Musings of a boring nerd

[Realitynut]

Hey, faking confidence! Way to go! Some don't even try to pretend they are confident! *waving hand*

 

Be fun and funny. Smile. Remember, bump into or walk close by her. If she doesn't jump away....good sign. When you talk to her, reach out and touch her....on the arm, hand....be sorta flirty. REMEMBER....a girl likes a guy who acts like they like HER.

 

Some on these boards say the opposite. But you don't want that kind of girl. We are not into playing games. Let her know that you are interested, not by words so much...but by your actions.

 

Laugh. You have a great sense of humor...let it shine on through.......

 

Good Luck Peter!

 

(and yes...i love me my smilies!)

[happy_snapper]

I've never been much of a touchy-feely person. I can't imagine just touching somebody for no reason.

A reassuring hand on the arm or shoulder if somebody is upset, yes. A hello or goodbye hug, yes. But just reaching out and touching somebody... in a creepy sort of way...

I can't shake the feeling out of my head that it would come accross as being creepy. And I feel like if I think I'm being creepy, she'll think I'm being creepy. Somebody said that it's something just has to be done in a natural way. But how do you act natural, while doing something that is completely unnatural to you?

 

I'm sure I can manage the bumping shoulders while walking thing. I think we're going to be walking around quite a lot. I need to give the impression that I want to walk as close to her as possible. The weather forecast says there might be a bit of rain, so maybe we might need to share an umbrella...

 

My brain is trying to prepare itself by running through millions of scenarios of what might happen on Sunday. Daydreaming I suppose. Makes it pretty impossible to concentrate.

[Realitynut]

Yeah, i can see your point. I'm a VERY touchy-feely person....but don't especially like guys i don't KNOW very well touch me. But if i'm interested...touch away!

 

See...that's the whole point in touching...lol. If i LIKE the guy i want them to touch me....hold my hand, help me down from a slippery step, etc. And if I'm interested in someone, i naturally touch his arm while i'm talking. But then again, i AM a massage therapist!

 

Also, watch HER signs, if you share an umbrella, does she prefer to walk in the rain????? lol

 

Good luck Peter...happy daydreams!

[happy_snapper]

I can't stop thinking.

I'm really tired. My brain won't stop planning out possibilities that probably won''t happen.

Sunday is going to be such a disaster if I'm still feeling like this. It's probably going to be a disaster anyway.

Why have I done this? I think "Just be natural", but "being natural" for me is staying as far away from other people as possible.

[zentoCC]

Aim for a charming disaster, a girl will definitely give you a second chance after one of them.

[90_hour_sleep]

I can't stop thinking.

I'm really tired. My brain won't stop planning out possibilities that probably won''t happen.

Sunday is going to be such a disaster if I'm still feeling like this. It's probably going to be a disaster anyway.

Why have I done this? I think "Just be natural", but "being natural" for me is staying as far away from other people as possible.

 

why not try a different line of thought? if you're stuck thinking...might as well make some room for thoughts that will get you where you'd like to go. disasters happen when we plan for them to happen. the tired routine of thoughts gears you up for the disaster.

 

what would you LIKE to happen? ideally...how does your day turn out? instead of going with the flow of disaster...shake things up and plan for the ideal outcome. doesn't mean it will happen...but if want something to happen, and you keep mulling it over...it's a lot more likely to happen.

 

and your last line...if it were really the truth, then you wouldn't care about a bad outcome. you wouldn't be wasting your time trying to meet someone. you wouldn't even be thinking about it. ''natural'' is wanting to be close to someone. ''unnatural'' is a habituated response of hiding and/or fleeing from unfamiliar turf.

 

you won't crash and burn unless you keep telling yourself you will. give yourself a break!! there's always room for awesome things to happen if we're willing to buck up with a bit of courage and just let them!

[Realitynut]

Good Luck Sunday! Be confident! Be witty! Be Charming.....all the things you ARE! lol

 

Most importantly, just be you! Maybe drink a little wine....lol

[happy_snapper]

We had a nice time. It was a pretty good event.

We both took loads of pictures.

She told me that I'm not her type, in a very polite way. I'm kind of relieved actually. After not knowing and not knowing how to find out for so long, it feels ok.

She wants to keep doing stuff, so I guess we'll keep going like we have been. I'll probably try to bring in more people in future.

[zentoCC]

Aww, oh well maybe she can introduce you to some of her friends. Least you had a good time!

[Realitynut]

Shucks! But ya know...i have a guy friend that i'm having a blast with! He stopped over again tonite. I think he like me...but....ya know...if you're not feeling it...wish i could!

 

But i haven't laughed this hard in 2 years. Maybe not ever!

 

A friend is a good thing.

[happy_snapper]

This site makes me so depressed.

Everything I read pulls me lower and lower.

