Online Dating for the 2nd Time - A Journal

[notalady]

I think that if she's interested, she probably would find that approach cheeky and cute, if not, she'd probably find it presumptuous and annoying. Personally, I would've said "are you still available next Wednesday for dinner", which doesn't assume that she was up for dinner on that particular day in the first place, but to some it might be technicality.

 

Asking in advance is always good though.

[IAmFCA]

I think that if she's interested, she probably would find that approach cheeky and cute, if not, she'd probably find it presumptuous and annoying. Personally, I would've said "are you still available next Wednesday for dinner", which doesn't assume that she was up for dinner on that particular day in the first place, but to some it might be technicality.

 

Asking in advance is always good though.

I like this wording the best.

[ballerinababe]

ND re Freda and the 4th - 1. At the time you spoke she said the 4th was her first available night. Its been several days, that condition may no longer be the case, and it isn't rude if she has since made a plan for it. You didn't say, "let's plan something for then and if we can do something sooner, that's okay too". She is free to make a plan for herself that night; for all she knows, you are busy on the 4th. 2. She never said she would like to go to dinner that night; unless you said you were thinking of dinner. I agree its a nuance. If i got your text i would wonder - Did I agree to dinner? Whereas if your text said, "Still available to go out on the 4th?" I would follow that exactly.

 

I agree 100% with IThinkICan. I would find that text presumptuous and very annoying if you'd never mentioned dinner before nor had we definitively set a date to meet. But yeah, to each his/her own, and evidently some people wouldn't have a problem with that wording (like Miss Marple). I have the feeling that Freda isn't that interested, and she's naturally just flirty and enjoys charming men, behaving as if she is interested in the moment/date but then backing off afterwards -- I think your instincts about her were right in that regard, ND40.

 

Also, the fact that she needed to smoke weed in the middle of your date seems rather offensive -- wasn't your company alone amusing enough? Meeting someone for the first time, wouldn't you want to get to know him with all your faculties straight? (This is coming from someone who has never used drugs, though, so take that for what it's worth.)

 

As for Dakota getting married, I would think getting married so quickly could work in some cases, but the fact that she didn't even seem particularly excited about the guy to begin with doesn't give me much confidence in that marriage working out. Seems like a really impulsive decision not based on being in love, but just based on convenience and the desire to be financially secure and have a baby. I wonder what the husband was thinking when he proposed. What's in it for him? Is he head over heels for her? If he wants a child, wouldn't he have better chances with someone under age 35? It's all quite bizarre.

[NorthDallas40]

I sent dinner ideas to CLOVER last night and she picked one this morning, so we're on for dinner at 7pm tonight.

 

-------------

 

I just sent dinner ideas to ADELE this morning.

 

-------------

 

Finally I texted FREDA "Hope you're enjoying/enjoyed sister time! Wanna meet for dinner next Wednesday?"

 

Hopefully that wording successfully treads the delicate line between "presumptuously entitled arrogance" and "groveling for a date she already implicitly accepted" to everyone's satisfaction.

[annie24]

Text sounds good! Good luck with all of your ladies!

[NorthDallas40]

ADELE chose a restaurant, so we're on for dinner tomorrow. I know absolutely nothing about her other than she's from this area, visited Japan with her mom for 2 weeks in middle school, is vegetarian, was vegan for 2 years, and works in finance. That last tidbit may explain why she's not exactly coming off as very exciting so far, especially based on my past dates with financial people, which were mostly a snooze.

 

----------

 

FREDA texted back as well:

 

"Thanks, yes she leaves Saturday... are you free Thursday by chance? You have a good memory since I did say my first free night was the 4th! But honestly, I need a night with no plans! I'm just getting worked with social events and work and I'm still working 6 days a week so I need one night where I have zero plans! I'm sure I will be recovered by Thursday!"

 

So it turns out she was as busy as some as you thought, and I guess she must have a somewhat irregular schedule if she's not working next Thursday. Though when I originally asked her for a second date, I still don't think it was wise on her part to tell me the 4th was her first free night. Why not just say the 5th and avoid the confusion? Oh well, maybe it's a sign she's honest!?

 

ME: "Whoa didn't realize you were working that many days! But yes, Thursday sounds great!"

FREDA: "Haha ok! Thursday!

ME: "Looking forward to it! When you have a spare moment, let know if any of these look appealing" (included a link to our local paper's list of 10 best vegan restaurants in the area, which I mentioned to her last week when I asked her out)

HER: Oh I read this and yes they all look appealing!!!!

 

Going well, I'd say

[Batya33]

I think it's a huge plus that she shared with you that she needs the 4th to herself - she's showing you that she takes self-care seriously, knows herself and her boundaries, etc. Also positive that she wants to see you the very next night.

[NorthDallas40]

I was happy to see that FREDA had already read the restaurant list I mentioned to her last week, though I only gave her the link today. She actually researched what I told her about on her own.

 

She also continued to reply today:

 

HER: I guess if we are up for a drive we can go to one of the ones further away... I have been to (3 of them).

