to WhatsApp and we made some extremely boring smalltalk back and forth there this afternoon. Turns out she's a Chinese flight attendant, which may explain the unusual timing of her Xmas Eve message; I wouldn't be suprised if she was on duty and in the Far East when she sent it.

 

Anyway, since the texting was at least going consistently back and forth, 30 minutes ago I repeated my invitation to meet. She's been taking 30-40 minutes to reply but I wouldn't be surprised if that message snuffed her interest.

 

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FREDA posted some IG pics & videos of herself rehearsing and walking with carolers last night and/or Friday night, so that at least accounts for 1-2 nights of her being busy.

[NorthDallas40]

Well this wasn't how I expected this conversation to go:

 

ME (3:10pm)

Are you interested in meeting up sometime this week?

 

CLOVER (7:02pm)

Would love to

 

ME (7:36pm)

Great! What evening works best for you?

 

Now I wait.

 

BTW - the last time I dated an Asian flight attendant, she was about 16 years younger than me, insisted on getting to know each other via email for 2 weeks before meeting, but the lengthy resulting conversations were quite interesting. We finally met for dinner and drinks, she looked great, came back to my place around 1:30am, let me kiss her around 3am but didn't want to make out despite my attempts, stayed until 4am regardless, told me to add her on Facebook when I walked her to her car.... and the next day said she didn't see me as a romantic interest, just a friend.

[NorthDallas40]

CLOVER replied this morning that Dec. 28th works for her. So I just replied to confirm the day, asked about her favorite cuisines, and if she would prefer to meet closer to her or me since she lives about 25-35 minutes away.

 

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I also got a match on CMB last week with ADELE (35, 5'2") whose three professional headshots looked attractive enough, but seemed to be all taken at the same time so I don't feel like I really know what she looks like IRL.

 

Anyway, I was planning on messaging her but she sent the first note today: "Hi ND40, how was your Christmas?" I just replied with an answer, asking her the same, and she just replied to inquire about my Japan trip. I have a feeling we'll be setting up a date sooner than later... but I am apprehensive that I've only seen her from the neck up; usually not a good sign.

 

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DAKOTA sent me a "wedding" photo yesterday of her and her husband. She's smiling at the camera holding a bouquet in both hands, he has his arm around her looking, well, kinda shellshocked to be honest.

 

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Not a peep from FREDA since Xmas Eve. But I'm going to message her in a couple of days regardless to confirm Jan 4th, which would give us a week to work out the details if it's still on.

[IAmFCA]

"To confirm Jan 4" - did you actually agree to do something on the 4th?

[NorthDallas40]

"To confirm Jan 4" - did you actually agree to do something on the 4th?

 

No. The day after our date, she simply said the 4th was her first free night, but that she "was sure we could find time" to do something before then, most likely during the day.

 

However, she's made no mention of any other meeting times since then. So on Wednesday I'll just text her something like "Hope Xmas treated you well! Still up for dinner next Wednesday?" and see what happens.

[IAmFCA]

To my ear that sounds presumptuous. By now, the 4th might be spoken for. And I don't mean by another date - could be anything. It puts her on the spot.

 

Also. I would roll with it.

 

I would ask directly: Would you like to go to dinner on the 4th? (Actually, i would pick the 5th, say. Not her very first day of freedom.)

[NorthDallas40]

To my ear that sounds presumptuous.

 

There is absolutely nothing presumptuous about my reminding FREDA about the night she specifically told me she was free for a second date.

 

By now, the 4th might be spoken for.

 

If she's really thoughtless, yes, it might.

 

But personally, I don't go around offering my open days to people asking me for a date, only to pull a Lucy Van Pelt when they remind me about it a week beforehand.

 

By any measure, that's just rude, and I'm hoping she isn't.

 

It puts her on the spot.

 

Good. I'm not here to play guessing games.

 

If "putting her on the spot" leads to "confirming whether she wants to see me again or not, on the day she already told me she's available," I've just saved both of us a lot of time and awkwardness, whatever her reply.

 

I would ask directly: Would you like to go to dinner on the 4th?

 

That's so much better than "Still up for dinner next Wednesday?" I disagree, besides it's splitting hairs anyway IMO.

 

(Actually, i would pick the 5th, say. Not her very first day of freedom.)

 

I'm assuming - as I imagine most people would - that the 4th is probably not her "first day of freedom," but simply the first day she chose to offer to me, probably after throwing in a few "relaxation days" for herself; I highly doubt she's been busy 24-7 for two weeks straight over the holidays.

 

Besides, she told me she works nights on Tuesdays & Thursdays, so she's most likely working on the 5th. Not that you would know that, but it would make me look like a bad listener if I didn't remember that part of her schedule and asked for a date one of those nights.

 

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CLOVER confirmed for this Wednesday, said she enjoys any cuisine, and wants to meet near her place instead of mine. Which kinda sucks cos my area has much better restaurant options. Oh well, time for me to plan.