I picture my life in two months, two years, twenty years... it's all the same.

I feel sick.

[Realitynut]

Oh Peter...i know what you mean! I try to post lots of to make me happier! I knew you were really "up" about looking for a place to live! What about an apartment?...or advertise for a roommate....away from home!

I really wish i could use LOTS more smileys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[happy_snapper]

I browse the shy people subforum quite a bit and this thread is just damn depressing:

Good to see the old "It's not possible to be shy and be a man" shtick. Haven't heard that one in a few days.

Also nice to be told that there actually is a reason to feel bad about being shy: I actually am making other people feel bad and it isn't just in my head.

I met another nice girl at the photography group social pub thing on Saturday and I'm now feeling awful about how I acted, even though I can't remember anything in particular. Being in a pub with a large group of people and two TVs playing different channels, while being sleep deprived, nervous and hypersensitive wasn't... fun. I had to go there because somebody left his camera in my car on the way home from the last event and my obsessive "must help people" compulsion meant that I had to give it back.

 

Sleep deprived? Oh yeah did I mention that I've stopped sleeping normally? Just as a guess I'd say that I had about 15 hours sleep last week. Every night I lay in bed thinking, then doze off, then wake up again. Not entirely sure what wakes me up, but it happens many times every night. Last night wasn't too bad actually.

 

My savings hit 10 grand on my last payday, plus work is back to full hours, so in theory I have to start looking at houses again. I'm at the point where I feel I might be able to afford something, although with prices in this part of the world, it would probably have to be a small cupboard in a complete hellhole.

I think I'd be dead within a week if I moved out right now.

 

I hate everything about myself. I've mostly lost the ability to enjoy anything. I've begun to hate my job. I just want to sit in my bedroom and do nothing all day.

Got to keep smiling though. For my Mum if nobody else. I'd have killed myself long ago if it wasn't for my family.

[zentoCC]

Peter please ignore that thread that was from a woman who didn't know where she stood with a guy and was pinning the entire blame on him while overanalysing his every move. I mean he might just be being friendly and not realise he's flirting. I was once accused of flirting because I laughed at a guys jokes I mean they were funny and it would have been awkward if I hadn't.

 

Besides you asked your girl out so that doesn't apply to you.

 

I've sent you a PM.

[happy_snapper]

Thanks.

 

Not feeling as low today as I have for a week or so.

What's been going on?

Just looked back and realised I forgot to say about the camping trip. It was very good.

We stayed on a farm in SW Wales. Good photography material: Hills, Valleys, a ruined priory, chickens, guinea fowl, sheep, stars, fire...

Just 4 of us, which turned out to be a good number.

Good weather. Clear skies, no rain, not too hot (actually it was a bit cold at times)

A few nice walks, great scenery.

 

And beer.

Lots of beer.

And toasted marshmallows.

[Realitynut]

tee hee.... a guy friend came over (and his 12 yr. old granddaughter) and we had a fire in a big concrete fountain out back. The fountain all cracked and fell apart...then we roasted marshmallows in the coals. Sad about the fountain tho!

[happy_snapper]

I think I need to quit my job.

I've looked back and realised that the times I've been most depressed recently have been mid-week and... I suppose I'm just generally starting to hate going to work. I'm at work right now, looking at the customer support work I have to do and wishing it would go away. I'm a programmer, but I hardly do any programming these days, I spend all my time sending emails to customers answering their stupid questions.

 

Everything I hate (i.e. my entire life) feels fixable but I either don't know how to do it, don't have the will-power to do it or I'm too scared to do it.

[Realitynut]

Damn....i left you a great big long message.. complete with a LIST of 'what to do's' lol....and i lost the whole thing in cyber space! Probably a good thing.

eh...i'll retype it when i'm in the mood.

 

Ya know that feeling????

[happy_snapper]

Driving into work I could feel my mood dropping, thinking about what I had to get done, remembering that my boss is back from the trade show he's been at for the last week. He's going to see the pile of unanswered customer support emails and go ballistic.

Park the car, sit there for about 2 minutes, staring at the wall.

Get out.

Go inside.

Climb the stairs.

Walk into my office, "Good morning" says the guy I share a sub-office with.

" g' morning"

"Are you ok?"

"........ no.... no, I'm not. I feel absolutely terrible."

"Yeah I could tell."

Stand back up, walk into the boss's office.

"Paul... I... Need to have a word. Have you seen the amount of open support questions?"

"Not yet, lots to catch up on."

"I.... I'm really not feeling... I'm not feeling good... and... well, there are so many support questions I haven't been able to get to... and..."

"You coming down with something?"

"Maybe... I'm not sure, I've been like it for a while now. Anyway... I'm finding it difficult to get through all this stuff as it is and... well... If I get worse I might not be here tomorrow and then there's nobody to deal with them all. It's just going to get worse and I'm not making any headway as it is."