ME: I work til 7pm but I'll keep that in mind. A "mini-road trip" with you would be fun!

HER: That's fine, I work til 6! Ok!!

 

So that's looking good.

 

-----------------

 

On the other end of the spectrum, CLOVER just texted "Hey ND40 sorry I can't do it today, not feeling well," which was three hours before we were supposed to meet.

 

As always, I was a gentleman even though I think she's full of it: "Oh sorry to hear that Let me know if you'd like to reschedule, and hope you feel better soon!"

 

It only took her about 30 seconds to respond "Thanks ND40 and sorry for the last minutes cancel"

 

And I'm sure I'll never hear from her again. After all, she "doesn't do vegan."

 

Especially this one!

[IAmFCA]

Agree.

 

Like Freda, I would have told you the actual first free day. I might wish I built in a day, but I wouldn't.

 

I like that she is transparent, and as Batya said, that she is taking a night to regroup.

 

She processes her thoughts while speaking them. You likely will get a dose of extraneous detail with every conversation.

[IAmFCA]

Oh, and your text was perfection.

[NorthDallas40]

She processes her thoughts while speaking them. You likely will get a dose of extraneous detail with every conversation.

 

Wait, were you eavesdropping on our date!?!?!

 

I was already thinking this after hanging out with her for 30 minutes

[IAmFCA]

That was me with the lentil soup and spelt bread at the next table.

 

Lol

[NorthDallas40]

That was me with the lentil soup and spelt bread at the next table.

 

That dim sum place served lentil soup!?!?

[IAmFCA]

You gotta know the guy in back

[notalady]

I think Freda's response is just perfect. Shows she's genuine and transparent (if not a little too transparent lol). Honestly I read her initially sharing her first free day as a way to tell you she's very busy every day over the holidays, up until the 4th. I didn't take it as her suggesting that's the day she'd be willing to go out for dinner, more like, from that day onwards.

 

Anyway sounds like it's all going well! Good luck with your date with Adele and Freda!

[missmarple]

Things seem to be going well with Freda. I liked her response...she seems honest and as interested as you in a second date.

[NorthDallas40]

I wasn't enthusiastic about meeting ADELE tonight, but she walked in looking as good - and probably better - than her pictures, and we had great conversation for almost three hours.

 

She's Taiwanese and still has enough of an accent to sound "fobby" but she's a sharp, witty, independent vegetarian on the nerdy side who enjoys roadtrips and makes her own seitan! Though I'm not sure we have many interests in common, we were able to discuss politics, family, jobs, movies and pretty much anything under the sun with almost no effort at all, which was a nice surprise.

 

She chuckled at a lot of my jokes, and when she found something really funny, she had a big, full-bodied laugh that I found charming. We seemed to have a very good rapport and my gut feeling is that she is a truly good-hearted and responsible person. I really enjoyed our conversation.

 

Lookswise she's around 5'3" or so, long straight black hair, slim, lightly tanned, and though not as objectively beautiful as some women I've dated, she has very well-defined facial features and wore her tight black jeans very well; pretty much just my type. Though I'd probably need to see her in another setting and in different clothes to know for sure, as of tonight I found her extremely attractive.

 

Of course, there's a catch, and one of the most clichéd ones at that: she's "still married and living with the husband, but in separate rooms and planning to get divorced." Sigh.

 

But screw it. She told me he's lazy, inconsiderate, unmotivated (he only recently got a full-time retail job at minimum wage) and slightly overweight.

 

So I'm asking her out again tomorrow and see what happens.

[missmarple]

Are you sure you want to get involved with someone who's still living with her husband? Even if what she said is true (planning to get divorced), you don't know if he's ok with her dating other men. Recently, here, in my country, someone killed his wife because she wanted a divorce and had started seeing someone..they also slept in different rooms. I don't think it's worth the risk.

[NorthDallas40]

The way she describes him, he seems like he'd hard-pressed to get up the motivation to go out and buy a knife, let alone use it.

 

But agreed about the perils of dating married women. I've done it many times, and in every instance I didn't find out until I was already on the date. Or later.

[missmarple]

The way she describes him, he seems like he'd hard-pressed to get up the motivation to go out and buy a knife, let alone use it.

 

In the case over here, he didn't have to go out and buy anything...he strangled her...just saying

[IAmFCA]

Adele has long roads to travel before (and if) she changes enough to avoid picking again the same sort of guy she married and divorced (again, if). The relationship can only go so far until she is divorced. Unless you want casual sex and a court deposition, the risk profile here is too high, especially in comparison to the potential reward.

[Batya33]

"casual sex and a court deposition"

 

love that! "I did not have sex with that woman"......

[NorthDallas40]

Unless you want casual sex and a court deposition, the risk profile here is too high, especially in comparison to the potential reward.

 

You only live once

[IAmFCA]

Hahaha make it extra good

[NorthDallas40]

I just texted ADELE "Hey Adele I really enjoyed meeting you! Would you like to get together again this week?"