 

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My friend BABETTE texted me about DAKOTA's weddding pics on FB, since, like most of DAKOTA's friends, she had no idea a marriage was afoot. When I told her they'd only known each other for less than 4 months, BABETTE replied "What a dummy." As well as "They both have f**ked up teeth," which unfortunately I couldn't argue with.

[annie24]

What a dummy. lol. Well, I guess the wedding really happened then!

[NorthDallas40]

I updated the photos on my CMB profile then messaged ADELE to let her know, apologizing for the "bait and switch", and asking if she'd like to chat or meet.

 

She replied quickly, laughing at the photo issue and saying she'd like to meet for "coffee or a quick bite."

 

So if nothing else, I've got a couple of distractions from FREDA and DAKOTA!

[NorthDallas40]

ADELE gave me her number and full name (which is coincidentally the same as one of my favorite porn stars haha!) and we're on for dinner this Thursday at 5:30pm on her side of town. She also revealed she's been vegetarian for 13 years, 2 of them vegan, which she didn't say on her profile but was a pleasant surprise.

 

So this is shaping up to be a busy week:

 

Wed Jan 28 - Dinner w/ CLOVER

Thu Jan 29 - Dinner w/ ADELE

Wed Jan 4 - Dinner w/ FREDA (tentative)

 

I guess women do get lonely over the holidays!

[Ellie2006]

 

My friend BABETTE texted me about DAKOTA's weddding pics on FB, since, like most of DAKOTA's friends, she had no idea a marriage was afoot. When I told her they'd only known each other for less than 4 months, BABETTE replied "What a dummy." As well as "They both have f**ked up teeth," which unfortunately I couldn't argue with.

 

 

Well, that's kind of sad ... that people can't bring themselves to be nice enough to keep their mean thoughts to themselves for a newlywed couple.

If you can't congratulate them, then maybe they should at least not say anything at all.

 

I guess this (people's reaction to her wedding) could mean that Dakota is THAT annoying but still ... it's too bad that people are already anticipating the demise of her marriage and making snide comments about her wedding photos.

 

On a different note, sometimes how long they dated has little to do with the success of the marriage/LTR.

My husband and I knew each other only 3 months or so before we decided to get married and of course, perhaps (at year 3) it's too early to tell but we're doing fine so far...

Who knows? Maybe Dakota has found a good partner to share her life with.

[Ms Darcy]

Well, there are some correlations between length of time dating and longevity of marriage, but other factors (age, educational status, financial stability, upbringing, etc. etc.) also come into play.

 

An 18 year old who gets married after 2 months of dating ... well, there's a much higher likelihood of divorce than a much older couple who had dated for 2 months.

 

Anyway, congrats to Dakota. Hope things work out for her.

[NorthDallas40]

Well, that's kind of sad ... that people can't bring themselves to be nice enough to keep their mean thoughts to themselves for a newlywed couple.

 

For context, this is par for the course for BABETTE. She's generally a snippy person anyway, the kind who regularly posts pics like a Hello Kitty character giving the finger, if that puts it into perspective. She's probably a bit protective of me and also was never the biggest fan of DAKOTA, finding her annoying and odd more than anything else, though I think she does realize DAKOTA always meant well.

 

FWIW, my other friends have given DAKOTA very warm wishes on FB, so rest assured BABETTE's attitude is not typical of the company I try to keep!

[Silverbirch]

I hope things go well for Dakota too.

[IAmFCA]

ND re Freda and the 4th - 1. At the time you spoke she said the 4th was her first available night. Its been several days, that condition may no longer be the case, and it isn't rude if she has since made a plan for it. You didn't say, "let's plan something for then and if we can do something sooner, that's okay too". She is free to make a plan for herself that night; for all she knows, you are busy on the 4th. 2. She never said she would like to go to dinner that night; unless you said you were thinking of dinner. I agree its a nuance. If i got your text i would wonder - Did I agree to dinner? Whereas if your text said, "Still available to go out on the 4th?" I would follow that exactly.

 

Glad you are getting lots of fun choices!

[missmarple]

on Wednesday I'll just text her something like "Hope Xmas treated you well! Still up for dinner next Wednesday?"

 

Personally, I love this approach because it would show me the guy has paid attention to what I said about Wed. being my first free night and he's thoughtful enough to plan for it a week before and, also, there's some cheekiness in it that I find cute. Plus, I've talked to so many guys online who couldn't plan a date...I wish someone had asked a week in advance but, honestly, I can't think of anyone...and, as you all know, I've met hundreds of guys!

 

Different strokes for different folks

[IAmFCA]

Personally, I love this approach because it would show me the guy has paid attention to what I said about Wed. being my first free night and he's thoughtful enough to plan for it a week before and, also, there's some cheekiness in it that I find cute. Plus, I've talked to so many guys online who couldn't plan a date...I wish someone had asked a week in advance but, honestly, I can't think of anyone...and, as you all know, I've met hundreds of guys!

 

Different strokes for different folks

Agree 100 percent with these points. ND stands apart in how well he asks and plans.