"Ah I see, you're struggling.... Have you got a list of the open stuff?"

"No."

"Right, can you make me a list and we'll get everybody together in the meeting room at 10:30"

 

Now we've all sat down and redistributed some of the work. It also turned out that there was a lot less than I thought, everything was just such a mess and the customers were so impatient and confusing that it felt like more. I'm feeling so much better now.

The only way I can describe it is that everything seems... brighter?

Only got a couple of things left on my list. Got the support of the rest of the company...

I'm going to stick at it.

 

 

I'd nearly forgotten that I'm meeting the photography group tonight for some night photos around the harbour.

Time to try out my new camera. Wonder if my camera bag has been delivered while I've been at work?

[Realitynut]

awww.... yay Peter.....your story brought tears to my eyes! Which aint hard!

 

Sounds like you have a good boss, and was understanding. Redistributing the work? wow? Maybe your job isn't so bad after all!

 

Maybe it's a good thing my email got lost in no man's land yesterday.

 

I told you to save your money, look for another job in a totally different location...and look for houses while you're at it! Also, see if you can find a room mate.

 

Much easier just going to the photography group!

[zentoCC]

That's great, that you could do that. I need to have a word with one of my managers, manager because he's disappeared for over a month without telling anyone about the work he'd left to do. It was only when customers started phoning up that we found out, how embarrassing is that!

[happy_snapper]

Things are starting to feel a bit more normal again. You know yesterday I said that things felt brighter? Well somebody said that they could see I was feeling better, because I had my eyes open. Apparently I've had a sort of "I have a massive headache"-type squint since Monday. I think everything literally seemed brighter, because it was the first time I'd opened my eyes fully for a couple of days. I hadn't realised.

It's crazy what stress does to you.

 

Had a good evening with the group. More photos for flickr. Met a couple of new people. Wound up a person who needs to be wound up... There's a professional photographer in the group who's motto is "You get what you pay for". I kept chipping in with my own point of view: "If you don't spend much money, it doesn't matter if it turns out to be crap". He's the kind of guy who gives lectures rather than having conversations and I kept inserting my own words of wisdom whenever he'd stop for breath.

Him: "...Really what you need is a big, heavy, well-made tripod, like this. It's rock solid, so you don't get any blur in your long exposures."

Me: "Or you spend £20 on something like this which you can sling on your back, because it weighs nothing. Plus if you hang your backpack from the hook on the bottom, it's steady enough for most things. And then you can spend the £230 that you didn't spend on a tripod on a new lens."

Lecture victim: "I like that thinking. I couldn't carry that massive thing around."

Lecture: Ruined.

Lecture victim: Rescued.

My work here is done.

He brought about £7000 of gear, I brought about £500 worth, we both got good shots. Crazy stuff.

 

Had some more fun with Jen, a couple of our running jokes are still going. Now that I feel like I know where I stand with her, it feels better. I think I acted a little more like my usual self last night.

 

Lunch time!

[Realitynut]

YAAAAAAAAY!

 

Bet you weren't on lecture guys 'best buds' list!

 

So glad your eyes are open, and Jen and you had a few laughs!

 

Glad this all happened in one of your 'happy' moods! ooooor maybe your mood lifted cuz you knew you had something 'going on'....i know if i have nothing in my life (except a dirty house and work) i can become quite bummed out!

[happy_snapper]

My mood lifted because work suddenly seemed possible again. It was a coincidence that the meetup happened on the same day.

I hit the point where I either talked to my boss, or collapsed at my desk (possibly from a heart attack).

I talked to the boss and everything evaporated away. He seemed quite worried about me actually, he called me back in later to check if I was OK. Apparently I had a look of wild panic when I went in to see him in the morning.

 

If the meetup had been on Tuesday I would have cancelled. I was going to go to the gym on Tuesday, but once I got home I couldn't leave my bedroom.

 

Anyways...

I'm a bit bored right now, for the first time in weeks I have nothing to do for a few minutes. The nice lady with the magic van who sells me food isn't due for at least 20 minutes... I'm HUNGRY!

Here are two of my favourite pictures from Wednesday.

 

View accross the harbour, lots of nice reflections, good view of St. Mary's... a bit blurry, but ok.

 

Photographers in action! This is how much people move in 2 seconds.

 

Well, better get back to watching a computer spew vast quantities of useless text over my screen. I hate babysitting automated systems.

[Realitynut]

I have a picture i'd like to post also...but do not know HOW! My new buddy/friend just got a simple camera, but it's water proof and can be dropped! YAY...so i took it over for the hike. I have a pic of my pup i want to post. could someone tell me HOW or do i have to be semi-intelligent!!??